3 Years and 7 Months all gone...

[imbax]

When I was 22 I got with a girl, we spent nearly four years together, lived together etc. Circumstances with work/location and social circles changed but I thought we were ok, then one day when we were meant to go shopping I got the "I love you but I'm not in love with you" talk. She left that night with no real explanation, she removed her things when I was at work and I only got one opportunity after that to speak to her and whilst she was upset etc she had clearly completely changed her view on me. I loved that girl she was hot, sweet, clever I wanted to be with her forever.

 

Anyway....so...I went NC after a month of trying. Imbax I tried everything you did and more. I turned up at her house with flowers for god sake, what a dickkkk ha! All failed. We live different lives now, shes lives with and is engaged to the guy she was secretly flirting and emotionally cheating on me with as she plotted how to end it with me (I know as I saw messages). I still have feelings for what I had with her, my first love, but that's all, I'll never speak to her again.

 

Many failed dates with disinterested women, boring women and emotionally unavailable women and a few years later I'm now 27 and have another gf. Shes clever, we laugh and have good sex etc and in many ways shes really good for me and has introduced me to lots of her friends etc. I only have a few close friends, I work as a fireman you see so my shifts are very tiring and random. Anyway as I write this I'm feeling really unsure about my girlfriend, it had been a year now and I'm just not sure I feel as I should. I love her but can I really see me with her long term? I don't think so. Our families seem different and some small things about her arn't quite what I want in my ideal women. Will I end it? At the minute it is looking so, despite having a good time whenever I am with her.

 

I'm writing this as I want you to understand life isn't as easy as saying I love you and being happy ever after. Humans have strange feelings and doubts that sometimes evolve over small issues, incompatibilities or otherwise. These can rock and end relationships even if generally things have been good and happy. Stop looking at yourself for things you have done wrong. I've now seen how such feelings manifest and have been on both sides, maybe one day you will too and then you will truly understand.

 

As humans we are always looking for our perfect match, sometimes it gets torn away from us.....sometimes we choose to be free again to keep searching.

 

Wow thanks for the amazing post. I guess I am naive to believe that true love lasts forever. I'm sort of losing hope for relationships. No one seems to be serious these days.

 

I'm just shocked to hear that my ex girlfriend had been venting to others during our fights, and when we had our make up periods, there was no mention of what she didn't like about me. This hurts the most. As she had been telling some others apart from me what I did wrong. So in the end I was clueless.

 

Maybe I am thinking too much into this. Maybe you are right. Circumstance changes sometimes at my expense.

[Sameold]

Circumstance changes can completely end your relationship if you're not prepared to recognise the changes and make it work.

 

With regards to her venting seriously don't worry. Everyone vents now and again, moreover you need to stop anaysing everything from the past.

 

She actually broke up with you in a decent way. She was honest enough to end it when she realised she saw no long term future rather than when she had found another guy to bang. This is good as it means you now know how things stand and can look to meet someone else when you are ready. The worst thing is when people drag out relationships when they have already emotionally disengaged from them....

 

Continuing to message her/trying to meet up with her is actually disrespecting her wishes and will ultimately sour any chance of one day having a friendship.

 

By the way there are lots of decent people in this world, though it seems impossible now eventually you will probably end up dating a girl you fancy and are attracted to just as much as your ex.

[imbax]

Circumstance changes can completely end your relationship if you're not prepared to recognise the changes and make it work.

 

With regards to her venting seriously don't worry. Everyone vents now and again, moreover you need to stop anaysing everything from the past.

 

She actually broke up with you in a decent way. She was honest enough to end it when she realised she saw no long term future rather than when she had found another guy to bang. This is good as it means you now know how things stand and can look to meet someone else when you are ready. The worst thing is when people drag out relationships when they have already emotionally disengaged from them....

 

Continuing to message her/trying to meet up with her is actually disrespecting her wishes and will ultimately sour any chance of one day having a friendship.

 

By the way there are lots of decent people in this world, though it seems impossible now eventually you will probably end up dating a girl you fancy and are attracted to just as much as your ex.

 

hmm its weird that you say everyone vents because during my relationship I didn't vent to any of my friends. I respected the confidentiality of the details in our relationship to not talk to friends about our issues, and instead if I had something to say or a problem I would mention it to her. Perhaps this is different with females. Moreover, despite her venting, she never mentioned any of the stuff she vented to me! So I had no idea what was wrong most of the time.... I am just really shocked that females work this way but I guess welcome to the real world me

 

I felt as if she had emotionally disengaged from the relationship after about 1.5years into the relationship. I thought it was normal for a girl to be detached because she made me believe that it was just her being "comfortable" or "stable" in a relationship with me.

 

I don't think I disrespected her or anything by messaging her or meeting up with her, she WANTED to meet up with me when I gave her the offer (only I am not over her). She was the one who wanted to be friends with me when she ended it. I told her no and I could never speak to her again. I ended up breaking NC twice. Once to send her a long message 1 week after the break up. The other time to meet up with her 6 weeks after the break up. Plus I never want to be her friend after everything she has put me through to leave me out of the blue.

 

Now I am back to NC and it's her birthday in a few days. Seriously considering sending her anonymous flowers. Not for her, but for me. So I don't feel so guilty and inconsiderate for ignoring her. I am such a bloody loser. Is it normal to keep crying every day over her at random times? It's been 2 months already and I feel like she is in my head 24/7. I just keep crying and crying over her. What the hell is wrong with me.

 

Can someone please help me?

Edited June 14, 2015 by imbax

[Sameold]

Imbax, I didn't mean to make out you were a bad guy disrespecting your ex, clearly you care for her.

 

However, you are still in the early days of grieving. It's now 3 years since me first love dumped me and walked out our flat. It would still crush me to see her face and kill me if I saw her with her fiance. But the great thing about NC is that it gives you time and trust me time heals, at least in the everyday sense.

 

I don't wake up thinking of my ex or worrying about what she is doing. I really don't care anymore. Numerous birthdays and xmas have passed and we never exchange a text, heck I don't even have her number.

 

Every time you break NC you start the NC again so it isn't 2 months for you. This will take a long long time to get over, stop being harsh to yourself. Try to concentrate on the good in your life, your family and friends, your career or studies.

 

Your ex doesn't hate you, she just knows that by being in touch it is just giving you false hope that things can get back to how they were. Unfortunately this is what happens when a relationship comes to an end. You will grow stronger from this experience.

[imbax]

Imbax, I didn't mean to make out you were a bad guy disrespecting your ex, clearly you care for her.

 

However, you are still in the early days of grieving. It's now 3 years since me first love dumped me and walked out our flat. It would still crush me to see her face and kill me if I saw her with her fiance. But the great thing about NC is that it gives you time and trust me time heals, at least in the everyday sense.

 

I don't wake up thinking of my ex or worrying about what she is doing. I really don't care anymore. Numerous birthdays and xmas have passed and we never exchange a text, heck I don't even have her number.

 

Every time you break NC you start the NC again so it isn't 2 months for you. This will take a long long time to get over, stop being harsh to yourself. Try to concentrate on the good in your life, your family and friends, your career or studies.

 

Your ex doesn't hate you, she just knows that by being in touch it is just giving you false hope that things can get back to how they were. Unfortunately this is what happens when a relationship comes to an end. You will grow stronger from this experience.

 

Thank you for your post. I fear that I will be in your position in 3 years time still pining over her. As I am now crying over her every day and fearing to see or hear about her as it would break me again and again.

Edited June 15, 2015 by imbax

[Sameold]

Thank you for your post. I fear that I will be in your position in 3 years time still pining over her. As I am now crying over her every day and fearing to see or hear about her as it would break me again and again.

 

 

You wont be. Time heals. You will always care deeply for your ex as she was your first love but eventually it will fade from the front of your mind. There might be some awkward ocassions if you see her that set you back but rest assured you will survive this.

 

My advice would be, take this time being single to improve yourself. Lose a few pounds if you need to or gain a bit of muscle. Develop a new interest or research a cool new place to visit. Losing relationships is sometimes a part of life. You had no kids with this woman and you were not married so count your blessings and move forwards. Who knows who you might meet in the months and years ahead. Chin up!

[imbax]

I'm still struggling hard every day. I am planning to send anonymous flowers to her work tomorrow to relieve my guilt of not wishing her a happy birthday. Is this a good idea?

[Laurenhergensen]

First of all... In my opinion, she might be tired or bored with the relationship because it was her first real relationship, right? You sound like a terrific guy, im pretty sure any other decent girl would want to date you, just try not to change the person you are because of this bitter deception, because you never know when the right person is coming... And maybe because of this experience you will not treat her right, just because you ended up this relationship and lost faith.

 

And well, think about this... She broke up with you, but maybe this time alone will make her clear her head, maybe all she needed was a little air, freedom... And maybe she will rethink things.. Of course, you shouldn't be waiting for something like that to happen, because you never know, is just a possibility since you and her had such a deep relationship, i don't think she will forget about you just like that.

 

I suggest you try to go out with your friends, do stuff to keep her out of your mind, of course, first, you need to cry the **** out, because thats the only way you will take all the pain out there, it will be good for you.

 

Anyway, i hope things get better for you, wether if it is with her or without her.

[imbax]

First of all... In my opinion, she might be tired or bored with the relationship because it was her first real relationship, right? You sound like a terrific guy, im pretty sure any other decent girl would want to date you, just try not to change the person you are because of this bitter deception, because you never know when the right person is coming... And maybe because of this experience you will not treat her right, just because you ended up this relationship and lost faith.

 

And well, think about this... She broke up with you, but maybe this time alone will make her clear her head, maybe all she needed was a little air, freedom... And maybe she will rethink things.. Of course, you shouldn't be waiting for something like that to happen, because you never know, is just a possibility since you and her had such a deep relationship, i don't think she will forget about you just like that.

 

I suggest you try to go out with your friends, do stuff to keep her out of your mind, of course, first, you need to cry the **** out, because thats the only way you will take all the pain out there, it will be good for you.

 

Anyway, i hope things get better for you, wether if it is with her or without her.

 

Thank you for this, this post literally made my day today. I think I realised that I was actually a great person in the relationship and really made her my whole world. If she can't accept that, then I cannot do anything about that except know for a fact that I did my best and that one day, I will make a special girl really happy for what I do. No one will ever short change what I gave for my ex-girlfriend. She can lie and tell all the fibs she wants to others but I won't care because nothing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING will ever change the truth. Because she and I both know that I was one of the most nicest and down to earth people a girl can get and no one in this world can take that from me because that's just the type of person I am.

 

And with that, I can finally begin the road to moving on as I have accepted that I seriously did the best and in the end, she just didn't deserve what I gave and put out for her. I can move on with zero ounces of guilt and complete satisfaction knowing this.

[joseb]

I'm still struggling hard every day. I am planning to send anonymous flowers to her work tomorrow to relieve my guilt of not wishing her a happy birthday. Is this a good idea?

 

No- don't do this. Please.

 

If you want to do something nice send a donation to someone - the Nepalese are really lovely people and struggling with the aftermath of 2 earthquakes.

Maybe donating there and thinking about how easy we have it in comparison to many will start to get your head right.

[imbax]

No- don't do this. Please.

 

If you want to do something nice send a donation to someone - the Nepalese are really lovely people and struggling with the aftermath of 2 earthquakes.

Maybe donating there and thinking about how easy we have it in comparison to many will start to get your head right.

 

**** I cracked guys. I did it. I bought the anonymous flowers. **** me. It's too late now. Stupid worst decision ever. Ok gotta deal with the consequences now. 9 weeks post break up and still crying over her. Wtf is wrong with me

[imbax]

Okay guys this has to stop. I am really going to attempt moving on from now. This involves: going out enjoying myself, flirting with girls, treating myself wherever possible, looking forward to my own life.

 

I cringingly broke NC by buying her anonymous flowers for her birthday.

 

From here on out, I am going to stop talking about her to my friends. I am going to stop posting here on LS and I am going to get on with my life. I am going to stop checking her Facebook through private windows, I am going to stop stalking her through YouTube channel. I am going to stop all together. This is it , wish me luck.

 

This is officially day 0. I will report my results back after 6 months of NC before Christmas or if I get over her, whichever one comes first. Thank you for all your support guys I really appreciate it.

 

All the best for your relationships! Good luck!!!

[Yummm]

Bro.. I don't understand your thought process of buying flowers.... I understand the 'reaching out' and urge to want to contact her, but jesus man anonymous flowers? Even as a dumpee I would see that as annoying!

 

Goodluck man, hopefully you'll get over this looking back at your posts and cringing at how you were pining over a girl who doesn't deserve it! Rooting for you mate

[Laurenhergensen]

Thank you for this, this post literally made my day today. I think I realised that I was actually a great person in the relationship and really made her my whole world. If she can't accept that, then I cannot do anything about that except know for a fact that I did my best and that one day, I will make a special girl really happy for what I do. No one will ever short change what I gave for my ex-girlfriend. She can lie and tell all the fibs she wants to others but I won't care because nothing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING will ever change the truth. Because she and I both know that I was one of the most nicest and down to earth people a girl can get and no one in this world can take that from me because that's just the type of person I am.

 

And with that, I can finally begin the road to moving on as I have accepted that I seriously did the best and in the end, she just didn't deserve what I gave and put out for her. I can move on with zero ounces of guilt and complete satisfaction knowing this.

 

there you go! If you dedicated 3 years of your life complete to her, and she can't appreciate that, don't worry because sooner or later she will become aware of that.

 

You should start hanging out with friends, focusing on your stuff and just let it all flow and take its course. DO NOT DEPEND ON HER TO DO THIS.

 

Hope it all goes well!