Breaking It Off Vent

[Leigh 87]

Don't you think this should be the main lesson here...?

 

I am trying to distract myself silly.

 

I will miss him and I feel duped that he didn't tell me about his situation prior to being intimate with me....

 

I can also see that being into someone and having intense chemistry that ALL of us want, is not enough. Even when it is teamed with compatibility personality wise. Some circumstances dictate that...... ANY relationship will be rendered useless and fruitless........

 

If you had a marriage and ...something awful happened, fair enough. But early on, you are all right, it was too much for me to take on....

[acrosstheuniverse]

I don't believe he cares that she is with someone knew. It happened months ago.

 

You do realise that a few months isn't really a very long time when it comes to emotions? And with this child having just been born, it has really just begun.

[Leigh 87]

I want to make sure I follow your line of thought correctly.

 

You are saying that, as long as he shows you that he is into you by texting every day, you would be willing to overlook a man having a newborn child with a recent ex.

 

So all that matters, in the end, is how much a man is into you?

 

My concern is that you are making this all about you. The man just had a child. Sorting that out should be his priority. It would speak very poorly of him if he prioritized his new relationship over his newborn son. I hope you can understand that.

 

Leigh, you have to ask yourself if you have the personality to date a new father. You can't be his priority right now. Either you can handle that or you have to move on. This has nothing to do with how into you he is or should be.

 

 

 

He honestly prayed that it was not his.

 

He hopes it is not his child.

 

It has been months since they were together, he isn't in love with his ex anymore and just wishes he could wait to have a baby with the right woman. So ..... he wants to make sure she looks after the baby but he is not really excited about being a dad. At all.

 

He is already a father. He was dating a girl his age for 5 years. He was not in love with her so he ended things. She took his kids to another state and he has not seen them since.

 

^^^^ the guy is *****ed up.

 

I felt like he was a little boy needing love and someone to take care of him; he isn't close to parents, his brother is an ice addict, and all the women in his life have been lack lustre.

 

He was shocked when I told him I would enjoy cooking him his favourite simple meals. He got SO excited when he reeled off his faves:bunny: He told me he just wants a woman to truly love him for him and not his money or ... well, he is hot and good in bed. He honestly made out like I was what he had been looking for. I guess not. Oh well.

 

I actuall worry for this man. A few things he has said alluding to him not being all too happy and thinking he will never find someone to truly love him. I live close by..... To him. I want to stress to him that if it all gets too much, to PLEASE call me rather than do anything stupid like get intoxicated or take drugs again....

 

I would honestly rather help him out and have him lean on me on the occasin, as a friend.

[Leigh 87]

You do realise that a few months isn't really a very long time when it comes to emotions? And with this child having just been born, it has really just begun.

 

Look he honestly doesn't care who she *****s with or who she is with.

 

That side of things looks very dead.

 

Of course he is not over the trauma side of things.

[elaine567]

I have just read all this.

This man is nuts, an absent father, he is into 18 year old bimbos, has a cheating ex and a new born baby, he abuses alcohol and drugs, he is messed up emotionally, acts like a little boy, sounds like a sex addict and is obsessed with anal which you aren't even into...

 

He's a keeper, match made in heaven.

[Leigh 87]

At this stage, this is our first day without contact at all.

 

I wouldn't be surprised at this stage if he dissapeared.

 

HE obviously feels we don't have anything or else he would call me when out of town because when a man is into you he WANTS to hear from you.

 

I guess I may not have to be the one to break things off since he is acting like there is nothing there to begin with.

[Kamille]

At this stage, this is our first day without contact at all.

 

I wouldn't be surprised at this stage if he dissapeared.

 

HE obviously feels we don't have anything or else he would call me when out of town because when a man is into you he WANTS to hear from you.

 

I guess I may not have to be the one to break things off since he is acting like there is nothing there to begin with.

 

...

...

Not that I'm a fan of this relationship but...

 

Have you thought of calling him? You've been dating a month and he is living a major life event. What's wrong with letting him know you're thinking of him?

[Leigh 87]

I have just read all this.

This man is nuts, an absent father, he is into 18 year old bimbos, has a cheating ex and a new born baby, he abuses alcohol and drugs, he is messed up emotionally, acts like a little boy, sounds like a sex addict and is obsessed with anal which you aren't even into...

 

He's a keeper, match made in heaven.

 

When you put it that way:lmao:

 

But to be fair, we have no idea if he has a choice about custody of his two children. Women here are able to take off and leave. I know another father with two kids who had this happen to him.

 

He may be deeply depressed over it. Or perhaps he is aloof and because he didn't love the woman, he didn't care much for knowing his kids,

 

He never told me.

 

And look, if you met him in person, he is VERY charismatic, cute, tall, and has a great career. He doesn't LOOK like a train wreck at first!

 

It took you guys telling me that this stuff isn't normal for me to register.

 

Thanks.

[Leigh 87]

Guys,

 

I honestly wanted to just a accept a man at his worst, because I thought that is what you do...

 

I didn't want to be judgmental:(

 

I study full time and work in the field part time and opt to live at home and men are ALWAYS kind enough to over look the fact I am not living alone.

 

I thought that this man DESERVES someone special who will come to love him for HIM, in spite of extenuating circustances!

 

I am at a cross roads - I want to be there for him. But as a friend now...

[Leigh 87]

...

...

Not that I'm a fan of this relationship but...

 

Have you thought of calling him? You've been dating a month and he is living a major life event. What's wrong with letting him know you're thinking of him?

 

He knows.

 

I have always been very vocal about my support and the fact I am 100% there for him.

 

I wait until he texts. I initiate some. Today he didn;t text so I did. He never replied.

 

He knows very well I think of him.....

 

If he was also thinking about me at all, he'd have texted me today. Which he didn't, plus he ignored MY text.....

[Leigh 87]

...

...

Not that I'm a fan of this relationship but...

 

Have you thought of calling him? You've been dating a month and he is living a major life event. What's wrong with letting him know you're thinking of him?

 

And we are not in ANY kind of "relationship"

 

I am single.

 

His actons indicate that I am not on his mind at all and if he met a beautiful woman whilst out in Sydney tonight (where is claims to be staying for work), I have no idea if he would tell said woman " sorry I have a gf":sick:

 

You see, without texting me daily, I simply do not feel like a guy is into me or gives a damn. Sure, he'd care if I were killed, but you know... If you're on guys mind, HE CALLS. Not necessarily much in all cases but they do, daily. IF they are enamoured.

 

If he does end up getting back to me, I will officially end it. However, something tells me there is nothing there to end in his mind.

 

Because either he is not that into me OR it is his life events that are curerntly unfolding....

[Leigh 87]

Thanks for all your support.

 

 

I didn't realise how bad his situation was. I just thought that I wanted to be there for a guy no matter what, if we both had feelings that could go somewhere.

 

I do try. My ex had a disability and I tried for ten months. In the end I realised I really disliked his personality in general. This killed the chemistry. But I would have totally stuck by somoene with his disability had we dated PRIOR to it occurring... I was trying to be compassionate. And accept a man at his worst, if I am to get him at his best....

 

Now that I have gone through the process of breaking it off ( gone through the motions, I simply have to tell him) I can see a few things I would favour in a partner that he lacked.

 

For one, I do not care for anal sex. Second of all, he didn't kiss me or make out with me enough although he wasn't stingy with it either. And lastly, when we greated one another, he was not one to be expressive and embrace or kiss me!

 

On the plus side, this guy made me feel REALLY desirable and attractive. I now believe that a cute or attractive guy may actually find me desirable enough looking to date. I really had low self confidence prior to him. So he did lift my self esteem, since he can get pretty women yet chose me, and ALWAYS made me feel like I was gorgeous!

 

All in all, another dating experience I will look back on fondly and I had more fun than I spent upset over it!

[ExpatInItaly]

I feel like I just witnessed a hypomanic episode.

 

I totally agree.

 

Leigh...your anxiety and hurt over this are jumping right off the computer screen. The posts outlining his sexual preferences and the size of his member are a bit strange if I'm being honest. You appear to be desperate to convince us (or more correctly, yourself) that you're over it and already moved on. Take it down a notch, for your own benefit. It's normal to feel disappointed and sad. You appear to be in denial of how this hurts you...the intensity in this thread is alarming.

[Leigh 87]

I totally agree.

 

Leigh...your anxiety and hurt over this are jumping right off the computer screen. The posts outlining his sexual preferences and the size of his member are a bit strange if I'm being honest. You appear to be desperate to convince us (or more correctly, yourself) that you're over it and already moved on. Take it down a notch, for your own benefit. It's normal to feel disappointed and sad. You appear to be in denial of how this hurts you...the intensity in this thread is alarming.

 

I'm being serious, I never expected dating to last. So I'm really not suprised.

 

It appears he's done a disappearing act which makes me think very lowly of him, which in turn makes healing easier.

 

Make no mistake. I EXPECT men to disappear or to disappoint me somewhat within or around the first month.

 

Of course I miss him. But I've gone through the motions now and feel single again.

[GemmaUK]

He sounds like a real catch! Not!!

 

He's vile about his last ex and about all his other ex's too.

Basically tells you he usually goes for hotties an chose differently this time.

Has a drink and drug problem which funnily enough he doesn't take responsibility for as that was down to his ex. I doubt she forced him to drink and take drugs.

He also doesn't get on with any of his family.

 

I'd be blocking his number to make sure he could never contact me again.

[fitnessfan365]

Leigh, I know that you like to plan/pay for dates every so often. So from that aspect you don't make a guy feel like it's one sided.

 

But one thing I did notice is that you talk a lot about how a guy should initiate communication. Reach out at least once a day, how an entire weekend went by without HIM contacting YOU, etc.. My question is, why aren't you initiating communication yourself more often? I actually enjoy initiating most of the time. But if she never reaches out first at all, I'd get sick of it after awhile. I mean the fact that you'd rather assume a guy disappears than actually reach out to him proves my point. When a guy suddenly starts to back off, take an honest look at how much work you're actually putting in. If he's been initiating ALL communication, he's sick of doing all the work. A traditional dynamic is great. But at some point, a woman has to start putting herself out there more in all aspects.

Edited April 18, 2015 by fitnessfan365

[Leigh 87]

He sounds like a real catch! Not!!

 

He's vile about his last ex and about all his other ex's too.

Basically tells you he usually goes for hotties an chose differently this time.

Has a drink and drug problem which funnily enough he doesn't take responsibility for as that was down to his ex. I doubt she forced him to drink and take drugs.

He also doesn't get on with any of his family.

 

I'd be blocking his number to make sure he could never contact me again.

 

Excuse me?

 

He never said he goes for hotties...

 

I deduced that.

 

And I AM as hot as his ex by most people's standards. I'm slimmer, have a much better figure and I am as pretty or prettier to most.

 

....he DID think I was a hottie and he showed me off to his friends......

 

How rude.

[Leigh 87]

He sounds like a real catch! Not!!

 

He's vile about his last ex and about all his other ex's too.

Basically tells you he usually goes for hotties an chose differently this time.

Has a drink and drug problem which funnily enough he doesn't take responsibility for as that was down to his ex. I doubt she forced him to drink and take drugs.

He also doesn't get on with any of his family.

 

I'd be blocking his number to make sure he could never contact me again.

 

 

You do realise I have a porn star body that most men drool over? The men who like curvy of course... Not all men are into large boobs and bottoms.... And my ex was a t and ass man? I have a very nice smile. I'm not Megan Fox but I WAS NOT a girl that he went for because " he wanted a change from hotties ":sick:

 

I heard him thing his friends AND my friends that I was " so beautiful "

 

He told me all the time what a hottie he thought I was.

 

I know when a man is highly attracted to me thankyou.... I've been with a man who want so I know very well when a guy falls hard for my looks.....

 

Sorry but from the first moment he thought I was gorgeous. I could see his initial reaction to me.

 

I'm not stupid. I know when a man is instantly enamoured by my looks.

 

I avoid men who aren't very attracted to me. Since I had such a traumatic time with men who just weren't into my looks.

[Leigh 87]

Leigh, I know that you like to plan/pay for dates every so often. So from that aspect you don't make a guy feel like it's one sided.

 

But one thing I did notice is that you talk a lot about how a guy should initiate communication. Reach out at least once a day, how an entire weekend went by without HIM contacting YOU, etc.. My question is, why aren't you initiating communication yourself more often? I actually enjoy initiating most of the time. But if she never reaches out first at all, I'd get sick of it after awhile. I mean the fact that you'd rather assume a guy disappears than actually reach out to him proves my point. When a guy suddenly starts to back off, take an honest look at how much work you're actually putting in. If he's been initiating ALL communication, he's sick of doing all the work. A traditional dynamic is great. But at some point, a woman has to start putting herself out there more in all aspects.

 

 

 

He didn't contact me all day yesterday.

 

I sent one text in the evening. He never responded.

 

When he was away last weekend he sent a good morning and a goodnight text and that was it. But at least he got into contact.

 

I've done my bit. I reached out to him once last night. I'm sure he got my text and chose to ignore it.

 

If he texts I'll agree to meet him....I'll act normal.

 

Then when and if I do see him again I'll just say hey, I'll be your friend and I am always here if u need support or someone to keep u company now and again if things get tough for u. But I don't believe you're that into me and I'm not even sure why you want to date me, seeing as u barely feel like talking. You will be much happier staying single and dealing with your issues and then waiting for the right girl. I feel u jumped on me when u didnt truly wait for a girl u were really into.. And nor are u in a position to date.

 

We live close by. I'm a very supportive person and I'd be happy to see him if he's ever feeling upset or stressed about his situation.

 

This was just a simple case of a man dating before he was ready and him just not being that into me.

[Leigh 87]

Want to stress that this was NOT a matter of his lack of attraction to me.

 

The guy was gone from moment one. I attract men who find me their type! I've never attracted men who didn't seem to be very hooked on my appearance. They all went for me because they thought I was gorgeous. I'm not imaging things, I know how men act when they feel intense attraction and I heard all men brag to their mates that " my new girlfriend is so gorgeous I feel so lucky I punched above my weight "

 

They'd often tell me that they felt proud to show me off since other guys looked at me often and I was theirs.

 

I so do not get treated like I am the a type of girl who men " settle for "looks wise. Me who are enamoured by petite blonds tend to go for petite blonds. Men who are into short black bobs and pale skin, go for that. Men with options go for what they want.

 

Recent ex goes gaga for women who are curvy with boobs and bottoms in plentiful supply. His celeb crush is Penelope Cruz over the button nosed girl next door look that most guys prefer....

 

I'm fairly sure the guy felt the mutual intence sexual chemistry and didn't feel like he was " settling "

 

His bimbo ex wasn't better looking than me. She had blonde damaged looking hair and bigger boobs that were very saggy. Where as mine are 32 DDs and perky. My ex was obsessed and enamoured by my body.

 

So yeah, the guy was definitely very attracted to me. He just, for whatever reason, lost interest and is sure not in a position to date anyway.

 

When he's in a place to date I'm sure he will find a partner who he's more into and he would never dissapear on. I believe he was very sexually attracted to me abd that the reason he just wasn't that into me extended beyond the superficial.

[Leigh 87]

Well after over a day of silence I texted.

 

" is everything ok?

 

There was a time when you would have gotten very upset had I just stopped texting you for days. Now it seems like you don't mind if we don't talk

 

It's early on so I would still like to be friends - we live close by, I am always here for support or a friend to talk to if you need it

 

Hope I haven't done anything to upset you.

 

Leigh xxx :)"

[Leigh 87]

He finally texted.

 

" you did nothing wrong, just going through alot of ****"

 

Me: " U know my number. Call anytime if u need something. Even if u have a heavy drinking episode and need looking after, u know I am around the corner and would look after u.

Will always be ur friend if u want that,

 

Leigh xx"

 

So, he will either try things with his bimbo ex until she cheats again one day. Then he will date someone else once over her properly rather than going back to me.

Or, he won't go back to his ex. And when he is ready to date, he will likely go back online and find a girl he is truly into. AKA not me, LOL.

 

My friends and parents believe he seemed truly into me initially and I honestly felt at least HE "though" he was really into me.

 

We think things that aren't true sometimes though! I thought I was into a guy not long ago. But when he started stuttering all the time (he had a very bad stutter), I lost attraction and I realise the chemistry and attraction was not genuine enough to overlook a very normal character trait like stuttering.

 

He was also confused. I explained that I did feel I was into him initially but soon realised my heart wasn't in it.

 

It happens.

Edited April 19, 2015 by Leigh 87

[Conners]

He finally texted.

 

" you did nothing wrong, just going through alot of ****"

 

Me: " U know my number. Call anytime if u need something. Even if u have a heavy drinking episode and need looking after, u know I am around the corner and would look after u.

Will always be ur friend if u want that,

 

Leigh xx"

 

So, he will either try things with his bimbo ex until she cheats again one day. Then he will date someone else once over her properly rather than going back to me.

Or, he won't go back to his ex. And when he is ready to date, he will likely go back online and find a girl he is truly into. AKA not me, LOL.

 

My friends and parents believe he seemed truly into me initially and I honestly felt at least HE "though" he was really into me.

 

We think things that aren't true sometimes though! I thought I was into a guy not long ago. But when he started stuttering all the time (he had a very bad stutter), I lost attraction and I realise the chemistry and attraction was not genuine enough to overlook a very normal character trait like stuttering.

 

He was also confused. I explained that I did feel I was into him initially but soon realised my heart wasn't in it.

 

It happens.

 

Wait, so you've texted him making it look like you're not angry, paranoid or anxious saying "ill always be here if you want to chat" or whatever. When all you've done here is bad mouth his actions and behavior.

 

I also cringed when you referred to your body as a "porn star body". Please don't. It sounds soooooo douchey!

[Conners]

I've also said before, in my experience the men who come on the strongest are the ones who disappear the quickest. When the tables are turned, the same can be said for yourself Leigh. You claimed to love this guy already but you are already talking about going out to an Irish bar and picking up!?

[joseb]

I feel like I just witnessed a hypomanic episode.

 

You and me both.

 

Leigh, please don't take this as me having a go, but from reading this thread alone I can see that you need to do some serious introspection before you are ready to date. You get into relationships with guys barely out of serious relationships, with babies to boot. And all you seemed worried about was that he didn't text enough.

You seem obsessed with getting constant validation from guys, and going on about how physically attractive you are, yet you doubt this unless a guy is giving you that validation. This is no way to live your life.

Take some time out, if nothing else to grieve this relationship you say you are over, and focus on you and improving your self esteem so it's not tied to the whims of some guy.