Author imbax Posted May 6, 2015 Author Share Posted May 6, 2015 Ive read a lot but not all of this thread. Do you have friends? It sounds like you only had her which is contributing to your feelings of loneliness and isolation. Sounds like you have trouble relating to people. You mentioned awkward dinner dates and that you dont socialise (or see the point of it). While your self reflection is good and many of the things you mention indicate immaturity it is very clear that the two of you were never compatible and you had very different needs. Her not being possessive of you and constantly talking about other men is a sign she had wanted out for a long time and maybe was hoping you would get the hint. You need some life coaching or counselling so you can recognize the social cues better . Keep posting here when you need to. Hi yes I have friends but nothing as close as she was to me. I recognised these cues and ended up getting upset with her, she eventually changed and didn't say those hurtful things to me anymore. It's just last few months she started pulling away from me due to our distance and new work places. She was never one to communicate or share with me which made it hard to talk to her added to the long distance. But when we met up, she was happy for the most part and we went on many different dates and had a good time together. She just told me she was a different girl to other girls and I believed that is was just the way she is, and honestly I can't say because she is my first real long term girlfriend. In terms of recognising social cues, i was just being myself and trying to be happy with the way things were. I never really thought twice that she would leave me Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 "Those 3 Years and 7 Months all gone..." Those 3 Years and 7 Months are not gone. You lived them and remember them, so they're not gone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author imbax Posted May 6, 2015 Author Share Posted May 6, 2015 "Those 3 Years and 7 Months all gone..." Those 3 Years and 7 Months are not gone. You lived them and remember them, so they're not gone. Best time of my life to say the least! Hopefully better times to come 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author imbax Posted May 6, 2015 Author Share Posted May 6, 2015 Hey guys, I was stupidly looking through all the past photos that I had in my computer just then as I was filing them away. I realised how ugly I look in these photos and how beautiful my ex-girlfriend was. Why did she even go out with me in the first place? I feel ugly and unwanted. I feel like I will never attract another beautiful girl like her again. How do I get over these insecurities? Every time I look at a picture together, either because I wasn't wearing make up like she was or she just looks better in pictures, I feel so much uglier and this is seriously doing my confidence in at the moment. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 Hey guys, I was stupidly looking through all the past photos that I had in my computer If you can't bring yourself to throw those photos away yet, you should at least stop looking at them. You know why. ********************************************************** *No direct contact in either direction. No sending or receiving of messages. No replies. Block any means she might use to contact you. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete from all social media. No monitoring of her on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying. ********************************************************** 1 Link to post Share on other sites
na49 Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 How do I get over these insecurities? You stop telling yourself things like this I realised how ugly I look in these photos and how beautiful my ex-girlfriend was. Why did she even go out with me in the first place? I feel ugly and unwanted. I feel like I will never attract another beautiful girl like her again. Every time I look at a picture together, either because I wasn't wearing make up like she was or she just looks better in pictures, I feel so much uglier and this is seriously doing my confidence in at the moment. I know it's hard dude, but there's no magic spell that you can cast to increase your self esteem. It takes work, and I'm struggling with this too. Stay strong. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author imbax Posted May 6, 2015 Author Share Posted May 6, 2015 Thanks guys! I woke up today and miss her terribly. Can't get over this one I wish things were different. My self esteem has taken a plunge. My confidence has taken a plunge, I don't know what I should do. I feel so damn alone and just want her back in my life. She was such a pure girl this has not been my year before this I had a string of bad luck and this was the final kick in the guts for me Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 It's worth considering that the feelings you're having really have a lot less to do with her than you think. The response you're having seems to be a symptom of beating yourself up. To whatever extent you hold yourself responsible for the breakup, in whatever way, it will be especially hard to let go of the relationship. Not because it was with her, but because the loss puts your validity/manhood in question. You lost control of the most meaningful thing you had going on, whether you appreciated it or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Author imbax Posted May 7, 2015 Author Share Posted May 7, 2015 I had a chat to many of my friends housemates family etc. from my stories as biased as they were or as truthful as they were... They all told me that my ex girlfriend treated me quite bad throughout the relationship and that I became a doormat for her in the end. One of the examples is that after a fight where she told me it's not normal to want to meet every week as most couples see each other once a fortnight or once every 3 weeks, she got extremely angry and ended up pushing me off the bed and resulting in me hurting my elbow, I kicked her out of my house because I was upset about how she can hurt me in her anger if she loved me. I then immediately felt bad and ran out of the house to offer to drive her home rather than her walk 15 minutes home. She refused and I felt hurt. We both knew she was in the wrong and I ended up apologising to her via text a few hours later I feel like my actions to her made me such a doormat. Just when I thought she was the worst person to me at times. Last night, I have a romantic dream of me and her lying in each other's arms. I woke up and realised....SHES GONE! I am in hurt all over again as my subconscious has screwed me over . Link to post Share on other sites
Author imbax Posted May 8, 2015 Author Share Posted May 8, 2015 Guys I need help. Our mutual friends have kindly invited me out and told me that my ex will be there too along with other people. I haven't told them that we are not together anymore and I don't want to lose mutual friends by not going to events with them anymore. But I don't want to see my ex at the same time because it would kill me. And she has probably moved on so it would hurt me like hell seeing her for the first time in public. What should I do if I don't want to lose mutual friends but don't want to tel them or see my ex either? Someone help Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 Guys I need help. Our mutual friends have kindly invited me out and told me that my ex will be there too along with other people. I haven't told them that we are not together anymore and I don't want to lose mutual friends by not going to events with them anymore. But I don't want to see my ex at the same time because it would kill me. And she has probably moved on so it would hurt me like hell seeing her for the first time in public. What should I do if I don't want to lose mutual friends but don't want to tel them or see my ex either? Someone help If you don't feel you can face your ex, then don't go. Your mutual friends are all going to find out sooner or later. I would suggest being honest - is there one of your mutual friends you feel comfortable telling first? No need to go into details as to why you are split up. I have mutual friends with my ex, some I still see, some I rarely see now, and one or two I don't see anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author imbax Posted May 8, 2015 Author Share Posted May 8, 2015 If you don't feel you can face your ex, then don't go. Your mutual friends are all going to find out sooner or later. I would suggest being honest - is there one of your mutual friends you feel comfortable telling first? No need to go into details as to why you are split up. I have mutual friends with my ex, some I still see, some I rarely see now, and one or two I don't see anymore. I am really hurting. I haven't had much contact from my ex at all and all of a sudden my mutual friends asking me to hang out for graduation party dinner and I can't even celebrate my graduation properly now without getting upset. I hate it how she can get over me so damn easily, how she can give no ****s whatsoever. Whereas I am here suffering and weeping my ****ing eyes out. I'm hopeless. Link to post Share on other sites
Author imbax Posted May 9, 2015 Author Share Posted May 9, 2015 Update: 3 weeks break up so far with 1 nc broken 2 weeks ago. Haven't heard from her in 3 weeks. Feeling heaps better but still miss her without so much hurt as I realise she was a bad girlfriend to me. However I miss the good times we had together the most. Still dreaming..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author imbax Posted May 9, 2015 Author Share Posted May 9, 2015 Woke up today dreamt of her again. I am missing her like crazy. It hurts again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author imbax Posted May 10, 2015 Author Share Posted May 10, 2015 Does anyone have any advice or suggestions as to what I need to do for graduation when we see each other? How do I deal with the pain seeing that she is happy and moved on while I see her taking happy photos with our mutual friends while I'm torn up inside? How do I deal with the pain of seeing her, but not with me? Any help? This will be the first time I see her in almost a month. I sent her a heartfelt message almost 2-3 weeks ago but no reply. She wanted to be friends but didn't reply to my message. What do I do? Link to post Share on other sites
Author imbax Posted May 10, 2015 Author Share Posted May 10, 2015 Someone help? I am having low self esteem issues and lost my confidence. What should I do I am so lonely and need direction without relying on others. Can someone tell me what I should do at my graduation when I see her? Should I tell her she's beautiful and take pictures with her? Link to post Share on other sites
ToOldForThis Posted May 10, 2015 Share Posted May 10, 2015 Imbax, Not sure if the graduation party happened yet but I would advise not going. If you were a recovering alcoholic clean for 3 weeks but stilling feeling weak, would you go and hang out at a bar? This is the same situation, you are in pain, seeing her will not only open up wounds that are not even healed but it will be hard for you to enjoy yourself at this event. You will try to avoid her but be constantly looking for her. The big question you need to ask yourself is would you go to the party just so you could see her because you miss her so much? Years ago I had a wedding I needed to go to and knew my ex was going to attend. She showed up with her new boyfriend, she looked stunning. When I saw her with him, I literally almost threw up. I stayed for half the party and had to leave. It was far too painful to have the reality of her moving on in my face. And to see her laughing, touching him etc was just torture. You are a mess right not, weak with low self-esteem. Would it not just be better for your mental health to avoid further pain? This is about what you need to survive and feel better not worse. If you had the flu, you would not attend; so think of this of this as an illness for now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author imbax Posted May 10, 2015 Author Share Posted May 10, 2015 The problem is graduation only happens once in a lifetime unless I go through university again. It's for my parents to take pictures with me and friends. I hate the situation I am in and wish I could be someone else. Any others ideas apart from going absent to graduation? Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted May 10, 2015 Share Posted May 10, 2015 Someone help? I am having low self esteem issues and lost my confidence. What should I do I am so lonely and need direction without relying on others. Can someone tell me what I should do at my graduation when I see her? Should I tell her she's beautiful and take pictures with her? Dude, I think many of us have already advised you AGAINST taking pictures with her. Avoid her. Move away if she comes near you. DON'T tell her she's beautiful. Don't speak with her if you can avoid it -- if she surprises you and says something, be polite and move away. Remember, graduation is about GRADUATION. Not an ex. It's a significant moment in YOUR life so try to focus in on the true purpose of the day. Focus on the other friends or relatives who love you and are there to celebrate with you.... not on some woman who dumped you. Be strong. You can do this. Link to post Share on other sites
ToOldForThis Posted May 10, 2015 Share Posted May 10, 2015 Sorry, I misunderstood. I thought this was a party you were referring to not the actual graduation. I agree, you cannot miss your graduation, which is too big of an event. Just stay away from her at all costs. No pictures, why create new memories? I imagine there will be hundreds of people there so she will not be in your face that much. Tell your parents and close friends you do not want to see her or be near her. You need their support. If your parents want to see her, have them leave you to go find her. Your parents need to support you on this. If she approaches you, a quick smile is all you need then walk away. If you give her a chance to start a conversation, it will be hell for you. Remember you can always speak to her in the future when you are stronger and have better clarity. Graduation day is not the time to deal with the trauma you are feeling. This is a big special day for you that you spent many years to achieve. You don’t want to remember this as one of the most painful days of your life. It doesn’t have to be. Try to image she is not there at all and force yourself to behave that way. Think about how relieved this day would be if you knew she was not going to attend. Just breath, deep inhale through your nose, out through your mouth to calm yourself down that day. Have a light breakfast and plenty of water. You need to feel physically okay to get through this. Get a good nights sleep. You got this. You will be fine. Link to post Share on other sites
Author imbax Posted May 12, 2015 Author Share Posted May 12, 2015 Thank you. The big day is here and I will be seeing her today for the first time in almost a month. I've made huge improvements but still get sad every now and again when I think about her and what we had. Today I will play it cool but not seek her out. Whether it is immature to do this or not I don't know but I feel like if she can't even respond to my heartfelt message I sent her 3 weeks ago, then there's no point with her. It makes me angry how she can forget and move on so quickly and painlessly. This year hasn't been good for me but I am trying to keep moving forward through rough times. I'll update you guys how it goes today Link to post Share on other sites
Author imbax Posted May 13, 2015 Author Share Posted May 13, 2015 Update: I attended the graduation ceremony. The whole time I was in high alert mode hoping I would not accidentally bump into her. I managed to avoid her for the first couple of hours and ended up seeing her. She looks so damn hot and beautiful it just sucks I am not with her. All the hurt washed back momentarily and for a second I wish I was the one with her taking those photos. I think briefly we exchanged glances but never broke NC. Such a sad sad moment. I then accidentally bumped into her best friend which I said hi to and talked a little to about work casually. Shortly after, I accidentally bumped into my exes mother who gave me a hug and asked me how things were and if all was good. It was sweet of her but kind of awkward at the same time, I tried to be a respectful as possible and kept things short and to the point. The whole time I was dying inside hoping she would come and say hi to me or even talk / take a picture with me. I know that she saw me....I just don't understand why we can't be together. It's so bad.... I guess I was just missing old times again. Maybe only I am the one feeling lonely inside. Maybe she does not feel the same hurt and pain as I do. I really miss her.... Link to post Share on other sites
geronimo Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 I'm proud of you man for not approaching her. It'll get easier now hopefully you wont have any more events where you might run into her. Go NC strong now and erase all of her from everything. You seem to be doing well. Goodluck buddy. Link to post Share on other sites
wizer Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 Change of plans guys, I.. am currently in the process of developing a "how to get your ex back" guide. Perhaps you'd rather use your time more productively. Link to post Share on other sites
Author imbax Posted May 14, 2015 Author Share Posted May 14, 2015 Thanks for the support guys. Today she changed her whatsapp profile picture reflecting graduation photos. I am so damn hurt and miss her so much. I dreamt of her last night and the pain won't stop. Funny thing is I only experience this in the mornings, afterwards the pain goes away. How do I get over dreaming of her and missing her? She is my everything and I haven't heard from her yet. It's been 1 month as of tomorrow for our break up and 3 weeks ago I sent her a heartfelt message that she didn't reply to? I am so sad without her and wish she was in my life. Nothing's the same anymore. Someone help Link to post Share on other sites
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