Breaking It Off Vent

[ExpatInItaly]

But he is a stable and reliable character. Good job, can support himself, he is pleasant to be around.

 

And sorry if I made out like he talks about her a lot. He doesn't. She incessantly calls and texts him though regarding the impending birth (prior to it happening).

 

I could tell he was majorly irritated and worn down by her. I heard her taunting him and him telling her " look, you are lucky I am even willing to be so kind to you after all you put me through, can you please just leave me along so I can spend time with my NEW girlfriend"

 

He told his ex about me.

 

That's good, but it doesn't make him a suitable relationship candidate at this time. Clearly he's got a lot on his plate and that's not going to change any time soon. The ex will be around for the rest of his life, assuming he is the father. It's way too soon for so much drama. He's showing you he hasn't figured out how to balance it, and it's only just beginning. Bad sign.

[elaine567]

 

OR, is he just plain not enamoured? Because he was when we first met 100%, until the birth then it went awry...

 

Exactly because he wants that baby to be his, so he can get with his ex again, she may have been a cheating, druggie annoying alcoholic but that is because she was young and foolish, now he sees her as the mother of his child and that changes stuff.

He is now not some divorcee seeing another woman, he is a father and fathers need to be responsible, by being with you, he probably now thinks he is cheating on his child and its mother. Even if it is not his, he will still grieve for it and what might have been, it is all too soon after the split.

This is a mess and you need to protect your heart here, I see no good coming of this just now.

Had you met 2 years down the line, baby not his, or mother and child ensconced elsewhere and more out of his life, you may have had a chance, but not at the moment.

 

You need to leave him to it.

[Leigh 87]

And that's the issue, too much is superficial looks and sparks and not enough actual behavior that matters longer term.

 

We got along well.

 

He is a nerd.

 

He lamented that I was the only women he dated that he was very attracted to but that he could also have an intelligent conversation with.

[Leigh 87]

Exactly because he wants that baby to be his, so he can get with his ex again, she may have been a cheating, druggie annoying alcoholic but that is because she was young and foolish, now he sees her as the mother of his child and that changes stuff.

He is now not some divorcee seeing another woman, he is a father and fathers need to be responsible, by being with you, he probably now thinks he is cheating on his child and its mother. Even if it is not his, he will still grieve for it and what might have been, it is all too soon after the split.

This is a mess and you need to protect your heart here, I see no good coming of this just now.

Had you met 2 years down the line, baby not his, or mother and child ensconced elsewhere and more out of his life, you may have had a chance, but not at the moment.

 

You need to leave him to it.

 

 

He doesn't want to be with his ex.

 

He wants to support his child and make sure his ex doesn't kill the baby as she is seriously stupid.

 

She didn't even know what an obstetrician was. She has a boyfriend by the way.

 

Her and her boyfriend were dealing with the pregnancy. My boyfriend had nothing to do with it.

 

I am 100% sure my boyfriend has no interest in getting back with his ex.

[Leigh 87]

I don't think it's a big problem that he doesn't text you more...it's more that he had a recent break up and his ex just had a baby that's possibly his. I think that this man is really not ready to emotionally invest or commit to you.

 

 

I think we did have the right mutual chemistry and sparks, and we clicked as people enough to have successfully dated under better circumstances.

 

I guess time will tell. If he feels this mutually, he will get in touch with me after he has dealt with all this.

 

Although usually he will naturally go on to meet a woman he is truly into once he is ready for it.

 

I dunno. I could have sworn he was really into me initially, and that we totally had the intense attraction that every man wants. And he liked me as a person.

[Leigh 87]

I am breaking it off so don't worry guys.

 

I am just on the fence as to whether or not it was because he just plain wasn't that into me, OR it was merely the disasterish circumstances.

 

My gut feeling is that he was really into me initially before he knew whay he was getting into, he meant well and wanted to date me seriously, but things got too much.

 

I don't believe it was 100% a case of " he just isn't that into you"

[ExpatInItaly]

I am breaking it off so don't worry guys.

 

I am just on the fence as to whether or not it was because he just plain wasn't that into me, OR it was merely the disasterish circumstances.

 

My gut feeling is that he was really into me initially before he knew whay he was getting into, he meant well and wanted to date me seriously, but things got too much.

 

I don't believe it was 100% a case of " he just isn't that into you"

 

In the end, does it really matter?

 

The most important thing is that it isn't working for you.

[Diezel]

So about them "fireworks"... and that "explosive chemistry"...

[Leigh 87]

So about them "fireworks"... and that "explosive chemistry"...

 

I feel it for enough men,

 

I am sure I can find it with a compatible guy.

 

I feel it once every 3 - 4 months mutually. But with the wrong match.

 

Who knows. When this guy sorts his life and and if we are both single he may realises he lost out on a potential great relationship.

 

If not, I am sure I will feel the mutual fireworks with a suitable candidate soon enough.

 

 

After all, the majority of men I feel the fireworks with are average aussie dudes. This guy just happened to be hot.

[elaine567]

He doesn't want to be with his ex.

 

...I am 100% sure my boyfriend has no interest in getting back with his ex.

 

How can you possibly know that? He is not going to tell you that is he, even if he was besotted with her?

I don't know what he thinks, you may be right, but many men do not want other men looking after their children and for some, if it means living with a dodgy ex then so be it.

I guess once the DNA is done, things may be clearer.

 

If his ex was really so stupid, why would YOU want to be with a man that thought enough of her to marry her?

If he is really is into young airhead bimbos, then was there really any future for the two of you?

[Leigh 87]

How can you possibly know that? He is not going to tell you that is he, even if he was besotted with her?

I don't know what he thinks, you may be right, but many men do not want other men looking after their children and for some, if it means living with a dodgy ex then so be it.

I guess once the DNA is done, things may be clearer.

 

If his ex was really so stupid, why would YOU want to be with a man that thought enough of her to marry her?

If he is really is into young airhead bimbos, then was there really any future for the two of you?

 

 

 

He is a super nerdy man. Who overlooked the need to have an intellectual equal.

 

He admitetd he went for the hottest girls who he had the best chemistry with and who he could stomach:sick:

 

With me, he said he found someone he was really attracted to AND who actually had a brain. I look young for my age also and I am his prefered body type so the attraction is deff not an issue from his side...or mine lol...

 

Look, I am 100% sure he won't go back to her, he is looking for an intellectual AND physical connection now days. After his ex, he woke up and told me that he realised he needed more than the chemistry to sustain a relationship.

 

He is dealthy afraid of EVER overlooking personality or interlect ever again...

[BluEyeL]

I really don't see any reason to break up with him. Maybe his drinking. But not his skipping a day of contact when he's away.

[Leigh 87]

I guess I am taken aback because he told me I am the first girl that he felt the intense chemistry with AND who he also felt was an intellectual match AND he also liked my personality.

 

He is really intelligent and is in MENSA.

 

He went for a lot younger hotter women for chemistry and in the end he couldnt stomach their personalities and their entitled, bratty attitude. I told him that I would be THRILLED with being taken out for a romantic date once per week maximum and didnt want anything else.

 

His exes demanded their own credit cards and they did no house work or cooking when he went out to earn a living. Trust me, he has taken the rose tinted glasses off and he simply doen't want to go there again:sick:

 

I am upset that he "finally" claimed that he found " the entire package" with me, and yet....... for whatever reason, he is either NOT falling for me or that into me.

 

Or, it is simply his circumstances.

[Leigh 87]

See, this could all be one sided.

 

Yes, I felt there was some sort of special chemistry and connection. But HE may not have seen me as anything more than a woman he was very attracted to (men cannot fake that I just know), and who he liked as a person.

 

I am very nurturing and loving in nature to men I fall for, so it is very possible I felt the intence chemistry that felt so "right" to me, when he just... was very attarcted and liked me as a person.

 

As you all know, attraction plus liking someones personality DOES NOT a relationship make. He may have just not felt it for me.

 

Projection isn't something I will ever do again. So I am totally open to him not having reciprocated.

[Leigh 87]

3 weeks ago after he seemed really into me, he didn't text me that day.

 

I told him that.... I didn't sense, based on his texting style, that he was all that into me and I prefer to nip it in the bud early rather than involving myself in bed who are lukewarm.

 

He retorted with " that is a shame. I respect your decision but I want you to know that I was really into you, I just wanted to take it slowly due to my circumstances.

 

We ended up seeing one another. I believe his explanation.

 

He did tell my friend that he adored me and my friend said she could see the chemistry was intense and she felt we were a great match....

 

I think he may have "thought" he was into me but... just wasn't.

 

Men ARE NOT known to be all that self aware.... BESIDES Ninjainpyjamas the poster.......

[acrosstheuniverse]

I could tell he was majorly irritated and worn down by her. I heard her taunting him and him telling her " look, you are lucky I am even willing to be so kind to you after all you put me through, can you please just leave me along so I can spend time with my NEW girlfriend"

 

He told his ex about me.

 

My take on this is that all of the drama and pain of the situation go to him and he reached out to find a soft landing place. His relationship ended disastrously and she's with someone new... that last line you wrote shows me that he's using you to ease the pain, and probably so he can cope better with the fact his ex has someone new already and his baby is gonna be raised by a stranger.

 

OF COURSE he went quiet the weekend after his child was born. He has way too much on his plate and a new priority now. I would question the maturity of a guy who got with an 18 year old and knocked her up in the first place, this is all too soon after the drama to ever have a chance of working out.

 

It doesn't matter that he may have been a better match in different circumstances, these ARE the circumstances you have to work with. Honestly he's probably questioning your sanity or how quality a woman you are given that you're willing to stay with him when he's just had a baby with an 18 year old! I would run a mile with a guy whose judgment was so poor that he was willing to get with me into a new relationship when his last ended so recently and a new life was about to come into the mess he'd been part of creating.

[SummerDreams]

Leigh please listen to me. You have something great going on here with man who is in the process of developing deep feelings for you. Stop being paranoid analyzing his every action or word, take it easy, enjoy this period of time most importantly. I am with my bf for exactly 5 years (we had our anniversary yesterday) and while I love the intimacy and the safety with him, I do miss those first dates with all the romance and the akward and funny moments. These moments will not come back so please do enjoy them and stop trying to interpret everything he does in a way that only shows you as insecure. Go with the flow and let time show where this is going. Do not destroy it with your paranoia over nothing. And do remember that a guy's job is really important for him so do not make him choose between you and his job. He is obviously doing his best.

[Leigh 87]

My take on this is that all of the drama and pain of the situation go to him and he reached out to find a soft landing place. His relationship ended disastrously and she's with someone new... that last line you wrote shows me that he's using you to ease the pain, and probably so he can cope better with the fact his ex has someone new already and his baby is gonna be raised by a stranger.

 

OF COURSE he went quiet the weekend after his child was born. He has way too much on his plate and a new priority now. I would question the maturity of a guy who got with an 18 year old and knocked her up in the first place, this is all too soon after the drama to ever have a chance of working out.

 

It doesn't matter that he may have been a better match in different circumstances, these ARE the circumstances you have to work with. Honestly he's probably questioning your sanity or how quality a woman you are given that you're willing to stay with him when he's just had a baby with an 18 year old! I would run a mile with a guy whose judgment was so poor that he was willing to get with me into a new relationship when his last ended so recently and a new life was about to come into the mess he'd been part of creating.

 

 

 

I don't believe he cares that she is with someone knew. It happened months ago.

 

I can always sense a mile away when a guy is in love. He def isn't in love with her anymore.

 

And of course he appeared normal at first. He came off as a straight, normal, reliable candidate. Obviously.

 

I really felt that he had feelings for me, for the person I was.

 

Alas it is about to end but I do have a hunch that he was into me at least initially.

[Leigh 87]

Oh welps,

 

College break is over. Back to studying....

 

Going to hit the Irish bars every couple of weekends! Been a few months since I have had an Irish:love:

 

My neighbour and I clicked but he had a girl he was seeing. Maybe when he ditches her he will seek me out LOL.

 

I feel single and at peace with it again, have felt "sad" over this guy and am back to my single, happy self.

 

Will tell him on Monday although at this point I could never hear from him again and I wouldn't be shocked or cry about it, since he is already "gone" in my mind.

[Kamille]

I want to make sure I follow your line of thought correctly.

 

You are saying that, as long as he shows you that he is into you by texting every day, you would be willing to overlook a man having a newborn child with a recent ex.

 

So all that matters, in the end, is how much a man is into you?

 

My concern is that you are making this all about you. The man just had a child. Sorting that out should be his priority. It would speak very poorly of him if he prioritized his new relationship over his newborn son. I hope you can understand that.

 

Leigh, you have to ask yourself if you have the personality to date a new father. You can't be his priority right now. Either you can handle that or you have to move on. This has nothing to do with how into you he is or should be.

[lana-banana]

I feel like I just witnessed a hypomanic episode.

[Kamille]

Oh welps,

 

College break is over. Back to studying....

 

Going to hit the Irish bars every couple of weekends! Been a few months since I have had an Irish:love:

 

My neighbour and I clicked but he had a girl he was seeing. Maybe when he ditches her he will seek me out LOL.

 

I feel single and at peace with it again, have felt "sad" over this guy and am back to my single, happy self.

 

Will tell him on Monday although at this point I could never hear from him again and I wouldn't be shocked or cry about it, since he is already "gone" in my mind.

 

 

It's not a contest!

 

Considering how into him you professed to be, you're allowed to feel sad the relationship ended.

[Leigh 87]

I had huge love gogles for this man because the chemistry was so intoxicating before I knew he was unavailable mind you!

 

We loved each others "scent" and our bodies fit very wek together, the way we fit when we cuddled and f*cked was so addictive. We have both had a lot of sexual partners and we were very "hooked" on the sexual front a lot more than usual.

 

Best sex I have ever had BUT... he loved anal and he had a 9 incher, so given I do not care for anal, I guess I can go on to find someone more sexually compatible, LOL.

 

We never got there thankfully!

 

He also, before me, had honestly never gone down on a girl properly so, in many ways, I am free to pursue a man who is mopre sexually compatible;) The thing is, I was into him enough to compromise and do all the sex stuff he wanted and needed:sick:

 

Bullet dodged. He had a cupboard full of ahem, sex vibrating toys for his exes, as he wanted anal all the time multile times a week and he wanted them to enjoy it too:sick:

 

Funny the things I was willing to do in order to accommodate a guy simply because I was into him!!! Where as my EXES I totally lacked intense chemistry and.. even though they were WAYYYYmore generous in the bedroom, it felt so so lacklustre compared to this guy and I would rather go without recieving much oral from men I am not into, as opposed to recieving less from the men who really do it for me!

 

I have learnt a lot sexually from this dude. When into a guy, I am totally willing to re asses what I need in the bedroom; because the pure act of BEING sexual with men I am truly into, makes EVERYTHING feel amazing. I didn't think I could do better than exes who I wasn't that into, and as a result, the sex was good but never great.

 

I didn't give my recent ex of last year, my last serious ex, a blow job once. He serviced me nightly. It still felt soo mediocre:sick: current guy didn't pay as much attention to ME per say, but the sexual side of things was infinately more enjoyable than anything with my exes:sick:

 

Just goes to show I will never settle for sub par sexual chemistry !

 

I have had just as intense chemistry with other men as I have had with his guy and I will have it again.

[Els]

Funny the things I was willing to do in order to accommodate a guy simply because I was into him!!

 

Don't you think this should be the main lesson here...?

[Leigh 87]

 

It's not a contest!

 

Considering how into him you professed to be, you're allowed to feel sad the relationship ended.

 

I have felt like crap for a day or two.

 

He was extremely cuddly and affectionate in bed. Our bodies fit extremely well and our smells just seemed to tantilize one another. We did bond and I cannot cuddle men at night who I am developing deepening feelings towards and then just walk away unscathed.

 

I have gone through the process now though of the break up before actually going through with it.....

 

And by the way yes, I do have the personality to stick by a man in this precarious predicament providing WE had something special, we BOTH felt it, and we BOTH wanted it.