Got intimate with 2 guys whilst drunk. Is this cheating

[Space Ritual]

Remember when I told you that although you told him the truth that along with that please don't minimize anything. This is Exactly what I warned you about. If you are going to try to look into the minutiae whether it WAS really considered cheating or playing 'What If", which you are currently doing, your BF will lose whatever trust he has left in you very quickly and you will be free to bandy about with anyone at the Campsite you want because you will be single.

 

Seriously OP, this one should have been a no brainer from the start. Going into this stage of what constitutes act versus intention is an attempt to minimize your role and I am telling you now you are setting yourself up for something like this to happen again.

 

Let me be completely blunt and honest with you. And again take what I say with a boatload of salt if you wish but I have been to more rodeos than I care to admit and I've seen and done stuff that would make your head spin and not in a good way.

 

Young people go out, get drunk and high, and screw around

Old people do it too, but that's not important right now......lol..hey I'm old i can say it.

 

What I am trying to say here is don't make promises you are not going to be able to keep no matter what. Like the drinking part. You will build up resentment toward what you promised and eventually cave into peer pressure and perhaps this will happen again when you are pissed off at your BF or something. At any rate keep your eye on the ball and stop bargaining with yourself. Yes you were truthful with your BF but trying to explain it away as a mitigating circumstance is going to backfire bigtime and you will eventually sabotage the very thing you are trying to save, and that's your relationship.

 

I know it's not what you wanted to hear, but I'm calling it like I see it.

[Poutrew]

I am just wondering if you would have been as truthful to you BF if the friend who saw you down on the ground with your arm wrapped around the other guy told you that you were giving the guy a sloppy drunk BJ?

 

 

If you can't honestly say yes, then your truth is self-serving, and you need to examine yourself and your motivations closely. I recommend a full length mirror... making a new years type resolution to lay off the booze isn't going to cut it long term.

[Space Ritual]

So it's okay, because he was a bit ugly?

 

What if he wasn't? Then you would have been okay with it?

 

LMFAO!

Man that line of reasoning......only because I am hideous to look at...man if that could have been me back in the day when I was young and Kind of ugly instead of Old and really ugly now and I was misinterpreting all that Platonic stuff I'd have had it made back then!!!

 

 

Diezel I had to read that like times 20 because i could not stop laughing. well done sir!

[Spectre]

A lot of people are patting her on the back for telling the guy the truth. Except she didn't really do that. She gave him some trickle truth, she told him the truth while still adding lies in there. That is what makes t his so bad, when you mix truth with lies. So I do not commend you on telling him because of the way you told him. The way you told him pretty much insured he will have major trust issues with you.

 

When I read your topic I felt your boyfriend deserved to know the truth, but you told him in such a way that you could manipulate him. You told him in a public place and when he got upset you used that as an excuse not to tell the whole truth. Then later on when pressed you only told the truth when he said other people were there and would tell him what happened.

 

Your bf is going to have a hard time trusting you..pretty much whenever you are out without him, he will be wondering if you are drinking and "comforting" other guys.

Edited April 27, 2015 by Spectre

[Phoenician]

A lot of people are patting her on the back for telling the guy the truth. Except she didn't really do that. She gave him some trickle truth, she told him the truth while still adding lies in there. That is what makes t his so bad, when you mix truth with lies. So I do not commend you on telling him because of the way you told him. The way you told him pretty much insured he will have major trust issues with you.

 

When I read your topic I felt your boyfriend deserved to know the truth, but you told him in such a way that you could manipulate him. You told him in a public place and when he got upset you used that as an excuse not to tell the whole truth. Then later on when pressed you only told the truth when he said other people were there and would tell him what happened.

 

Your bf is going to have a hard time trusting you..pretty much whenever you are out without him, he will be wondering if you are drinking and "comforting" other guys.

 

 

 

Dear spectre ,

 

Op is 20 , she is young , when we were twenty at college I bet majority of us were jerks !

 

I just want to say that sometimes , advise is also related to age , if a 30 years women did the same when married then it could be different .

 

Im at my forties now and if me or my partner see a like on social media it will be considered so different ...

 

You can be killed if you get a like from a lady at age of 40:)

 

Boundaries are related to state of the relation, I recall in my 30 I travelled at work with a female , nothing happened , and there was no way I would do anything .

 

now if I travel with a cat , wife will be jealous , because i am vulnerable .

 

I see op made mistakes , but if she loves him he should not be an ********* anymore and keeping spying on her ; an alarming issue to me is that he questioned all friends and so on .

 

if what is between them is real , he can be angry , but shortly after that he should think about setting the boundaries for the future ; the way I see it ; she took him to a public place to avoid his rage , and he is controlling her too.

 

it is non mature relation , when it becomes real , boundaries are set automatically .

 

and there is no unconditional love

 

it is like a garden , a flower will not grow by itself and stay alive ...

 

 

What i mean since real agreed boundaries are not set yet , it means