cottom Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 I have absolutley no luck with the ladies. Im 22 and have now being single for a year with pretty much no hope. 1) I go on a night out and i constantly have girls come up to me and tell me things like: - "Your so f-ing hot tonight" - Your gorgeous, the things i'd do to you - Your the best looking guy in this whole place - Seriously your the perfect guy, everything about you is right 2) My mom constantly tells me about how obsessed the girls she works with are with me and they never shut up 3) I have every gay guy in the area trying to turn me that way, i havent and wouldnt though 4) My exes are obsessed with me, even the ones from about 5-6 years ago still beg for me to come back and send me texts such as: - "your the one i want to be with for good until were old old old, i just love you so so much" - after a year apart when i found out her affair 5) When i am with a girl, all their friends go crazy over how good a catch i am and telling her non stop how her bf is so hot. So i know i am attractive and am great with girls when im with them but i just lost all confidence talking to them, when younger i found it so easy to not give a **** and get the girls over me but i want the more innocent girls that dont have 10 other guys theyre dating and dont go clubs all over the guys that buy a drink and act balling. I have high standards to be honest but i just cant catch a break with girls, i just cant seem to find any that i want that wants me. When i do find them the girls lose interest. Link to post Share on other sites
saladfingers Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 You have nothing to say back when girls say that th you? I would kill to haveh wr kind of attention. Most guys have to work hard at it, it sounds like you're just being lazy dude, just swing your balls around a bit. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cottom Posted April 19, 2015 Author Share Posted April 19, 2015 I have no idea what to say when a girl says that, its kind of an on the spot moment I usually thank them and they walk off, kind of makes me seem unapproachable but in reality im just shy as f and get bad anxiety Link to post Share on other sites
Throldur Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 Almost every guy on this site would kill to have your problem. The attraction is already there, you literally don't have to do anything but suggest a date. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
badpenny Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 Note this: Your thread title: "...No Luck With Ladies" Bulk of your post: Girls, girls, girls.... I think that may be the problem. You want a Lady, and all you have to choose from, is 'girls'. You either need to up your standards and mix and move in different circles - or you need to lower them and get the little flighty vixens. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
saladfingers Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 Dude I'm kind of jealous actually. All you have to do is NOT be awkward and it's not that hard, just say, "well let's follow through with that". Six words. Most guys have to work at the attraction - the hard part is done for you. Really? Just "thanks"? Man. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 Why not see a therapist and try to get to the bottom of your anxiety or get on meds for it? Link to post Share on other sites
Dybbuk Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 Things to consider: Lack of confidence is hindering your ability to communicate to woman. Build yourself up. Reaffirmations, participating in things that make you feel good, setting and achieving personal goals, etc. The better you feel about yourself the more comfortable you'll be approaching women, because you'll actually feel like you have a lot to offer. Go to places that will attract the women you are looking for. The innocent girl who is ready for a committed and loving relationship isn't at the dance club telling men how hot they all are. Take a class that interests you, join a club, and take part in social activities that doesn't focus 100% on getting wasted and hooking up. People there are looking for fun and not much else at those venues. Lastly, get comfortable with rejection. You're lucky in the sense that you were blessed with good looks but that still doesn't mean the women you want will want you. Be ok with that. Don't let that kill your confidence, and more importantly don't let that lower your standards. Go after what you want, if it doesn't work learn from the experience and try again. Sounds like an easy list of "to do's" but everyone knows it's not. Working on yourself can take months or years. However the sooner you do that the better chance you have at finding love. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 Note this: Your thread title: "...No Luck With Ladies" Bulk of your post: Girls, girls, girls.... I think that may be the problem. You want a Lady, and all you have to choose from, is 'girls'. You either need to up your standards and mix and move in different circles - or you need to lower them and get the little flighty vixens. ^^^THIS. You are a 22 year old looking for a relationship with a level of maturity. The problem is at 22 as a male you will likely not find that in a woman age 18-22. At that age most girls and boys just want to have fun. There is nothing wrong with that. Either accept those girls as who they are and have fun. Try to get with a woman who's older and who has grown to become a lady. From ages 25-35 there are women who would consider dating a 22 year old man. Not many since they feel pressure to go older....but they exist. Link to post Share on other sites
normal person Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 I have no idea what to say when a girl says that, its kind of an on the spot moment I usually thank them and they walk off, kind of makes me seem unapproachable but in reality im just shy as f and get bad anxiety Based on my experience, it can be kind of a weird situation. At 21 you might not have the social capacities to deal with this sort of thing. At your age (17-22) I was kind of a **** to girls like this because this sort of stuff made me feel uncomfortable. Here's how I've processed it since: it feels weird (cheap, or easy even?) for a girl to make you forego any sort of effort. You're probably a nice guy when people objectify you, it's sort of implied invitation to objectify them back. This creates a sort of mental incongruity where the "nice" part of your brain thinks you should have to do something to earn someone's affection. You'd feel a lot more comfortable if you had a primary human connection with someone too and weren't just being objectified. Just my take. Here's what you can try: Diminish the value of a compliment. Give a little laugh and say "thanks, you look nice too." You need to act unfazed -- it's important to diffuse the compliment so that the basis of your interaction isn't sexually charged and isn't about how you look. If you don't want to talk to her, you can make an escape there. If you do want to talk to her, take off running talking about non superficial things. This will make you feel like a human being and not like a piece of meat. That's when you can be yourself. If you want to take things from there, you're golden. She's done the legwork for you already. Enjoy it while it lasts. It seems girls don't get that obsessive giddiness about guys after they turn 25 or so. Link to post Share on other sites
amyO Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 Im a 22 year old girl and you sound like a dream! I think we're looking for each other haha But in all seriousness, i feel the exact way. Can't seem to find the right person, no matter how many guys i meet out or hit on me. It doesn't matter how attractive one might be, you can still meet a lot of rotten people and sometimes the best people can also be intimidated by you or nervous as well. And the other way around of you being nervous with girls. Link to post Share on other sites
Cool Mandrid Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 Uhm, well... Most of the girls you are looking for wouldn't be going to a club or anything like that in the first place, really. I can say this as a girl that is typically of that type, having had really focused relationships and never having been all over the place, or a "fun" type, per-say. Check the places other peeps here have offered. Go to popular walking areas or something, and if you manage to meet a girl that sparks your fancy, just be yourself. If you are really as handsome as those ladies around you are claiming, a sweet and collected girl will just think you are wonderful when she finds out you have the mind to accompany those good looks. Link to post Share on other sites
Clarence_Boddicker Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 Seriously, if you are looking for a girl with "traditional" values, bars & clubs are probably not the best place. Look for girls that have stuff in common with you. Do you have hobbies & social activities where you get to know girls? Link to post Share on other sites
Frank2thepoint Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 So i know i am attractive and am great with girls when im with them but i just lost all confidence talking to them, when younger i found it so easy to not give a **** and get the girls over me but i want the more innocent girls that dont have 10 other guys theyre dating and dont go clubs all over the guys that buy a drink and act balling. I have high standards to be honest but i just cant catch a break with girls, i just cant seem to find any that i want that wants me. When i do find them the girls lose interest. What are these high standards you have that is preventing you from getting an "innocent" girl? Also, the girls that you do find, but lose interest, what are you doing that makes them lost interest? Have you ever asked them? I have no idea what to say when a girl says that, its kind of an on the spot moment I usually thank them and they walk off, kind of makes me seem unapproachable but in reality im just shy as f and get bad anxiety It's not hard to utter something like "Let's go out on a date and get to know each other better." after a woman gives those compliments. Link to post Share on other sites
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