Does She Like Me?

[Holmes85]

It's been almost 4 months since I've started working in a new company. Normally when I arrive in the morning I go through every department as I pass by and say "Good Morning" to them.

 

There is a girl that I've always liked who works in a different department, I do see her and she does see me as both of us pass by often at work.

 

I knew I liked this girl, but I didn't think anything more than that, since we haven't talked much, maybe exchange a few words the most, nothing out of the ordinary.

 

About 2 days ago, both of us left at the same time from work, which caused us to have a little chit chat with each other while walking to the bus-station together. I was talking pretty much casual stuff about work and noticed that she touched my hand / arm once while talking.

 

After that I looked directly at her and found her looking at me, looked like she was seeing me in detail. After that day or should I say after the touch it got me thinking is she interested in me or is she just being polite? So I started to notice her behavior more & more.

 

Everytime she passes by and when my eyes meet hers, I find her looking at me and she smiles. Just an example: today she was filling the tabwater in her bottle, as the water was making too much noise, I looked in the direction and she saw I was looking at her and she smiled. Everytime she passes through and if her eye catches mine or mine her's, if both of us looking are looking at the same time , she smiles.

 

I noticed she also talks to two other boys at work, but it was all casual talk, I didn't see the touch thing happening.

 

Yesterday both of us got off from work at the same time and we got into the lift and I asked her how her day was, after replying to me, she asked for mine and as we were on the ground floor we talked a little till she said "today I've a bicycle with me" to which I replied "In that case I wish a good evening, see you tomorrow :)".

 

We went for a business lunch today and she was among the group, I was too busy talking to my Big Boss (despite of wanting to talk to her) so I missed the opportunity to talk to her more.

 

The thing is, normally I am very aware of when someone is being polite and friendly and when someone is interested, but this time it's hard to tell. She's not the first girl to touch me at work, but I've pretty much known which girls are just plain flirty and which one are just touchy feely, especially if they have a boyfriend it means they are just being polite, with this girl, I can't seem to get to know if the feeling is mutual or something more.

 

The reason why I haven't approched her directly is because of the work place and if the feeling isn't mutual, the workplace can turn into an unpleasant place, granted if I read the signals wrong.

 

I would love to hear your opinions on the matter, based on the situation I've described above.

Edited April 17, 2015 by Holmes85
corrected spelling mistakes!

[guild11]

Wow the "after work chat" part was identical to my situation

Any way, the touching is a good sign overall, means a positive affection towards you.

I suggest you to talk with her about stuff that isnt work related... see if you have thr chemistry and then just call her out.

[Holmes85]

guild11,

 

I just hope that I'm not reading the signs wrong, the touch and the smiles could just be friendly and I'm looking more into it because I want it to be something more than that.

 

I also don't want to make any sudden moves and come off as very direct that I'm interested. Those last 2 one on one interactions albeit short, were pretty good (at least I did feel good), I wouldn't have even given it a second thought if she hadn't touched or looked at me in such detail during those 2 interactions.

 

In general I've started to notice her more after the touch, that when she leaves, when she passes by & smiles etc, before that I didn't notice any of it, maybe it was like that before as well.

 

I guess what I'm trying to say is, hopefully I'm not making something out of nothing.

Edited April 21, 2015 by Holmes85
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[Survivor12]

I frequently smile at people as I pass by then at work--particularly those who are looking at me. I would advise you not to judge interest based on that alone. If the opportunity arises, start a conversation that is not work-related. ("Did you have a good weekend?" or something similar). But FIRST....

 

You said that you are leery about making things awkward in the workplace if you approach her directly....Have you considered the potential awkwardness if you were to begin dating and things not working out between you?

 

Just something to consider sooner rather than later...

[Holmes85]

Survivor12,

 

You are correct about smiling in the office. Everyone does that or should I say most of the females in the office do that, some are shy and don't but most of them always smile.

 

Today I managed to talk with her during our lunch break. I asked about her hobbies, she asked about mine, she was also interested in seeing the short animation I made and uploaded on youtube, she really liked it and also very much liked the music video that I made. She was like "how come you have never told me that you animate and stuff before", I replied "you never asked me :P", then we discussed some other things.

 

Then she asked me how can I speak so well English, I told her that English to me is like my second language, she said if the opportunity arrives, she would love to practice her english with me (and one other co-worker who was present during our lunch break at that time).

 

She also showed me (and other co-workers) her niece's photo and also placed her feet on the chair next to me that was empty (since we were sitting opposite), seemed pretty relaxed, I jokingly said to her "just like home aye?" she said "haha sorry".

 

After that I stood up since I finished eating and went back to work, had a pleasant talk to be honest, felt good. Don't know but felt like a normal casual talk, if there is something more there, not quite sure.

[preraph]

There's usually nothing wrong with asking someone to lunch, but I would wade in carefully and I'd do that by asking a buddy or two of yours, people who aren't big gossips and won't be making sexist comments afterward, and also asking her to lunch with you all. Then if that goes well, maybe she'll start checking to see what you're doing for lunch and you can eventually go with just her.

[Holmes85]

preraph,

 

You are correct, you have to be careful at work about these things, because things spread fast in the office.

 

Today we didn't have that much conversation, but for the first time, she brought me and another co-worker (a female), who sits next to me our post delivery for today.

 

When she gave the post to the co-worker her voice was high pitched, when she gave it to me, her voice was very low pitched. Today I also saw her eyeing me more.

 

All of these things don't indicate anything out of the ordinary and I am pesonally looking for something that makes a sure bet that she in fact is interested in me, that is why I am avoiding any sudden moves and a direct approach.

 

I guess we will have to wait and see what happens!

[preraph]

Well, good luck. You could always ask her a bit about her personal life. You know, keeping it very casual. Tell her on Friday as you pass by "Doing anything fun this weekend?" That sort of thing. That's perfectly alright in the office. And just see if she gives a short answer or talks a bit and if she has a BF or something, that also might come out.

[Holmes85]

I had a chit chat with her yesterday during the lunch break, it was just the two of us sitting on the table.

 

I started the conversation by asking what her plans for the weekend were, after telling me her plans, she asked what mine were, I told her that I would be going out with my friends and probably watch a movie in the cinema afterwards with my sister, if my sister agrees to watch the same movie with me.

 

She said "what if your sister doesn't want to see the movie?" I said "well that's it then" then she said "let me recommend you a movie that I saw in the cinema, its pretty good" and proceeded on telling me about the whole thing.

 

As we are having the conversation another lady came and sat next to me and joined in the conversation, after that one more came and sat next to her, I noticed they all started talking to each other a lot and I felt like a third wheel on the table, sitting with 3 girls, since I was done with the lunch, I stood up and went back to work, kinda felt awkward just sitting there listening to the conversation.

 

So far everything seems to be normal, nothing out of the ordinary. However if she asks me the next week on how the movie was (which I didn't get to go), I can tell her that I didn't and could probably ask her if she's interested in watching it with me together, I just hope it doesn't get odd after that if the answer is indeed "No".

 

All in all, either I'm reading too much into nothing or there is something there, I guess only time can tell.

[preraph]

Well, she gave you the biggest opening to ask her out with that movie thing. She said "What if your sister doesn't want to see the movie?" which meant then what will you do. You should contact her and tell her your sister bailed and ask her to go see the movie with you next week.

[Holmes85]

I realized that too...."later" lol.

 

I don't even have her number yet to contact her about it.

 

Am I reading too much into this or does it seem like that she's definitely interested? Because I am definitely not going to make any move till I'm sure that it isn't one sided affair lol.

Edited April 25, 2015 by Holmes85
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[Holmes85]

I think I should update you guys with the progress.

 

On Tuesday during the lunch break, she sat right next to me, I thought that she could just sit next to her friend, but she didn't. We talked up a little bit, nothing special though.

 

On Wednesday during our lunch break together, she and her friend talked to me a lot, she said "it's cool that you know so many languages and know a lot about the PC's and stuff" and then she told me how she fixed up her Mac and if it's okay if she can ask me if something isn't clear to her regarding her Notebook problems, I said "sure why not".

 

We had a short second break in the evening, she again sat right next to me and asked everyone on the table about their parents name, I was busy discussing something with the big boss, but had a pleasant convo with her none the less.

 

Today not much happened, since I went out for a lunch with my co-worker because he was on vacation a week prior to that, so we had a lot of catching up to do.

 

As I leaving the office, I saw her and her friend leaving, I said "wait! I'm going as well" since I was leaving the office at the same time, her friend said that both of them are going to some place, then I wished both of them a nice evening and "she" said " Ciao (my name)".

 

I am still at the same place I was 2 weeks ago, her actions seem friendly, I am still debating myself, if she's just being friendly or there is more to it than that.

 

It would be GREAT if you guys can offer your opinions on the matter, maybe there are signs there that I'm not reading properly, would appreicate if you guys can shed your views on it.

[preraph]

I think she likes you, but hard to tell if it's more than work buddies. You could invite a few people to happy hour and see how that goes. Or just invite her to lunch. Nothing wrong with that.

[Holmes85]

preraph,

 

I was thinking to invite her for a lunch yesterday and also wanted to ask about her plans for the weekendend and probably invited her to the cinema if she had the time to. Sadly she didn't show up for work yesterday and it was the perfect opportunity for me to ask her out, since not many people showed up at work yesterday.

 

Also yesterday I came to find out that the assitant of my boss is also interested in pursuing a relationship with her, I did not tell him that I'm also interested to make things more complicated. He said he doesn't have her number yet and he's too shy to ask her out yet, but he definitely seems interested.

 

I personally think if she's really interested in me she should show me more clear signs that she really likes me more than a friend, because I don't want to go all out based on just one touch and smiles.

 

She's not the first one to touch me on the hand neither the first one to smile on daily basis, in fact one girl just touched me on my arm, but I knew it was friendly. It's really confusing at a work place to determine if she's just being friendly or she's looking for something more.

[preraph]

Yes, the workplace can be confusing for both romance and friendships too. People will be nice to you who may not even like you at all. I found that out the hard way once. People are willing to kiss anyone's butt to advance themselves, in the most dishonest way.

 

Well, you better beat the other guy to it, but be discreet. I would really just keep it to office hours lunch the first time. If she doesn't want to do that, you still haven't totally revealed yourself.

[Holmes85]

Well today during the end of our work day, she was giving cookies in every department. She came close to me and asked me if I wanted to have one? I said "sure why not" and jokingly said "you are too kind".

 

After that I noticed she was talking to the co-worker on the opposite side of me while standing almost right next to me.

 

I don't know, but it feels like she's comfortable around me?

 

So far, the eye contact and the smiles have definitely stopped, I haven't noticed it that much either due to being too much buried under work. But all these actions seem fairly nothing more than being friendly to me.

 

I guess I've to muster up some energy and without making it akward ask her if she wants to come for lunch with me.

 

I also heard from the boss'es assistant that she already has a boyfriend, but he seemed unsure as well. I said to him that I asked for her weekend plans last week, she mentioned everything besides her boyfriend, also she said something about her EX, but no mention of her boyfriend.

 

The thing is, it could be that I'm watching her actions closely and trying to decode if it means something, there might be actually something there or it just might be friendly. It's a very awkward situation to be in to be honest, when you don't know where you stand.

[Holmes85]

*Update from today

 

I was too busy working today, normally during the lunch break me and 2 other boys go out to have a lunch together. Since the boss'es assistant is interested in that girl, I think he made the move today by the help of my other friend (who already has a girlfriend) and invited her out for lunch, so basically 2 boys and her went out for lunch together.

 

I found it very odd and out of the blue, since normally we all hang out together, like every single day during lunch and today they just took off without me, didn't even bother to ask me if I wanted to come with? Seemed kinda odd to me.

 

I personally think that after today, she might have taken the hint that the boss'es assistnat likes her, I mean she did agree to go out for lunch with both of them.

 

I asked when they were back that how come they didn't ask me to come along, the boss'es assistant said that it was the other guys idea. I was like "Ah Okay" and then he told me that she has a boyfriend, but it's not that serious and plus she talked about her Ex or something. I said to him "well either way good luck to you :)"

 

I think I'm gonna let this one play out on it's own, I think if she's really THAT much into me, she would make more sincere effort, plus that part about having a boyfriend is bothersome too (assuming what he told me is correct).

 

Would still love to hear what you guys think about the situation though

[Holmes85]

Update from today:

 

Well today it finally happened. Her friend asked me if I would like to out and have lunch together and I said "yes". This friend of hers invited her boyfriend and his friend as well.

 

So basically there were 5 people. I sat right next to her for lunch. We had a few jokes here and there, had a very light hearted conversation. Nothing that seemed out of the ordinary to me.

 

As we were coming back from lunch and taking the bus. Her friend asked me if I would like to join them in the 3pm break, I said "sure why not?" and as soon as I said that I saw her eyes getting big and she said "really?" and I looked at her "Yes why not :)" and we did had a break at 3pm and everyone in the office joined us.

 

There are 2 things that I can see so far, either this is all friendly and nothing out of the ordinary or there is something actually happening but my mind is not registering it.

 

Tomorrow would be another day and other opportunity, lets see how she reacts.

 

But what do you guys think based on the information I've given so far, does she sound interested or it is really just friendly?

[preraph]

Well, now it sounds like it's her friend who likes you since she's who's inviting you places, but of course it might be on behalf of the girl you like. I guess now you just enjoy having the new friends. Pay attention to find out if the girl who invited you is single and see if you can tell if she is flirting and interested in you, because she may be the one interested. But if she seems to just be throwing you two together, great. All you can do is go and have fun and try to be sure you're not stepping on the girl who invited you's toes and then ask one or the other out after work.

[Holmes85]

preraph,

 

I think I worded it a bit complicated in the previous post.

 

Her friend who invited me already has a boyfriend, in fact her boyfriend and her boyfriend's friend were also present at the lunch. The girl that I like was the one I was sitting next to.

 

I also failed to mention that at times when we were talking or walking, it felt like she was a bit closer to me (or maybe I was?)....you see it's hard to tell not inside the office, but outside too.

 

I guess all I can do is observe instead of making any rash decisions.

[jakrbbt]

You sound very respectful. I gather that you're not as much afraid of rejection and hurt pride, as you are of creating an uncomfortable workplace situation for her as well as for yourself.

 

Being considerate is likely one of your more attractive qualities, though you might not realize it. It's rare. And men who manage to be both considerate and confident, are downright gallant.

 

I don't think you'll make things uncomfortable by asking her out, because I think she knows you are a considerate person. Ask her to lunch when you're on your way out. You don't need any pretense, just say, "Do you want to grab lunch?" (or however you'd say it to a friend). It sounds like it's not too soon to do that.

 

While at lunch, pay her a compliment, something not too personal, but specific and true (if you get a chance). This is important: Don't do it for her reaction, do it because you like her and she's great and it would be a pleasure to pay a compliment to her.

 

And I would make it something like, "I admired the way you ---" [something she did at work]. Or, ask her about school and say "I bet you were good at" [whatever subject she majored in]. Or if discussing hobbies: "I bet you'd be great at that." In other words, just something nice, not overbearing like "you're beautiful" or anything.

 

After paying the compliment, smile at her and look away happily before she even reacts. As if you don't need her to respond in any particular way, you just wanted to pay her the compliment because, she's a great person and should know that someone likes this or that thing about her.

 

And when you're together, rather than worry about what she knows or thinks about your various qualities, ask about her a lot, and ask polite follow-up questions, or make friendly non-probing comments about the things she tells you. This will feel natural to you because, like I said, you seem like the considerate type of person anyway. Good luck!

[Teknoe]

Honestly? And of course I could be wrong here as no one can see the interactions... only what you've described.

 

You come off as very polite, considerate and gentlemanly.

 

She comes off as a good work friend who trusts you.

 

I don't think she's got the hots for you but I also think it can't hurt to try. However, I hope you haven't waited far too long. These windows are usually pretty small/short.

 

You have to weigh it out... is it worth asking her out considering she's a coworker?

 

My last 2 crushes were on coworkers, I asked out both and was rejected. It's not easy, but I've remained friends with them. Plus, you never know til ya try!

 

Good luck.

[preraph]

I think if you just keep doing lunches and stuff, you will be able to tell if it's developing romantically. You can feel free to open doors for her and place your hand gently on her back while doing so, etc. She sounds like she's open to getting to know you. Next thing is start asking her what she likes to do on her days off. Find that out, see if it is compatible with any of your interests. If so, you, of course, say, "Oh, I love to ride bikes as well. We should do that sometime soon."

[Holmes85]

jakrbbt,

 

You are correct! I am more careful about making things uncomfortable for her (and me) in the office than the fear of rejection, plus it's a good thing to just go with the flow and see how it goes instead of going gunsblazing.

 

Teknoe,

 

That is exactly why I haven't done anything, because it must be that she just likes me as a work colleague and nothing more, which is why I am not making any moves and neither should I be since it's a workplace and there is a time and place for everything.

 

preraph,

 

This is what I'm doing so far, keeping it casual being myself, I'm not trying so hard to get her attention or anything, just talk with her like I normally do with others without coming off as a bit odd.

 

I've also got some new updates from today:

 

Her friend (who already has a boyfriend) asked me if I would like to come to a Bar with our work colleagues, I said sure why not, 3 of us co-workers (male) were there and 2 (females, including her), we had a nice chit chat.

 

The girl I'm interested in opened a dialogue with me saying "how's work going in your department?" and I said "everything is going fine :)" and asked about hers, she told me some details about her department, nothing out of the ordinary, all of us were talking to each other, till her friend asked me "(my name) do you have a girlfriend?" I said to her "yes! I do" she sound surprised and practically everyone else and she said "really?" I said "yes! we are together for 9 months", she said "Wow! Thats super, is she goo?" I said "Yes she's super, we understand each other pretty good and she comes from Japan", she said "Wow thats super cool", before she asked the next question I said "I am talking about my Playstation 4, don't know what you guys are talking about :lmao:" everyone had a good laugh over that and seemed to enjoy the joke.

 

After the joke I told her that I don't have any girlfriend. Her friend said to me "you described it so detailed that I actually thought you had one :p", I said "No, No I was just joking".

 

After some more convo, we were talking about whose shy in the office, her friend said "(my name) seems a bit shy to me, but not as shy as my other work colleague ". I jokingly asked the girl I'm interested in "(her name), do you really think I'm shy? :)" She said "ummm, I don't think so, not with me at least :laugh:", I said to her friend "well there you go :)" then her friend said "I bet you are shy with people you don't really know" I said "well, I'm pretty much the same with everyone :laugh:".

 

After that we were talking about TV shows and stuff, since my worker is a lot shy and since he was drinking beer, I jokingly said "he only talks to girls more when he's drunk, otherwise he's pretty quiet", he looked at me and laughed and I said "you are practically like the Raj from Big Bang Theory", everyone laughed at that. Then the girl I'm interested in said "that your personality seems to me more alike...hmmm....I forgot his name?" I said "Sheldon?" She said "yesss exactly....don't understand me wrong, I'm not saying your Gay, but his personality suits you" and I said "well no offence taken, he's not Gay in the TV-series either :p"

 

She talked to me a bit more, telling me how she has been under stress this & that, I said to her "Well I can tell when you are under stress or not, I can usually tell by looking at you :)" she said "Really?" I said "yes, sometimes I can just tell", her friend said "just because he doesn't say anything, doesn't mean he can't tell :p".

 

After that we had a little more chat and I looked at my watch and said I needed to go before it gets late, since all of us have to show up for work tomorrow and everyone followed and parted way.

 

She talked to me a lot, told me some of the personal stuff as well that I didn't knew before, seems defintely a good sign that she's opening up more and more, whether it's just casual friendly or something more, I guess the time would tell, but it wouldn't hurt to see what opinions do you guys have of the recent events that unfolded today. I would love to hear your takes on it

[Holmes85]

Update from today:

 

Well I have been more and more busy with work lately, I haven't been able to catch up that much with her and also don't notice when she walks by or maintains eye contact or not.

 

Today when we were having a short break in the afternoon, I was talking to my work colleagues and I noticed that she was standing right behind me, felt kinda close and was discussing something with the co-worker next to me (who already has a girlfriend), I didn't notice what they were talking about, until I felt that her hand "accidently" touched me, she said "sorry" about that, before I could say "don't worry about it" she was long gone haha.