pawa Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 Hi. My boyfriend and I are planning on getting married next year January. However, there one thing bothering me. My boyfriend does not really like spending time with me. During working days, he would pick me up after work and drop me off at home, and then he took off for the rest of the day. We live together, so he only comes back when he wants to make love, eat and sleep. During weekends we sometimes go to the farm just for few hours, to do some work, when we get back he will drop me at home and then he goes out. He always finds an excuse to take him out of the house no matter what. If we ever go out, it’s only when i suggest it. We don’t do dinners, lunch, or just hangout together anymore. He always prefers to go out alone. If I go out alone even just for a walk he would freak out or get angry and start asking lots of question. I talk to him about this and he said it’s because I don’t seems to enjoy the places where he hangout and vice versa. What worries me is that i don’t really know where he goes, with whom and what he does. Most of the times he would say he is the bars but would someone really spend so much time at bars???? He was recently advice by the doctor not to drink alcohol because of his high blood pressure but he refuse to stop. I am worried about this too, since we planning a future together. He tells me that he loves me every day and that he can wait to get married but how can he wants to spend the rest of his life with me but he can’t even spend one hour with me now?? I am concerned. I am afraid that once we get married things would only get worse. I talk to him about this so many times and no change. Maybe someone can give some advice on how to approach this situation for the last time before I give up? Link to post Share on other sites
loveboid Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 I don't think he's in love with you. I predict you two would end up having the dreaded roommate marriage. I would find someone else. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 He does not like spending time with me Well then just give him the big heave-ho. He is not suddenly going to turn into this attentive guy that takes you everywhere when you are married. YOU are just a pit stop where he refuels, gets his sex and sleeps, he has no other interest in you. This is not a man working all the hours God sends to make a living, if that was the case I would say give him a break, BUT this is essentially a single man with a busy social life or an alcohol problem, who is using you as a glorified booty call, under the pretence of he "loves" you. Wake up. Do not be that woman trapped in a loveless marriage, with 3 kids who hardly see their father, whilst he frequents bars and strip joints looking to pick up women or get drunk, acting like a single man, and leaving you to do everything. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronnie33 Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 He is marrying you because you let him get away with this behavior and he knows most other woman would not put up with this. He spends no time with you Goes out to bars all the time Gets drunk Hangs out with whoever he wants He has it made. You have let him get away with this behavior all along and now you are worrying that it will get worse after marriage? Of course it is. It's been getting worse the whole time and you keep taking it. In my opinion I would not be surprised if he is having an affair. Open your eys and really look at this relationship. This isn't normal behavior for men who love their girlfriends and wives. I would not marry this man unless I saw a complete change but that would Require you putting your foot down an telling him this is not acceptable any longer and him showing he actually cares enough to change but I doubt he will because he sounds selfish and doesn't really care. You want a partner, not someone who is there part time. Link to post Share on other sites
Daisy2013 Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 I don't think he's in love with you. I predict you two would end up having the dreaded roommate marriage. I would find someone else. Likely this. My husband is the same way in most if your description, and has been for 18 years. He has never made time for us, didn't listen when I begged him for it, and I've given up and don't care anymore. Walk away while you can. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 He's not going to change no matter how many talks you have with him, if he is like this now, then he will be 10x worse once you are married. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bachdude Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 Hi. My boyfriend and I are planning on getting married next year January. However, there one thing bothering me. My boyfriend does not really like spending time with me. During working days, he would pick me up after work and drop me off at home, and then he took off for the rest of the day. We live together, so he only comes back when he wants to make love, eat and sleep. During weekends we sometimes go to the farm just for few hours, to do some work, when we get back he will drop me at home and then he goes out. He always finds an excuse to take him out of the house no matter what. If we ever go out, it’s only when i suggest it. We don’t do dinners, lunch, or just hangout together anymore. He always prefers to go out alone. If I go out alone even just for a walk he would freak out or get angry and start asking lots of question. I talk to him about this and he said it’s because I don’t seems to enjoy the places where he hangout and vice versa. What worries me is that i don’t really know where he goes, with whom and what he does. Most of the times he would say he is the bars but would someone really spend so much time at bars???? He was recently advice by the doctor not to drink alcohol because of his high blood pressure but he refuse to stop. I am worried about this too, since we planning a future together. He tells me that he loves me every day and that he can wait to get married but how can he wants to spend the rest of his life with me but he can’t even spend one hour with me now?? I am concerned. I am afraid that once we get married things would only get worse. I talk to him about this so many times and no change. Maybe someone can give some advice on how to approach this situation for the last time before I give up? There are so many warning signs in this description it is hard to know where to begin. It looks even like alcoholism. If he can't or won't stop even after a medical professional tells him not to, that is not a good sign. Please, at least postpone your marriage until (or if) you can have a healthy relationship together. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Rainbowlove Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 I am afraid that once we get married things would only get worse. What would be worse? He wouldn't come home at all? Don't you want someone who wants to be with you and enjoys your company? He already doesn't. He also hasn't heard your concerns. Show him you are serious. Pack his belongings and ask him to leave for a few weeks as you need time to think about what makes you happy and what you want from a marriage. Don't marry this guy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 It's quite simple. Tell him unless he addresses your concerns, there will be no wedding. You will see if he really loves you from his actions. Say it, mean it and be firm. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 You have all the red flags right now. Why are you still going to marry him then? You'll be the person saying you thought everything would change once he married you. Why would it? He has a pretty sweet deal. In fact, I'm envious of him. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 if he is like this now, then he will be 10x worse once you are married. ^^^ This! Right now you're seeing his best behavior, believe it or not. he only comes back when he wants to make love, eat and sleep. You're not describing a fiance, that's a maid, cook and ... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 DO NOT marry this guy! Please take a giant step back and do some serious thinking. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 OP Have you ever heard the saying 'start as you mean to go on? ' That's exactly what he's doing. Why would you knowingly buy a rotten apple, then complain when you get home and slice through it? Link to post Share on other sites
TexasMan68 Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 Run forest run!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Bohonia Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 Doesn't sound like he is the one for you, you are already not happy, his behavior won't get better and you'll end up being alone more and more. It sounds like you two have settled and are just going through societal norms. Find someone who can't imagine not spending their time with you thats what you deserve. Good luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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