Too far gone

[digdug75]

Yeah, well, to me, I don't feel it's worth patting myself on the back for doing something that the average American does in their teens. As for "exploring", I've never been an "adventurous" person. I guess it's good to have the option, but when left to my own devices, I have no real desire to just go out and "explore".

 

 

Well it is an accomplishment for YOU! whether or not the "average" American does this in there teens. Plus the average American has other obstacles that may come second nature to you. One of the problems with statistics is that the person who falls in to the "average" category for one thing may not fall into the "average" category for another. We can say for instance most teens drive. Most can be 51% you still have 49 percent that do not drive! Still, one would have to take into consideration wealth of the community one lives in. Even still taking in the consideration of sense of responsibility at teen ages! Higher accident risk and such. From my point of view it would be difficult for anybody to live up to average in all things. Average is just a number.

 

 

 

I'm just not someone people want in their lives. Whether it's because I'm not funny, I'm not interesting, I'm not "unique", I'm not physically attractive, or some mix of those detriments, I don't know. But every person I've tried to connect with has shown no interest in reciprocating my efforts. And the only conclusion I can draw from that is that I'm simply not good enough for anyone.

 

 

Funny, interesting, unique, and physically attractiveness all are subjective. Different for each individual. Do you feel a guy with no arms and legs is considered to be physically attractive by "average"?

 

Anyone would suggest you have met everyone!

 

 

I honestly don't know. I'm sure I'd be something weak, and/ or insignificant. Maybe an ant.

 

Interesting that you chose an ant. Ants are very community orientated! Like honey bees ants play there part in life. I can go into the significance of ants if you would like! Significance of ant may not be as instantly life altering as a honey bee, but still hold significance in life. Still an ant is an insect not a mammal, but hey you gave it your best shot to humor me.

 

For the last few days, I've become very interested in getting a new dog. There's a particular breed I want, and I'd like to get a puppy, so I can raise it and train it from the ground up.

 

 

Cool! What kind of dog would you want to have? We have bernese mountain dogs. Thinking of training at the moment and the clip of a German Shepard using the toilet can to mind. here is a clip if your interested. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v= y9S7T3J8IDQ

 

Not to mention, I don't know that I have it in me to "love" something again that I'm guaranteed to have such a short span of time with.

 

Love is worth while! Even if it is 10-15 years worth. The amount of joy and experiences that would come from having a dog would be priceless. In 15 years you would change in some manner. Heck you could have a male and female dog. You could sell puppies or keep them. You could have a huge sanctuary giving dogs the happiest time of there lives.

 

 

Well my week has been about the same also. Though the weather has been strange. I recently heard about numerous earthquakes along the west coast. From Alaska to the most southern part of California. Sometimes I see this earth as a huge time clock of sorts.

[lollipopspot]

Heck you could have a male and female dog. You could sell puppies or keep them. You could have a huge sanctuary giving dogs the happiest time of there lives.

 

Sanctuary sounds nice, but it doesn't sound like he has the passion for it. Breeding dogs or buying them is horrible, unethical idea. Millions of dogs die in shelters every year, no need to bring more into the world while so many suffer and die for lack of homes. OP's life matters, but his pleasure can't come at the expense of other innocent lives.

 

Even when I do try to connect with people, I'm awkward, uninteresting, not funny, etc...

I'm unattractive, I'm unappealing. I'm simply too inherently flawed of a person. On some level, I get that. I wouldn't want to be my friend, I certainly wouldn't want to date me. It makes perfect sense for a person like me to be forever alone. If only I could accept my lot in life and get over the discord that this causes me, and move on with my life...

 

What I would find dull is your lack of passion. Passion for helping, changing, making some difference. That would overcome the other shortcomings you might have. Is there ANYTHING that you feel a lot of passion about?

 

As I've said previously, your thinking seems to consist almost exclusively of double-binds.

 

As far as traps go, its close to genius.

 

I know this thinking well, I was raised by someone like this and fall into it by default myself.

 

OP, you need to get serious about your life, if you want it to change. Pick one thing, one thing to change, and do it. Only you can.

[digdug75]

Sanctuary sounds nice, but it doesn't sound like he has the passion for it. Breeding dogs or buying them is horrible, unethical idea. Millions of dogs die in shelters every year, no need to bring more into the world while so many suffer and die for lack of homes. OP's life matters, but his pleasure can't come at the expense of other innocent lives.

 

 

Sanctuary is an option! whether he would gain a passion for such thing is unknown to me.

 

 

Its great that you have these high standards! Breeding or letting nature take its coarse is not bad from my point of view. He could sell dogs nothing wrong with that either. Why is buying a dog bad from your point of view? If one is responsible enough to see that dog is given to a responsible owner. Many reasons dogs end up in shelters previous owners died, unwilling to care for dog, lost dog, and dog taken away from owner due to abuse. I can only assume you believe ownership of any dog is unethical or owner ship of a sheltered dog is the only right choice to make.

 

 

I guess I am not sure why you feel that having a puppy, selling puppies, or breeding is unethical. Millions of people die due to similar events. Is it then unethical to have a child? Should one be forced to adopt? Is everyone required to feel as passionate as you do about dogs in shelters?

 

 

With the content of this tread why couldn't you have put a positive spin on what was said? Why feed negativity with negativity? What are you suggesting with this statement of OP " OP's life matters, but his pleasure can't come at the expense of other innocent lives"? What expense? Don't people get some form a pleasure in having a dog? Do you have a dog? do you get pleasure from a dog? How is any pleasure you get worth more than another's? That is if you have a dog!

Edited May 26, 2015 by digdug75

[Inflikted]

Funny, interesting, unique, and physically attractiveness all are subjective. Different for each individual. Do you feel a guy with no arms and legs is considered to be physically attractive by "average"?

 

What I'm saying is that he has enough good qualities to balance things out for himself. Even if his physical disabilities hamper his level of physical attraction, he must have other qualities that make him a good, likable person.

 

I, on the other hand, do not. I have no good qualities. Obviously, nobody is "perfect", but I fall very much at the opposite end of that spectrum. I'm the complete opposite of "perfect". I have no redeeming qualities to make me worthwhile to anyone.

 

Anyone would suggest you have met everyone!

 

No, but I've met enough people to get a good sense of what's what.

 

Interesting that you chose an ant. Ants are very community orientated! Like honey bees ants play there part in life. I can go into the significance of ants if you would like! Significance of ant may not be as instantly life altering as a honey bee, but still hold significance in life. Still an ant is an insect not a mammal, but hey you gave it your best shot to humor me.

 

I look at it more from the perspective of a human; a lot of people dislike insects, in general, but most have no qualms about squishing a spider or stepping on an ant (whereas, most people would probably feel kind of bad if they accidentally killed a bird or a squirrel, or a dog or a cat). Most people don't even notice or pay attention to or give any real thought to ants.

 

Cool! What kind of dog would you want to have?

 

I'd like to get a corgi. I know it's probably not the coolest, most "manly" dog to get, but an Internet personality I'm a fan of recently got one and was posting pictures of it, and I really found myself wanting one.

 

Love is worth while! Even if it is 10-15 years worth. The amount of joy and experiences that would come from having a dog would be priceless. In 15 years you would change in some manner. Heck you could have a male and female dog. You could sell puppies or keep them. You could have a huge sanctuary giving dogs the happiest time of there lives.

 

Yeah, I guess I've just been unable to get over my old dog. I had him for about 15 years, and he was my best (and only) friend. I've never really "healed" from his loss. I don't dwell on thoughts of him that often, but any time I remember him, I just feel such a pain in my heart.

 

I actually have a dog now, that I got shortly after he passed. And I haven't really felt a "connection" with this newer dog. I don't neglect him or neglect taking care of him, of course, but I just don't really feel any attachment to him.

 

I dunno. I just hate the thought of a "relationship" having a guaranteed expiration date, so to speak. It doesn't sit well with me to know you're only going to have x amount of time with someone (whether they're a pet or a person). And I'm not sure my heart can handle getting attached to another dog so strongly, and feeling so much pain at its eventual loss.

 

Sanctuary sounds nice, but it doesn't sound like he has the passion for it. Breeding dogs or buying them is horrible, unethical idea. Millions of dogs die in shelters every year, no need to bring more into the world while so many suffer and die for lack of homes. OP's life matters, but his pleasure can't come at the expense of other innocent lives.

 

I can understand that sentiment. I don't like the idea that animals go neglected and die in shelters and whatnot. The thing is... If you're looking for a specific type of animal, especially one that's very young, your best option is to seek out a breeder or something along those lines.

 

What I would find dull is your lack of passion. Passion for helping, changing, making some difference. That would overcome the other shortcomings you might have. Is there ANYTHING that you feel a lot of passion about?

 

I don't know. Not really. There really aren't any "causes" I care about or have any real interest in. There's nothing I have any kind of affinity for. The closest thing I have to a "passion" is my ideal career choice, but as I've found out since completing my education, my field of choice is very competitive and practically impossible to get into. I spent the better part of last year applying to any opportunity I could find at an entry level job for my career of choice, I even got to a point of desperation where I was basically trying to contact small local businesses and whatnot, and offering my services for free just so I could get some experience, but I've had zero luck, and I've not been able to get my foot in the door at all. At this point, I expect I'll never break into the industry I want to get into.

 

There is a "project" I've been kind of wanting to make happen for several months, now, and I've made little baby steps to setting it up, but it takes so much time and energy, that I keep falling off with it. Even if I could power through all the "set up" work, I'm positive this project of mine requires way more time and energy than I can contribute (what with me having to go to work, as well), and for something that's not going to be a viable source of income for me, it's hard to justify working on it, for myself.

[Eighty_nine]

.

 

Not to mention, I don't know that I have it in me to "love" something again that I'm guaranteed to have such a short span of time with. When my dog from childhood passed away, I was devastated, and even though it's been a few years since then, I still can't even think about him without feeling so much pain in his absence. I don't know that I want to get emotionally invested in another thing that I know will die in 10-15 years.

 

you know, out of everything you've shared, this might be the most telling. you are afraid to take risks- you are afraid to get attached, be hurt. you're terrified of life because the natural way of things is hurt, disappointment, rejection, and loss. it just is. but between all of those things there is AMAZING BEAUTY and MEANINGFUL CONNECTIONS to be made IF you can get past your fear.

 

look, i see unattractive people in relationships EVERY DAY. every day of my life. at work, at the store, acquaintances, at the gym, everywhere. so claiming you're simply not attractive enough is BS. actually, sounds like you're nothing less than average looking maybe besides being short. what is "freakishly" short? how tall are you? because again, i've seen dozens and dozens of short guys with averagely attractive partners.

 

but really, i think fear of failure, rejection, stagnation is holding you back from growing individually and making connections with other people. self fulfilling prophecy. you need to find a way to let your fear go.

[Inflikted]

you know, out of everything you've shared, this might be the most telling. you are afraid to take risks- you are afraid to get attached, be hurt. you're terrified of life because the natural way of things is hurt, disappointment, rejection, and loss. it just is. but between all of those things there is AMAZING BEAUTY and MEANINGFUL CONNECTIONS to be made IF you can get past your fear.

 

I think I've said it before in this thread, but I seem to be TOO deeply affected by loss and rejection, more so than the average person. My dog passed away three years ago, now, and instead of being able to remember and look back on the happy times with him, every time I think of him, I just think of the intense pain I feel in his absence. Or the girl I had feelings for a few years ago; instead of just remembering the pleasant times I had with her, all I can think about is how she rejected me and how I pushed away the one person I ever felt a true connection with.

 

It all just affects me too deeply, much more than it should. It's not even a "fear", I just... hate feeling so hurt and so sad, and I just don't want to put myself through the extra amount of stress I do in situations like these. I don't "let go", I don't "move on" the way I probably should. It just lingers, and it eats away at me, and it makes me sadder and sadder.

 

As I've said many times, it's not as though I'm alone due to a lack of trying. Again, I've tried many times over the course of my life to make efforts to connect. But the resulting inabilities to connect (along with rejections when I DO feel something for someone) just keep piling up, and the strain I put on myself for those failures is just too much.

[digdug75]

What I'm saying is that he has enough good qualities to balance things out for himself. Even if his physical disabilities hamper his level of physical attraction, he must have other qualities that make him a good, likable person. I, on the other hand, do not. I have no good qualities. Obviously, nobody is "perfect", but I fall very much at the opposite end of that spectrum. I'm the complete opposite of "perfect". I have no redeeming qualities to make me worthwhile to anyone.

 

 

I understood where you were going with your previous comment. I was trying to point out his physical attributes to combat your efforts in using your own physical attributes as a negative accuse, to why you won't get into a relationship with a women.

 

You say, you have no good qualities. I disagree! I will try to show you by asking a couple of questions. Have you lied at all in your replies on this thread? Do you want a meaningful relationship? Here is a list of positive attributes. I put a star next to the ones i think you possess. Realizing i know very little about you.

Able*, Adaptable, Adventurous, Affable, Affectionate*, Agreeable, Ambitious, Analytical*, Assertive, Astute*, Attentive, Aware, Balanced, Brave, Bright*, Brilliant, Calm, Capable*, Caring*, Cautious*, Certain*, Charitable, Chirpy, Compassionate, Confident, Considerate*, Consistent*, Cooperative*, Courageous, Conscientious, Courteous, Decisive*, Dedicated*, Dependable, Determined, Devoted, Disciplined, Driven, Efficient, Egalitarian, Empathetic, Enduring, Enterprising, Erudite, Faithful, Farsighted, Flexible, Focused*, Forgiving, Friendly, Frugal, Generous, Gentle, Giving, Graceful, Grateful, Hardworking, Harmonious, Helpful, Honest*, Humble, Humorous, Idealistic*, Imaginative*, Independent, Industrious, Innovative, Insightful, Inspiring, Invigorating, Joyful, Just, Kind*, Logical, Loving, Loyal, Mature, Methodical, Modest, Motivating, Noble, Nurturing, Obedient, Open-minded, Optimistic, Organized, Outgoing, Passionate, Patient*, Perceptive, Persevering, Poised, Polite, Practical*, Professional, Punctual, Realistic, Reliable, Resourceful, Respectful*, Responsible*, Selfless, Sensitive*, Simple, Sincere*, Spontaneous, Stable, Strong-willed*, Tactful, Thoughtful, Thrifty, Tolerant*, Trustworthy*, Understanding, Unflappable, Visionary, Vital, Warm, Willing, Wise. I am almost positive you have many more positive traits. I just don't know you that well. True this ones that i picked out is only bases on what you have written. I am not saying you are perfect in those traits. I am just saying you have those traits as far as i can tell.

 

No, but I've met enough people to get a good sense of what's what.

 

 

Hmmm! Have you every been outside of your state or city? Have you ever been to another country? Have you ever met a person with a mental disability? Do you choose certain "clicks" as a desire to associate or make efforts to become friends with?

 

 

I look at it more from the perspective of a human; a lot of people dislike insects, in general, but most have no qualms about squishing a spider or stepping on an ant (whereas, most people would probably feel kind of bad if they accidentally killed a bird or a squirrel, or a dog or a cat).

 

 

Depends on the country and species of ants. I was also looking from the human perspective. As all life from my point of view effects humans to some degree.

 

I'd like to get a corgi. Internet personality I'm a fan of recently got one and was posting pictures of it, and I really found myself wanting one.

 

 

Cool! I had spent time checking out different breeds of dogs to find one that suit my personality. Used one of those breed selector, and checked out what there common traits were and what they were used for.

 

I dunno. I just hate the thought of a "relationship" having a guaranteed expiration date, so to speak. It doesn't sit well with me to know you're only going to have x amount of time with someone (whether they're a pet or a person). And I'm not sure my heart can handle getting attached to another dog so strongly, and feeling so much pain at its eventual loss.

 

 

Isn't death unpredictable? I mean while a dog has a life expectance of a certain age the dog could live longer or shorter. Not to be morbid, but whose to say that you will live for 15 more years. Just saying what do you have to lose! At the most you can gain a little more enjoyment out of life.

 

Huh i thought i had asked you what you were passionate about! I guess i didn't. it's good to know you have passion for some things.

Edited May 28, 2015 by digdug75

[Inflikted]

I understood where you were going with your previous comment. I was trying to point out his physical attributes to combat your efforts in using your own physical attributes as a negative accuse, to why you won't get into a relationship with a women.

 

Understandable, but physical attributes weren't the only qualifier for that. People are willing to look past physical attributes to a degree if the person in question has other good, worthwhile attractive qualities; similarly, people will be willing to look past a lack of good qualities if one possesses good looks. I, unfortunately, fall into neither of those categories. I'll never be able to get by on "good looks", and I don't have anything worthwhile or "attractive" to compensate for that.

 

You say, you have no good qualities. I disagree! I will try to show you by asking a couple of questions. Have you lied at all in your replies on this thread? Do you want a meaningful relationship?

 

I don't recall purposefully lying about anything in this thread, though if I'm being perfectly honest, I believe I have some sociopathic tendencies, and sometimes lie about things without even thinking about it or realizing it. So, it's very possible I may have exaggerated or stretched the truth at certain points here. I just don't recall any examples off hand.

 

I do want meaningful relationships with people (both platonic and romantic), but I absolutely do not believe it's possible for me.

 

Hmmm! Have you every been outside of your state or city? Have you ever been to another country? Have you ever met a person with a mental disability? Do you choose certain "clicks" as a desire to associate or make efforts to become friends with?

 

I've never really traveled much, no, aside from a handful of instances when I visited relatives while I was much younger. Traveling has never been a luxury I could afford, in my adult years.

 

I have met people with mental disabilities. I know this probably makes me a pretty bad person, but I don't like them. I have no real patience, or sympathy/ empathy for them, and I find them to be annoying and frustrating, and I feel very awkward around them because I don't want to actually be rude or offensive to them, I just... don't want to be around them.

 

I don't look for "cliques" or anything like that. Actually, I've always felt like I don't "fit in" with anyone. High school was a prime example of that. In high school, I didn't fit in with the jocks for obvious reasons, I didn't fit in with the "cool kids" because I wasn't "cool", I didn't fit in with the nerdier crew because they were TOO "nerdy", and I didn't fit in with the "outcast"/ "burnout" groups because I was more intelligent than them. After high school, "cliques" have been much less of a thing in the real world, but I still generally always feel like I don't "fit in" with the people I meet and encounter.

 

Isn't death unpredictable? I mean while a dog has a life expectance of a certain age the dog could live longer or shorter. Not to be morbid, but whose to say that you will live for 15 more years. Just saying what do you have to lose! At the most you can gain a little more enjoyment out of life.

 

It's about the idea of a "guaranteed expiration date", to me, though. True, people, including myself, could die at any time. Similarly, relationships could end randomly at any time. But none of those are guaranteed. You don't enter into a relationship (platonic or romantic) thinking "I'm only going to be with this person for one year". It may be a lasting relationship, it might end quickly; one person might die suddenly, or the two people might grow old together. There's no "guaranteed expiration date" to that.

 

Whereas, with pets, you enter into that "relationship" with them knowing for a fact that (barring any tragic or unforeseen events) you're going to outlive said pet. It's like knowing "This really horrible painful thing is going to happen in this exact time frame", and I don't know that I can get around that.

[digdug75]

Understandable, but physical attributes weren't the only qualifier for that. People are willing to look past physical attributes to a degree if the person in question has other good, worthwhile attractive qualities; similarly, people will be willing to look past a lack of good qualities if one possesses good looks. I, unfortunately, fall into neither of those categories. I'll never be able to get by on "good looks", and I don't have anything worthwhile or "attractive" to compensate for that.

 

 

No I get this I think you may be missing my point or not acknowledging my point. If people are capable to look past physical attributes, then would it be fair to say that having arms and legs is a positive attribute. As far as looks are concerned don't you think this is a bit more on the superficial side? Worthwhile! did you not look at the list of positive traits I posted? Did you disagree with those traits that I put a star next too? The poster lissvarna had a lot of great things to say based on her experiences in life. very insightful!

 

I don't recall purposefully lying about anything in this thread, though if I'm being perfectly honest, I believe I have some sociopathic tendencies, and sometimes lie about things without even thinking about it or realizing it. So, it's very possible I may have exaggerated or stretched the truth at certain points here. I just don't recall any examples off hand.

 

 

Well according to replies I have read you seem to be very honest. Honesty is something that is very attractive to some women if not all women. From what I gather.

 

I do want meaningful relationships with people (both platonic and romantic), but I absolutely do not believe it's possible for me.

 

Great that you want a meaningful relationship. this is a positive trait! You belief results in outcome don't you think?

 

I've never really traveled much, no, aside from a handful of instances when I visited relatives while I was much younger. Traveling has never been a luxury I could afford, in my adult years.

 

 

well great that gives you so much more types of personalities to discover!

 

I have met people with mental disabilities. I know this probably makes me a pretty bad person, but I don't like them. I have no real patience, or sympathy/ empathy for them, and I find them to be annoying and frustrating, and I feel very awkward around them because I don't want to actually be rude or offensive to them, I just... don't want to be around them.

 

 

Setting aside patience, and sympathy/empathy, because you stated you don't feel those things for anybody. I can understand you feeling awkward, frustrated and such. It was just a thought that maybe you would feel more comfortable around such people as they are more accepting of others. After reading this reply you must be really annoyed and frustrated with me. LOL though you have shown quite a bit of patience. As far as replying and humoring my curiosity.

 

I don't look for "cliques" or anything like that. Actually, I've always felt like I don't "fit in" with anyone. High school was a prime example of that. In high school, I didn't fit in with the jocks for obvious reasons, I didn't fit in with the "cool kids" because I wasn't "cool", I didn't fit in with the nerdier crew because they were TOO "nerdy", and I didn't fit in with the "outcast"/ "burnout" groups because I was more intelligent than them. After high school, "cliques" have been much less of a thing in the real world, but I still generally always feel like I don't "fit in" with the people I meet and encounter.

 

 

Are you using fitting in as meaning the same as accepted? You not fitting it is that how you perceive things? According to you what needs to take place in order for you to feel like you fit in?

 

 

As far as cliques are concerned I asked this because you seem to hold high standards. I was curious if you look for certain people to become friends with according to what you feel is or would be cool! As certain cliques were considered to be cool in high school and many out side such cliques wanted to be friends with those in the cool cliques. Not feeling they fit in!

 

 

 

Whereas, with pets, you enter into that "relationship" with them knowing for a fact that (barring any tragic or unforeseen events) you're going to outlive said pet. It's like knowing "This really horrible painful thing is going to happen in this exact time frame", and I don't know that I can get around that.

 

 

Well great times if you do get a pet. 12-15 years of enjoyment.

Edited June 2, 2015 by digdug75

[clia]

It's been six weeks since you started this thread.

 

What have you done to change your situation in the past six weeks?

[digdug75]

It's been six weeks since you started this thread.

 

What have you done to change your situation in the past six weeks?

 

LOL wow really its been that long!

[Inflikted]

No I get this I think you may be missing my point or not acknowledging my point. If people are capable to look past physical attributes, then would it be fair to say that having arms and legs is a positive attribute. As far as looks are concerned don't you think this is a bit more on the superficial side? Worthwhile! did you not look at the list of positive traits I posted? Did you disagree with those traits that I put a star next too? The poster lissvarna had a lot of great things to say based on her experiences in life. very insightful!

 

I just... really don't see any good qualities in myself. I'm not really sure what you see or why you see it, but I just don't see it, myself.

 

Well according to replies I have read you seem to be very honest. Honesty is something that is very attractive to some women if not all women. From what I gather.

 

Yes, I suppose I do "seem" honest. Again, though, my sociopathic tendencies probably lead to me being dishonest without even really realizing it, and I'd imagine many sociopaths believe they're honest people.

 

Great that you want a meaningful relationship. this is a positive trait! You belief results in outcome don't you think?

 

I don't think my belief really alters the outcome one way or the other. Beliefs don't change facts. I could say that I believe the sky is green, and I'd be objectively wrong.

 

Setting aside patience, and sympathy/empathy, because you stated you don't feel those things for anybody. I can understand you feeling awkward, frustrated and such. It was just a thought that maybe you would feel more comfortable around such people as they are more accepting of others. After reading this reply you must be really annoyed and frustrated with me. LOL though you have shown quite a bit of patience. As far as replying and humoring my curiosity.

 

Generally speaking, I especially don't like having to deal with people that require different treatment; I don't like children, I don't like the elderly, I don't like people with special needs, I don't like the homeless/ less fortunate, etc. I don't like dealing with people that require special considerations, and I'm not equipped for that kind of thing.

 

As for you, well, I don't know enough about you to really judge you or anything. As long as you write coherently and consistently engage with me, I've no problem responding. Perhaps I'm also fairly narcissistic, and love talking about myself and my problems, while also being so desperate for attention that I'll continue responding to someone who continues to engage with me. Because most people do not engage with me, and the few that do often stop engaging with me after a certain point.

 

Are you using fitting in as meaning the same as accepted? You not fitting it is that how you perceive things? According to you what needs to take place in order for you to feel like you fit in?

 

I just never really feel like I'm on the same "wavelength" as the people I meet and encounter. Even with people I might have common interests with, I often find myself not being able to relate very well. I can count on one hand the number of people I've met in my life that I felt I could relate to, and every single one of those people was disinterested in me.

 

It's been six weeks since you started this thread.

 

What have you done to change your situation in the past six weeks?

 

Nothing. Why? Because I honestly don't know what it would really take to change anything for myself. Nothing I've tried or done differently in the past has resulted in anything. The way I see it, all roads seem to lead to the same place, for me.

 

My life is nothing but a meaningless "grind" at this point. I go to work, a job I hate, that makes me miserable, for most of the day. I come home feeling drained of any real energy or will power. If I'm feeling up to it, I browse job listing websites, looking for an entry level career in the field I got my education in; I either find no opportunities I qualify for, or I find a few and I apply to all of them, and never hear anything back, which leaves me feeling frustrated and worthless. And then I just repeat this same cycle day in and day out. That's what my life has devolved into over the last year or two.

 

I just never really "catch a break". I'm never able to get my foot in the door, I'm never able to find an opportunity I can build off of, I'm never able to get a start doing something with my life that feels fulfilling, and without a fulfilling life, I'm never able to attract people into my life. I'm worthless. I'm worthless to potential employers, to potential friends, to potential romantic partners, to everyone.

[digdug75]

I just... really don't see any good qualities in myself. I'm not really sure what you see or why you see it, but I just don't see it, myself.

 

Yes, I suppose I do "seem" honest. Again, though, my sociopathic tendencies probably lead to me being dishonest without even really realizing it, and I'd imagine many sociopaths believe they're honest people.

 

I don't think my belief really alters the outcome one way or the other. Beliefs don't change facts. I could say that I believe the sky is green, and I'd be objectively wrong.

 

Generally speaking, I especially don't like having to deal with people that require different treatment; I don't like children, I don't like the elderly, I don't like people with special needs, I don't like the homeless/ less fortunate, etc. I don't like dealing with people that require special considerations, and I'm not equipped for that kind of thing.

 

As for you, well, I don't know enough about you to really judge you or anything. As long as you write coherently and consistently engage with me, I've no problem responding. Perhaps I'm also fairly narcissistic, and love talking about myself and my problems, while also being so desperate for attention that I'll continue responding to someone who continues to engage with me. Because most people do not engage with me, and the few that do often stop engaging with me after a certain point.

 

How has your week been going? How is the weather were your at? have you decided on a dog yet?

 

 

Now I was wondering if you could try asking me some questions whether your interested or not.

 

 

Have you taken anytime to tell yourself 3 or 4 positive things to yourself in the mirror? Whether those positive things are something you have or want to more like. What kind of music do you listen to if any?

[Inflikted]

How has your week been going? How is the weather were your at? have you decided on a dog yet?

 

Exactly the same as every other week, unfortunately.

 

I've cooled down a bit on getting the dog. Not for any particular reason, it's just one of those things where days pass and you think about it less and less. Anyway, the dog I want(ed) requires too much effort to actually find, and is probably quite expensive. It was a nice idea, but I can't justify paying so much money and going through so much trouble just to get a special type of dog. Not to mention, I still struggle with the idea of getting attached to something that I know is so finite.

 

\Have you taken anytime to tell yourself 3 or 4 positive things to yourself in the mirror? Whether those positive things are something you have or want to more like.

 

Nope. I have nothing positive to say to myself. I'm not good enough for this world, and I probably don't even deserve the little "life" I do have.

 

What kind of music do you listen to if any?

 

Rock. Mainly hard rock, but some soft rock, classic rock, etc.