Breaking It Off Vent

[Leigh 87]

He said that he is not sure if he can give me what I need, but he has the feelings there for it and he would like to see if a relationship is possible. He still considers us together. He alls me babe, says I am his. Doesn't want me out with other dudes.

 

He stressed that this is nothing to do with him not being into me enough. It is him.

 

I have seen him once since. We had a wonderful time. The level of emotions involved amnd feelings from both parties are more than FWB.

 

He initiated a text today.

 

I am going to end it asap.

[kendahke]

Guys,

 

 

Is it one of the 1 in 1000 instances of the CIRCUMSTANCES dictating that he just isn't acting as into me as he really is?

 

OR, is he just plain not enamoured? Because he was when we first met 100%, until the birth then it went awry...

 

It sounds more to me like he's overwhelmed by all of this more than he is not enamored by you.

 

He's got a lot to sort out, the first being establishing paternity. He can't make a move in any direction with anyone until that has been settled one way or the other.

[Leigh 87]

The reason FWB will not work is because I truly do want a loving, long term relationship that grows in time.

 

I was using FWB as a way to be with the person I wanted. And want still.

 

I am unsure if he can give me the relationship I deserve so it is best I end it now.

 

I could have remained somewhat detatched during a FWB I have no doubt. But I would have VERY SOON realised " you know what, I want romantic dates on weekends, declarations of love and the possibility of marriage"

 

I would have likely had a few more rolls in the hay before realising I wanted more and ending it.

 

So I may as well end it now and heal, focus on work and college and I will actually stop being a hermit and leave my flat and go out with friends.

[Leigh 87]

It sounds more to me like he's overwhelmed by all of this more than he is not enamored by you.

 

He's got a lot to sort out, the first being establishing paternity. He can't make a move in any direction with anyone until that has been settled one way or the other.

 

I REALLY... really wanted to stick by himm through his WORST.....But I would not get a consolation prize when he remained screwed up and I couldn't get the relationship I deserved and I AGONIZED over it, would I?

 

But I am a woman. I am fooling myself if scraps would be enough. I would assue he wasn't enamoured. He'd stress that HE WAS and it WASN'T THAT.

 

It would be a viscious cycle.

[kendahke]

I REALLY... really wanted to stick by himm through his WORST.....But I would not get a consolation prize when he remained screwed up and I couldn't get the relationship I deserved and I AGONIZED over it, would I?

 

But I am a woman. I am fooling myself if scraps would be enough. I would assue he wasn't enamoured. He'd stress that HE WAS and it WASN'T THAT.

 

It would be a viscious cycle.

 

then it's best that you're putting some space between you two so you can take a better view of the matter. Sorry it didn't work out for you.

[Leigh 87]

Women don't get a prize for patting their man on the head, saying 'there there" and comforting them immensely through the worst time in their life.

 

We should do it. But to a man who is ALREADY in a serious relationship with us.

 

There is no telling how soon this man will overcome is issues.

 

He comes accross as a nice guy, affable and I can SEE he has LOADS of empathy!

 

I do not feel it will take him years to heal, I can sense a real human spirit within and not a shell of a person that... cannot be completed.

 

I hope he gets better and gets in touch with me one day as I will be thrileld to know he has beat his demons. Chances are I will be with a better guy or OVER HIM and single.

[Kamille]

I'm glad you're thinking about what you want and what you need Leigh. I think this is important for you. It took you a few days to identify what you really want and that's ok. From now on, take the time you need to figure out what you want and then decide on a course of action.

 

 

 

 

About the designer vagina tangent: I have yet to, ah, meet a man who doesn't like going down on women. I don't doubt there are guys out there who don't like it, but most guys seem to love it. They love it not because of the look of the vagina but because they love giving women orgasms.

 

I think that's why many of us are surprised about the link you make between the look of your vagina and the fact that men like going down on you.

 

Put another way: when you're with a guy, would you not want to give him a blow job just because he didn't have a designer penis?

[Diezel]

desperate?

 

Plenty of men find me very attractive thanks. Just because I am not your type, doesn't mean most me would have to be desperate if they found me hot.

 

It's not even about the "hot" part, it's everything inside. The delusional part mostly. This whole thread is testament to the flip flop going all over your mind. Less than 48 hours ago you were talking about how you wanted this to be a FWB until you found someone more suitable. Now, different story. Later today. Maybe a different story.

 

All I know is that this is Leigh's April Story.

 

Let's see what Leigh's May Story brings.

[Leigh 87]

Leigh... I am sure you have a nice cooch, but the thing is that it's really, really, really unusual to bring stuff like that up out of the blue when you're talking about yourself.

 

Anyway, glad to hear you are going to break things off with him. I sincerely hope the resolve stays with you after the storm recedes!

 

GemmaUK said he sounded as though he USUALLY went for " hotties " it " settled " with me for a change.

 

I was merely highlighting how attracted he was to me. And brought up a few things did that were special and only for me.

 

I'm not an idiot I can generally tell when men are highly attracted to me and I can tell when they lie.

[Leigh 87]

It's not even about the "hot" part, it's everything inside. The delusional part mostly. This whole thread is testament to the flip flop going all over your mind. Less than 48 hours ago you were talking about how you wanted this to be a FWB until you found someone more suitable. Now, different story. Later today. Maybe a different story.

 

All I know is that this is Leigh's April Story.

 

Let's see what Leigh's May Story brings.

 

I'm beautiful on the inside. I'm kind hearted, generous and highly empathetic.

 

And I did think I'd handle FWB but once I considered it properly, as an adult should do before committing to giving her body away on a regular basis, I had a change of heart.

 

I've made the right decision. NOT the decision that actually wanted to make. I'd RATHER have him as long as possible. But I know it'd only end badly.

 

So I've actually made a sensible decision for a change.

 

I still don't believe chasing good chemistry has anything to do with the fact I just haven't met the right man yet, either. I also want compatibility.

[Leigh 87]

It's not even about the "hot" part, it's everything inside. The delusional part mostly. This whole thread is testament to the flip flop going all over your mind. Less than 48 hours ago you were talking about how you wanted this to be a FWB until you found someone more suitable. Now, different story. Later today. Maybe a different story.

 

All I know is that this is Leigh's April Story.

 

Let's see what Leigh's May Story brings.

 

Plus plenty of men in real life would love to talk about my vagina.

 

I'm friendly, can have an intelligent conversation and generally I have no issues with men who are dying to see my sexual side.

 

I am not undesirable; I'm educated, have a good career path lined up and I'm very warm and easy for men to talk to in real life.

 

If you don't know me then you really have no idea how men react to me in real life.

[clia]

I have loads of first dates and I rarely go on second.

 

I have gone in loads of dates online and real life, and most men don't get a second

 

I don't feel connections easily. Once every four or so months. Of weekly dates.

I've turned down many cute men who I wasn't repulsed by. And who I liked as people.

 

I have to feel the potential to be head over heels. For me to have sex.

 

If i was truly promiscuous I would me the friend who u go out with and who always goes home with a new man. Which isn't me at all.

 

Sex with two men this year is normal. Two other men wanted sex. We had first dates. They were attractive and I liked their personalities. But i need that spark for me to even kiss them.

 

I felt a true connection for two men this year. Another, I thought a felt a connection but it was soooo only sexual and his personality turned me off! So we didn't shag. Other two I did shag.

 

I would say I feel whole body, intense chemistry and spark eyes across the room sparks and chemistry, once every four months of this year is any indicator.. with a false start or two in the meanwhile ( I realise during date two that the spark was centred around friendship or pure sex.....and I don't proceed to go on a third date)

 

The above is completely inconsistent with your posts over the past four months.

 

You say you've only had sex with two guys this year. In your previous posts, you stated you had sex (some of it explosive) with at least the following men since January:

 

-- Irish Guy

-- Valentine's Day Guy

-- Stuttering Guy

-- Neighbor Guy

-- Electrical Engineer Guy

 

And who knows who else there was who you haven't posted about.

 

And to say you don't feel connections easily is also completely the opposite of what you post. You stumble in here at least once a month talking about fireworks and connections and explosive sex with a new guy. You talked about having a great connections with at least the five above guys. Maybe in the end you didn't feel a connection with some of them (i.e., Stuttering Guy), but in the beginning you sure did. Once every four months? That would be one guy since the beginning of the year. Not consistent with your posts.

 

I'm just going by what you've said in the past. It's really confusing because the stories just don't add up. I feel like you are telling us about the person who you want to be rather than the person who you truly are. If you want to have lots of sex, go for it. It's clear from your posts that sex is extremely important to you. But at least own it.

[Kamille]

Plus plenty of men in real life would love to talk about my vagina.

 

I'm friendly, can have an intelligent conversation and generally I have no issues with men who are dying to see my sexual side.

 

I am not undesirable; I'm educated, have a good career path lined up and I'm very warm and easy for men to talk to in real life.

 

If you don't know me then you really have no idea how men react to me in real life.

 

Who cares? Why does it matter so much to you that men find you sexually attractive?

 

It reads like you define your self worth based on what men think of you. What's worse, you seem to place a lot of emphasis on what men think of you sexually.

 

Is being sexually attractive to men all you have to offer the world?

[Leigh 87]

The above is completely inconsistent with your posts over the past four months.

 

You say you've only had sex with two guys this year. In your previous posts, you stated you had sex (some of it explosive) with at least the following men since January:

 

-- Irish Guy

-- Valentine's Day Guy

-- Stuttering Guy

-- Neighbor Guy

-- Electrical Engineer Guy

 

And who knows who else there was who you haven't posted about.

 

And to say you don't feel connections easily is also completely the opposite of what you post. You stumble in here at least once a month talking about fireworks and connections and explosive sex with a new guy. You talked about having a great connections with at least the five above guys. Maybe in the end you didn't feel a connection with some of them (i.e., Stuttering Guy), but in the beginning you sure did. Once every four months? That would be one guy since the beginning of the year. Not consistent with your posts.

 

I'm just going by what you've said in the past. It's really confusing because the stories just don't add up. I feel like you are telling us about the person who you want to be rather than the person who you truly are. If you want to have lots of sex, go for it. It's clear from your posts that sex is extremely important to you. But at least own it.

 

 

 

Oh crap I forgot the neighbour!!!!

 

Three men this year.

 

 

Valentines guy I didn't have full penetrative sex with.

 

Three men this year. And for me that is a lot in four short months. Not the norm for what I've cone over the past eight years.

[Leigh 87]

And I have false connections.

 

They often than out to be superficial and only sexual without any substance which I end up discovering by second date.

 

Or its a false spark.. That ends up being a more platonic spark. Happened with stuttering guy. His bad stuttering and his appearance facially speaking in the cold light of day turned me off.

 

So the true connections were the Irish guy from Jan, the neighbour and the current man......

 

Three. In four months. The rest were false starts.

[shvrk]

Oh crap I forgot the neighbour!!!!

 

Three men this year.

 

 

Valentines guy I didn't have full penetrative sex with.

 

Three men this year. And for me that is a lot in four short months. Not the norm for what I've cone over the past eight years.

 

But you did have some sort of sexual relations, right?

 

I've had sex with about 7 guys and one girl in one year and i felt super promiscuous. At the end of the day i didn't care though, and I've stopped a great deal but like someone said in a previous post, own it. Nothing wrong with having a lot of sex w different guys if it makea you happy.

[Leigh 87]

And I tried to have sex with stuttering guy but I felt repulsed. There was zero attraction. I didn't let him enter me. It got close. I had to pretend I was tired.

 

THIS is what happens when you go for people who may adore you and be loyal, but who you donthave the spark with!!!!!!

[shvrk]

So you almost had sex with most of these guys

[Leigh 87]

But you did have some sort of sexual relations, right?

 

I've had sex with about 7 guys and one girl in one year and i felt super promiscuous. At the end of the day i didn't care though, and I've stopped a great deal but like someone said in a previous post, own it. Nothing wrong with having a lot of sex w different guys if it makea you happy.

 

It was not sex. I had sex three times this year now I remember the neighbour.

 

And the thing is I DON'T ENJOY sleeping around!!!!!

 

Times I have done it I DIDN'T ENJOY IT!!!!!!!!

 

I do NOT go out with friends and go have sex with men meet in bars clubs or anything of that nature except once in a very blue moon and it's NEVER full sex.

[shvrk]

It was not sex. I had sex three times this year now I remember the neighbour.

 

And the thing is I DON'T ENJOY sleeping around!!!!!

 

Times I have done it I DIDN'T ENJOY IT!!!!!!!!

 

I do NOT go out with friends and go have sex with men meet in bars clubs or anything of that nature except once in a very blue moon and it's NEVER full sex.

 

This may sound weird, but why don't you enjoy it?

[Leigh 87]

So you almost had sex with most of these guys

 

Had sex with three. I had genuine connections. I wanted to DATE them.

 

I almost had sex with rest. The Irish and stuttering man. Due to lack of intense chemistry and a connection, I couldn't get to that penis in vagina stage.

 

The electrical engineering is this guy in this thread.

 

It's easier to say sex than almost sex. But that's what happened with the Irish and stuttering guy. I just wasn't aroused enough to go the whole way without a true connection.

[Leigh 87]

This may sound weird, but why don't you enjoy it?

 

Because I've just never enjoyed one night stands. Or even casual.

 

I've had casual in the past with the hottest guys. But because I had no strong romantic feelings, I felt disgusting doing it. I didn't get aroused.

 

I need to fall hard for a guy and have intense your sex to be enjoyable.

 

Which means fwb have never been great. Besides one rare occasion with that unavailable man. Since we had the right chemistry he simply lacked the ability to feel deeply. But i LIKED him like I would a bf.

 

I semi enjoyed it with another fwb last year but it wasn't explosive as I didn't share intense enough chemistry to date him.

 

CURRENT guy is best I've had sexually.

[Leigh 87]

Can u see WHY it's so hard to say goodbye to the current when the sex us the best ever? On top of the fact we have so much fun together.

 

Ordinary sex won't do. So now I'll have to wait until I'm REALLY into the next guy. Not superficially like earlier this year and with that Irish dude on valentines.... Where I didn't get to full sex because the intence chemistry was lacking.

 

It will take a few months for me to find a guy like this one. Where it's intense in more ways than just the sexual ; emotionally and intellectually........

 

Shagging just any old guy won't do. It does nothing for me.

[Leigh 87]

I need support and and encouragement to dump him.

 

I'm doing it tomorrow first time I hear from him.

 

It's very hard. I need posters to remind me why it will go bad if I don't do it.

[Diezel]

I need posters to remind me why it will go bad if I don't do it.

 

Go read the previous 15/16 pages.