Breaking It Off Vent

[Leigh 87]

Why are you not totally upfront from the get-go when you start these threads? In your first post, you neglected to share important details, such as him having these babies and the fact that he didn't trust you. Why hide that?

 

I think you are a kind person but in denial. If he doesn't trust you, he couldn't have been very committed to you even from the beginning. Then he plays mental gymnastics with you to get you to stick around against your better judgement, then dumps you. I'm sorry, but my initial position stands: he's not on the same page as you. If he were, you wouldn't have created this thread to begin with. And you should be glad he wasn't, because he sounds all kinda of shady.

 

I just don't get why you don't paint a clear picture from the start. Hiding key details means you get skewed feedback. Waste of your and the posters' time. Lots of pages could have been saved if you'd been more honest about the context of the problem.

 

 

When he first met me, he wanted me as a gf. 100% he was serious about me. He told his friends that he'd finally found a girl who he not only had the chemistry with and that " feeling" about, but that was also an intellectual and over all match. I saw the messages. He was legit into me and wanting something serious.

 

A week or so in, he lost his trust for me. He tried to get over it. He really wanted to.

 

The trust thing, the fact men gave me a lot of attention around him and lastly, the fact I was so uncomfortable about his situation with his kids, ruined it.

 

I have intuition. I have never been wrong when I've found a guy who's really into me. This wasn't about him being on a different page. He wanted a relationship.

 

I am positive this failed due to outside influences.

 

Trust me, I gave the guy goosebumps and we got along very well. Outside the drama, we were a good match.

[Diezel]

Yep, he was totally into you, for 7 days. And that's why he dumped you.

 

Definitely in denial.

You just don't get it.

 

You don't see it at all, do you? You say you get along well, other than the outside drama... AKA... THE ENTIRETY OF THIS RELATIONSHIP.

 

Relationships aren't bubbles that are completely protected from outside variables. Anything influences these relationships. Any external factor has some sort of effect on it. So to say that you two got along well, only translates to the fact that you two were okay with each other ON THE SURFACE and sexually.

 

Clearly his kid drama is the majority of his life now. Subtract that, and MAYBE you two were compatible, but whatever person you met, clearly isn't an accurate representation of who he really is. And don't try to convince yourself otherwise, because you barely knew this guy.

 

You, yourself.. were flip flopping between dumping him, staying with him, telling us to remind you why to dump him, and then staying with him again at his request and then ultimately him dumping you over something that happened weeks ago.

 

If he wanted a relationship, he wouldn't be dumping you. If he wanted a relationship, he'd trust you. So in conclusion: He really didn't want a relationship with you.

 

But I am sure you are 100% convinced already that you are right and everyone else is going to be wrong, no matter what.

[Leigh 87]

Yep, he was totally into you, for 7 days. And that's why he dumped you.

 

Definitely in denial.

You just don't get it.

 

You don't see it at all, do you? You say you get along well, other than the outside drama... AKA... THE ENTIRETY OF THIS RELATIONSHIP.

 

Relationships aren't bubbles that are completely protected from outside variables. Anything influences these relationships. Any external factor has some sort of effect on it. So to say that you two got along well, only translates to the fact that you two were okay with each other ON THE SURFACE and sexually.

 

Clearly his kid drama is the majority of his life now. Subtract that, and MAYBE you two were compatible, but whatever person you met, clearly isn't an accurate representation of who he really is. And don't try to convince yourself otherwise, because you barely knew this guy.

 

You, yourself.. were flip flopping between dumping him, staying with him, telling us to remind you why to dump him, and then staying with him again at his request and then ultimately him dumping you over something that happened weeks ago.

 

If he wanted a relationship, he wouldn't be dumping you. If he wanted a relationship, he'd trust you. So in conclusion: He really didn't want a relationship with you.

 

But I am sure you are 100% convinced already that you are right and everyone else is going to be wrong, no matter what.

 

 

You're right,

 

Except I know that he was really into me.

 

You can be really into someone who you are not right for.

 

I'm not stupid. I know when a guy is really into me.

 

This guy has major issues.

 

This break up had nothing to do with him not being into me.

 

Things just didn't work. I was very wary of his situation. He doesn't trust women.

[Leigh 87]

Yep, he was totally into you, for 7 days. And that's why he dumped you.

 

Definitely in denial.

You just don't get it.

 

You don't see it at all, do you? You say you get along well, other than the outside drama... AKA... THE ENTIRETY OF THIS RELATIONSHIP.

 

Relationships aren't bubbles that are completely protected from outside variables. Anything influences these relationships. Any external factor has some sort of effect on it. So to say that you two got along well, only translates to the fact that you two were okay with each other ON THE SURFACE and sexually.

 

Clearly his kid drama is the majority of his life now. Subtract that, and MAYBE you two were compatible, but whatever person you met, clearly isn't an accurate representation of who he really is. And don't try to convince yourself otherwise, because you barely knew this guy.

 

You, yourself.. were flip flopping between dumping him, staying with him, telling us to remind you why to dump him, and then staying with him again at his request and then ultimately him dumping you over something that happened weeks ago.

 

If he wanted a relationship, he wouldn't be dumping you. If he wanted a relationship, he'd trust you. So in conclusion: He really didn't want a relationship with you.

 

But I am sure you are 100% convinced already that you are right and everyone else is going to be wrong, no matter what.

 

 

 

And he did want a relationship. But he changed his mind.

[Kamille]

I'm sorry to hear that Leigh.

 

Treat yourself to things that cheer you up today!

[ExpatInItaly]

Your BS Detector is broken.

 

Compare:

You went out dancing with a couple guys after you'd known him a few days. dumped you for this, despite having zero evidence that anything more happened.

 

His ex was apparently a lunatic who offered sexual services to other guys, via email (if I recall correctly) Not only did he stay, he was careless enough to have a child with her. The guy clearly has a high tolerance for drama. Yet dumped you after telling you that you are so sweet?

 

Doesn't add up.

 

Either way, he's bad news. But I think you're doing yourself a huge disservice by assuming he's be in honest.

[elaine567]

No, he was really into me sorry.

 

He thinks I slept with my neighbour. Things haven't been the same since that and his baby.....

 

Trust me. He was into me. That wasn't the issue. I broke his trust. Early on. He never got over it.

 

This isn't a lack of chemistry, attraction or him not being into me.

 

Yes it is.

Once he knew about the dancing episode with not one, but 2 other guys, any chemistry, attraction and being into you, was killed stone dead.

You were no longer, who he thought you were.

Seems to me yet again, you kinda self sabotaged.

He has other issues and other concerns in his life, so perhaps the dancing episode, he saw as an easy out.

I guess also his anal preference, which you say you swerved, may also have influenced his decision making here.

[Leigh 87]

Your BS Detector is broken.

 

Compare:

You went out dancing with a couple guys after you'd known him a few days. dumped you for this, despite having zero evidence that anything more happened.

 

His ex was apparently a lunatic who offered sexual services to other guys, via email (if I recall correctly) Not only did he stay, he was careless enough to have a child with her. The guy clearly has a high tolerance for drama. Yet dumped you after telling you that you are so sweet?

 

Doesn't add up.

 

Either way, he's bad news. But I think you're doing yourself a huge disservice by assuming he's be in honest.

 

 

 

Look, he was DEFINATELY very into me. My bull Sht detected knows when a guy is lukewarm yet purporting to be into me.

 

There are reasons things didn't work. It wasn't to do with him just not being that into me.

 

I don't date men who just aren't into me.

 

We had a lot of drama. I tried to leave a few times because his situation freaked me out. So he also felt like I could leave him at any time.

 

The drama and his overall terrible situation In life triggered the demise.

[Leigh 87]

Yes it is.

Once he knew about the dancing episode with not one, but 2 other guys, any chemistry, attraction and being into you, was killed stone dead.

You were no longer, who he thought you were.

Seems to me yet again, you kinda self sabotaged.

He has other issues and other concerns in his life, so perhaps the dancing episode, he saw as an easy out.

I guess also his anal preference, which you say you swerved, may also have influenced his decision making here.

 

He was definitely into me.

 

After the supposed cheating episode ( I didn't ) he was still ectremely attracted. His words " leigh, I think you're extremely hot, but I don't trust u"

 

The reason he took me back after that episode is BECAUSE He was so attracted. The chemistry is why he stayed despite not trusting me.

 

He hoped he'd get over it, but today he said that the more he liked me, the more it bugged him when he'd see a " guy " text me.....

 

This is not a simple case of him just not being that into me.

 

Things happened.

 

Lol. I am 100% sure that the chemistry didn't turn " stone cold":lmao:

[Leigh 87]

Yes it is.

Once he knew about the dancing episode with not one, but 2 other guys, any chemistry, attraction and being into you, was killed stone dead.

You were no longer, who he thought you were.

Seems to me yet again, you kinda self sabotaged.

He has other issues and other concerns in his life, so perhaps the dancing episode, he saw as an easy out.

I guess also his anal preference, which you say you swerved, may also have influenced his decision making here.

 

You really don't know what you're talking about.

 

He had a very very strong attraction despite the drama.

 

That's one thing an online stranger simply doesn't know.

[Jessie1231]

He was definitely into me.

 

After the supposed cheating episode ( I didn't ) he was still ectremely attracted. His words " leigh, I think you're extremely hot, but I don't trust u"

 

The reason he took me back after that episode is BECAUSE He was so attracted. The chemistry is why he stayed despite not trusting me.

 

He hoped he'd get over it, but today he said that the more he liked me, the more it bugged him when he'd see a " guy " text me.....

 

This is not a simple case of him just not being that into me.

 

Things happened.

 

Lol. I am 100% sure that the chemistry didn't turn " stone cold":lmao:

 

I don't think anyone doubts that there was enough "chemistry" there for him to want to keep having sex with you. I think what was missing was him having enough feelings to want a relationship with you.

 

When you originally started this, it was because he stopped contacting you. That's an easy out, but you didn't let it go and had to text him to end what he was probably trying to end anyway. So he gave you the old "it's not you, it's me." That to him was the end of it.

 

But you then decided you guys should have a FWB relationship. He agreed because who doesn't like no strings sex? Then somehow in a day it turned back into being his girlfriend which was what he was avoiding in the beginning anyway.

 

Then a day later, he dumps you claiming he doesn't trust you now. It seems clear that he was trying to get out of any relationship you thought you guys had anyway. He was just being nice to you by blaming himself for that.

 

Again, no one doubts that he thought you were hot enough for sex, but more that he wanted to turn this good sex into anything past that.

[Robert]

since the reason for this thread has run it's course and so has this thread, no reason to let it stay open so people can take pot shots and pokes at the OP.

 

Thanks all who participated

Edited April 24, 2015 by Robert