Too far gone

[digdug75]

Anyway, that seems to be one of the major reasons why I'm "stuck"; I'm dreadfully sad and miserable being alone by myself, but I'm also dreadfully sad and miserable going out into the world because even with people around me, I'm still "alone".

 

And the pain and suffering in both instances is equally harrowing. It kills me to be isolated all by myself doing nothing at home, but it kills me to go out into the world and be completely unable to form any kind of meaningful connection with anyone around me.

 

I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't. I'm either sad and miserable and lonely sitting alone at home, or I'm sad and miserable and lonely out in the world as everyone just flows around me.

 

Look into things that you can do on your own. Possible therapies such as Dialectical Behavior Therapy. There is a good book called "Don't Let Your Emotions Run Your Life" by Scott E. Spradlin. You can check out Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT/CBGT therapy). There is Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT therapy) founded by Steven C. Hayes. If you ever get the money there is Psychotherapeutic therapy. There are many more things to learn about emotions and how to counteract negative thinking. Self compassion for one.

 

 

Psychiatry is not the only venue to possible solving your problems. There is the studies done on Mycoplasma, Microbes, Viruses, Infections, Diseases ect.. and their effects on mental status. Look here is an article you can easily choose to read on the net "The Overlooked Relationship Between Infectious Diseases and Mental Symptoms" By Dr. James Howens. It is quite possible that all you need to cure what ails you is taking an antiviral vaccine.

 

It is your life ultimately it is your choice. Either do nothing continuing the unproductive self hate and anger or be productive in figuring out to resolve problems using the huge resource called the internet.

[Inflikted]

Yeah, I guess. I just... I mean, deep down, I know that no matter what "avenues" I try to use for help, whether it be reading books and articles, or actually talking to a professional, I know that I'm going to reject it. At this point, it must be abundantly clear that that's my main reaction to any of these factors.

 

I've never been very good at resisting that urge. I've tried, many times, to fight that urge to just reject something, but I'm never strong-willed enough to do it, I'm never open-minded enough to absorb any of these materials and apply them to my life.

[Satu]

Yeah, I guess. I just... I mean, deep down, I know that no matter what "avenues" I try to use for help, whether it be reading books and articles, or actually talking to a professional, I know that I'm going to reject it. At this point, it must be abundantly clear that that's my main reaction to any of these factors.

 

I've never been very good at resisting that urge. I've tried, many times, to fight that urge to just reject something, but I'm never strong-willed enough to do it, I'm never open-minded enough to absorb any of these materials and apply them to my life.

 

You are miserable because you've chosen to be miserable.

 

You go to work every day, to do the job you have chosen to do, even though you hate it.

 

You are lonely and miserable, because you've chosen not to reach out to people or let people in.

 

Look around you.

 

Look at your life.

 

Have a really good look.

 

That's what you've chosen.

[davidromero43]

Join a church. They have to like you.

[Inflikted]

You are miserable because you've chosen to be miserable.

 

You go to work every day, to do the job you have chosen to do, even though you hate it.

 

You are lonely and miserable, because you've chosen not to reach out to people or let people in.

 

Look around you.

 

Look at your life.

 

Have a really good look.

 

That's what you've chosen.

 

I'm not arguing that. I know I do it to myself. I trap myself and I can't get out. Or, sometimes I briefly get out but end up trapping myself again. It's all I know how to do at this point. I hate it, and I hate me for being this way.

[digdug75]

Yeah, I guess. I just... I mean, deep down, I know that no matter what "avenues" I try to use for help, whether it be reading books and articles, or actually talking to a professional, I know that I'm going to reject it. At this point, it must be abundantly clear that that's my main reaction to any of these factors.

 

"I Know" suggests you are able to predict the future. "I'm going to reject" is a pre-determined plan of action. All which can be changed with "I don't know" and "I am not going to reject".

 

 

I've never been very good at resisting that urge. I've tried, many times, to fight that urge to just reject something, but I'm never strong-willed enough to do it, I'm never open-minded enough to absorb any of these materials and apply them to my life.

 

"Never" descriptive word that is self defeating. Strong will and being open-minded takes practice for some. Those things need to be exercised like muscles. It is not something instantly obtained by some. Just as patience is not some people's strengths, but if practiced patience comes gradually over time. Improvements may not be seen by the individual, because of suck slow progression. None the less it is progression and improvement.

[digdug75]

Yeah, I guess. I just... I mean, deep down, I know that no matter what "avenues" I try to use for help, whether it be reading books and articles, or actually talking to a professional, I know that I'm going to reject it. At this point, it must be abundantly clear that that's my main reaction to any of these factors.

 

I've never been very good at resisting that urge. I've tried, many times, to fight that urge to just reject something, but I'm never strong-willed enough to do it, I'm never open-minded enough to absorb any of these materials and apply them to my life.

 

Weird things is that this label suggest you would respond in such a way.

 

 

Schizoid personality disorder (SPD) is a personality disorder characterized by a lack of interest in social relationships, a tendency towards a solitary lifestyle, secretiveness, emotional coldness, and apathy. Affected individuals may simultaneously demonstrate a rich, elaborate and exclusively internal fantasy world.

 

 

I would guess your subtype would be Affectless schizoid because these features seem to fit your description of you as I understand those descriptions. These are the features: Passionless, unresponsive, unaffectionate, chilly, uncaring, unstirred, spiritless, lackluster, unexcitable, unperturbed, cold; all emotions diminished. Although you do have hate, and anger.

 

 

Guntrip and his views with his patients with problems: Characteristics result in loneliness: "Loneliness is an inescapable result of schizoid introversion and abolition of external relationships. It reveals itself in the intense longing for friendship and love which repeatedly break through. Loneliness in the midst of a crowd is the experience of the schizoid cut off from affective rapport." This is a central experience of the schizoid that is often lost to the observer. Contrary to the familiar caricature of the schizoid as uncaring and cold, the vast majority of schizoid persons who become patients express at some point in their treatment their longing for friendship and love. This is not the schizoid patient as described in the DSMs. Such longing, however, may not break through except in the schizoid’s fantasy life, to which the therapist may not be allowed access for quite a long period in treatment.

 

 

The longing for closeness and attachment is almost unidentifiable to such a person. These individuals will not voluntarily become patients, as the schizoid individual who becomes a patient does so often because of the twin motivations of loneliness and longing. This type of patient believes that some kind of connection and attachment is possible and is well suited to psychotherapy.

 

 

SPD shares several aspects with other psychological conditions, but there are some important differentiating features: Depression; People who have SPD may also suffer from clinical depression, but this is not always the case. Unlike depressed people, persons with SPD generally do not consider themselves inferior to others, although they will probably recognize that they are different. Avoidant personality disorder; People affected with avoidant personality disorder avoid social interactions due to anxiety or feelings of incompetence, but those with SPD do so because they are genuinely indifferent to social relationships. A 1989 study, however, found that "schizoid and avoidant personalities were found to display equivalent levels of anxiety, depression, and psychotic tendencies as compared to psychiatric control patients." One SPD patient remarked that previous knowledge, expectations, or assumptions may result in such elevated levels. SPD patients also tend to repeatedly mentally simulate damaging scenarios so as to flatten negative effects, should such a scenario occur in reality. Withdrawnness;

Withdrawnness means detachment from the outer world, the other side of introversion. Only a small portion of schizoid individuals present with a clear and obvious timidity, reluctance, or avoidance of the external world and interpersonal relationships. Many fundamentally schizoid people present with an engaging, interactive personality style.

Such a person can appear to be available, interested, engaged and involved in interacting with others, but he or she may in reality be emotionally withdrawn and sequestered in a safe place in an internal world. Withdrawnness is a characteristic feature of schizoid pathology, but it is sometimes overt and sometimes covert. Overt withdrawnness matches the usual description of the schizoid personality, but withdrawnness is just as often a covert, hidden, internal state of the patient.

The patient's observable behavior may not accurately reflect the internal state of their mind. One should not mistake introversion for indifference, and one should not miss identifying the schizoid patient due to misinterpretation of the patient's defensive, compensatory, engaging interaction with external reality

[Inflikted]

"Never" descriptive word that is self defeating. Strong will and being open-minded takes practice for some. Those things need to be exercised like muscles. It is not something instantly obtained by some. Just as patience is not some people's strengths, but if practiced patience comes gradually over time. Improvements may not be seen by the individual, because of suck slow progression. None the less it is progression and improvement.

 

I can "predict my future", though, because I know myself. I know how I am, I know how I'll act and react in situations, I know how I respond to things, I know the internal thought processes I have about things, etc.

 

I understand that it takes "practice" to learn things such as patience, and that it also takes "practice" to change myself for the better, but I HAVE been trying to "practice" these things for several years, now. This isn't the first time in my life I've thought about how I could be a better person. I've examined myself several times and assessed why I'm not a good, likable person, but no matter how many times I've gone over these thoughts, I've never been able to make any kind of headway with changing who I am for the better.

 

Perhaps I'm just stubborn, perhaps I'm incredibly weak, and weak-willed... Perhaps it's all of that. I don't know. But I just... don't ever change. I'm just me, all the time. And "me" sucks. Badly.

[digdug75]

I can "predict my future", though, because I know myself. I know how I am, I know how I'll act and react in situations, I know how I respond to things, I know the internal thought processes I have about things, etc.

 

I understand that it takes "practice" to learn things such as patience, and that it also takes "practice" to change myself for the better, but I HAVE been trying to "practice" these things for several years, now. This isn't the first time in my life I've thought about how I could be a better person. I've examined myself several times and assessed why I'm not a good, likable person, but no matter how many times I've gone over these thoughts, I've never been able to make any kind of headway with changing who I am for the better.

 

Perhaps I'm just stubborn, perhaps I'm incredibly weak, and weak-willed... Perhaps it's all of that. I don't know. But I just... don't ever change. I'm just me, all the time. And "me" sucks. Badly.

 

Its a funny thing about over thinking. It causes a false sense of reality at times. In your case your over thinking attempts to predict an individuals reaction based on past experience. While I understand you know what you will do, how you will react, and how you will reply to situations. Your thought process seems to tell you that all individuals are the same, and will react the same. While it is possible that you may go through 1000 individuals that may have similar responses to your attempts. There is that one or glitch that will react differently. If your negative thoughts about your self gives you trust in how the future will result. Then imagine what could happen if you developed positive thoughts about yourself.

 

 

By no means do I believe this is your first time that you have tried to do something different. My point in responding to you is to show you that no matter how you rationalize your situation to justify your idea of giving up. You always have a choice to change. Even though I know that you will not take advice given right now. At some point in your life you will decide you have had enough and that all you self hate practices are proving to be useless. At some point you will question why do I continue to do this. At some point you will decide to seek help knowing this cannot be fixed on your own. If it were possible you would be doing so right now. You are not the only one with this problem. You can take the opportunity of now to do something about this problem. You can suffer more and do something later. You can do absolutely nothing at all continuing to complain about your situation to others. To whom you could care less of what they have to say.

 

 

I am just simply a replier to whom you can argue that I am wrong. that there is nothing that could be done! which in reality is a self inflicted lie. I have provided you with many things that can be done. Many things that would talk little effort on your part. Such as saying 3 to 4 positive things about you in the mirror everyday. Heck even stopping yourself from using such words as never, can't, always, and changing them to Can, Capable, or Optimistic.

 

 

You do or you don't.

[Satu]

He doesn't want to change.

[Inflikted]

He doesn't want to change.

 

I just can't... see it. I can't visualize myself as a better person. I can't see what that looks like. I've completely lost sight of everything. Somewhere deep down, the part of me that was willing to "try", it gave up a long time ago. I don't feel like I know how to un-"give up". All I feel towards life and the world around me is apathy.

[digdug75]

He doesn't want to change.

 

At a certain point in this thread i would have agreed with you, but now i am not so sure about him not wanting to change.

 

 

I think to a fine degree he wants to change. I think his negative thoughts of himself, cause him do disbelieve change is possible. I think to him it is scary to fail, as he will use that failure to reinforce his negative disposition on life and himself. I think that lack of attachment is easier for him to handle, because there are little to no emotions involved. It also take very little effort.

 

 

It seems to me that he was raised this way and throughout his years perfected his detachment from reality. To avoid disappointment, disapproval of others, and discouragement of failure. This is his way of protecting himself. His not wanting to make the effort to change is a result of his own developed negative idealization of himself. He is caught in a conundrum. Having little positive experience to judge by, and what positive experience that could be taken out of one of his experience is instantly assimilated as negative.

 

 

I think he knows all of this to, yet still his perspective is why try. What good will it do anyways. I will only be back in the same spot i am in now. I don't believe his stated desire to obtain people connection is as powerful as he states. Well at least not currently! If it were he would have the motivation needed to try again. The fact that he has made efforts in the past shows he reaches a certain point when the desire to connect with other overcomes his negative outlook. Which causes him to change. unfortunately for him he may just have to wait until this build up inside him again. Just my opinion as of now.

[digdug75]

I just can't... see it.

 

 

reality is you choose not to see!

 

 

I can't visualize myself as a better person.

 

 

reality is you choose not to visualize yourself as a better person.

 

 

I can't see what that looks like.

 

 

reality is you choose not to see what it looks like.

 

 

I've completely lost sight of everything.

 

 

reality is you partly lost sight of some things.

 

 

Somewhere deep down, the part of me that was willing to "try", it gave up a long time ago.

 

reality is people that give up don't post on forums let alone reply. People that give up do not go to work. People that give up don't eat, take showers, get out of bed. Your spirit most definitely try's. IMO

 

 

I don't feel like I know how to un-"give up". All I feel towards life and the world around me is apathy.

 

Unfortunately you personality type doesn't allow anybody to show you how to "un give-up" or not quit. Apathy is one of the things that brings you comfort. IMO

 

 

LOL! Yep! Hell the only reason why you eat, breathe, sleep, ****, and drink is because of instinct. (sarcasm)

[Inflikted]

I think he knows all of this to, yet still his perspective is why try. What good will it do anyways. I will only be back in the same spot i am in now. I don't believe his stated desire to obtain people connection is as powerful as he states. Well at least not currently! If it were he would have the motivation needed to try again. The fact that he has made efforts in the past shows he reaches a certain point when the desire to connect with other overcomes his negative outlook. Which causes him to change. unfortunately for him he may just have to wait until this build up inside him again. Just my opinion as of now.

 

Perhaps the sting of rejection affects me too deeply.

 

The girl I had feelings for, a few years ago, I cared SO much for her, I was so enamored with the idea of us together... And not only did I get rejected, but I handled it so poorly, I became so incredibly jealous of the people she was letting into her life, I drove her away more and more, I made her hate me. For all my good, innocent intentions, I caused so much damage and drove away someone I felt more connected to than anyone I've ever met. There's not a day that's gone by since then that I haven't felt myself thinking about her a little bit, missing her, missing what I felt for her. And it hurts. It hurts worse than anything I've ever felt. And I hate feeling this way.

 

When I was a child, I was head over heels for a female classmate. I was too shy to even talk to her, and we were worlds apart. Back in 2008 or so, I randomly came across her on a social networking site, and got back in touch. The more I looked over her profile, and chatted with her, I felt all my old feelings rushing back, and in an effort to seem more "on her level", I used those feelings as motivation to start trying to get my life together, find a first time job, and start taking college classes. I then wrote to her about us getting together some time, and then she stopped talking to me online. I waited a few months, got back in touch with her, asked again, and again, got silence. I proceeded to send a very regrettable message to her (as in, "professing my undying love" kind of regrettable), and nothing on her end. I no longer think about this girl (I suppose my more recent "crush" helped move those old feelings along), but it seems as though I have a bit of a pattern. I find someone I like, I put all my hopes and dreams into making something happen with that person, I even find motivation to better my life in those feelings, then I get rejected, I make a bunch of horrible decisions, and I never really recover from any of it.

 

I even think about the handful of times I "liked" people in just a platonic way. I was so ecstatic to "like" someone, I had all these visions and plans in my head for all the fun times we'd have together, and then they disliked me, wanted nothing to do with me, and exited from my life. And it left me feeling crushed, every single time.

 

Don't get me wrong. I know everyone deals with rejection in their lives. But again, I think it affects me much too deeply, much more than it affects a normal person. Heck, I'm sitting here typing all of this out, thinking about all these things, and my heart is hurting, I'm practically fighting back tears due to how much pain I feel about all of this.

 

Why? A normal person gets rejected by someone, they mourn it for an acceptable amount of time, then they move on with their lives, find someone new to give their attention to, and repeat the cycle until it finally works out. That's how I SHOULD be able to go about life. That's how a normal person does it.

 

For me, it's practically the end of the world when I get rejected. It guts me. It shatters all my hopes and dreams. It cripples me for years on end.

 

I dunno. Clearly, I'm not as intelligent as I like to believe I am, and there are probably a lot more complicated, interconnected issues at work, here, as well. But perhaps this can serve as a partial explanation for why I am the way I am.

[Satu]

I hereby resign from this thread.

 

Bye

[digdug75]

Inflikted,

How has life going for you so far? same?

 

 

Have you made any progress in attempts to change negative thinking pattern?

[Inflikted]

Inflikted,

How has life going for you so far? same?

 

 

Have you made any progress in attempts to change negative thinking pattern?

 

It's... been the same, I guess, yeah.

 

Not really sure what to say about my thought patterns. Lately, I've been thinking a lot about the stuff I wrote about in my last post. It's also... challenging getting away from stuff; I watch a favorite show, I read a comic book, I consume some kind of media, and it reminds me of and reinforces the things I feel bad about. More concerning than that, I find I always identify best with the villains and antagonists in stuff like that.

[digdug75]

It's... been the same, I guess, yeah.

 

Not really sure what to say about my thought patterns. Lately, I've been thinking a lot about the stuff I wrote about in my last post. It's also... challenging getting away from stuff; I watch a favorite show, I read a comic book, I consume some kind of media, and it reminds me of and reinforces the things I feel bad about. More concerning than that, I find I always identify best with the villains and antagonists in stuff like that.

 

 

Oh! Well if you feel such comics, media, and such cause you to feel bad about things. Even causing you to identify with those that support negativity. Maybe it is a good idea to get rid of, and stop watching such things that cause those feeling. Reinforcement of negative thoughts is something that hinders your said goal of meaningful relationships. Just my opinion. Maybe let some form of positive fresh air enter your life.

[Inflikted]

Oh! Well if you feel such comics, media, and such cause you to feel bad about things. Even causing you to identify with those that support negativity. Maybe it is a good idea to get rid of, and stop watching such things that cause those feeling. Reinforcement of negative thoughts is something that hinders your said goal of meaningful relationships. Just my opinion. Maybe let some form of positive fresh air enter your life.

 

Well, it's not like I watch "depressing" things, or anything like that. Nearly every piece of media with a story has some sort of protagonist and antagonist; there's often always a "love story", and/ or an element of "the power of friendship/ companionship" to stuff. And things tend to always have a happy ending, which IS "positive", but the thing is, that kind of irritates me, because I don't feel like that's realistic, not for me, anyway.

 

It's not that the things I partake in are "negative" and reinforce my "negativity", it's that the "positive" of them makes me angry. Obviously, with fiction, the author can make whatever magic happen that they want, and the audience tends to prefer happy endings. But it bothers me seeing characters go through so many hardships and horrible things, and then come out with a happy ending, because I never get to know what that's like. For me, it's just a constant string of "hardships" and "awfulness", and there's no "happy ending" waiting on the end of any of it.

[digdug75]

Well, it's not like I watch "depressing" things, or anything like that. Nearly every piece of media with a story has some sort of protagonist and antagonist; there's often always a "love story", and/ or an element of "the power of friendship/ companionship" to stuff. And things tend to always have a happy ending, which IS "positive", but the thing is, that kind of irritates me, because I don't feel like that's realistic, not for me, anyway.

 

It's not that the things I partake in are "negative" and reinforce my "negativity", it's that the "positive" of them makes me angry. Obviously, with fiction, the author can make whatever magic happen that they want, and the audience tends to prefer happy endings. But it bothers me seeing characters go through so many hardships and horrible things, and then come out with a happy ending, because I never get to know what that's like. For me, it's just a constant string of "hardships" and "awfulness", and there's no "happy ending" waiting on the end of any of it.

 

My suggestion was to stop watching whatever it was that was reinforcing ,and supporting negative thought patterns. Whether it involves villains, hero's, horror shows, action, shows, and such. Maybe you should watch things involving animals. Do you like dogs, cats, birds, fish, lions, maybe bugs, ect... Maybe watch black and white comedies such as Three stooges, Abbott and Castello, loral and hardy, Honeymooners, or Charlie Chaplin.

 

 

Why would you choose to not have a happy ending in your life? Hardships and awfulness is of your choosing. Whether it is how you react or how you decide to think. If an addict can change a thought process from wanting to do the substance of there choice to not do that substance or act. which is done by many addicts of all kinds. That means you can also do the same. From my point of view.

[Inflikted]

My suggestion was to stop watching whatever it was that was reinforcing ,and supporting negative thought patterns. Whether it involves villains, hero's, horror shows, action, shows, and such. Maybe you should watch things involving animals. Do you like dogs, cats, birds, fish, lions, maybe bugs, ect... Maybe watch black and white comedies such as Three stooges, Abbott and Castello, loral and hardy, Honeymooners, or Charlie Chaplin.

 

It doesn't matter what I watch or read, or whatever, though, because no matter what it is, I'll find something in there to feel bad about. Even when I watch a comedy, or something happy and upbeat, I end up feeling bad in a sort of "jealous" way. It doesn't matter what it is. Whatever it is, I'll find a reason to make myself feel sad about my life afterwards.

 

Why would you choose to not have a happy ending in your life? Hardships and awfulness is of your choosing. Whether it is how you react or how you decide to think. If an addict can change a thought process from wanting to do the substance of there choice to not do that substance or act. which is done by many addicts of all kinds. That means you can also do the same. From my point of view.

 

I don't feel like I'm "choosing" not to have a happy ending, I feel as though it's already been "chosen" for me.

 

I've been thinking a lot lately about everything that's wrong with me, and I think there's just too much wrong with me. My personality obviously sucks; I generally find people to be a nuisance, and I'm highly introverted. Even when I do try to connect with people, I'm awkward, uninteresting, not funny, etc. Even after trying for over two decades, I've not learned how to have normal interactions with people enough to form any kind of bond.

 

I can't even bank on my looks. I'm freakishly short, I have a naturally child-looking face and a fairly high voice, so most people think I'm about 12 years old until I actually specify my age. I also have a somewhat unpleasant physical defect (though no one would really see it except in a somewhat more intimate setting) that can only really be solved via plastic surgery, which I don't have the money for.

 

I'm unattractive, I'm unappealing. I'm simply too inherently flawed of a person. On some level, I get that. I wouldn't want to be my friend, I certainly wouldn't want to date me. It makes perfect sense for a person like me to be forever alone. If only I could accept my lot in life and get over the discord that this causes me, and move on with my life...

[digdug75]

It doesn't matter what I watch or read, or whatever, though, because no matter what it is, I'll find something in there to feel bad about. Even when I watch a comedy, or something happy and upbeat, I end up feeling bad in a sort of "jealous" way. It doesn't matter what it is. Whatever it is, I'll find a reason to make myself feel sad about my life afterwards.

 

The words "I'll find something" suggests a train of thought and quite frankly thoughts can be redirected or controlled.

 

I don't feel like I'm "choosing" not to have a happy ending, I feel as though it's already been "chosen" for me.

 

Unfortunately from all your statements you are choosing an unhappy ending. According to my interpretation of what you have written. You choose not to invasion happy endings for yourself. You choose not to think or dwell on positive things about yourself. You choose not to see any type of counselor for help. You choose not to disrupt your negative thinking pattern. You choose to isolate yourself. These choices and many more, are choices YOU make. Those choices that you make can always be redirected in a positive manner. It seems as though you tend to contradict yourself to fit your state of mind. If you would like I can show your contradictions!

 

 

I've been thinking a lot lately about everything that's wrong with me, and I think there's just too much wrong with me.

 

 

Why do this what purpose does this serve your desire to gain meaningful relationships? Why not focus more of the things that are not wrong about you and build on those things?

 

 

My personality obviously sucks; I generally find people to be a nuisance, and I'm highly introverted. Even when I do try to connect with people, I'm awkward, uninteresting, not funny, etc. Even after trying for over two decades, I've not learned how to have normal interactions with people enough to form any kind of bond.

 

 

You are 26 right? Don't you think 2 decades is a bit of an exaggeration? As if awkward, uninteresting, and not funny cannot be changed to un-awkward, interesting, and funny!

 

I can't even bank on my looks. I'm freakishly short, I have a naturally child-looking face and a fairly high voice, so most people think I'm about 12 years old until I actually specify my age. I also have a somewhat unpleasant physical defect (though no one would really see it except in a somewhat more intimate setting) that can only really be solved via plastic surgery, which I don't have the money for.

 

Man you really need to stop beating yourself up and quit comparing yourself to others that you feel are better than you. I truly hope you take the time to watch this 4min video. This guy is married. https:// www.

youtube.com/watch?v=ciYk-UwqFKA

 

 

I'm unattractive, I'm unappealing. I'm simply too inherently flawed of a person. On some level, I get that. I wouldn't want to be my friend, I certainly wouldn't want to date me. It makes perfect sense for a person like me to be forever alone. If only I could accept my lot in life and get over the discord that this causes me, and move on with my life...

 

 

everyone can be unattractive, unappealing, flawed ect... Makes no sense to me that you should except the idea of "forever" being alone.

 

 

If were to had a choice to be an animal. What kind of animal would you choose to be?

[Inflikted]

Why do this what purpose does this serve your desire to gain meaningful relationships? Why not focus more of the things that are not wrong about you and build on those things?

 

Well, because I don't feel anything about me IS good or worthwhile. Every single quality that makes up my mental, emotional, and physical aspects is bad, is negative, and it all counts against me.

 

You are 26 right? Don't you think 2 decades is a bit of an exaggeration? As if awkward, uninteresting, and not funny cannot be changed to un-awkward, interesting, and funny!

 

I've not made even the slightest amount of progress towards that at all in my 26 years of life. Why should I believe it will be any different in the foreseeable future?

 

Man you really need to stop beating yourself up and quit comparing yourself to others that you feel are better than you. I truly hope you take the time to watch this 4min video. This guy is married. https:// www.

youtube.com/watch?v=ciYk-UwqFKA

 

Well, I'm sure he's a much better person than I am. Clearly he has more resolve and confidence in himself than I do. Despite his disabilities, he's probably a lot more stronger of a person than I can ever hope to be.

 

everyone can be unattractive, unappealing, flawed ect... Makes no sense to me that you should except the idea of "forever" being alone.

 

The way I see it, the chances of me actually liking someone, and then having them reciprocate those feelings, are ridiculously small. Best case scenario, I find someone that I don't REALLY like that much, but is "good enough", and end up in a relationship that doesn't feel very fulfilling or pleasant. That's no more appealing to me than being alone.

 

If were to had a choice to be an animal. What kind of animal would you choose to be?

 

Eh, I don't know. Due to "survival of the fittest", I probably wouldn't make it very far in life, in the animal world.

[digdug75]

Well, because I don't feel anything about me IS good or worthwhile. Every single quality that makes up my mental, emotional, and physical aspects is bad, is negative, and it all counts against me.

 

Its to bad that is how you see things! As you saw in the youtube video. That guy had more physical disabilities than you. The fact that you can walk like a "normal" person, and use your hands like a normal person should be seen as a positive quality. Infllicted you should talk with somebody close to you "parents", or somebody else who knows you better than me who can point out your positive qualities.

 

I've not made even the slightest amount of progress towards that at all in my 26 years of life. Why should I believe it will be any different in the foreseeable future?

 

Not true you are now able to drive a car! which can take you places that you can explore! I am sure there is more but I don't know your life. Being in a negative state of mind makes it nearly impossible to see progress in life. Outside input would be quite helpful in that area. why not believe something different. Your current belief is getting you know where fast. Right!?

 

Well, I'm sure he's a much better person than I am. Clearly he has more resolve and confidence in himself than I do. Despite his disabilities, he's probably a lot more stronger of a person than I can ever hope to be.

 

A better person than you? No! He just chose to look at the positive things in life. He chose not to let his physical handicap to keep him from enjoying life. You could choose the same. One of the points of showing that video is to show you that what ever physical abnormalities you feel you have. That guy has more. Yet still choses to be happy. He has more reason to not connect with others, yet still chooses to try.

 

The way I see it, the chances of me actually liking someone, and then having them reciprocate those feelings, are ridiculously small. Best case scenario, I find someone that I don't REALLY like that much, but is "good enough", and end up in a relationship that doesn't feel very fulfilling or pleasant. That's no more appealing to me than being alone.

 

LOL! That is the best case view of a negative thought pattern. Best case scenario is if you choose to seek help, change negative thought patterns over time you will find the joy and happiness you desire from another person/persons.

 

 

Eh, I don't know. Due to "survival of the fittest", I probably wouldn't make it very far in life, in the animal world.

 

LOL regardless of "survival of the fittest". What would be the animal? what was the first animal that popped in your head?

 

 

I have been real busy and have neglected to reply. family emergency lets call it.

 

 

How was your week? Weekend? what was the weather like?

[Inflikted]

Infllicted you should talk with somebody close to you "parents", or somebody else who knows you better than me who can point out your positive qualities.

 

Eh. Parents kind of have to love you unconditionally, and build you up. I couldn't really take anything from them "seriously", because there's a bias there. Besides, both my parents are "losers", as well, so it's not like their standards for good qualities are very high.

 

Not true you are now able to drive a car! which can take you places that you can explore!

 

Yeah, well, to me, I don't feel it's worth patting myself on the back for doing something that the average American does in their teens. As for "exploring", I've never been an "adventurous" person. I guess it's good to have the option, but when left to my own devices, I have no real desire to just go out and "explore".

 

A better person than you? No! He just chose to look at the positive things in life. He chose not to let his physical handicap to keep him from enjoying life. You could choose the same. One of the points of showing that video is to show you that what ever physical abnormalities you feel you have. That guy has more. Yet still choses to be happy. He has more reason to not connect with others, yet still chooses to try.

 

I suppose it's a matter of perspective. Again, it's not that I've never tried to connect with others; I have tried, many times over the course of my life. I'm just not someone people want in their lives. Whether it's because I'm not funny, I'm not interesting, I'm not "unique", I'm not physically attractive, or some mix of those detriments, I don't know. But every person I've tried to connect with has shown no interest in reciprocating my efforts. And the only conclusion I can draw from that is that I'm simply not good enough for anyone.

 

LOL regardless of "survival of the fittest". What would be the animal? what was the first animal that popped in your head?

 

I honestly don't know. I'm sure I'd be something weak, and/ or insignificant. Maybe an ant.

 

How was your week? Weekend? what was the weather like?

 

Eh, my week was pretty much the same as it always is. Just a meaningless "grind".

 

For the last few days, I've become very interested in getting a new dog. There's a particular breed I want, and I'd like to get a puppy, so I can raise it and train it from the ground up, but it would cost a nice chunk of money, money that would probably be better saved for something more "important".

 

Not to mention, I don't know that I have it in me to "love" something again that I'm guaranteed to have such a short span of time with. When my dog from childhood passed away, I was devastated, and even though it's been a few years since then, I still can't even think about him without feeling so much pain in his absence. I don't know that I want to get emotionally invested in another thing that I know will die in 10-15 years.