Mguevara Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 My boyfriend and I have been dating for four months now; but we have known each other for two years. Before being boyfriend and girlfriend, we talked for five months. The other day, the topic of marriage came up. I told him it is just something that I rarely think about, but I do consider it one day. He said he does think about it. We both graduate next May with our Bachelor's degree. He's 25 and I'm 23. He told me that after we graduate and get a job, he would like to marry me. We all ready have pretty decent jobs and have some savings. I really like this guy. We have so much in common, he's a gentleman, very smart, funny, and kind. I would love to have a future with him, but we have only been dating for 4 months. Is it too early to even talk about marriage? We have never argued nor had a disagreement yet, and I feel as if I have to get to know him more in order to have his conversation. Is talking about it a little premature? What are your thoughts on this? Link to post Share on other sites
loveboid Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 Listen to your gut. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
orangetree Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 I think it's never to soon to TALK about marriage. If your guy suggested to get married in the next six months, I would tell you to not do it because it IS too soon IMO. But talking to see where a relationship is going never hurts. Enjoy the relationship, graduate and then you can still see if or when you get married. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 I feel its good to have a plan to know that you are both heading for the same result.I dont think its premature and you really should follow your heart....deb Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 Be a couple AT LEAST through all four seasons - an entire year - before discussing marriage. See each other through thick and thin and get through the honeymoon period. If you start talking marriage now, it will be an elephant in the room if the relationship doesn't work out. Also, you guys are REALLY young. So much changes in your late twenties that you can't even conceive of right now. Trust us oldies on that one. Link to post Share on other sites
spanz1 Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 jeez yes it is too early. talking about marriage after 4 months would send most men running for the hills! why the rush? are you going someplace next month of something? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mguevara Posted April 20, 2015 Author Share Posted April 20, 2015 No, we aren't going anywhere. He just happened to bring it up. It did catch me off guard, but talking about it made me realize where he stands in this relationship. I just feel as if it's too soon for him to bring up the topic. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 No, we aren't going anywhere. He just happened to bring it up. It did catch me off guard, but talking about it made me realize where he stands in this relationship. I just feel as if it's too soon for him to bring up the topic. I think before a couple discusses marrying, they discuss marriage. This may have been his attempt to do and wisely so, your response could have been "I don't see myself getting married til I'm 40". Then he knows not to get in deeper, not on the same page. Fortunately, seems you are ... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 Hear what he is saying, but don't really listen. What I mean by that is that he is just following the "natural progression" of a relationship when you are in college. When I was growing up in the world and went to college, if you were in a good relationship during that time, you would stick with that person, get your career going, get married, buy a home, start a family. I think this is what he is doing right now. You are both so young, that any of that could go south. It just sounds like the outlines of a plan, but nothing really concrete. Like Carrie T said, just stick together for a year, see how it goes. Link to post Share on other sites
Thicke2013 Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 I don't see anything wrong here. He is letting you know up front and early what his relationship goals are. What is the real problem here? He didn't say that on the second Friday after we graduate that I want to get married. He just said in general, "after we graduate and get a good job I want to get married". I have said in another forum that my current wife and I started discussing the topic of marriage and where we each stood on the matter very early on in our relationship. Granted, both of us had been married previously, but I don't understand people who don't discuss such important things until they are deep into relationships and strong feelings are involved. My wife's sister is in a relationship like this as we speak and it's driving her and everyone else crazy! All because they didn't "talk" about it in the beginning. They have been together 3 years and he is still living in his mom's basement while she has her own home. It's healthy to have general talks early on. Now, if he starts trying to plan your wedding in the next few months that might be a warning. As for now I'd say he is doing his due diligence to make sure that you and he are on the same page as far as relationship goals and future plans. Kind of like asking someone if they want to have kids someday. Doesn't mean you want them right now but if you truly want to be a mother someday and you are dating a guy that has no intention of ever becoming a father it's a waste of everyone's time. Good luck OP. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 It's not too soon to talk, but too soon - by far - to act on it. Most people decide to get married far too soon. Actually doing so before the relationship is at least two years along risks being sexually mismatched, especially if there is any sign of differing levels of sexual desire or frequency. Hormones mask baseline libido for up to two years. If you both have prior relationship experience and self-knowledge of your baseline libido, then you may be able to determine that you are matched. I will also add that after such a short time you are probably both on your best behavior, and haven't faced many stresses and crises as a couple, so don't know how you will each respond to such, and how you will handle them together. The issue is this: if you are NOT sexually matched, then it will be a source of conflict and dissatisfaction throughout your marriage (as long as it does last). Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 jeez yes it is too early. talking about marriage after 4 months would send most men running for the hills! why the rush? are you going someplace next month of something? She isn't the one talking about marriage her boyfriend is. Why is he in such a rush? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 I think it's funny that everyone is saying it is not too soon for him to talk about marriage. Yet, when women bring up marriage everyone tells them it is too soon to talk about marriage and they should wait. Why is it okay for the man to talk about it? Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 As long as the focus here is finishing your educations and getting started in your careers and the marriages discussions is just in a general sense, I think this is perfectly legit. As long as he is t anxious to marry before graduating and isn't pressuring you to do something you aren't on oars with, I see this as forward thinking and making life plans. This is what adult men are supposed to do. As long as both of your time, energies and resources are being put into your educations and careers and all wedding plans and efforts are being deferred untill after graduation, I see no foul here. By that time you will be educated and employable and you will have known each other for 3 years and dating almost a year and a half as adults. That's perfectly legitimate. If by that time you realize you don't want to be with each other, you can walk away. Bottom line here is as long as the discussions about marriage and future plans are just general discussions about a general concept and there are no commitments or proposals etc, this is perfectly legit. If one of you were to start making wedding plans and interfering or distracting you from completing your educations, then there's a problem. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 I think it's funny that everyone is saying it is not too soon for him to talk about marriage. Yet, when women bring up marriage everyone tells them it is too soon to talk about marriage and they should wait. Why is it okay for the man to talk about it? Because that is what an adult man that is serious about making a life with a woman should do. It's the man's role to make future plans and set a course for the relationship and present it to the woman to decide whether she wants to join him in that journey or not. Yes that sounds sexist and chauvinistic on the surface but the world is what the world is. A woman can dangle some poontang in front of a man and talk him into just about anything in the SHORT TERM including marriage, but that doesn't mean that he is sincere about it in the long term. If a man develops a reasonable plan and wants a particular woman as part of that plan and he presents that plan to her and asks her to join him in the journey, the chances are he is serious about it and will be committed to following through on it. On the other hand, if the woman is the one to push for marriage/home/family etc and dangles some pu$$y in front of his face and rides his a$$ about it, he may capitulate and go along with it in the short term to shut her up and get some pu$$y for awhile but will not be committed to seeing it through in the long haul. It may be sexist and chauvanistic, but this is why men proposing to women has been the tradition for thousands of generations. It's to show that they are serious and have been giving it sincere thought and are committed to it and not just buckling under a woman's nagging or doing it just for some temporary poontang. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 I think it's funny that everyone is saying it is not too soon for him to talk about marriage. Yet, when women bring up marriage everyone tells them it is too soon to talk about marriage and they should wait. Why is it okay for the man to talk about it? I think what's most often said here is a woman - or man - shouldn't nag, wheedle, beg, cajole, threaten, negotiate, demand, extort, interrogate or command a reluctant or uncommitted SO to discuss marriage. This doesn't seem that way... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 It may be sexist and chauvanistic, but this is why men proposing to women has been the tradition for thousands of generations. It's to show that they are serious and have been giving it sincere thought and are committed to it and not just buckling under a woman's nagging or doing it just for some temporary poontang. Unfortunately, this is true. A woman bringing it up is called clingy, desperate and needy. Like she's trying to pin the man down. OP, I think your BF finds it easier to bring up so soon, because you've known each other for a while. Plus the talking 5 months after. He probably also wants you to know he's serious and not messing you around. Link to post Share on other sites
spanz1 Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 She isn't the one talking about marriage her boyfriend is. Why is he in such a rush? I misunderstood. that CAN be a bad sign....a controlling or smothering guy. date for a while, just say "it is way too soon to talk about marriage" if he asks again. Link to post Share on other sites
Clockwork Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 Put it this way.............two weeks into meeting my wife this is what I told her: "I don't want to scare you, but I think I will be with you for a really, really long time." My wife - girlfriend at the time - responded: "I do too." We both meant it. Maybe it was an infatuation at the time, but I don't think it was because I felt it like I've never felt anything before. That was a decade ago. So put it this way, you only have to be right once. And no, 4 months is not too soon to talk to each other about your future plans." Link to post Share on other sites
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