Why my LDR bf has changed when we are apart, sweet when we are together

[ohofille]

I'm a Thai girl who is 25 years old. Me and my bf we met when I was studying in London. He is a Polish guy who live in the UK for more than 8 years. He is 21 Years old when I met him , he was studying in Uni and I am studying language and Master degree. We are in relationship since May 2012 until now almost 3 years. He is very sweet and honest guy. He is very gentleman and crazy about me he always said he is when we start dating and when I am in the UK until May 2014. Before I come back he even said he will come to Thailand to do married or partner visa for me. We even tried to join Bank account but it was too late since my bf need name in bill but he live with his sister and all bill is in his sister name. In first 6 months of LDR, he is still the same , he said he save money little by little to come to see me. Nevertheless, he was sick and went to many hospitals and cannot find the reason of stomach pain and so on. He is quite unhealthy person. He got sick from flu from time to time. Accordingly, first he plans to see me since October. He changed little by little. He didn't talk about marry and visa thing anymore after our 6 months LDR. The trip was postpones because he had to go hospital until March 15 that he came here. Before he came, he has changed, call me less, text less. He told me that he is not sure that he is still love me since we didn't meet long time and he doesn't know that he should come to Thailand. He is afraid I will be hurt very much. However I told him that he should come since it will be like unfinished business and we will know that what we feel and if he doesn't love me anymore we can be friend. Finally he came to visit me for 12 days , we fall in love again. We were so happy together. He loves Thailand and want to work here. He said he loves and care me very much again. He also said so pity that we didn't visit my mom and he didn't buy her gift. He shows me all text and photos in his phone to prove that he is sincere with me. Before he come back to UK, he still said about that I should not be sad because we will meet again soon , he gonna look for job here. After he comes back first 3 weeks , every things are fine. Nevertheless, I apply another Master degree to live in the UK with him and I also love to live in Europe. I love traveling and I want to study airline management since my first degree is tourism. I love to work in Airline like back office but u need a degree for that. I got an offer from university in London 2 days ago. I told my bf about this good news. Nevertheless, it is like he is not happy. he said I have to decide by myself. He doesn't want to promise or say anything. He is tiring to plan about us. He is cold again. He doesn't say I miss u or I love u anymore. I asked him why and he said distant made he feel nothing. He cannot be sweet when we are far. He only feel when we are together in real life. He said I plan everything in my life depending on him and he doesn't want me to do that because he think for himself first. He said many cruel thing that hurt my feeling. He said there are still a lot of questions to answer between us. He also said he is bored to talk to me since I talk only about relationship. He said London changed him. He went our every weekend , crazy drunk with friends. I never said anything about this. I don't understand why he is like this. Sweet we are together and act cold when we are far. He also like to sarcastic when he is upset and it hurt my feeling sometimes. For example, he just went to a friend wedding. His friend is 38 years old. I said oh he married so late and he said yes but every guys marry late nowadays and he is thinking about that too and but don't worry because it will not be with u (when I sent him off to UK, he still talked to me that if we got married we should set a theme like airport theme since we travel often). Why he is so mean to me. What should I do ? I love him very much and I feel so right to him. I met many guys in Thailand (colleagues, in club ) but I feel nothing to all of them. When we are together in real life, we never fight. We are always happy. I cook for him, he cook for me. We also love to buy each other gift in special occasion and travel together to many countries. His negative thing is he is easy upset, think negative and he is said something cruel to all people around him when he is upset. I think he has changed because he also glows up from uni boy to office guy. he said around him only cool guys and he feel so confident in himself. He said he looks better, he know how to dress and many girls come to him. I think this is one of the reason as well.

Edited April 20, 2015 by ohofille
more information.

[GoodFlora]

I'm sorry that you're feeling this way

I know how it feels.

 

I also had a relationship with a guy during my time studying in another country. We were so good together and we both knew it. The problem is that I had to leave and even he is leaving now to another country following his dream.

 

It hurts and it hurts a lot. But that's how love is. Sometimes the people that we love need to have freedom to become happy. I understand you, and I understand your boyfriend. Both have different goals and your timing is not the same right now.

You can fight over and over for him, put you will only push him away. Or you can set your goals, go for it by yourself and do the best that you can to accomplish it. Maybe after he have a break he decides that you were really the person of his life, then you can think if will give him another chance.

 

I know how hard it is and I know it hurts everyday. But you have to be strong now and don't let him brake your heart by being mean and saying stupid things like he has lot of options. You have lot of options too. If he's special, you're special too... he's not better than you. You're equal and you will find happiness with or without him in you life.

 

Best wishes for you!!

[blugirl]

Hey, I'm a Polish girl. I think, based on what you wrote, he's the type who's not willing to commit any time soon and play around for as long as possible. Some people are just not cut out to be in LDR but in this case I think the reason of his behaviour is that he simply got bored (sorry, sounds harsh ><) and wants to enjoy more girls. He told you proudly how girls flock to him now, well, you have the proof here. If I was you, I'd just accept that it's not going to work cause he is visibly not that interested anymore.

Oh, and one more thing: NEVER EVER plan your life or career based on what the person you love does or where they live. If you move to London again only for him and then you 2 break up, you'll be miserable and wondering what have you done, wasting all that time.