I will confront my ex-gf about her affair!Wish me luck!

[AdamantyumKrystal]

Hello.It is me again there is some info in my previous posts too but i will share it again so u can know what i talk about. sorry for my english and the length of this post. i will appreciate your kindness and gentle replies please, as i am not really in the best mood to get mocked-on or joked about.So Please don't be harsh

 

Long story short: Ex-gf broke up with me 6 months ago saying that she might fall in love with my best-friend(ex-friend now) and that she does not love me anymore. After 2 weeks BU she told me she doesn't love him and they are just friends.As i was still in emotional shock and heartache i fell for it and believed her. They both told me they don't speak to eachother anymore so i can be at peace that there is nothing happening between them.

 

For six fully months i believed them.Even though she was/is talking to him more than ever and meeting up with him etc. That is until Friday night last week when we went togheter outside and had fun got a lil bit drunk ,we stayed till 11:00 PM and then went each one of us to our homes.He left first then i left with her acompanying her to her place.

 

I left her,strangely she hugged me before leaving.It nicely surprised me her hug considering we haven't talked or met for 3 months coz i was doing NC on her. When i reached home i stayed for like 15 mins till i had a strange feeling(intuition,sixth-sense???) to return to her place and see if she fell asleep. It was really weird/hard to cope when i got there when i saw her meeting with this friend "M" and leaving to a place where i used to see with her.

 

Quietly in the dark I followed them till there.At 12:00 AM the lights went off and that is when the horrific scene took place.Staying there in the dark alone with myself i was watching my ex-girlfriend getting screwed by this "best-friend" of mine .Kisses , hugs,sex and secrecy. All the parts of an affair.

 

I stayed till 1:40 AM and then left home as i couldn't bare to continue seeing them , mostly her for whom i still harbor feelings . Neverthless to say i was destroyed and couldn't sleep that night at all.I still wonder what made me become "stoned" and not going berserk on them/him mostly. I went home finally... couldn't sleep at all.

 

I always had my suspicions and my gut was telling me something is not right but i was still making xcuses in my mind that they're not having an affair and i'm only exageratting.(note: this lasted for SIX FREAKING MONTHS after BU) Now i got to see all of my suspicions and theories we're true and i wasn't being crazy at all when i suspected them of being togheter and lying to me.

 

This happened 3 days ago.I only chatted with her since then , online, and i pretended that everything is fine and ok so she won't get suspicious.I haven't talked to him since and won't do it , i want to avoid him since i am not fully prepared to control myself from beating him to death . i told her last week if we can see next week-end so she can help me with some studying materials. SHe said she is not sure when she is free yet.

 

Truth is i will meet with her and expose everything i know and i saw/heard, when i will get the chance. i will the use "study xcuse" as a fake reason to see her . I have already managed to control my emotional state so i can be sure i won't burst out and scream/insult etc. Calmly and peacefully i will confront her concerning the affair putting the facts on the table and waiting for her answer. Truth is i am not sure this is an sufficient proof enough for her to admit it.Therefore i ask for some advice on how to make her spill out the beans(truth)since i don't know how she will behave and how defensive will she get. i will use my acting and persuasive skills at maximum, i will try not to scare her or make her feel threatened .

 

Am i crazy for wanting to reconcile with her after all of this sharade? I know that if we would overcome this "catastrophe" we could end up togheter again and be stronger than ever.I am not sure if she will confess or if she will end the affair.I have the upper hand since i know about them and they don't suspect a thing, by revealling all of the info i got i will catch her unprepared so i know her reactions won't be logical or rational at all since her emotional side will try to defend and deny everything but i will not give up and i will keep my calm stay with my mood shrouded in mystery.

 

I know that i wasn't the most perfect boyfriend either and some of her emotional needs we're not met by me and therefore i will not judge or condamn her . I've read that is a good idea to apologise for my mistakes too and that would make her more confident to open up but i am not entirely sure. I will see how the situation progresses and what to do next.Even if she won't admit it then at least i know that i have tried and i will be the bigger person! OH and about this.. "best-friend" what would you advise to do about him? WE have so many mutual friends that i see him everyday i get outside,our families know eachother pretty well and it will be super-awkward to end it again with him but i won't mind since he is a traitorus heartless bastard.(i even apologised once to him for wrongly accusing him ,lol) .I can't believe he would lie to everyone only to get in my ex-gf's pants and risk an 18 yr old friendship for the sake of some "pussy".What an cruel world..

 

I've been on these forums and others for the last 6 months so i got the chance to inform myself alout about cheaters,NC,affairs,infidelity.etc so i am not quite a newbie!

 

IF any of you has some ideas which could use of some help i would gladly like to read them.I need all the help i can get right now since this will be pretty hard do swallow and carry alone.

 

I will get back with updates!

Edited April 20, 2015 by AdamantyumKrystal

[Ruby65]

It's not an affair between them. They're not "cheating" on anyone. They're both single and free to date whomever they please -- including each other.

 

Please stop following them. Don't confront her. Spend some time away from both of them so you can recover from the breakup.

 

Let this go. You really have no right to tell her who she can or cannot date, my friend.

[Chi townD]

Dude, you're getting played. They've lied to you and they've been stringing you along getting a kick on having you believe that there's nothing going on.

 

 

Now, you're talking about reconciling?!?!? What the hell for?!?! You literally saw her screw your friend, That is NEVER getting out of your head.

 

 

No need to confront. Just disappear. Block her from all social media and move on with your life. Write her off and be done with it. IGNORE EVERYTHING she throws your way. Sooner or later, she'll buy a clue. Sooner or later, she'll understand that you know something happened.

 

 

Just move on dude.

[tylerj]

You sound a bit like you're turning into a stalker.

 

Don't let that happen to you - let it go.

[AdamantyumKrystal]

I know what you are saying guys but i just can't keep living being lied like this anymore. I will stand up and reveal it! I think this is the best way to the beginning of end for this affair.

[AdamantyumKrystal]

It's not an affair between them. They're not "cheating" on anyone. They're both single and free to date whomever they please -- including each other.

 

 

 

Let this go. You really have no right to tell her who she can or cannot date, my friend.

 

And Ruby please don't ever give that advice to anyone ever.Please! IT IS OBVIOUS that she broke up with me so she can be with him. It's not like i am going to sit now with my arms crossed and applause them for doing this to me! If they would have at least had the decency to admit it or ask me if i approve but none of them did it so what you've said is really out on context here! I wonder how would you react to a situation like this

[CarrieT]

Why take steps backwards? To what end?

 

Wash your hands of her, move forward, and do not look back...

[seminoles84]

Sure she shouldn't have been stringing you along. (THIS IS WHY NC IS A MUST). With having said that.. you're broken up and you have no say in who she can screw and not screw.

 

Stop calling it an affair.

[Diezel]

I think all of the responses will be similar and universal.

 

She's a low quality woman. And you are a low quality man if you take her back.

 

Just stop talking to both of them and live your own life. But I somehow doubt you'll follow that piece of advice.

[casey.lives]

what would be the point of the confrontation? You already know everything. You're just going to embarrass yourself. Don't do it. She may likely tell you she loves him.. those words will burn. It is to be expected. People always like to embellish lust, more so, when it's attached with guilt.

[AdamantyumKrystal]

Yes i know it's weird that i still want to reconcile, i guess it's maybe an glance of hope from my emotional part which misses the love we had.Yes that image will never get out of it unless i get Alzheimer's.Alzheimer would be great right now! or at least Amnesia :v . You are saying to me to let her go and all of those rejective options but how can i possibly to this over-night with the girl i would've once died for? my first love my first everything.. Yes i do feel betrayed and the most dumb person to walk on the face of the earth . i hate that i have been fooled like this for so long .. I just cannot pretend without succumbing one day so i have to expose them and bring peace to my mind&body . Either i do this as fast as possible or i will lose my sanity!

[Chi townD]

I know what you are saying guys but i just can't keep living being lied like this anymore. I will stand up and reveal it! I think this is the best way to the beginning of end for this affair.

 

 

 

Then remove the liars from your life!!! You don't need an excuse. Here's the rub, she's not your girlfriend, he isn't your friend. She knows you harbor strong feelings for you her and she is stringing you along! Keeping you around just in case things don't work out with your Ex best friend. But she's been screwing him for her physical needs and having you on the sidelines for her emotional needs. She's got the best of both worlds right now. Someone to screw her senseless and another that she knows that will kiss her ass and give her an ego boost ANYTIME she wants it.

 

 

Just walk away dude. It's that simple. It hurts, but it's simple. Walk away and never contact them again. You don't need to give him or her a reason, you don't owe them a reason.

 

 

Just walk away and start to heal. Make positive changes in your life and stat living again.

[TunaCat]

So she broke up with you to date him.

 

So what? The minute she ended it with you, you should have disappeared from her life and thrown yourself into other activities.

 

Handle this in a classy way. Confronting her is not a classy move at all. Be better than that.

[AdamantyumKrystal]

what would be the point of the confrontation? You already know everything. You're just going to embarrass yourself. Don't do it. She may likely tell you she loves him.. those words will burn. It is to be expected. People always like to embellish lust, more so, when it's attached with guilt.

 

Good reply man! +1 I dont see how i would embarass myself by doing this.And yeah she might tell me that but it's okay since i know it's not Love but lust and it's temporary . Love doesn' make you feel guilty! just do some research on the stages of affairs and how much they last and you will understand what i'm talking about.

[Diezel]

You do know that as soon as you confront her, she's going to turn it around on you, right?

 

For being a creeper and a stalker? Might even say she feels violated in a certain way because you came back and watched them.

 

Trust me, this isn't going to go the way you picture it in your head.

[seminoles84]

Good reply man! +1 I dont see how i would embarass myself by doing this.And yeah she might tell me that but it's okay since i know it's not Love but lust and it's temporary . Love doesn' make you feel guilty! just do some research on the stages of affairs and how much they last and you will understand what i'm talking about.

 

You sound VERY young and inexperience. I'm cringing at the thought of you even giving her the time to confront her. You really gotta just let go man.

 

Following them and watching them have sex is beyond creepy and this will get very ugly for you.

[AdamantyumKrystal]

So she broke up with you to date him.

 

So what? The minute she ended it with you, you should have disappeared from her life and thrown yourself into other activities.

 

Handle this in a classy way. Confronting her is not a classy move at all. Be better than that.

 

 

Wish i knew then what i know now.. things would've been so much different..AAAAND i really want to see her reaction when she will realise she's been caught! if she admites to it of course it's gonna relieve alot of her guilt and she will feel better but i also hope it will open her eyes and end the affair.The reason why they are hiding this affair is because they know it's wrong and it would not work if mutual friends/families would find out so they would need to break up. And heaven yeah i can't wait to see that happening! ^_^ I know it sounds doushy and maybe immature from my part but can you really judge me after everything that happened?!-_- don't i deserve to know the truth?

[AdamantyumKrystal]

You sound VERY young and inexperience. I'm cringing at the thought of you even giving her the time to confront her. You really gotta just let go man.

 

Following them and watching them have sex is beyond creepy and this will get very ugly for you.

 

 

You tell me about it man?? ... i may be young and inexperienced but i still have loyalty and high principles! what do you mean this could get ugly for me? Isn't it ugly enough till now? -_-

[AdamantyumKrystal]

You do know that as soon as you confront her, she's going to turn it around on you, right?

 

For being a creeper and a stalker? Might even say she feels violated in a certain way because you came back and watched them.

 

Trust me, this isn't going to go the way you picture it in your head.

 

Well this is the kind of advice i was waiting for! thank you man for giving me some insight. HMm that is true it might look pretty sucked-up and weird but it's not enough to make me care after everything i've been thru'.

 

And yeah it's highly probable it won't go the way i want it.. but isn't life full of risks?

[seminoles84]

You tell me about it man?? ... i may be young and inexperienced but i still have loyalty and high principles! what do you mean this could get ugly for me? Isn't it ugly enough till now? -_-

 

You are letting your emotions over take you. You need to calm down, talk to a therapist or a counselor. I know how hard it is to lose your first love.. we've all been there.

[AdamantyumKrystal]

You are letting your emotions over take you. You need to calm down, talk to a therapist or a counselor. I know how hard it is to lose your first love.. we've all been there.

 

 

I don't have a job so i can't afford to go to therapy or counseling.. sucks to be young,dumb and poor at the same time ! true that i may be in an high-emotional state and not think things quite clearly. but this is my place to vent so..

And i think there are worser than me out there..i mean i saw posts around here which made me lose faith in human race for a few lifetimes

 

I still have as much time as i need to think about what i will do or not do!

Edited April 20, 2015 by AdamantyumKrystal
didn;t finished it then

[TunaCat]

Wish i knew then what i know now.. things would've been so much different..AAAAND i really want to see her reaction when she will realise she's been caught! if she admites to it of course it's gonna relieve alot of her guilt and she will feel better but i also hope it will open her eyes and end the affair.The reason why they are hiding this affair is because they know it's wrong and it would not work if mutual friends/families would find out so they would need to break up. And heaven yeah i can't wait to see that happening! ^_^ I know it sounds doushy and maybe immature from my part but can you really judge me after everything that happened?!-_- don't i deserve to know the truth?

 

You know what? Yeah I can judge you. They are not having an affair, you need to grow up and realize that just because she got together with a new guy, that does not mean it was an affair. Her and this other guy are both SINGLE. That means they are allowed to be together.

 

You don't really know why they haven't gone public with the relationship, and frankly you seem WAY to involved in your ex's love life.

 

My ex dumped me a month ago and is already in a relationship. Now have I stalked them? Nope. Have I thought up a plan to confront them? Nope. You know why I am just sitting back and letting it go? Because I am a classy woman.

 

I really think you need to rethink this whole plan.

[seminoles84]

I don't have a job so i can't afford to go to therapy or counseling.. sucks to be young,dumb and poor at the same time ! true that i may be in an high-emotional state and not think things quite clearly. but this is my place to vent so..

And i think there are worser than me out there..i mean i saw posts around here which made me lose faith in human race for a few lifetimes

 

I still have as much time as i need to think about what i will do or not do!

 

I understand. You need to talk with someone and really think this through. I'm telling you, as well as literally every other person that posted so far in this thread that you need to not confront her. You need to move on and do that you need to cut all contact. This will drive her more nuts than knowing you know they are hooking up. I highly doubt they end anything, my guess would be they would be more open about it after you confronted them.

[CarrieT]

IF any of you has some ideas which could use of some help i would gladly like to read them.I need all the help i can get right now since this will be pretty hard do swallow and carry alone.

So, you have been given several pages of suggestions and yet - even though you asked for help - you are ignoring everyone's advice to let it go and move on?

 

Why is that?

[Chi townD]

Okay, I'm gonna save you some trouble here with this confrontation. I'll be your Ex and you just told me that you followed me and watched me sleep with someone else.

 

 

I'm going to be appalled at the fact that you followed me and call you a freakin Peeping Tom. "You had no right to do that! We're not together anymore so it doesn't matter who I sleep with. It's none of your business! And how dare you follow me! I'm not your property and I can come and go as I please. Well, I'm glad you caught us, not we don't have to worry about your precious feelings anymore and it was getting tiresome having to hide it from you. Because if you watched you can see that he was much better than you are. He knows how to handle a woman! If you stayed that long, did you count the number of orgasms he gave me that you never could? I can't believe you did that! You make me sick! Get out of my sight!"

 

 

She knows she did you wrong, but now you did her a favor and gave her a reason to demonize you. To turn the tables on you! Nevermind she was sleeping with your Ex best friend, you admitted to her that you're a Peeping Tom and probably got off watching her.

 

 

So, that's what you can most likely expect when you confront.

 

 

But, let's look at the flipside. Your silence will speak volumes. If you disappeared from her life, she's not going to know why. If you block her from everything twitter, facebook....all social media she's not going to know why and it's going to drive her nuts because she doesn't know where your head is at. Then, she'll start to wonder what caused this. Then, she's going to ask herself if you found out about her and your friend, then she's going to wonder HOW you found out. Then, she's going to go through the list of friends in her head that might have dimed her out to you about her and your friend. Then, she's going to write texts and emails and wonder why you're not answering them. Then, she'll get desperate because the guilt will start to get to her. She'll think about the lies she told you and she has no outlet for that guilt because you disappeared. Now, she'll have to hold onto that guilt.

 

 

Which one of these scenario's has the least amount of stress for you?

 

 

Dude, go dark. Start a hard NC and disappear and walk away from them.