Nuno2015 Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 (edited) Hi When my girlfriend was married to another guy, she was unhappy, she didn't love him. So she fell in love by another guy. They used to meet each other secretly from time to time. Thenn tey broke up, and she had like 3 or 4 guys that she didn't love. She tells me that, since she was raped by her own father when she was a baby (accordind to a hipnose induced state conducted by a professional) she was like permissive and attracting that kind of men that"feel on her". So she says that she was not looking for sex, but she felt "pitty" for those guys, maybe also she was needing attention that her husband wasn't giving, he never said she was pretty, or being sweet to her. So she went to bed with this guys she didn't love, she says she didn't like the sex, she was not looking for sex, she says she was like caught and didn't react. All that background was making her "easy", maybe. She said she even didn't reach orgasm with them, and she also cried after one time, she felt dirty. After that period, she had another man she felt in love with, and again she was meeting him secretly. They broke up too. Later the marriage ended, and she went living with another men she loved a lot. So officially, this was her second men. They broke up after 4 4, 5 years, and 6 years later (she was 6 years without sex, she had a cancer and she was living a very spiritual life, with a lot of meditation and prayers) I showed up. We are now togheter for almost 5 years and we are going to ger married. The point is, I understand ans do I'm not jealous of the guys she loved, but sometimes, when she is not in the mood for sex, I have this thoughts: When she went to bed with those guys she didn't love, she knew what was going to happen, did they arrang a meeting? That makes me jealous because she never arranges "meetings" with me. In the morning she is never in the mood for sex. By lunch time it would be great to have sex, but she is allways more preocupied in having lunch, and after eating she doesn't want. In the night, many times she is too sleepy. So, most of the time, when we have sex it's by her own movbe, we have it when she want's it, not when I take the step. It's rare that she let's herself go with my mood. I mean, she doesn't go with my mood, but only when she is in the mood. Before it was more spontaneaus, we even had sex at the counter, with our store opened, just close to the door and the showcase. She said more than once that she is more relaxed with me, that she never had any men like me, and that she has more pleasure with me. She said she didn't play sexually with other's the way she plays with me. So I have this stupid jealous mind that thinks: with the others she felt pitty, she allow them. - that's ok, I understand, I don't want her to feel sorry for me. But, if she arranged a meeting with them, if it didn't just happened, she was knowing what was going to happen, so I supose she might be turned on when going to meet them. She doesn't want to talk about this anymore, she says that it brings pain to her, she dosen't want to remember. Why did she arranged a time for them, and with me we never arrange time. It just happens, we never arrange like,"this afternoon we close the shop and go downstairs", like in the beggining (we also camed at night and had sex on the florr, on tables... I think it would be better for me to get rid of those thoughts, but thinking that she knew what was going to happen, even without loving them, that she met them only for sex, thinking that she met them just for ****ing makes me frustrated, but she said that it just happened. Do you think I should try again to know if it just happened (Because she was beeing permissive), or it happened after an arrangement? This should be not important to me, the last one happened like 16 years ago. Thank you, and tell me how to make her bacame again that woman that had more sexual drive than me, we were quitte active and now we do it like one in 12 days or so. Edited April 20, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 She was married already and cheated constantly. A serial adulterer will never be honest with you. Sorry but in my opinion you should break it off right away and get tested for STDs because I promise she hasn't gotten a test in her life. ... At the very least, get a prenup done and eventual children DNA tested. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nuno2015 Posted April 20, 2015 Author Share Posted April 20, 2015 Thank you for your reply. As wrote, she is with me for 5 years + 6 years alone + 5 years with the other guy =16 at least since she was cheating, from far as I now. "because I promise she hasn't gotten a test in her life" - I think you shouldn't say things like "I promise she hasn't gotten a test in her life", that's odd. But thank's anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Donate Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 So what are you going to do? Commit yourself to a lifetime of frustration, have kids with her and lock yourself into a 18 years drama filled debt ridden life. -or- Leave Your choice buddy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 "because I promise she hasn't gotten a test in her life" - I think you shouldn't say things like "I promise she hasn't gotten a test in her life", that's odd. But thank's anyway. It's called foresight. Her many affair partners likely weren't "faithful" to her and, you know, STDs spread somehow. Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 So based on what you already know, which is probably far less than what really happened, your girlfriend has admitted to cheating several times during a marriage. You have been blessed with an opportunity to bail out. she isn't going to change and has plenty of baggage to support this notion. If you possess any self preservation skills you would be wise to use them with this situation and leave. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nuno2015 Posted April 21, 2015 Author Share Posted April 21, 2015 So, I had a great first year of dating with her. Awesome, great laugh, great vacations, great companion, great ****in sex. After one year she opens herself and tells me that she cheated her husband until 13 years ago. After that she was with a guy, didn't cheat him during those 5 years. I'm 5 years now with her, and you say "If you possess any self preservation skills you would be wise to use them with this situation and leave." - have you read my post in the first place? She had a cancer during those 6 years she was alone, with no sex. Adn it is true. Just because she lied to a husband she didn't love, would she lie to a person that she loves? 16 or 17 years later then the last time? I know she doesn't. And it's not because a person that as cheated before, that will cheat again, if you think like that, a person who never cheated will never cheat. I thank you all for your support, atention, time and words, but some guys, in my opinion, are to sure of what they write. Basically you are saying that I should act like: "Baby, it was great but I cannot be with you anymore because you cheated your husband - 2 relationships ago, years ago." That reminds me of Afganistan, were widows are left with no support, no money, nothing. That's like giving no second chance to a former drug addicted or an ex-criminal. How can you guys write with that level of sureness like the other "I promise she hasn't gotten a test in her life". Jesus. Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 The answer to your questions....Yep. She's already growing bored of you, what do you think will happen when you are married? It's your life, a lot of us here are giving experience based On opinions which you can choose to accept or reject, the choice in how to live your life is yours. In your entire first paragraph you tried to minimize what your girlfriend did based on her words, not what you truly know. So you really think she didn't enjoy having sex with all of these other guys??? I find that very hard to believe. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 When she went to bed with those guys she didn't love, she knew what was going to happen, did they arrang a meeting? That makes me jealous because she never arranges "meetings" with me. In the morning she is never in the mood for sex. By lunch time it would be great to have sex, but she is allways more preocupied in having lunch, and after eating she doesn't want. In the night, many times she is too sleepy. So, most of the time, when we have sex it's by her own movbe, we have it when she want's it, not when I take the step. It's rare that she let's herself go with my mood. ...we are going to ger married. So, she doesn't want to have sex when you want to have sex? Are you fine with living with this for the rest of your life like this, because there is nothing that can guarantee that she's going to ever change her tack and you are going to have to be fine with this and be quiet and content because marrying her will tell her that you ARE fine and content with this. Til "death do you part" is a really long time, if you're going to live by the law of your vows. Thank you, and tell me how to make her bacame again that woman that had more sexual drive than me, we were quitte active and now we do it like one in 12 days or so. You can't make her do anything. She is the only one with that power and it looks like she's not really that concerned with changing anything. She may just want a roommate who she has sex with every fortnight, who won't bother her for sex and will help finance her living arrangement. You need to have a real serious talk with her about her lack of sexual interest in you and then depending upon what she says/follows through on with consistent behavior, you're going to need to decide on how you want the rest of your life to play out because she may not be of the mind to give you what you want just because she did do it in the past with others... and quite frankly, just because she did do it in the past with others does not in any way obligate her to do it for you. If she ain't the one right now, today, she ain't going to be the one and you need to look elsewhere for that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nuno2015 Posted April 21, 2015 Author Share Posted April 21, 2015 Great answer, thank you very much The fact is, I think she is the one. Everything, the way she came into my life, the way we live toghether, what she brought to me, says she's the one. In every single aspect. She's just great. Leaving her would be giving more importance to sex then to all the rest. So maybe is up to me to deal with my sexual energy. We plan to marry in october, but it's in a hindu tradition, it's more like receiving a blessing, it's the same as a "normal" wedding, but it's lighter, it's like a party, it's fun. But yeah, things would be almost perfect, if it would be like in the beggining, sex, and sex... Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 Women who have been molested or been raped in childhood, most end up being promiscuous in their adult life. Don't bury you head in the sand, she has underlying emotional issues that need to be addressed by a therapist. A relationship cannot survive on love alone, you need to get proactive and get her into counseling. It wouldn't be a bad idea to go into premarital couples counseling before you get married for the both of you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TexasMan68 Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 So when she cheats on you again it will be lighter, like a party? Don't you Hindus do terrible things to your wives when the cheat or is that just in India? Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 Great answer, thank you very much The fact is, I think she is the one. Everything, the way she came into my life, the way we live toghether, what she brought to me, says she's the one. In every single aspect. She's just great. Leaving her would be giving more importance to sex then to all the rest. So maybe is up to me to deal with my sexual energy. We plan to marry in october, but it's in a hindu tradition, it's more like receiving a blessing, it's the same as a "normal" wedding, but it's lighter, it's like a party, it's fun. But yeah, things would be almost perfect, if it would be like in the beggining, sex, and sex... You can keep on lying to yourself about how "perfect" everything is or you can stop with the self-deception and see what it is you're going to bind your life to for the foreseeable future--a roommate situation. I wouldn't be bothering with doing anything to recognize this relationship as long as this aspect of it is up in the air like it is. I take it you are afraid to talk to her and ask her what her problem is, huh? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 Well, if you're so sure that "bah noo it's all in the past" then go ahead and marry. You're not the last one to fall into this trap. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DrReplyInRhymes Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 This should be not important to me, the last one happened like 16 years ago. I feel this is something you should seriously let go and let through, It happened 16 years prior, since then, I'm sure she grew, It feels like you're trying to place blame because of the lack of sex, You won't find any answers examining events almost 2 decades ago in any context. Instead, maybe try to spice up your romance for her, Instead of asking for sex, through actions you can get her to infer? Chocolates, candlelight dinner, and maybe some flowers to share , Handmade coupons to redeem to each other for edible underwear? These are just some thoughts for you to gain traction, To incite this woman's love and sex appeal and attraction, Analyzing on her reasons for cheating is certainly something that's due, But if you can't get past it, then you should certainly never say "I do." Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 (edited) Just because she lied to a husband she didn't love, would she lie to a person that she loves? Just because she loves you now, will she always love you all of the time? If not, is it OK if she cheats on you when she is not in love with you at that time? Since you are not perfect, over the years you will sometimes not give her the attention that she wants, so based on her logic she can say that she does not love you and cheat with reckless abandon like she did with her first husband, who she probably loved at some point. That's right. I forgot that she would never cheat on you. No not you. You will be perfect 100% of the time always and forever and she will never not be in love with you. The point that you are missing is that most people do not believe in cheating for any reason. These people try to fix the marriage and if not decide if they will divorce, but will never cheat. Your wife is not such a person. She has explained to you that if a husband does not give her attention such that she no longer loves him, it is OK to lie and cheat on them. You have now been warned. Proceed at your own risk. Edited April 23, 2015 by Try 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 Hi When my girlfriend was married to another guy, she was unhappy, she didn't love him. So she fell in love by another guy. They used to meet each other secretly from time to time. Thenn tey broke up, and she had like 3 or 4 guys that she didn't love. She tells me that, since she was raped by her own father when she was a baby (accordind to a hipnose induced state conducted by a professional) she was like permissive and attracting that kind of men that"feel on her". So she says that she was not looking for sex, but she felt "pitty" for those guys, maybe also she was needing attention that her husband wasn't giving, he never said she was pretty, or being sweet to her. So she went to bed with this guys she didn't love, she says she didn't like the sex, she was not looking for sex, she says she was like caught and didn't react. All that background was making her "easy", maybe. She said she even didn't reach orgasm with them, and she also cried after one time, she felt dirty. After that period, she had another man she felt in love with, and again she was meeting him secretly. They broke up too. Later the marriage ended, and she went living with another men she loved a lot. So officially, this was her second men. They broke up after 4 4, 5 years, and 6 years later (she was 6 years without sex, she had a cancer and she was living a very spiritual life, with a lot of meditation and prayers) I showed up. We are now together for almost 5 years and we are going to get married. "Finding Jesus" meets "Mary Lou's Getting Out Tonight". Recipe for disaster, dude. Don't get married. I didn't have to read much further than this, although I did. You might as well go the nearest bridge and throw your wallet with all ID and money over it and walk away. You would regret it, right? You'll regret getting married to this woman. Run!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Photofinish Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 (edited) Hi She tells me that, since she was raped by her own father when she was a baby (accordind to a hipnose induced state conducted by a professional) she was like permissive and attracting that kind of men that"feel on her". O_o You do know those tests DO NOT WORK right? That kinda sounds like an excuse for her actions . I'm not saying it is but it does sound fishy Edited April 23, 2015 by Photofinish Link to post Share on other sites
h0000 Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 Crazy is not a nice word but it is the ugly truth. OP is crazy, for thinking she loves him and they will be happy ever after. No matter what we say it is not going to change his mind. Frankly I don't know why he posted the question since he doesn't seem to want to listen to anyone. But hey, love conquers all. Just marry her, you will probably enjoy a threesome with her other lover(s). The more the merrier! Link to post Share on other sites
OldRover Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 Sounds like a recipe for disaster. I dated a lady with similar characteristics, except she didn't cheat. She just had failure after failure with her relationships.... several divorces, canceled engagements and boyfriend problems. And would jump rapidly from one to another. I thought I was different because we started out like you, everything was just great for the first year, except for a few hints of trouble that I ignored, stupidly. Didn't last and I didn't marry her (but could have and would have been horribly sorry). Link to post Share on other sites
Cephalopod Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 Have fun with her but do not marry her. She is not wife material. Use condoms. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 So I guess we will be hearing from you say this November? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 16, 2015 Share Posted May 16, 2015 If you really care about her, you want her to sort through her early abuse problems, so she needs to get into long-term therapy for that. You should start off going with her and let her go more but learn as much about it as you can as well. It does affect you in many profound ways. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nuno2015 Posted October 29, 2016 Author Share Posted October 29, 2016 I feel this is something you should seriously let go and let through, It happened 16 years prior, since then, I'm sure she grew, It feels like you're trying to place blame because of the lack of sex, You won't find any answers examining events almost 2 decades ago in any context. Instead, maybe try to spice up your romance for her, Instead of asking for sex, through actions you can get her to infer? Chocolates, candlelight dinner, and maybe some flowers to share , Handmade coupons to redeem to each other for edible underwear? These are just some thoughts for you to gain traction, To incite this woman's love and sex appeal and attraction, Analyzing on her reasons for cheating is certainly something that's due, But if you can't get past it, then you should certainly never say "I do." Thank you so much!!! Only read it now it's awesome and great advise!! Thankyou so much, really cool rhymes. Link to post Share on other sites
js_77 Posted November 1, 2016 Share Posted November 1, 2016 Dump her or just be FWB with her! Link to post Share on other sites
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