Does She Like Me?

[shirleyshirley]

LOL at one point reading at your story I thought you could be the guy in my story…unfortunately you are not Anyways all the best!!

[Holmes85]

haha, I read yours before typing my previous post, I thought "could it be her?" then when I read into the details, I was like "phew" haha

[preraph]

I think now it's time for you to initiate the drink after work and invite her and her friend and others if you feel like it. Be the one to initiate and then sit by her and maybe think of something that is coming up to ask her to.

[Holmes85]

preraph,

 

I am still unsure if the feelings are mutual or not, so far I am not able to tell anything by her actions. I guess what I am looking for is something Solid, that would be a good base to pursue and not go in there blind.

 

Based on what I have mentioned so far, does she display any amount of interest besides being just work colleagues?

[preraph]

I think she may like you. You can never be sure. Since she works with you, it is highly unlikely she is going to just overtly let you know if she does like you. Maybe instead of going somewhere public, you invite a few of those people to your home for a game or a barbecue because then you'd be in a more intimate setting and maybe start a trend of her or them visiting you. If she keeps going where invited, she probably has some interest, although you can't know if it's just friendly interest. I think at some point you'll have to ask her out to find out.

[shirleyshirley]

haha, I read yours before typing my previous post, I thought "could it be her?" then when I read into the details, I was like "phew" haha

 

But you didnt comment on mine…*sad face*

 

Lol just jking all good. But yea invite her to some activities after work (with other people involved in the first few ones) is not a bad idea.

[Holmes85]

preraph,

 

I am certain that she likes me. I am just not certain on if it's a notch above like. I guess time would clear everything up.

 

shirley,

 

I don't mind inviting her to activities after work, but we live in two different cities, going to meet in hers, is not a problem, but like I said I want something solid to go on, that the interest is mutual, because I would feel bad if the interest isn't there and in the process I would be making things awkward for me and for her.

[Holmes85]

Seems like I should update this, been quite a while.

 

I haven't been able to make much progress with her due to the fact that I am extremely busy with the office work.

 

But today something happened, that caused me to rethink again , she passed by me and when our eyes connected, she smiled, just a friendly gesture I understand.

 

Then later today, as she was filling the bottle with the tab water, I looked in her direction and found her looking at me, I smiled and winked at her in a friendly way and surprisingly she winked at me right back and then laughed gently, she seems to be enjoying the attention she's getting from me?

 

All in all, I feel like I have made strides in terms of feeling comfortable in talking to her and her with me, but nothing so far, seems out of the ordinary or screams that she has more interest in me than just being work colleagues, unless I'm overthinking now and there is something there.

 

As always, would love to have some external input on this matter.

[BreakOnThrough]

Work is tough because everyone is usually afraid to step over the line, so loooong periods of limbo occur. If you step over the line, you potentially have to worry about HR implications.

 

I think given you seem to have a fairly laid back work environment and have had some non-work related social interaction, if she liked you beyond a friend, you would know it definitely. However, she may be waiting on you, as you seem fairly reserved, she will be too... The winking back is a good sign.

 

Try challenging her a bit, but playfully, make playful fun of something she does or says, if she responds favorably, touch her arm/hand and smile with strong eye contact.

 

Simply, open up your body language, see if she mirrors your behavior. You'll have your answer easily enough.

[Sam23]

Please don't be offended by this, but I love reading this thread. I've been that girl several times. In both my past and current employment have I had a guy play this game with me where we both seem to be into each other, but neither will make a move. It's gotten to the point where I just want to scream "make an *#%^ing move already cause I'm sure as heck not going to."

 

Why am I not going to make a move? I'm lame and second guess the signs. Like, maybe I'm reading into things too much. It's also work. Can I still be my friendly, bubbly self if he rejects me, or will he think I'm still pining after him and scream harassment? So I say nothing and the game continues.

 

It's funny because I was talking to this guy (whom I swear has a thing for me, but maybe not? Ugh) and he stared me into the eyes and gave me his speech on how much rejection scares him and how he had to be pursued by the women he's dated. He said he hides behind a computer screen, which is what he does with us - acts scared in person but loose via chat. I wondered if he was hinting at our relationship, but as already stated, I will never know unless he makes a move, which I don't foresee happening.

 

I would just keep forming a bond with this girl and see if something happens cause neither of you are going to pull the trigger anytime soon.

[preraph]

Seems like you're waiting for her to ask you out or something. IMO, you either need to take a chance of screwing up your work situation and ask her out or stop flirting with her. Again, you can ask her out as part of a group and then see if you can get personal while sitting beside her or dancing with her or things like that.

[Holmes85]

Sam23,

 

I am actually feeling the same way as you are, I am also fed-up of thinking whether there is something more or there isn't? I understand that she's not making the first move, but I don't think she has given me something solid to date to pursue her either.

 

Yesterday during our lunch break, I was sitting in the corner, I was also sort of taking things into account that would she rather sit next to me or the other guy who was sitting opposite to me, surprisingly she sat next to me, she also engaged in a good conversation with me, I also managed to find out that the way she looks and talks to me is different than how she interacts with other co-workers.

 

In a retrospect it has given me a little boost knowing that I can casually ask her out sometime in the future for some fun activity, whether it's going to the cinema with friends or having lunch - dinner together.

 

If she keeps being receptive towards me, I would eventually ask her out casually as friends without making anything awkward, since none of us are firing guns anytime soon, I think it's best to take it slow and be more observant, all in all if she's really that interested, I don't think she would give up that easily neither would she give up without giving any sort of solid signs.

Edited June 30, 2015 by Holmes85
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[Holmes85]

It's been a while since I last updated this thread, we had many minimal interactions due to the fact of summer holidays (I was off for a week and she was off for two).

 

I've also noticed that the way she behaves and acts around me is totally different than how she behaves with other colleagues, I can usually hear her laughing and talking out loud with other workers, but with me she's more or less civil, her voice even drops from time to time, it feels like she's totally a different person when talking to me (Is this a good or a bad thing? Not sure)

 

Yesterday when she was leaving, I wished her a good evening and as she went out of the door, waiting for the lift, she looked back at me and waved, I smiled and waved back at her.

 

Either I'm making something out of nothing or there is actually something there.

[LostOne1]

Dude.. you are doing the same **** I did.. and it was such a waste of time.

 

Make up your decision.. stop pussy footing.

 

Either accept you are not interested and will not progress it any further.

 

OR

 

Accept that you will ask her out and take a chance and see how it goes.

 

Otherwise you will play this little game forever. And women do NOT like guys that beat around the bush.

 

Pick a side and GO with it. Either give up and move on or go all in and go for it.

 

In the end for me... I went all in...... I got tired of guessing every time I saw her... one day I just said F it.. and risked it all....

[Holmes85]

LostOne1,

 

Just because you are a guy, does not mean you have to make the move first.

 

Second when you are unsure about the intentions, it's best to wait rather to jump off and go guns blazing (which may or may not work out for you).

 

Third you have to be extra cautious when you are at work, 'if' the interest isn't mutual you are going to end up feeling very unwelcome and uncomfortable for a very long time.

 

In short better be safe than sorry.

 

I am most certainly not beating around the bush, I do not have anything solid to go with (yet).

 

All the information I've shared has a Yes/No or Maybe side to it, which is not something you want to go out on.

 

The reason why I keep updating this thread, is for one to keep the incidents in check (for me) and if I miss any signs that she's interested in me, I can get a second opinion about it from others.

[Teknoe]

Holmes, This is still going on eh?

 

Man, I'm gonna be straight with you.

 

You are an adult. She's an adult. You can ask her out. It's her choice from there, but a simple "no" would not be the end of the world. Just show her courtesy and respect.

 

I'd approach her with something along the lines of, "Hey, so I don't know if it's just me but I feel we get along pretty well, and well, I'd like to take you out to dinner sometime and get to know you better, if you're interested."

 

You could perhaps word it more assertively but yeah, just ask her out. The worst is she says no and that's that. You gotta take risks sometimes man. Waiting for her to make the move, after this long, probably isn't going to happen.

 

BTW I have experience. Asked out my coworker last March. She politely rejected me. We're still good work friends to this day.

 

And now I know better, too. So I have peace, and closure.

 

Go get yours.

[Snakechammah]

You sound like such a nice guy, Holmes.

 

If I was working in your company, I'd probably have a crush on you too! Are you Portugese/Spanish by any chance?

 

From your writing, you don't sound like a native speaker.

 

Anyway, I dont know what to tell you. The clear advice is to ask her out, but I understand the limitations of work enthics, and the fact that you don't know if she is indeed single or not. Sometimes, it's always best to let nature take its course.

 

I guess nothing happened between her and the boss assistant too? Since it's been a while since he had a crush on her and they're not together?

 

Good luck with her. Do what is natural for you, if you need time, then, what the heck, take the time. If it's meant to be, it will be, as they say! All the best! Keep updating!

[Holmes85]

Snakechammah,

 

No I'm not Portuguese neither Spanish

 

I wonder what is about my writing that doesn't make me sound like a native speaker lol.

 

I think I missed to add the information regarding the boss'es assistant, he quit work about 2 months ago, so the competition was automatically eliminated, through work friends I came to find out that she was not interested in him at all.

 

I was personally thinking the same thing, if she's really that interested in me, she wouldn't give up that easily and would pursue further or give some sort of indication.

 

I am also seeking a place to live near my work place, if I do manage to find one, then I would be somewhat near her area and not that far away.

 

One thing I've noticed again & again though, she talks a lot more with other co-workers, when I talk to her, her behavior becomes a bit different, like you can tell she doesn't talk the same way as she does with the co-workers.

 

Furthermore last week, she asked me to look at her phone because she was having problems, I told her what to do, she said she would bring her laptop sometime so I can do it for her before she does something to mess things up.

 

I guess with time everything would clear up, if the feelings are mutual or not and all that other stuff, I've a slight feeling that she's interested as well, but playing it safe like me, because she isn't sure about me, the only way to fix this is to invite her somewhere casual with work friends and see how it goes, last time when we did go, we had a pleasant conversation, in fact every conversation I've had with her was pleasant.

[Holmes85]

After such a long time, I have finally made some strides with her.

 

She came to me in the morning offering a drink since she wasn't feeling like drinking it anytime soon, so she gave it to me, I cracked up some jokes with her and it was pleasant.

 

During the afternoon, she send me a work related email from her department and decided to take the step and email her back saying something genuinely funny and try to break the ice between us and hoped that she would respond to it instead of leaving it be and she did respond to it and we exchanged a couple of more emails, from her reply it was very apparent to me that she did like the Mail exchange.

 

We did talk up again at work and it was very light hearted and a good conversation.

 

I think yesterday was the first day, where I really felt like that the response was very positive and warm from her end, which allows me to be more comfortable and take the much needed further steps with her.

 

I obviously did not overdo it with replying back and forth, but overall I think it's a good starting point, even if the feelings aren't mutual, I think I can get a good work colleague in the end, but the chances at this moment look highly likely in terms of building something more.

[Holmes85]

I think I am finally making progress with her, I and get other friend (who is also a female) went out to a bar after work and had a chit chat with each other.

 

I saw that she touched me on my chest real quick while talking (for the second time after the first incident years ago), second her friend asked me If a girl is interested in me, I said there is a girl who showed her interest in me but I am not interested and also a girl who just came out of a relationship showed interest in me, but I told her that I am not interested, I asked about her and she said she doesn't have anyone, she talked with me more about work and I saw her opening up more and more to me, I also asked for her weekend plans and I saw that she doesn't have any open slot this weekend.

 

In short, I wanted to ask her number, but I didn't because of hesitation, not to blow the cover on the first time around, overall I've a positive feeling, but still feel a bit confused if it's more than just "work friends".

 

Any opinions on this matter would be much appreciated

Edited September 17, 2015 by Holmes85
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[Holmes85]

It's been quite a long time since I updated this and many events have taken place since then, I think it's about time that I update this, because the situation itself is more confusing than anything else.

 

With the way things were proceeding, I asked her out through a mutual friend, that if she would like to go to the cinema, to my surprise the response she gave my mutual friend was "She doesn't go out with co-workers, that's one of her golden rules". The message was well received on my end and I put the case to rest and interacted very little with her, I kept it professional and thats about it.

 

She somehow still approached me more and more, but I sort of always brushed it off and didn't interact much with her. One day all of us co-workers decided to go to a bar together and everyone was sharing their romantic encounters / stories and stuff, I was telling them about a girl who was showing interest in me who came from a different company (everyone knew who that girl was), everyone was paying attention to what I was saying and was really interested to how it proceeded, till in the middle she snapped and said "just because a girl is being nice, doesn't mean she's interested, a lot boys take it the wrong way".

 

Everyone was shocked to hear that comment from her, found it very rude and upfront from her, kinda ruined the whole evening for me, I sort of found it really dumb for her to make that comment, even if she was thinking about it, there was no point in saying it to begin with.

 

I totally started to ignore her after that, didn't want to be any part of the conversation she was in and kept it nothing more than being professional, she somehow slowly started to do the same things that led me to believe that she was interested in me, but I dismissed those thoughts dude to her actions / comments with me.

 

This last Thursday, we were the only 2 left in the office, she came to me and said "are you going to be working here for long?" I said "probably, but not that long" she said "do you need any help with the work, so it's finished quickly and you can also go back home early" I was sort of surprised to hear that from her, I said "sure if you have time and you don't have anything urgent to do, you can help me".

 

In short she helped me, we talked a little bit in between and left the office together, she asked me what I was doing in new years / christmas, every answer that I gave her, she said "I am doing the same thing as you", till the bus arrived and I was leaving and she said "happy new years" and I said thanked her and wished her the same.

 

I don't know what's going on here anymore, she's sometimes Hot, sometimes Cold, her actions are confusing. She also said to me last Wednesday "hey (my name) you are one cool dude ;D" and my other co-worker jokingly said to her "yeah, you are allowed to say that to him, but it would be a different story if he said that"

 

Anyways what's your take on this matter? Oh and I almost forgot to add, that I would be going to her department soon, I have signed a new contract which also includes her department to see how the work is done over there and stuff.

 

Would love to hear opinions on this matter from you guys.

[Snakechammah]

Thank you for updating!

 

The fact that she blew you off pretty much sums up she's one of those attention whores. Sorry to put it so bluntly but it's clear that she wants her ego stroked and nothing else.

 

Best to forget about her. She just wants someone to chase her and make her feel better about herself... and when you actually do something about it, she runs like a little child.

 

I had a crush at work too. I gave him so many hints, all the flirty come-hither looks that even a Disney Princess would envy, and when he finally asked me out, I said YES and we've been dating since. We play no games.

 

If she is genuinely interested in you, she will go out with you. If she is pulling all these BS flirtgames just to get your attention, she's just an attention whore.

 

Forget it, Holmsy. You deserve much better. I wish you luck for 2016. May you find a better, healthier, emotionally-matured woman soon!

[Holmes85]

Snakechammah,

 

Here's the difference, you asked him directly, while I asked her through a mutual friend, not very professional of me there, but since I didn't had her number, I saw no other alternative.

 

"all the flirty come-hither looks that even a Disney Princess would envy" haha, well she has done a lot of those too

 

I've just 2 theories about it

 

1. She is interested in me. She wants me to like her, but she ends up saying stupid stuff around me because of it. Or she's embarrassed and doesn't want to be obvious.

 

2. She thinks of me as a good friend and treats me like she would treat people she's known longer that would understand those off putting comments.

 

And another top theory would be that she just wants attention, either way, case closed on this matter (or is it?), I am not going to do anything about it, she's have to take the initiative now.

 

I have signed a new contract and soon I will be going to work in her department as well (maybe that's why she's being nice). Either way, I'm gonna continue the same old way and keeping her at arms length, unless she really does show something of interest.

Edited January 3, 2016 by Holmes85
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[Snakechammah]

Snakechammah,

 

Here's the difference, you asked him directly, while I asked her through a mutual friend, not very professional of me there, but since I didn't had her number, I saw no other alternative.

 

"all the flirty come-hither looks that even a Disney Princess would envy" haha, well she has done a lot of those too

 

I've just 2 theories about it

 

1. She is interested in me. She wants me to like her, but she ends up saying stupid stuff around me because of it. Or she's embarrassed and doesn't want to be obvious.

 

2. She thinks of me as a good friend and treats me like she would treat people she's known longer that would understand those off putting comments.

 

And another top theory would be that she just wants attention, either way, case closed on this matter (or is it?), I am not going to do anything about it, she's have to take the initiative now.

 

I have signed a new contract and soon I will be going to work in her department as well (maybe that's why she's being nice). Either way, I'm gonna continue the same old way and keeping her at arms length, unless she really does show something of interest.

 

I didn't ask my Crush - HE asked me out, like a man should I gave him hints... nothing else. And because I genuinely like him, I said YES to his date.

 

I think you are still under her spell, it is evident in the way you are defending her. That's fine, good luck to you.

 

If she truly likes you, she won't embarrass you or blow you off. It's as simple as that.

 

Do update us, I hope there is a happy ending to this.

[road]

So after all this time the OP still has not asked her out. So sad.