Not respecting my wishes

[Gaeta]

Update..although woman sent him a text last night saying please call me i have something to ask you. I asked if he was going to call her he said no he said I don't care what she has to say I don't care what she wants I don't care what anybody else wants what matters are your feelings. but then again ever since I asked him please not communicate with her anymore he acts like he's lost his best friend. just something doesn't add up for me

 

Why doesn't he tell her their communication has become inappropriate and should end. Any questions she has should be addressed in class.

 

So your bf did not want to cut her off because he's afraid of losing potential business but he is not afraid leaving her messages unanswered will piss her off? Interesting don't you think?

 

Why is he so afraid of being a man and do that right thing?

 

I think your bf is trying to make thing appear as if he is indifferent but he is not.

[keylime009]

The class was last summer, it was only 12 hrs. I was there helping out most of the time. This started about Oct that I am aware of. Stop being a nice guy, stand up for me and tell her it's inappropriate.

[keylime009]

I saw that no calls we're made since I voiced my concern until on the Sat when I had something going with my daughter all day that day. Then nothing until his days back at work again, which was friday. He deletes the text log but not smart enough to delete the call log which shows everything. Text were deleted and he never told me that she he had contact with her. He said at one time, it's just business and dont think i need to tell you every time she cobtacts me. He had a 10min conversation with her yesterday but couldnt take time to call me. He is hiding it for some reason, I'm not sure why. I'm not sure to tell him I know she is, contacting him and at times responds, can't tell if he does to text but I know with the call! I'm beyond frustrated

[introverted1]

I saw that no calls we're made since I voiced my concern until on the Sat when I had something going with my daughter all day that day. Then nothing until his days back at work again, which was friday. He deletes the text log but not smart enough to delete the call log which shows everything. Text were deleted and he never told me that she he had contact with her. He said at one time, it's just business and dont think i need to tell you every time she cobtacts me. He had a 10min conversation with her yesterday but couldnt take time to call me. He is hiding it for some reason, I'm not sure why. I'm not sure to tell him I know she is, contacting him and at times responds, can't tell if he does to text but I know with the call! I'm beyond frustrated

 

I think at this point you have to decide whether babysitting his call/text logs is something you are up for doing for the long haul, because it seems pretty clear that he cannot or will not cut off contact with this woman. Can you accept being in a relationship with someone who needs outside validation (at best)?

 

You can't change him. All you can do is decide whether to accept what's going on or move on.

[Gaeta]

I saw that no calls we're made since I voiced my concern until on the Sat when I had something going with my daughter all day that day. Then nothing until his days back at work again, which was friday. He deletes the text log but not smart enough to delete the call log which shows everything. Text were deleted and he never told me that she he had contact with her. He said at one time, it's just business and dont think i need to tell you every time she cobtacts me. He had a 10min conversation with her yesterday but couldnt take time to call me. He is hiding it for some reason, I'm not sure why. I'm not sure to tell him I know she is, contacting him and at times responds, can't tell if he does to text but I know with the call! I'm beyond frustrated

 

I have a friend in the same exact situation as you. She would follow her boyfriend's phone activity online in his phone account. He use to call and text an ex girlfriend. She would confront him with it and he'd swear to her she was just a friend, blahblahlah. At some point ***** hit the fan and he told her he was very unhappy in their sex life and he was confining in this ex.

 

It's never innocent. Follow your gut feeling.

[katiegrl]

Update..although woman sent him a text last night saying please call me i have something to ask you.

 

I asked if he was going to call her he said

 

**no he said I don't care what she has to say I don't care what she wants I don't care what anybody else wants what matters are your feelings**

 

but then again ever since I asked him please not communicate with her anymore he acts like he's lost his best friend. just something doesn't add up for me

 

^^ Quote in Asterisk-- That almost sounds like sarcasm to me. Like you're the wicked witch, and all that should matter in this world are "your" feelings.

 

He is acting like a big whiny baby IMO. The victim, instead of the culprit. Boo hoo, poor me, my demanding girlfriend won't let me talk to my female business colleagues...because she's insecure.

 

I think I said this before, but I would be packing my bags and leaving. Your leaving will say much more than anything you actually *say* in this instance.

 

Then he can talk to her and see her however often he wants...as for you, you're moving on to find a man who actually gives a shyt.

 

I am so sorry key lime....

Edited May 3, 2015 by katiegrl

[keylime009]

I just about hit a breaking point last night. I feel A bit numb right now. Back a few weeks ago at work he was passed out at work and had to go to ER. When I asked why he didn't call me to pick him up, he said because my soon to be ex is still his emergency contact and that his boss picked him up, drove him home. He lives in the next town over where he works from. I saw that he had text his soon to be ex to come pick him up, not me

She even asked why he called and text her and not me. all he replied was just come get me. Also to find out that he still has to lie to the soon to be ex that he was staying with a friend and not me..he started staying with me in March of last year, from the text he was telling her this until about Aug of last year. WTF! Yes I shouldn't have snooped but I wouldn't of had to if my institutions we re not kicking in

[Gaeta]

I just about hit a breaking point last night.

 

 

Just about? really.

 

What more will it take for you to hit that breaking point?

[GemmaUK]

I just about hit a breaking point last night. I feel A bit numb right now. Back a few weeks ago at work he was passed out at work and had to go to ER. When I asked why he didn't call me to pick him up, he said because my soon to be ex is still his emergency contact and that his boss picked him up, drove him home. He lives in the next town over where he works from. I saw that he had text his soon to be ex to come pick him up, not me

She even asked why he called and text her and not me. all he replied was just come get me. Also to find out that he still has to lie to the soon to be ex that he was staying with a friend and not me..he started staying with me in March of last year, from the text he was telling her this until about Aug of last year. WTF! Yes I shouldn't have snooped but I wouldn't of had to if my institutions we re not kicking in

 

You mean 'soon to be ex wife' here don't you?

If he hasn't mustered enough respect for you and honesty to even tell her he is living with you then he probably hasn't told class girl either.

If that is the case then class girl wouldn't even know quite how inappropriate she was being by contacting him at whatever hour.

This is really seeming to be all on your guy.

I would just kick him out if I were you.

Numb time is a good time to do it.

[keylime009]

right now I'm doing everything I can to pull it together do to having to go to work and my kids having after school events today. it's a temporary distraction but I need to find the meantime to figure out how I can't take care of the situation without my kids being around. thank you for the encouragement and support

[keylime009]

I have been off for a bit, taking a break. My bf spoke with her and had let her know my feelings. She then proceed to contact me via fb messenger. Saying I want you to know we are just friends and only friends, I have no intention of perusing him. I'm still in love with my ex, but I know it will never be. I said back to her, what bothers me is that you have sent my bf pics of yourself, text and calls frequently when I'm never around, like behind my back and you invite him out. My bf has never, that i am aware of, lead her to believe he is interested not via text anyway. Maybe it's an insecurity issue, however he says this issue is really getting on his nerves. I saw in his text, she sent him a copy of our conversation. .then she proceeded to say maybe we do need to go out for that glass of wine. All he did was put a smile face. all she said in her response to me was, thank you. .no apologies, nothing. If she really and truly respects their friendship like she says she does, then she will not do those things I mentioned and he will not allow it. How do I let him know that I know they talk on a regular basis and it's not just business it's an actual friendship??. He doesn't know I snoop thru his phone. It's not like they have been friends forever...

[elaine567]

I have been off for a bit, taking a break. My bf spoke with her and had let her know my feelings. She then proceed to contact me via fb messenger. Saying I want you to know we are just friends and only friends, I have no intention of perusing him. I'm still in love with my ex, but I know it will never be. I said back to her, what bothers me is that you have sent my bf pics of yourself, text and calls frequently when I'm never around, like behind my back and you invite him out. My bf has never, that i am aware of, lead her to believe he is interested not via text anyway. Maybe it's an insecurity issue, however he says this issue is really getting on his nerves. I saw in his text, she sent him a copy of our conversation. .then she proceeded to say maybe we do need to go out for that glass of wine. All he did was put a smile face. all she said in her response to me was, thank you. .no apologies, nothing. If she really and truly respects their friendship like she says she does, then she will not do those things I mentioned and he will not allow it. How do I let him know that I know they talk on a regular basis and it's not just business it's an actual friendship??. He doesn't know I snoop thru his phone. It's not like they have been friends forever...

 

She is a big problem for you, because she is ignoring you, trying to get him on her side and I guess they are going out for that wine. The smile indicates he agrees, I guess.

BUT

The "soon to be ex" and "the friend" are both being maintained by him, they are reacting to what he is feeding them, so you really need to ask what is his true commitment to you, where do you actually stand here?

This is not on them, this is on your bf here.

[Gaeta]

I have been off for a bit, taking a break. My bf spoke with her and had let her know my feelings. She then proceed to contact me via fb messenger. Saying I want you to know we are just friends and only friends, I have no intention of perusing him. I'm still in love with my ex, but I know it will never be.

 

What a load of disrespect. It was none of her business to contact you. None at all ! Your boyfriend and this woman are ganging up against you! The problem is between you and him. Who is she to elevate herself to your level to debate with you!!

 

How do I let him know that I know they talk on a regular basis and it's not just business it's an actual friendship??. He doesn't know I snoop thru his phone. It's not like they have been friends forever...

 

Why would you tell him? What are you trying to accomplish here by telling him? Is he going to stop the friendship? NO. You already know he's a liar what more do you need? Is this the kind of man you want to build a future with? I hope not. I would terminate it. I need more loyalty in a relationship.

[keylime009]

She says she wanted to clear the air and reach out to me because she knows I have concerns about her friendship with my bf. Then later in the day she text him and copies our conversation to him, like we are in high school. he ask me why I didn't tell him earlier that this 1 on and I said I have to work I wasn't going to put up with it all day and plus I have a job interview which I landed so best part about my day

[Gaeta]

She says she wanted to clear the air and reach out to me because she knows I have concerns about her friendship with my bf. Then later in the day she text him and copies our conversation to him, like we are in high school. he ask me why I didn't tell him earlier that this 1 on and I said I have to work I wasn't going to put up with it all day and plus I have a job interview which I landed so best part about my day

 

It's not her place to clear the air.

 

By doing so she is interfering in your relationship with your boyfriend, who does she think she is for intruding?

 

How do you feel about your boyfriend conniving with her? Because that's what he did. He confined in her details of your relationship and she probably told him she'd write to you and he agreed.

 

High school drama at its best.

[phineas]

She says she wanted to clear the air and reach out to me because she knows I have concerns about her friendship with my bf. Then later in the day she text him and copies our conversation to him, like we are in high school. he ask me why I didn't tell him earlier that this 1 on and I said I have to work I wasn't going to put up with it all day and plus I have a job interview which I landed so best part about my day

 

 

All this from a 12hr class months ago?

You know HE could of ended this ASAP if he wanted to.

He didn't & doesn't.

 

so I have to ask what is keeping you in this relationship again?

are you living with him & don't have a place to go?

Do you have kids?

are you married?

 

you are 40+ and putting up with highschool BS.

 

When someone shows his ass to you in a relationship it's on him.

When you stick around after its then on YOU.

Because it can all stop by walking away and finding a man that treats you right.

 

I'm 43.

I have zero tolerance for this crap & have dropped women the second EX drama or other guys drama enters the situation and they don't deal with it.

 

In fact, I tell the woman to deal with it and if she is in-effectual with dealing with it I tell her not to contact me again until she does deal with it because I don't want to deal with it.

 

it is amazing how I either never hear from them again or the miraculously deal with it immediately.

 

FYI if it ever gets to that point then 9/10 times i'm dealing with a woman who just loves drama and attention from men & even if she deals with it, it will happen again with some other guy she "isn't interested in" but still gave her number to him.

 

A quality person would nuke unwanted advances ASAP and their partner wouldn't even need to know because at that point a parking ticket or gum stuck to your shoe would be more noteworthy.

[keylime009]

He has been staying with me for over a year now. I have 2 teens and he has 4 kids teen to young adult. Everything we have, want and do is always in sync, except for this whole situation. I asked what important role and meaning does she play in your life, besides helping spread the word about your business? He said nothing, just a nice person to talk to. I just feel disrespected..and if she was a truly a friend like she says, she would respect our relationship and I guess you could say if he love and respected me that much, he would lose her number

[Gaeta]

He has been staying with me for over a year now. I have 2 teens and he has 4 kids teen to young adult. Everything we have, want and do is always in sync, except for this whole situation. I asked what important role and meaning does she play in your life, besides helping spread the word about your business? He said nothing, just a nice person to talk to. I just feel disrespected..and if she was a truly a friend like she says, she would respect our relationship and I guess you could say if he love and respected me that much, he would lose her number

 

You're in sync when everything is dandy. The real value of a mate is shown during discords couples go through.

 

You know this one person has no incidence on his business exposure and it's not true she is just a person to talk to as he confines in her about your relationship. She certainly doesn't consider it just someone to talk to, she values it enough to message you and step right into your personal business.

[Timshel]

He has been staying with me for over a year now. I have 2 teens and he has 4 kids teen to young adult. Everything we have, want and do is always in sync, except for this whole situation. I asked what important role and meaning does she play in your life, besides helping spread the word about your business? He said nothing, just a nice person to talk to. I just feel disrespected..and if she was a truly a friend like she says, she would respect our relationship and I guess you could say if he love and respected me that much, he would lose her number

 

Bingo. You don't have a relationship with her. It would be great if she was a decent and respectful person and butt out of your relationship but honestly, what she does means nothing.

He should terminate his friendship with her for loyalty to you, because continuing to keep her in his life is hurting you and your relationship.

Now you need to make a choice whether you will tolerate his nonsense or not.

[Gaeta]

I would tell him he needs to move out by June 1st.

[phineas]

He has been staying with me for over a year now. I have 2 teens and he has 4 kids teen to young adult. Everything we have, want and do is always in sync, except for this whole situation. I asked what important role and meaning does she play in your life, besides helping spread the word about your business? He said nothing, just a nice person to talk to. I just feel disrespected..and if she was a truly a friend like she says, she would respect our relationship and I guess you could say if he love and respected me that much, he would lose her number

 

I'm sorry but that's pretty much the EXACT same thing my ex-wife said about the "friend" she had.

 

She was cheating on me with him.

 

I don't know any normal quality person who would insist on being "friends" with someone of the opposite sex when they know it's causing friction within that persons relationship.

 

they are involved somehow.

Period.

[elaine567]

He has been staying with me for over a year now. I have 2 teens and he has 4 kids teen to young adult. Everything we have, want and do is always in sync, except for this whole situation. I asked what important role and meaning does she play in your life, besides helping spread the word about your business? He said nothing, just a nice person to talk to. I just feel disrespected..and if she was a truly a friend like she says, she would respect our relationship and I guess you could say if he love and respected me that much, he would lose her number

 

He and his kids are staying with YOU.

He IS disrespecting you, no doubt about that.

This "friend" is someone who felt the need to talk to you personally, about YOUR relationship with YOUR husband. She is not his mother or his sister, she is just some "friend"?????!

She has an overinflated sense of her own importance, but I guess she got that idea of her worth from your bf.

Be careful here, I guess she is more than just a friend or wants to be more. She is placing herself, as the voice of reason between your bf and his "crazy" jealous gf ie you.

[keylime009]

His kids aren't staying with me..just him. if this woman was really sorry that she felt she was interfering a coffee friction my relationship and she's really his friend but she says she is and she respect that but I feel that my guy should have the balls to say it you know what I think you're a nice person however my relationship with my gf is more important and I'm sorry but contact needs to be over. if he can't do that for me then I guess he doesn't respect me like I thought. when he asked out of me I didn't hesitate

[Gaeta]

His kids aren't staying with me..just him. if this woman was really sorry that she felt she was interfering a coffee friction my relationship and she's really his friend but she says she is and she respect that but I feel that my guy should have the balls to say it you know what I think you're a nice person however my relationship with my gf is more important and I'm sorry but contact needs to be over. if he can't do that for me then I guess he doesn't respect me like I thought. when he asked out of me I didn't hesitate

 

So what are you going to do about it?

 

No point staying there feeling sorry your boyfriend is a jack@ss. Kick him out.

[BlueIris]

This is a grown man who plays flirtation games with women- worse yet, students? Oh for heaven’s sake…. How pathetic and childish. Yuck. If he were a mature partner and professional, he never would have “let” this happen in the first place and would have cut her off politely and firmly on day one. But he did and does “let” things like this happen because, why? Pfft. I wouldn't want my kids around an adult who acts like that.

 

Tell him to move out.