analyzetheworld Posted April 18, 2005 Share Posted April 18, 2005 Hi, after reading and participating in this forum/LS in general, I would like some advice from you guys. I am 26 yrs old, and until recently, have had a pretty low self-esteem at times; because of this, I was never confident enough to ask girls out as a "kid". Now that I am starting to finally put my life together in this area, I am becoming more confident, but realizing that my social skills seriously suck in the area of approaching women. No one ever really taught me any of these "skills", and I feel like a dumbass sometimes, when I try really hard to talk to someone, and either I don't know how to take it from "shooting the breeze" to asking her out, or how not to come across desperate. Recently, I have found myself starting to get frustrated with the whole situation (because of trying to talk to some women, and just getting the cold shoulder), and find myself telling myself that I don't need them anyway....but I don't want to be like this - hardened inside (been there and done that). So, if you guys have any advice, I'd love to hear it. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Marshbear Posted April 18, 2005 Share Posted April 18, 2005 You need to develop your social skills so you are less comfortable when you want to talk to someone who interests you. One way to do this is to talk to people ( men and women ) who you don't know and just go with the conversation. If you see someone on the store just say Hi! How are you? This is a ice breaker and you can continue with more or drop it. As you become more confident you will have less and less trouble talking with a stranger. This will also move over to you personal life and women you would like to date. Just be yourself and be fun and confident and people will like you.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author analyzetheworld Posted April 20, 2005 Author Share Posted April 20, 2005 Hi Marshbear, thanks for replying. It is not so much that I have a hard time talking to people in general, but rather I have a hard time knowing how to change the conversation from general talking, to asking someone out - I mean should I try to develop a friendship with them first, or should I just straight ask them out, or should I wait till I see them more, so they know who I am, those kinds of questions. I'm not really that shy; I am more reserved, and this makes it a little more difficult to get women to notice me, but if I am around them already, I have no problem talking to them, and have, in the past, even asked girls out. My problem/question really lies in the area of how to ask a girl out (the specifics), and when to do so. I know that every girl is different, but there must be some kind of general consensus on this. As for your advice, I will put it into practice more; thanks again. Link to post Share on other sites
followingthru Posted April 22, 2005 Share Posted April 22, 2005 i think the thing to do is try not to make it obvious that the conversation is changing from a regular conversation about whatever to a situation where one of you is on the spot. i think the most natural way to ask someone out is to do it when the conversation is winding down - when you are about to part ways. and don't make a huge deal out of it. just say hey, do you want to go to "..." with me? whether it is filled in with "to dinner" or "to see this band play" or "to a movie" or "to have a drink." especially if it is someone you don't know very well, you don't want to put all this "date" pressure on her. just ask her to do something with you - something specific, so that the activity is the guiding point at first - not the "date." see how it goes from there. chances are, if she says yes and if the two of you have a nice time, what to do from there on will be a lot easier. Link to post Share on other sites
seahorse Posted April 22, 2005 Share Posted April 22, 2005 Hi, Don't forget that lots of men and women start out as just friends. It doesn't have to be a great romance from the word "go". You need to get to know each other, and personally I think it takes more than a ten minute convo. It doesn't need to be "dinner", which means evening, which just sort of puts more pressure on right away. Try iceskating; a walk in the park; a public aquarium; something that interests you both. A day time date that takes the pressure off the evening thing, and helps you talk to each other more. Just my two pence worth! Link to post Share on other sites
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