3 Years and 7 Months all gone...

[imbax]

Like many of the other break up stories on LS, I was wondering if it would be a good idea to start texting her again to get a feel of where she's at? You know? Slowly get back with her?

[na49]

Like many of the other break up stories on LS, I was wondering if it would be a good idea to start texting her again to get a feel of where she's at? You know? Slowly get back with her?

 

I think you should wait for her to respond to your romantic text. If she didn't reply to that, you have a good indicator of "where she's at".

[imbax]

Yeah you're right. It's silly how I even get these thoughts even after a month.

[imbax]

Hi guys, I was just wondering if the second girl that you fall in love with is better than the first time you fall for a girl? Will there be comparisons and will there be an overall less effort given to the new girl after everything that you have done and been through with girl number 1?

 

I understand that compatibility goes up with each new person you meet, looks may go up or down (generally down), but how much do you love the next person that comes into your life? Will they be as special as your first?

[imbax]

Today is officially 1 month post BU and 3 weeks of NC (broken once without a reply back)

 

I am struggling hard today and missing her like crazy. No words can describe it.

[Ruby65]

I think almost everyone posting here knows first-hand how hard it is to stick to NC, especially in the beginning.

 

Please keep it up -- you're doing great!

 

As for second love, third love, etc being just as good or better than the first? Of course it's just as good -- and even better sometimes, as people mature and have deeper connections.

 

But every time you fall in love it's the same blissful pie-in-the-face earth-changing experience.... if it doesn't feel that way, it isn't love.

 

Looks, compatibility, all of it usually only get better and better -- that's how it's been for me, anyway. Right now, you might think your ex is the top and it's all downhill from here.... but the day will come when you'll be so much happier with someone else, and you'll think of your ex and go "meh."

 

I look back at my first big love and honestly can't remember what I even saw in him. A few years back he sent me a friend request and I just ignored it because honestly I found him too boring now to even want to be Facebook friends -- that's how little interest I now have in the guy who I spent several years in college crying over.

[imbax]

I think almost everyone posting here knows first-hand how hard it is to stick to NC, especially in the beginning.

 

Please keep it up -- you're doing great!

 

As for second love, third love, etc being just as good or better than the first? Of course it's just as good -- and even better sometimes, as people mature and have deeper connections.

 

But every time you fall in love it's the same blissful pie-in-the-face earth-changing experience.... if it doesn't feel that way, it isn't love.

 

Looks, compatibility, all of it usually only get better and better -- that's how it's been for me, anyway. Right now, you might think your ex is the top and it's all downhill from here.... but the day will come when you'll be so much happier with someone else, and you'll think of your ex and go "meh."

 

I look back at my first big love and honestly can't remember what I even saw in him. A few years back he sent me a friend request and I just ignored it because honestly I found him too boring now to even want to be Facebook friends -- that's how little interest I now have in the guy who I spent several years in college crying over.

 

Thank you Ruby, your support throughout this whole ordeal has been invaluable. I think I just miss her right now because some of my mutual friends-of-friends acquaintances' photos popped up on my Facebook and that led me to browse through them. Eventually I bumped into a few group photos of her, and she looked damn good (near this guy I am suspecting there may be something going on between them but can't be sure).

 

I felt really crushed to see her and I keep fighting with myself in my head.

 

- Part of my heart belongs to her and I miss her like crazy.

- My head is telling me she is not worth it because she was the one who gave it all up and walked out on me selfishly without even trying to fix anything, why would I want to get back with someone who doesn't care anymore.

 

At times I am strong without her, but sometimes I just want her there again. I go through several cycles of this throughout the day but overall I would love to have her as a girlfriend

[UnknownPerson]

Hi Imbax,

 

First of all, i know exactly what your going through. You actually posted in my thread with your story as you posted in many other similar threads. The feeling of someone leaving you and not caring about you the way they did before has to be one of the worst feeling there is.

 

In my opinion, it will be important to give up hope, as you mentioned before this girl already left you in several smaller break ups. You are going have to accept it is over, i know exactly how hard it is and every single signal you receive from her will trigger hope. You seem to dwell on those negative feelings and stay in those vibes. You are going to have to realize that your ex left you, she is likely relieved that it is over, i know you wont believe that but its the truth. When women break up its more then likely forever ( getting back together wont work anyway). ACCEPT its over.

 

One of our most famous philosophers (netherlands) ones said: count your blessings. You are a young guy, you have a nice education and you seem a general nice guy. Obviously you are going to feel te grieve and thats perfectly fine, cry it out, you'll feel better afterwards. However, make sure to try and switch to happier thoughts.

 

I dont know how you feel but for my break up i felt lost and it felt like i literally lost a piece of myself. This means you are going to have to search for your own identity, what are things you really value? what do you like doing the most?

 

Are the things you miss about your ex really things you cant find with someone else? i know it may seem like it now, but trust me, other girls WILL have you feeling sort of the same as your ex.

 

Make sure to keep your dignity, see it as a personal learning experience. I understand your feelings exactly trust me, i lived for my ex, she was my everything. This is exactly where i went wrong, when everything goes to BLEEP all thats left is YOU. It is your life, nobody is responsible for it but yourself.

 

As a final remark i would like to say: hang in there! you will come out stronger then ever before! Life will be wonderful, make plans to travel, see the world, deepen your friendships/family bands and find who you are and what you value.

 

(english not my mother language so bare with me)

Much love from a grieving brother

 

PS: please do not write a how to get your ex back guide........ like someone said before spend your time more productively....

Edited May 16, 2015 by UnknownPerson

[imbax]

Hi Imbax,

 

First of all, i know exactly what your going through. You actually posted in my thread with your story as you posted in many other similar threads. The feeling of someone leaving you and not caring about you the way they did before has to be one of the worst feeling there is.

 

In my opinion, it will be important to give up hope, as you mentioned before this girl already left you in several smaller break ups. You are going have to accept it is over, i know exactly how hard it is and every single signal you receive from her will trigger hope. You seem to dwell on those negative feelings and stay in those vibes. You are going to have to realize that your ex left you, she is likely relieved that it is over, i know you wont believe that but its the truth. When women break up its more then likely forever ( getting back together wont work anyway). ACCEPT its over.

 

One of our most famous philosophers (netherlands) ones said: count your blessings. You are a young guy, you have a nice education and you seem a general nice guy. Obviously you are going to feel te grieve and thats perfectly fine, cry it out, you'll feel better afterwards. However, make sure to try and switch to happier thoughts.

 

I dont know how you feel but for my break up i felt lost and it felt like i literally lost a piece of myself. This means you are going to have to search for your own identity, what are things you really value? what do you like doing the most?

 

Are the things you miss about your ex really things you cant find with someone else? i know it may seem like it now, but trust me, other girls WILL have you feeling sort of the same as your ex.

 

Make sure to keep your dignity, see it as a personal learning experience. I understand your feelings exactly trust me, i lived for my ex, she was my everything. This is exactly where i went wrong, when everything goes to BLEEP all thats left is YOU. It is your life, nobody is responsible for it but yourself.

 

As a final remark i would like to say: hang in there! you will come out stronger then ever before! Life will be wonderful, make plans to travel, see the world, deepen your friendships/family bands and find who you are and what you value.

 

(english not my mother language so bare with me)

Much love from a grieving brother

 

PS: please do not write a how to get your ex back guide........ like someone said before spend your time more productively....

 

Thank you so much buddy, yeah I gave up on writing a "how to get your ex back guide" a long time ago because I figured it would be more of a physical fwb type of thing rather than a real emotional relationship that we all crave. I simply could not be bothered anymore and the fact that she broke up with me and STILL did not put any effort the make things right just proves that the relationship is not worth fighting for anymore.

 

I fear the worst as my general mood overall has been declining since the past week. I feel like I am getting worse with time. I am acting with no emotions or feelings for the day and if I do, it is forced and fake. Inside, I am dying. I don't know what I can do or say but the feeling is sinking.

 

Sometimes I get so used to feeling low when it goes away temporarily, I feel like I should be feeling low. I don't know if this is normal or not but I enjoy being low now. Am I a psycho?

 

Is it normal to randomly tear up throughout the day when a random thought about her or something that reminds you of her pops up into your head even after a month?

 

Every night I dream of her, not good dreams. My dreams consist of me trying to make things right with her, and she gives me the cold shoulder and refuses then pulls away. I wake up every morning missing her like crazy. Yesterday would have marked 3 years and 8 months if she didn't break up with me. I am so sad...

[UnknownPerson]

Thank you so much buddy, yeah I gave up on writing a "how to get your ex back guide" a long time ago because I figured it would be more of a physical fwb type of thing rather than a real emotional relationship that we all crave. I simply could not be bothered anymore and the fact that she broke up with me and STILL did not put any effort the make things right just proves that the relationship is not worth fighting for anymore.

 

I fear the worst as my general mood overall has been declining since the past week. I feel like I am getting worse with time. I am acting with no emotions or feelings for the day and if I do, it is forced and fake. Inside, I am dying. I don't know what I can do or say but the feeling is sinking.

 

Sometimes I get so used to feeling low when it goes away temporarily, I feel like I should be feeling low. I don't know if this is normal or not but I enjoy being low now. Am I a psycho?

 

Is it normal to randomly tear up throughout the day when a random thought about her or something that reminds you of her pops up into your head even after a month?

 

Every night I dream of her, not good dreams. My dreams consist of me trying to make things right with her, and she gives me the cold shoulder and refuses then pulls away. I wake up every morning missing her like crazy. Yesterday would have marked 3 years and 8 months if she didn't break up with me. I am so sad...

 

Dont worry you are not a sicko feeling worse a month in seems normal for most people, as it really sinks in you lost the person for good.

I dream about my ex all the time: getting back together, seeing her with new boyfriend etc etc... it is your brain processing all the emotion going through.

 

Tearing up hearing music or seeing reminders of her is also completely normal. I went out yesterday with a few friends, 3 out of 6 broken up in the last week all experiencing the same as we are. 90% out of the population will feel the exact same feelings as you and i are. Some people just seem to deal with the situation better then others.

 

Hang in there, go back to the advice given to you in all these pages and actually follow them. Most of the advice, even though sometimes we dont even process the advice, comes from experienced dumpee's who know what they talk about

[imbax]

Dont worry you are not a sicko feeling worse a month in seems normal for most people, as it really sinks in you lost the person for good.

I dream about my ex all the time: getting back together, seeing her with new boyfriend etc etc... it is your brain processing all the emotion going through.

 

Tearing up hearing music or seeing reminders of her is also completely normal. I went out yesterday with a few friends, 3 out of 6 broken up in the last week all experiencing the same as we are. 90% out of the population will feel the exact same feelings as you and i are. Some people just seem to deal with the situation better then others.

 

Hang in there, go back to the advice given to you in all these pages and actually follow them. Most of the advice, even though sometimes we dont even process the advice, comes from experienced dumpee's who know what they talk about

 

Thank you so much UnknownPerson! Yeah I have been following everything to the book.

 

- Strict NC (with a bit of stalking here and there when mutual friends post pictures etc. maybe once every 3-4 days), I am trying not to do this but acquaintances keep posting up group photos on Facebook which include her.

- Blocked her on Facebook

- Deleted her Whatsapp

- Packed everything we ever shared into a box and put it where I can't see it

- Stored all the emails we ever sent in a separate folder that I don't go into

- Moved every photo I have of her into a separate folder and stored this onto a backup HDD

- Contacted her once 3 weeks ago with a pathetic love message which probably annoyed the f*ck out <- she didn't reply to this, been NC ever since

- Focused on my work, my studies, reconnecting with old friends

- Made myself dress nice and look nice

- Kept myself as busy as possible working 6 days a week

- Helping my parents out around the house

- Continuing to train for soccer and play matches

- Flirted a bit with girls to boost my ego / self-esteem

- Been respectful, polite and non-chalant with her mutual friends / mother when I bumped into her the other day

 

Next step would be deleting old messages which I haven't got myself to read yet before I delete them. But it's okay at the moment because I have not even looked at them once.

 

I feel like my whole relationship was a lie and that she was prepping to dump me as soon as she could get herself to do it. She would occasionally talk about breaking up and what I would do if it happened and the "normal time frames" it takes for people to get over each other. I stupidly told her if anyone broke up with me, I would never talk to them ever again. She was quite upset about this when I told her about 1 year ago, so maybe she has been building her courage to accept this fact before she built enough guts to break up with me. Guess it doesn't matter, it's over already and it sucks.

 

On a related note, we used to discuss our future children and she told me how our children would inherit her looks and my brains.

 

Funny thing is, two weeks before the break up she was spending more and more time with her "friends".

 

Even funnier a week or two before the breakup, she was telling me what she would say to my mum if we ever had a baby in the future and how she was going to "sort" a few things straight with my family if we were going to get married etc. This sort of pissed me off that she wants to control how my family do things but I accepted it and thought "whatever, I'll deal with it when the time comes". She also mentioned how she wants us to go back to her home country and take photos there for our marriage because it is simply "beautiful and better". I accepted this as I had never thought about this and was happy that I was going to marry her one day and I didn't really care what we did for it as long as she was with me.

 

A week before the break up I joked "when we get married we will do blah blah blah..." she quickly corrected me saying "IF we get married...." I should have seen this as a warning sign that she did not intend to marry me.

 

Next thing you know she is breaking up with me because:

 

- She cannot see a future and never did

- She is unhappy

- We fight over the same little things all the time

- She wants her space and does not want to feel like she is on a short leash with me

- We have nothing much in common and we are two very different people with little compatibility

- She would like to find her old self again before she met me because she has grown into something she does not want to be

- She can't stand having me there 24/7

 

Ouch...

[imbax]

Seriously has an ****ed up day today with mini emotional moments thinking about everything I had worked and built in the relationship has come to nothing. Gonna keep embracing the pain and fighting away tears at work in front of bloody doctors and nurses and patients

[imbax]

Hey guys I woke up this morning with a nice dream that she came back to me and we were living the good old times. When I woke up I get this emptiness in me that this isnt true and she doesn't exist in my life anymore. I felt sad again. I wish I was with her, but the more I think about why she hasn't contacted me in 5 weeks is cause maybe she has another guy. Maybe I have been deceived and lied to all this time. So sad

[imbax]

I realised my girlfriend was quite withdrawn and moody/bitchy throughout the relationship because she simply was not in love with me.

 

Through the many times I asked her and annoyed the **** out of her when I asked if she cares about me or if she loves me, she tells me YES WHY DO YOU KEEP ASKING?!? Well simply, because actions say more than words.

 

I was her first boyfriend and she was my first girlfriend. Now I am no genius in relationships but I am a smart person. Smart enough to know that when something is not right, I sense it.

 

This is why I had to ask her this question of whether she loved me so much over the past 2 years. And you are probably wondering, why then did I stay with her?

Well here, it gets quite tricky - I believe that I stayed with her because I was blinded by my love for her.

 

I was in love with her, she LOVED me as a person and the things I did for her, but was not IN LOVE with me. There is a huge difference there and eventually this imbalance of love affected our relationship. It made it feel draining and one sided. She claimed to put "effort in" however this so called "effort" was simply putting up with me in the relationship.

 

True love doesn't work that way, it works BOTH ways. I realise now that BOTH parties need to make an effort to meet, to love, to show affection and to work out difficulties.

 

I have unfortunately learnt the hard way and I can't believe after 5 weeks of BU I finally realise that she only loved me briefly for the first year or so before losing feelings for me and taking me for granted / getting too comfortable.

 

Why then do you ask did she stay with me?

 

Well theres a number of reasons:

 

1. I was her first boyfriend, she was extremely curious

2. I saw her every day / most days of her life and it became a routine for us to see each other whether it be at work, uni, personal time etc.

3. Love to her was more of a brotherly, friend love which is why she kept claiming she "cares" and "loves" me but it was a different type of love, hardly romantic

4. I was a really good guy to her and did everything she wanted. I was there whenever she needed me. I helped her through any hardships she experienced.

 

The reason why we eventually broke up was because once she started in a new environment this year and I was 2 hours drive away in distance, she realised this about herself that she was not indeed "in love" with me and as time went by, she eventually realised that she does not want to be with me. She knows that she is pretty and gets hit on by guys ALL the time, she had nothing to lose. I am just a pathetic boyfriend to her.

 

 

Red flags of the relationship:

1. She wanted to sleep / try other men at the start of the relationship

2. She was bitchy to me in her attitude when we were around others

3. She didn't introduce me to her friends when we went out towards the end

4. After the first 6 months, she ceased to show any lovey dovey affection (it was always one way)

5. She always wanted to be independent and do things her way

6. She didn't want to meet my family nor my friends

7. She didn't try to make me close to her family

8. She refused to do small lovey dovey things and blamed it on her not being "an affectionate person"

9. She only did things because she had to (I gave her birthday pressies so she returned the favour, never took any initiative)

10. She always brought up breaking up with me and what it would be like and asked me what I would do

11. She was an emotional wreck at the start of the relationship with suicidal ideation when things didn't go her way (I was her rock and supported her through her roughest times)

12. Whenever we were at work she would get really stressed when I was around and shut me down and be really arrogant towards me

13. She told me at the start of the relationship how she gets sick of guys really fast and how she broke it off with her last fling after 6 weeks, cried for 1 day then felt normal. She told me how she gets sick of people really quickly.

14. She rarely apologised to me and became "alpha" whenever we got into a disagreement showing heaps of passive aggressiveness, getting angry, using the silent treatment and last but not least: NOT apologising.

 

For all you dumpees out there, I feel like I have been through hell and back.

 

I cannot believe a person like me who came from a loving background with a nice family and siblings with good friends would meet this girl who I thought I was going to marry one day. I have seen the worst of the worst and cannot begin to imagine how another person can have such a different selfish mindset towards the world and in particular, me.

 

As a health professional I only read about such things in psychology and science books. I never thought my own girlfriend would be so crazy with her emotional lows and biased/judgemental opinions on everything/everyone. I tried accepting her for how she is but in the end she just got fed up with me. I have never seen it before. And to think I put up with this behaviour and attitude for 3.5 years!

 

So in the end, I think the break up was good for both of us. When she broke up with me, she did ask me why we went out for so long when it should have ended quite a long time ago <--- This here just confirms that she had lost feelings for me a long time ago as I mentioned above.

 

She didn't have to pretend and lead me on any further. I know now that she did not love me. I am keen to experience a girl that loves me every day without doubt. No matter what I do, how much I love my next girlfriend, I hope that she will love me back in the same manner as I do for her.

 

I have learnt a valuable lesson today, that is: never put up with someone who isn't putting in for you, what you are putting in for them.

[imbax]

Hey guys, my ex-gf's birthday is coming soon and although we ended on good terms, she hasn't reached out to me all this time.

 

Today marks 4 weeks NC (I reached out to her once) and 5 weeks post BU. Should I send her a small card or a text as a token of appreciation that I still love her on her birthday? I won't make it obvious that it was from me, but she will figure it out.

 

The card will just say "Happy birthday :)" + maybe a hand drawn rose in the corner.

 

I don't expect a reply or anything nor do I expect her to reconcile or anything. All I want is for her to know I still love her even if she doesn't love me.

[johan]

No, don't send her anything.

[imbax]

Seriously considering sending her a happy birthday in a months time out of respect for her. Will it repulse her? I believe it will make her smile and her heart warm for a day when she sees it. I just want her to be happy, even though I'm not

[Ruby65]

OMG......... please please please don't even tell me you're still considering breaking No Contact????????!!!!!!

 

Dude -- no. Just no.

 

I wouldn't say it would "repulse" her. It would probably make her feel sorry for you for not having moved on, for still reaching out, for acting pathetic.

 

Repulse? No. An eyeroll perhaps. She might feel a momentary pang of guilt, then go back to feeling happy on her birthday.

 

There's NO REASON --- none, nada, zilcho! -- for you to ever make contact with this girl, ever again.

 

None. Not Christmas, New Year's, birthdays, anniversaries, death of pet, new job, won the lottery, getting married, bought a car, moved to a new apartment, birth of a child -- NONE of these life events merit contacting an ex who has broken up with you.

 

Just saying.

[ChangSyam]

Seriously considering sending her a happy birthday in a months time out of respect for her. Will it repulse her? I believe it will make her smile and her heart warm for a day when she sees it. I just want her to be happy, even though I'm not

 

No , just no . Hang in there buddy . I know that your brain are processing things like " Should I do something to make her think of me , Should I show her that I still love her or should I try to make her fall for me again ? " Well , no buddy . You can't force someone to be in love with you . It'll just makes you look pathetic . If she really loves you , she will be back soon . If shes not , well , thats the biggest sign that you should move on . Give it a time , hang in there . I know exactly how it feels .

 

Everything is gonna be okay . Maybe not now , or even soon . But it will be okay . Have faith bud . Best of luck .

[imbax]

Thanks for your posts guys. I don't think I can do this without your support. These days I feel better but I still get surges of extreme sadness and really have moments in the day when I cry and go into flashback mode of everything we ever had. Why has this happened to me? I don't even know where we went wrong. Just gonna keep crying it out every day.

 

She wasn't the best girlfriend by far but for some reason I am so deeply in love with her I feel like I've become damaged goods. Something is seriously wrong with me. I think this just proves why people are attracted to the "bad girl" or "bad boy".

Edited May 24, 2015 by imbax

[tasteringo]

Nothing is wrong with you, you are not damaged goods. You are complete and whole without her. You have a unique personality that 100s of women will fall in love with. Only that one of them hasn't met you yet

 

ok,

 

Yes your ex was an important part of your life for a good few years. But now you enter a new phase in life. Just like finishing high school, its time to close that chapter of your book and to look ahead.

 

I was in a similar situation to you two years ago. It is highly likely you will never hear from her again. But thats ok, because you can stand on your own two feet, enjoy life and one day you will meet someone even better. I guarantee it.

[johan]

Will it repulse her? I believe it will make her smile and her heart warm for a day when she sees it. I just want her to be happy, even though I'm not

 

No, you don't. You want to escape your own misery. I've been in your shoes, and I know what you're feeling. Here's the truth you aren't telling yourself.

 

Why care if you're repulsing her if you expect never to see her again? And why try to make someone happy who you expect never to see again? Because you do hope to see her again, and the little bit of happiness you're offering is just leverage to somehow get her back. But what you want most is not her happiness. You want your validation back. You need her or some woman to adore you and assure you you aren't so bad. You are wondering if you're so bad, because this girl who once really wanted to be with you now doesn't. Now your ego is crushed.

 

This is the challenge you face now, and maybe it will be one of the most important lessons you ever learn: any relationship that is about validation for you and not about trust, respect, shared values, etc, won't last. This is even in spite of the fact that you might really like these women, or love them. Every bit of validation you take from them brings you one step closer to the end of the relationship and the start of another long, painful recovery.

 

There will be other women. You'll recover. Find validation in something other than the presence of an adoring woman, and you'll be ready for the real thing. Figure out what that is and make it your purpose. This all really isn't about her, it's really about you.

[Ruby65]

Thanks for your posts guys. I don't think I can do this without your support. These days I feel better but I still get surges of extreme sadness and really have moments in the day when I cry and go into flashback mode of everything we ever had. Why has this happened to me? I don't even know where we went wrong. Just gonna keep crying it out every day.

 

She wasn't the best girlfriend by far but for some reason I am so deeply in love with her I feel like I've become damaged goods. Something is seriously wrong with me. I think this just proves why people are attracted to the "bad girl" or "bad boy".

 

Nothing's wrong with you. You're just not over her yet.

 

(((Hugs to you!)))

 

Keep going, you're doing great.

[geronimo]

Thanks for your posts guys. I don't think I can do this without your support. These days I feel better but I still get surges of extreme sadness and really have moments in the day when I cry and go into flashback mode of everything we ever had. Why has this happened to me? I don't even know where we went wrong. Just gonna keep crying it out every day.

 

She wasn't the best girlfriend by far but for some reason I am so deeply in love with her I feel like I've become damaged goods. Something is seriously wrong with me. I think this just proves why people are attracted to the "bad girl" or "bad boy".

 

Man i really feel you when it comes to this post. Trust me you're early in NC and it will get better i promise you! I know it sucks right now but slowly her memory will fade day by day.

 

You know my story and I dont think my ex was the best gf either, I know it cuz I have seen relationships where girls are giving it their all but with mine my ex was just there giving just enough to keep me around and the relationship going. I always gave her my 110% and I deserve someone that is willing to do the same for me.

 

I also thought about that whole "bad girl/boy" bs but stay true to yourself man. Sure people will go after that when tehy're young and I'm sure thats what attracted my ex to her new bf, but she soon realized that he is no good for her. You can't have real relationships with these kinds of people. So just be yourself and stay true to you and your morals don't ever let that go. One day you will find someone who will appreciate you for who you are! keep your head up buddy, you'll get through this.

[imbax]

No, don't send her anything.

 

The more I think about it, the more I lean towards just silence and nothing but silence towards her.

 

OMG......... please please please don't even tell me you're still considering breaking No Contact????????!!!!!!

 

Dude -- no. Just no.

 

I wouldn't say it would "repulse" her. It would probably make her feel sorry for you for not having moved on, for still reaching out, for acting pathetic.

 

Repulse? No. An eyeroll perhaps. She might feel a momentary pang of guilt, then go back to feeling happy on her birthday.

 

There's NO REASON --- none, nada, zilcho! -- for you to ever make contact with this girl, ever again.

 

None. Not Christmas, New Year's, birthdays, anniversaries, death of pet, new job, won the lottery, getting married, bought a car, moved to a new apartment, birth of a child -- NONE of these life events merit contacting an ex who has broken up with you.

 

Just saying.

 

Ruby, you are right. I am no longer part of her life anymore and have decided to not contact or talk to her for anything. She didn't respect me, why should I continue to put in effort to make things work. You are spot on, lucky I posted on LS to get some clarity before doing stupid things.

 

No , just no . Hang in there buddy . I know that your brain are processing things like " Should I do something to make her think of me , Should I show her that I still love her or should I try to make her fall for me again ? " Well , no buddy . You can't force someone to be in love with you . It'll just makes you look pathetic . If she really loves you , she will be back soon . If shes not , well , thats the biggest sign that you should move on . Give it a time , hang in there . I know exactly how it feels .

 

Everything is gonna be okay . Maybe not now , or even soon . But it will be okay . Have faith bud . Best of luck .

 

Thanks, even though you are a stranger on the internet, any bit of support is better than nothing

 

Nothing is wrong with you, you are not damaged goods. You are complete and whole without her. You have a unique personality that 100s of women will fall in love with. Only that one of them hasn't met you yet

 

ok,

 

Yes your ex was an important part of your life for a good few years. But now you enter a new phase in life. Just like finishing high school, its time to close that chapter of your book and to look ahead.

 

I was in a similar situation to you two years ago. It is highly likely you will never hear from her again. But thats ok, because you can stand on your own two feet, enjoy life and one day you will meet someone even better. I guarantee it.

 

Thank you, I feel like I will one day find a girl who will actually be happy when she is with me and do couple things with me rather than be arrogant and rude towards me whenever I am with her. Hopefully that day can come sooner rather than later.

 

No, you don't. You want to escape your own misery. I've been in your shoes, and I know what you're feeling. Here's the truth you aren't telling yourself.

 

Why care if you're repulsing her if you expect never to see her again? And why try to make someone happy who you expect never to see again? Because you do hope to see her again, and the little bit of happiness you're offering is just leverage to somehow get her back. But what you want most is not her happiness. You want your validation back. You need her or some woman to adore you and assure you you aren't so bad. You are wondering if you're so bad, because this girl who once really wanted to be with you now doesn't. Now your ego is crushed.

 

This is the challenge you face now, and maybe it will be one of the most important lessons you ever learn: any relationship that is about validation for you and not about trust, respect, shared values, etc, won't last. This is even in spite of the fact that you might really like these women, or love them. Every bit of validation you take from them brings you one step closer to the end of the relationship and the start of another long, painful recovery.

 

There will be other women. You'll recover. Find validation in something other than the presence of an adoring woman, and you'll be ready for the real thing. Figure out what that is and make it your purpose. This all really isn't about her, it's really about you.

 

You are completely right here. I think the reason why I wanted to see her was to escape my own misery and somehow make her believe that I am still there for her even when she is gone. Its tragic that I can think like this, but I see your point here. I think I just wanted to start a reaction in her by sending her the message and I seek validation through her love for me. Its little hope but I think I am a little better these days and don't think too highly of her as much even though a huge part of me still belongs to her.

 

Nothing's wrong with you. You're just not over her yet.

 

(((Hugs to you!)))

 

Keep going, you're doing great.

 

Thanks, I gave myself 8 weeks to heal. When I was young I stupidly liked this girl and we had a short 3 week fling where I was head over heels with her. She dumped me and I was completely broken, even more so than I was now. It took me 8 weeks to get over her (I was only 15 at the time). Then one day I stopped thinking about her and moved on in life. This time its a little different because I have 3.5 years of memories under my belt. But I am still giving myself 8 weeks to completely forget about her and move on in my life. Thinking back at the 3 week fling I had when I was 15, she was the stupidest thing that could have ever happened to me, I had no idea why I was even upset over her.

 

I am at week 5.5 post BU, hopefully I will fully recover in 2.5 weeks. I think I am getting close, but miss the physical connections we once had such as sex

 

Man i really feel you when it comes to this post. Trust me you're early in NC and it will get better i promise you! I know it sucks right now but slowly her memory will fade day by day.

 

You know my story and I dont think my ex was the best gf either, I know it cuz I have seen relationships where girls are giving it their all but with mine my ex was just there giving just enough to keep me around and the relationship going. I always gave her my 110% and I deserve someone that is willing to do the same for me.

 

I also thought about that whole "bad girl/boy" bs but stay true to yourself man. Sure people will go after that when tehy're young and I'm sure thats what attracted my ex to her new bf, but she soon realized that he is no good for her. You can't have real relationships with these kinds of people. So just be yourself and stay true to you and your morals don't ever let that go. One day you will find someone who will appreciate you for who you are! keep your head up buddy, you'll get through this.

 

Yeah I think I am going to approach future relationships in 1 of 2 ways.

 

1. Be non-chalant, never get mad, never get angry, never get jealous or controlling. Do not care what she does or what she doesn't do. Don't plan or do much with her and let her do all the work. Never show her any sad/hurt/anger or misery. Just be level headed and calm with the occasional gift every now and then.

 

2. Be myself and find a girl who appreciates me for who I am through the rough and good times.

 

Which one should I be? I think most girls fall for option 1, and dump the person in option number 2. Option number 2 is what I thought my ex-gf was to me until she dumped me Maybe I'll try option 1 next time round.