italianjob Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 My opinion is she's been cheating the whole 3 years. Any way, leaving is the right move, doing it as fast as you can is an even better move, IMO. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HereNorThere Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 It takes a special kind of evil to cheat that soon after a wedding. I think it's safe to say this has been going on for a long time. You don't want to spend the rest of your life with someone that is capable of these types of things. Although you missed some pretty huge red flags, this isn't your fault. It's sad that she initially turned it around on you, but that what manipulators do. The first thing I would do expose. I would send an email to everyone invited to the wedding with copies of the text messages to her boyfriend. Do it now before she manipulates them into blaming you. Trust me, you're going to need to the support from friends and family. Second, find a therapist ASAP. Most people will have to deal with major amount of PTSD getting through something like this. You need to talk to an expert, so that you don't end up tainting your next relationship. And never, ever marry someone who isn't 100% into a relationship. If they won't trust you with their phone passcodes, you shouldn't trust them with your life. Also, don't assumed up you have all the information just yet. I bet you've uncovered about 10% of everything that happened. You've been swapping fluids with this guy for a long, long time now. Get yourself tested as soon as you can. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
LifeWasted Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 Make sure you expose her cheating so she can't play the blame game. At least expose to her family and yours. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HereNorThere Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 Things could be worse. You could be raising this man's child right now. That alone should scare you enough to never sleep with her again. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Anto_80 Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 Things could be worse. You could be raising this man's child right now. That alone should scare you enough to never sleep with her again. Agreed. You should consider yourself incredibly lucky in finding out your wife`s true nature. Divorce her and move on, things will get better my friend!!! Keep your head up!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 It takes a special kind of evil to cheat that soon after a wedding. I think it's safe to say this has been going on for a long time. You don't want to spend the rest of your life with someone that is capable of these types of things. Although you missed some pretty huge red flags, this isn't your fault. It's sad that she initially turned it around on you, but that what manipulators do. The first thing I would do expose. I would send an email to everyone invited to the wedding with copies of the text messages to her boyfriend. Do it now before she manipulates them into blaming you. Trust me, you're going to need to the support from friends and family. Second, find a therapist ASAP. Most people will have to deal with major amount of PTSD getting through something like this. You need to talk to an expert, so that you don't end up tainting your next relationship. And never, ever marry someone who isn't 100% into a relationship. If they won't trust you with their phone passcodes, you shouldn't trust them with your life. Also, don't assumed up you have all the information just yet. I bet you've uncovered about 10% of everything that happened. You've been swapping fluids with this guy for a long, long time now. Get yourself tested as soon as you can. Oh my god. Don't do this. I know it sounds like a good plan to out her but if you send that stuff to everyone who went to the wedding you will look unstable. If someone sent me that I would question the sender. I do think this is an extreme case and I would definitely tell her family, with proof. Hang in there. I am really sorry this happened to you. There is a better person out there for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Buckeye2 Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 I really love my family with her, our pets and home. That’s what she wanted with you, a family. The other man (OM) either isn’t in a position to marry her or doesn’t want kids. Even if that’s not true you were the comfortable nester that provided companionship and security while the OM was the hot date. Most people wait years to develop that division of labor. You’re young and can do better than her. Don’t get her pregnant. If she did want kids I wonder if it mattered to her if they were the OM’s or yours. That’s why every guy should DNA their kids right out of the hospital. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
spanz1 Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 Get a lawyer and see if you can get the marriage annulled. This isn't the first time she cheated, it's just the first time you finally took your glasses off and saw her for what she really is. She's been lying and cheating throughout your whole relationship. RUN! And don't have sex with her in case she tries the pregnancy trap. RUN RUN RUN. that is actually a great idea...anull the marriage. you can keep dating if you want, but do NOT want to be legally tied to a cheating wife 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 All - thank you so much for your honesty and helpfulness. She said she do anything so I made her handover the Verizon password. From the logs, I can see 6 trips towards his side of the state all on weekends I traveled. They've also talked for 1,400 minutes since we were married. You guys helped me see the pattern and put it together. Thank you so much for helping me see what she is, was and always will be. I'm taking off tomorrow to talk to an attorney. Desperation from her part. Again, DO NOT SLEEP WITH HER! And once the divorce is done, cut all contact off to her. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 I really love my family with her, our pets and home. Is leaving the right move? Please help. Why do you need to leave? She is the one cheating, ask her to leave. Do you have kids or just pets? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Donate Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 There is always the Cuckold option. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 All - thank you so much for your honesty and helpfulness. She said she do anything so I made her handover the Verizon password. From the logs, I can see 6 trips towards his side of the state all on weekends I traveled. They've also talked for 1,400 minutes since we were married. You guys helped me see the pattern and put it together. Thank you so much for helping me see what she is, was and always will be. I'm taking off tomorrow to talk to an attorney. She'll do anything so that you don't expose her to family and friends, because and parents or siblings with morals would be disgusted by her behaviour. It's obvious she's been cheating all this time. She probably thought she had a great thing going on. A MM and a husband. There was no plan to stop this for either of them. I'm sorry that when you should have been in wedded bliss, your new bride did the dirty on you. Be glad you don't have kids with her and do not loose trust in all women. Proceed with a divorce/anulment , keep your evidence and DO NOT let her persuade you to work things out. You're young and can move on from this betrayal. Tell his wife and don't tell your wife first. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 Make sure you expose her cheating so she can't play the blame game. At least expose to her family and yours. This is important! Expose, expose, expose... OP, she will start to paint a picture to her family that you are to blame - for whatever reason. You need to get and keep copies of all your evidence and share them with her family and friends. That will help build a wall of strength for you in what is going to be a difficult time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
FortunateSon Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 As others have mentioned, get ready for this to get turned around on you by her, the manipulator. Stay dignified, but get your side and the facts out to every one you know. After the demise of my last relationship/engagement, although I treated her incredibly well, she tried to maliciously spin me as the bad guy and herself the innocent victim who was wronged by me even after the fact. It still disgusts me when I think about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Buckeye2 Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 From the logs, I can see 6 trips towards his side of the state all on weekends I traveled. They've also talked for 1,400 minutes since we were married. As someone else pointed out. She has known you and the OM for years and waits until you’re married to have a one-time nooner with him. What’s most troubling in this case is that the affair didn’t even slow down. She was arranging getting together with him during your wedding. If you can’t trust her then when can you trust her? Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 Friend, married 45 days and she's been taking trips to see O/M while your travelling for work, 6 times, wow. It will be much cheaper for you to annul your marriage, talk to your lawyer. Is O/M married or in a relationship, expose their affair. Does Alienation of Affection laws apply in your state or in the state she would go to meet other man? Change your banking, my ex cleaned out one of the accounts she had access to once she knew things weren't going the way she wanted. She is very poor wife material. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
merrmeade Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 She is acting out of pure desperation right now, she's emotional and probably hysterical and will say anything to try to keep you from leaving and divorcing her. Glad you're talking to a lawyer. Her loss and better for you to know now rather than 10 years from now with a few kids in tow.You've gotten great advice and practical steps to take. Make a list and take it with you. Main thing is to have all those ducks in a row before she gets more desperate and strikes back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TexasMan68 Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 The thing that I would be very concerned about here's a possible short-term capital gain on the sale of the house. Check with your accountant to make sure you don't get stuck with extra taxes if your able to sell it for more than you paid for it. ? Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 There is always the Cuckold option. Let's just try to help him first. If his "wife" manages to successfully manipulate him we'll bring that option back into the spotlight though. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Bohonia Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 Make sure you expose her cheating so she can't play the blame game. At least expose to her family and yours. I disagree this is childish, don't play the pity party on yourself. It didn't work and if they ask don't discuss the details its none of anyone's business. Do you really want to be known by family and friends the guy whose wife cheated on him? I would take the high road when it comes to this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chasing_mya Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 This was not her first time with this man. There were red flags that you ignored & because you didn't follow your intuition, this has all blown up in your face. The signs are usually almost always there, we just don't want to acknowledge them. Even if she promises to stop, she will continue to see this other man and cover her tracks even better. I feel for you since you are newly married and I know you want this to work but her actions are saying otherwise. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 I agree. This isn't the first time. With added evidence of her traveling to this guys side of the state 6 times and over 1400 text messages...this wasn't a one off kind of thing, this was a relationship. This was an affair. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
nightmare01 Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 Your wife has shown you who she is - PAY ATTENTION. What's worse than being cheated on when you're young and the marriage is new? Being cheated on when your old and the marriage is 20+ years and you have kids. Who people really are never changes. They might be able to change their behavior for awhile but sooner or later they will return to their true self. She cheated before your were M. She cheated after you were M. and if you stay with her she will cheat on you again and again. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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