ohh the tangled webs we weave!!!

[jdog95]

Ok here my story. Me and my ex broke up about 5 and a half months ago. She said it was to see if "we were right for each other" by dating someone else. After two weeks I find out that he is now her b/f. She still wanted to be friends but I wasn't able to handle that. So I tried the NC but did have the willl power with her calling me and I sometimes called her. She finally drove me to have the will power by being rude when I did call her. After about a 1-2 months of absolutely no contact, she would call and email and I didn't respond.

 

I started to hang out with a friend that is friends with both of us and we were doing stuff every weekend. Little did I know but the friend was still talking to my ex and was telling her what was going on every weekend about how much fun we were having. Also my car's exhaust is really loud I have to pass her workplace to get to my work place. I also have to pass her house in order to go to school everday.

 

One night out of the blue I am out and about and get a phone call from someone saying they are going to beat me up and they want to meet me somewhere in town. I was thinking it is one of her new b/f friends and that I am going to kick this guys a** and then going to find her b/f and kick his a**. So on the way to meet this guy I call me ex and was ticked off b/c I thought her b/f had someone to beat me up. He happened to be at her house and she asked him and he said no. She said she was coming to town and I told her no, but she didn't listen and her and her b/f came into town which is about fifteen minutes away at about 11:30. I found that some friends of mine was playing a prank on me so I called her and told her to go back home it was a joke but she said no and came to town anyway. She drove past me and then back but never stoped b/c her b/f was with her.

 

She called me when she got back home and talked to me for about 30 min without him knowing where she was even at. She told me she was going to break up with him if I would take her back and I refused to give her a direct answer. So she broke it off with him and we decieded it was best to just date each other and other ppl with the intention of getting back together if we could make it work. But said that she wanted to still be friends with the other guy and do stuff with him if he was ok with it, basically date him and me but still having intetions on getting back with me. And he was ok with "dating" her while she was dating me. But I couldn't let the past go and ended up ending it with her two weeks later.

 

Now I want her back if nothing else just to find out if she would choose to stick with me or if she would go back with the other guy. So in everyone's opinion what would be the best way to get her back?

 

P.S. This is some additional info....

1)He is really desparate and would do anything to be with her and so would I but he has a good full time job and can afford to do a lot more stuff then I can b/c we are both in college, he also while we were together he started to rent a house with two of his friends in which she has been staying the night with him a lot since he moved in about 2 weeks ago.

 

2)I have an problem with losing my temper and blowing up which is the reason I broke up with her but have agreed to go to counsling and she said she might go with me if I wanted her to.

 

 

3)I have asked her about trying it again and she said the samething she told me the first time we broke up "I am not going to say never, but not right now, I am happy with him". So if she was so happy why did she break it off with him you ask, b/c he was moving to fast with the realationship and talking about marriage and stuff and she really missed me and thought we could work it out.

 

4)He is 26 and we are only 19

 

IF YOU NEED ADDITIONAL INFO PLEASE ASK I AM REALLY CONFUSED. SORRY FOR IT BEING SO LONG.

[jdog95]

I forgot to add this in above thread, they started going out again after a week of us breaking up. But she still tells me she loves me and that she wishes it would have worked out but don't know if it can or not.

[iwishiknewthen]

well you must be frustrated no one responded to this thread.

 

i dont know where you are at right now but...

it sounds like she trusted you and then after 2 weeks of not being able to really hack the situation, you broke it off.

 

i think its great you KNOW and REALIZE you have a bad temper. because honestly no matter who you are or how right of wrong you are in a relationship, a bad temper IS and WILL be BAD for ANY relationship.

 

you must care about his girl because

 

1) you want her to yourself---to not date others and

2) this is more important than the first, you are willing to go to counseling for your temper and for the relationship sake.

 

i say this...

be this girls friend, and work on your temper. if you cannot handle her being with the other guy..be calm and honest and just be friends for now. guys dont know how to be friends. i know its hard. you want more. BUT for now this will be the best thing. because shes not ready to commit to you and this is something that cant and shouldnt be forced. i honestly think even a therapist would say...stay calm and be a friend and keep the lines of communication open and keep working on yourself. that is something you REALLY can be proud of!!!!!!!!!!! half the battle is knowing our own shortcomings and NOT being ashamed to fix them. so go you!!!~!! ask her if she is really confused if it is necessary to be living with this other person. she has to be confused if she still loves you. but she could be afraid of your threshold level. let her be safe with you be her friend. us females need friendship and it makes us attracted to the man who is willing to be a real friend. in the meantime let her know you are human and may meet someone someday but that you will still be there for her as much as possible under the circumstances.

 

dont worry about the money thing. he is older and his experience working due to his age allows him to a=make more money now. someday you might make far more money and most GOOD girls/woman need a GOOD guy more than all the money in the world. at this particular age 19-26 seem far because 19 mature and like 39 mature are two different things. and since guys mature even slower...sorry its mostly true....you need to be stronger and cooler mentally so the other guy wont outshine you. i am NOT talking about competition. you dont need to compete with him and its not healthy. you just need to be better for you and that in and of itself is mature and you will shine no matter what.

good luck.

ps this behavior might get her back to you and you alone. but it takes strength on your part. self control and true self confidence and a touch of gentleness as a young man. if you learn this at a young age..............you will be so far ahead of yourself all things will come easier for you.

 

good luck : )

[jdog95]

For those who care this is were I am with here now. I hang out with her at school on mon, wends, and fri and sometimes on teus and thurs. She has suggested I come to her house a couple times and wantes to hang out after she gets off work sometimes but I never hear from her on the weekends and on her nights off when he is around. From the time I have spent with her I have tried to outshine the other guy with all I have and it appears to be working but I want her to go to Flordia with me in July so I am on a limited scheudle and I beleive she isn't tring to make up her mind yet. She is always what I consider flirting with me she is always play fighting with me and tickling me and stuff, one of the days I was at her house she even tried to put ice down my pants...lol. On several occasions our faces have gotten very close and just when I think we are going to kiss it is like she remembers she has a b/f and pulls away. But today gave me a new wave of encouragement, she was wearing the anniversary ring I got for her when we were together just like the last time she wanted to get back together, also last week she wanted me to wear the necklace she got me for christmas. I think I should try N/C but I am not sure if it will hurt or help what do you guys think? I want her to know that I won't be able to be around forever and it also hurts me to be with her as just freinds but I believe I prolly deserve it since I broke it off with her and I have told her this. I have even got to the point last friday were it hurt so bad I just wanted her to say she didn't want to be with be so I could give up but she wouldn't say it, and I can't give up on her unless she says it or shows it or something. Also do you guys think I should be pursueing doing stuff with her or should I let her try to make plans with me and should I always say yes to it even though I might not have plans. I have also asked her to make a list of stuff she likes and dislikes about me so I can know what exactly to work on and where I need to stand out more she agreed to it but hasn't got it to me yet.