FolderWife Posted April 20, 2005 Posted April 20, 2005 Originally posted by Adunaphel - I feel like i have to compete with the girls in the porn. When she said, "I feel like I have to compete with the girls in the porn," she didn't just mean that's how she FEELS, but our men do things to make us feel like we don't measure up to fantasy bimbos. They'll nag us about our cleaning, mention those few extra pounds we have, suggest ways to fix our hair...etc. Mine couldn't keep a hard on. He was watching porn and masterbating so much that when I wanted sex, he couldn't keep it up. Or maybe it wasn't that he was spent, but simply that I wasn't as hot at his porn women. I'm begging for it, and he's wasting a perfectly good erection on a PORNO! And then when I walk around in sexy lacey underwear, and I feel like I'm hot stuff, he says, "You better watch your dimples." and points to my thighs! He isn't like that when he's not watching porn.
followingthru Posted April 21, 2005 Posted April 21, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale If women refused to be involved in the making of porn in the 1st place then the only porn out there would be man-on-man porn. And very few hetero males would be interested in that! oh my! how i do wish that it was that simple and that all the women who have been involved in porn understood exactly what they were doing, what its implications for our culture were and felt like they had a choice.
followingthru Posted April 21, 2005 Posted April 21, 2005 Originally posted by Grinning Maniac I can only speak for myself but that's how masturbation is for ME. Mostly just a quick wank to take the edge off the day. One notch above scratching my ass on the Intimacy-O-Meter. From my point of view, all of the women who make things sound as if their men are having a deep, loving, passionate "affair" with a *still image* of a, for all intents and purposes, *fictional* person...are idiots. Hear that? You're idiots. Sorry. You lose. Cry me a river. i hope i'm not being redundant, but i get impatient so i skip some of the comments as i'm looking at this stuff. anyway, i don't think that anyone thinks that their boyfriend/husband/significant other of some other sort is having a loving affair with a still image of a fictional person. if they did, then they would be idiots. BUT if you can't see that the problem women have with porn is that they think that the person they are with doesn't think that they are as hot as the porn stars, it not only makes them feel insecure in their relationship, it hurts their entire self image, then you might be an idiot. of course, it isn't just porn that does this. its all media. our whole f*cking culture is aimed at making women feel bad b/c they don't look like the model on the magazine. (who, btw, doesn't look like that either). maybe women who are upset about porn should just tell their significant others that if they want sex, they have to make them feel sexy - and i don't mean turn them on - i mean make them feel like they are f*cking sexy women.
Grinning Maniac Posted April 21, 2005 Posted April 21, 2005 Originally posted by HokeyReligions Me thinks you have totally confused PORN with MASTURBATION. Two entirely different things! I think you might be confused. I always thought the purpose of porn was to add to masturbation. Sort of a "Handjob Helper", if you will. Is there any other purpose to it even existing? I can't say that I've ever just sat around and watched a porno for the hell of it without already having the intention to have a wank. Maybe I'm the odd duck in the room, but to me, porn and masturbation are like peanut butter and jelly... Yeah peanut butter is alright by itself, and so is eating a big glob of jam if you're jonesing for sugar I suppose...but the two things put together are pretty much the standard. And so it goes... Originally posted by HokeyReligions Also, if anyone believes that viewing pornography is cheating the relationship--they are not wrong, and to qualify everyone's belief by the standards of a few is pure arrogance and ignorance. If they are cheated out of intimacy, or the specialness of sex because of their SO's porn viewing, it's still cheating and this is something that couples need to define for each other. People do not have to tolerate any kind of activity that is detrimental to their feelings or views. They need t address it and either make changes or learn to accept it or decide that they are not right for each other and move on to others who share the same views. Its no different than drinking or smoking or religious differences. If someone believes that their partner having a wank to relieve some tension is the same thing as knowingly decieving them while they persue and sleep with another woman...I suppose there'd be nothing more we could discuss. I simply sounds insane to me. I can understand how a woman might feel insecure about themself in such a situation, but wouldn't it be more logical to calmly discuss the matter with their partner and hear out their motives instead of automatically jumping on the "cheating bastard who doesn't love me" boat? I'll wholeheartedly agree with you on one point though. All of the fighting is completely useless. If a person can decide to actually hear the other person out and listen to their side of things, their reasons, their assurances, and are still feeling terrible about the whole thing...maybe they just don't need to be together. *shrug* It's important to be with someone who feels the same as you about sex. At least I think so.
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 21, 2005 Posted April 21, 2005 I always thought the purpose of porn was to add to masturbation. Sort of a "Handjob Helper", if you will. Is there any other purpose to it even existing? Nope. The problem comes when the woman's idea of 'normal' in terms of masturbation clashes with the man's idea of 'normal'. For many women, I guess in their 'normal' a man just sits in the bathroom and his mind is a hygienic and innocent blank slate during his mechanical and meaningless 'pumping' to 'relieve pressure' - or his masturbation fantasy only includes his wife/girlfriend - in a direct mirroring of what he normally does with her in his bedroom during regular sex. In a man's normal, its a time to use visual aids to flood his mind with erotic and forbidden images - images of sensual and exaggerated unreal eroticism, to add to the intensity of the orgasm. His time to tap into a sexual fantasy world of forbidden and erotic pleasures that he doesn't experience IRL. It is a series of images, of imagined sensations - not even a played out romantic fantasy - but a collection of various things - it might be the face or mouth of one girl, or the memory of the taste of another girl - or the visual image of another girl with the money shot on her face. Women, parts of women - lots of them - some of me, some of other women he knows, some are actions on the screen that are erotic, not necessarily the actual woman but what is being done to her... (as Mr. B describes what he thinks about when he masturbates.) It isn't just that woman on the screen that he's masturbating to - its the flood of images and recollections that come to his mind as a result of watching it. For some men, this visual aid of porn helps to stimulate that flood of images in his mind. It makes it more intense. Many woman just can't handle it that in his 'normal' this flooding of images rarely includes (just) her. No matter how you slice it, most of the time, it comes down to that one thing: that she wants to be his only source of sexual pleasure: even to the point of what he thinks about and looks at when he masturbates.
leila222 Posted April 21, 2005 Posted April 21, 2005 I am amazed at what mysugaree had to say. I thought it was so interesting. I am just about to begin my masters and one of the main things I am examining is pornography. My major concern is violent pornography and to say it doesn't exist or isn't common is ridiculous. Even the language used to promote porn sites is derogatory! 'Watch this bi*t** take it up the...' Coke Who*es get fu&*ed etc etc. Play boy is one thing but Hustler had a magazine cover with half of a woman's body in a meat grinder!!! How is this sexy? And these are just examples of the mainstream stuff... unfortunately, snuff films are not an urban myth. What does this say about our society? Our men? Sex? Women's status in society? I know porn is subjective and I obviously have my opinions. Its not that I worry about my boyfriend lusting after another... I worry about the power dynamics involved. Not all men want to view violent porn but a lot of men unwittingly do. What does repeated exposure do?
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 21, 2005 Posted April 21, 2005 Because violence in sex is suppressed IRL and the only outlet people have is to view it in a fantasy setting. Some people carry over that fantasy over into real life though - but that happens across the board, whether it be video games or violent movies. This stuff is created because it appeals to some very basic thing inside some people - because it can't be done in real life - those fantasies are recreated in a visual medium. Does that mean Joe Husband is going to look at something by Dirty Sanchez where he smacks up the women and forces them to blow him until they throw up and then in turn want to do the same to his wife? Not necessarily - but it allows him to safely and vicariously tap that curiosity and that fantasy that some men have of total violent domination over a woman - a fantasy of which his wife and his emotional investment for his wife plays absolutely no part. Yes, some people do have very deep, dark fantasies that include any number of appalling and sexually brutal acts - and that stuff is designed to appeal to that. Is it dangerous? Will it brainwash people who don't have those fantasies to begin with to have them and carry them out? Some people will crack and carry out these acts, but not every person who watches and fills that fantasy need is going to crack in the same way. Some people cannot distinguish fantasy from reality and that is dangerous in any medium: from the woman who cannot function in normal relationships because she wants the 'movie version' of love and romance to the man who watches brutal and bizarre porn and loses the ability to function sexually outside of that fantasy life. Is that the fault of the medium? Tough question, when you really think about it. The arguments on this are largely circular. Is the medium a reflection of our society's ills or the cause of them? Me? I think art imitates life, and that most human beings are largely in denial of who and what they really are and are capable of as human animals - even in the face of 'civility', 'religion' and so on.
Jeffrey Posted April 22, 2005 Posted April 22, 2005 No effective rebuttal? Eh? All she did was list a long list of her own personal insecurities. Umm, how about: Perusing porn in no way shape or form, is a measure of someone's feelings for another, or lack of feelings. The so-called logic you're using says that someone who drinks 1-2 beers 2 or 3 days a week is going to ruin a family from alcoholism. Originally posted by MySugaree A brilliant Brief against porn, Adunaphel. Your indictment is pragmatic, personal and filled with particulars. LS's porn fan boys and girls will have no effective rebuttal. They'll only blame the relationship (or, cruelly, the victimized woman) for the havoc that porn can cause in an otherwise good relationship. For them, it's blame the woman, never the porn.
Jeffrey Posted April 22, 2005 Posted April 22, 2005 Ok, so it's bad if they use porn RATHER than being intimate with a parter then? If a couple has a good sex life and great relationship, it's not 'bottom' for one to look at it? Ya know, it's possible that some ppl peruse porn for just what it is, a buzz. Nothing more, nothing less. Originally posted by MySugaree So the aggrieved porn victim "chooses" to "find" a problem with porn. That a lover/husband jacks-off to sexual depictions, rather than be intimate with her, is the woman's hang-up. It's only a question of respect and tolerance, which the woman apparently lacks for her partner's "belief system." The porn problem will be solved only when women become open, tolerant and pluralist regarding their partners' sexual entertainment choices. If only life, love and relationships were as antiseptically rational as faux believes. Porn consumption is not stamp collecting, it is not a "belief system." Porn consumption is, at bottom, about sex, desire, choice of partner and respect. Why is it that the aggrieved woman must "respect" her porn addled partner's viewing of teen anal sex but her partner can, with impunity, disregard her belief system, desires and wishes? That's a one way street. At bottom, relationships are messy. Life is not as rational as bold face type. And men don't jerk-off to belief systems. Rather, they masturbate to pictures of young pretty women fuccking and getting fuccked. There's the real reason why women who oppose their partners' porn consumption are made to feel incompetent, illegitimate and intolerant. Boys love to jack-off to porn and woe to the woman who challenges this "ingrained" gender right to jerk-off. She, not porn, will be viewed as part of the problem. This debate is about power, not porn. And men still wield the power--and their right hands. Porn is a cancer to many relationships--regardless of how good it makes Johnny Jack-off feel.
Jeffrey Posted April 22, 2005 Posted April 22, 2005 That's not a porn problem, that's a relationship problem. Originally posted by Monday When she said, "I feel like I have to compete with the girls in the porn," she didn't just mean that's how she FEELS, but our men do things to make us feel like we don't measure up to fantasy bimbos. They'll nag us about our cleaning, mention those few extra pounds we have, suggest ways to fix our hair...etc. Mine couldn't keep a hard on. He was watching porn and masterbating so much that when I wanted sex, he couldn't keep it up. Or maybe it wasn't that he was spent, but simply that I wasn't as hot at his porn women. I'm begging for it, and he's wasting a perfectly good erection on a PORNO! And then when I walk around in sexy lacey underwear, and I feel like I'm hot stuff, he says, "You better watch your dimples." and points to my thighs! He isn't like that when he's not watching porn.
lindya Posted May 1, 2005 Posted May 1, 2005 Hardcore porn just makes me want to tie my legs in a knot. That's my objection to it - it's a purely gut reaction. Some things are fine as fantasies in your head - or talked about in bed to spice things up - but seeing violent/degrading sex acted out on a DVD just makes me feel queasy and would be liable to make me feel hostile towards my partner if he wanted us to watch it together. As a generalisation, men do seem to get more stimulation from visual images more than women do.
muffin Posted May 2, 2005 Posted May 2, 2005 I think there is a difference in a guy that looks at porn recreationally now and then, especially if he is honest about it with his partner and even includes her if she's so inclined. As opposed to one who tries to hide it and spends hours and hours on end on the computer, shut away from his partner and other things in life. I also think it could be a problem if it was causing him to develop a separate sexual life with the porn, and causing him to alienate or lose interest in his partner. Like anything that can lead to addiction, it can end up causing hurtful treatment of others.
surfer2000 Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 I am curious as to why women are threatened by porn myself. I am sure there are some guys who look at it and wish that had something better or different than who they are with but I can answer for myself that I love to look at women naked (especially real women and not models off some site) and even when I do that I don’t love my wife any less at all and I don’t go to bed wishing someone else were in bed with me. It is just a fun fantasy that goes away when I shut off the computer and I will admit I use sometimes to relieve myself but it has not changed how I feel about my wife so she would have o reason to resent my viewing of naked women.
seranade_u_silly Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 Porn is more about men's desire rather than his expectation and women should not/need not regard it as something threatening to their relationships. Women are emotionally orientated and so have a distaste for pornography, these women need to realise that most men are basically and sexually driven creatures. In fact I believe that under normal circumstances, every third male thought is a sexual one. Nobody can be THAT committed to a sexual relationship, nobody can be there everytime their partner is alone and feeling a bit horny. Porn comes into play more for these sorts of situations than any other (I mean would you rather have your man cheating on you with a hooker??). Of course there are some of us who for whatever reason will hardly ever (if ever) find themselves in sexual situation with a female. All they know is rejection from women so porn is a solution for them. A conservative society is largely to blame for the success of porn. Dominant religions and political leaders frown on promiscuity and women are probably more sexually reserved than the creator had ever intended. This is the catalyst as men do not enjoy having sex under the covers and with the lights off. Furthermore the information age has given us celebrities with a social responsibility to be physically attractive. By trying to live up to their standards we remove ourselves from normal life where everything is not that pretty. It sucks. Scouts will snap up every exceptionally gorgeous girl out there and turn her into a famous person's partner without fail. The are very few of these kinds of girls walking around the street anymore while good looking males are common. So what happens? Fewer and fewer men will be able to mingle with beautiful women on par with who they see on the screen. That is the reality. Porn can remove men from that reality, we can get the women with the hourglass figures and the healthy libidos we have always dreamt about because those women do not exist in our lives as they're all going out with Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt.
Toni_no12002 Posted August 31, 2005 Posted August 31, 2005 i think porn is for single guys!theres no excuse for a man to look at porn when hes got a girlfriend.someone said why should he give up porn when hes been watching it since he was 13?there are a number of reasons. if your partner gets upset about it why would you want to upset the person you love for some tart in porn?? fair enough men need to masturbate alot of the time but why cant you make a video with your girlfriend and masturbate to that? people have different views of this subject personally i dont agree to someone watching porn when they have the real life thing there for them.but hey thats just me can i ask something to the men?? is it the women in porn you like watching or the act itself? if its the women you like why get with a girlfriend who doesnt look like them? if its the act why not have sex with your girlfriend,if shes not up for it make a video together and watch that when your horney lol that way your girlfriend wont get upset and you wont go without!
nosybear819 Posted August 31, 2005 Posted August 31, 2005 I didn't read every reply posted yet but the reason that I didn't like my ex to have his nasty magazines and videos was because the girls in there are just raunchy nasty girls doing raunchy nasty things and in my mind i was thinking - eww!! i can't beleive he finds this attractive or a turn-on. and also I hope he doesn't expect me to do that I mean those girls do some strange things guys So I guess I was repulsed by the fact that he could like something that was so unappealing to me. On the other hand since we dated for so long we came to an agreement that he'd get rid of his magazines and only buy the videos because I found them to be quite cheezy & comical - and I do have to admit that every now and then I did get in the mood as a result BUT I do still frown upon men going to those daaaamn strip clubs or as I call them naked bars It freaks me out that's probably a whole different subject though
JPMorgan Posted August 31, 2005 Posted August 31, 2005 I'm not threatened by porn. How could I be threatened by something that I find distasteful and disgusting and sinful? I think the women are nothing but ignorant sluts and the same with the men. Anyone who would have sex for money -- whether its in front of a camera or on a street corner is just trashy and I want nothing to do with them or with the 'sex' industry. I think porn is filth for a lot of reason. I think its rather pathetic that some men feel the need to masturbate but cannot do it without porn. My problem with porn? Keep it away from me and mine; don't slap me in the face with it on billboards and TV and I have no problem with it.
crazy_grl Posted August 31, 2005 Posted August 31, 2005 Didn't read through all the replies, but here's my 2 cents: I don't get "upset" about porn. It's there, people are gonna watch it, whatever. But I won't get involved with a guy who watches it. I don't mind still pics much at all, but the videos are just so... artificial and contrived, occassionally downright repulsive and degrading, usually to the woman. (And please don't argue that porn is not at all degrading. I'm not saying it all is. Some is not. Some is, very much so.) Every porn I've seen has just flat out turned me off... even when I was very excited when I started watching. And the thought that my guy would be turned on by it turns me off too. So if he were watching it regularly, I'd be seriously turned off to him. The only thing that actually upsets me about porn is that women are expected to just deal with it, even get therapy to handle it, and are labeled as prudes if they don't like their guy watching porn.
country gal Posted August 31, 2005 Posted August 31, 2005 personally i dont care if my man watches/ reads porn on occasion. as long as its not some wacked out addiction and i dont feel neglected, its fine. sometimes i'll even join him. on the other hand, i dont really care for porn pretty much for the same reasons i dont care for all the oversexualized images in magazines, ads, movies, etc. in short, i feel that these types of media and images objectify women (and many times men) while trivializing sex and relationships.... thus in some part contributing to our materialistic, satisfaction-seeking, and divorce ridden society. granted there are much larger pieces to that puzzle, but a piece nonetheless. just my $.02
RecordProducer Posted August 31, 2005 Posted August 31, 2005 Watching porn is rather a consequence of a problem than a problem itself. It's actually derogative to blame it for the sexual problems a couple has as it's not a replacement for real sex whatsoever. It's just a poor surrogate of what's missing in the porn viewer's sex life. We watch porn when we are single or our partners are far away (no sex at all) or when we lack the foreplay, excitement, attention, love, or we fight too much, we're incompatible, the sex is not good, etc. Remember yourself at the beginning of the relationship when everything was exciting and you were passionate about your partner. Did you need porn? Of course not! The reason why you made love to your partner and it was great was not because you didn't watch porn. It's the opposite - you didn't watch porn because you desired your partner and the sex was great. If your partner uses porn material after or instead of making love to you, it's alarming. It means they are not happy with the sex life with you. If they watch porn before making love to you, it means they need additional stimulation because the passion and initial infatuation has worn out with time (which is natural) or merely because it's another toy/tool to spice up the sex life. But the sad part is that most men watch porn because they don't find their wives as physically and emotionally attractive as before. And that's the part that hurts women. It reminds them that their husbands want someone prettier and hornier... someone new. So instead of accusing your men of cheating, being insensitive and disrespectful, and sending him to therapy to get off his "awful" addiction, try to view it as a consequence of marital problems and work on your marriage generally. Just like when you feel pain, you go to the doctor to find out what causes the pain instead of just taking pain killers. The porn addiction is the spot where the marriage bleeds; find out what stabbed it. Plastering the wound is not a solution.
SixthSt.Girl Posted August 31, 2005 Posted August 31, 2005 It doesn't bother me. I don't watch it myself, though I have before, and think some of it is arrousing. That doesn't mean I didn't find my bf arrousing - it was kept separate from our relationship, and I never watched it on a regular basis or anything. None of my boyfriends were ever into porn to my knowledge, but it wouldn't neccessarily bother me if they had been. If a bf would go to great lengths to hide it from me or, on the other end of the spectrum, started comparing me to the women and commented "you should make love like that," that's a different story. I've read that some couples watch it together to help stimulate their love lives. That would be a positive aspect of porn. I don't think porn itself is evil - I think some forms of porn and the misuse of porn are wrong, though.
Jayhawks Posted August 31, 2005 Posted August 31, 2005 These are only my personal reasons: - I hate the fact that my bf fantasizes about other women on a daily basis. (I know that many men don't fantasize about being with the women in the porn, but my partner does and told me so) - I feel like i have to compete with the girls in the porn. - I hate the fact that my partner spends more time fantasizing about other women than fantasizing about me. - I feel that all the effort that I put into looking pretty for my bf is wasted because he'll look at porn pics anyway. - I feel that porn takes something away from my relationship. - my partner is so used to watching porn that me being naked is not special to him, while I feel that it should be. - I feel that if my partner spent more time fantasizing about having sex with me and less time fantasizing about having sex with porn-stars he would love me more and desire me more. - when my partner watches a lot of porn, many things that I considered a special thing between us (anal sex, or some kinds of sex play) feel no longer special to me but feel dirty instead. - I see a lot of things in a different perspective according to whether my partner watches porn or not. - I don't fantasize about other men, I don't read romance novels and **** like that, so why should he look at porn? - "Am I not enough for him????" - If I know that my bf has been fantasizing about other women it is a huge turnoff for me. - Why spend so much time surfing the internet for porn when you could spend that time with or for your partner? - i genuinely believe that whenever you fantasize about other people you are taking away from your partner and from your relationship. - if the relationship with my current boyfriend will continue or if my next bf will watch porn....well, I'm worried about the future. How am I going to feel about porn when I get old, or - worse- when I get pregnant? - I find that it is disrespectful (yes, I know how so many loveshackers hate this word) to look at porn (or to read romance novels, or to develop an addiction to romance movies, or to collect stuff about an actor/actress/singer of the opposite sex that you find attractive) when you are in a relationship. These are the reasons why women do not like porn and the reasons why men should not indulge. If you want a healthy relationship "don't do porn". My 2 cents..
RecordProducer Posted September 1, 2005 Posted September 1, 2005 I find that it is disrespectful to read romance novels, or to develop an addiction to romance movies when you are in a relationship. Okay, somebody please explain this for me. Thank you! Oh! And.. what about addiction to LS?
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