I will confront my ex-gf about her affair!Wish me luck!

[AdamantyumKrystal]

You know what? Yeah I can judge you. They are not having an affair, you need to grow up and realize that just because she got together with a new guy, that does not mean it was an affair. Her and this other guy are both SINGLE. That means they are allowed to be together.

 

You don't really know why they haven't gone public with the relationship, and frankly you seem WAY to involved in your ex's love life.

 

My ex dumped me a month ago and is already in a relationship. Now have I stalked them? Nope. Have I thought up a plan to confront them? Nope. You know why I am just sitting back and letting it go? Because I am a classy woman.

 

I really think you need to rethink this whole plan.

 

 

OH believe me i know why they won't go public.. i know it pretty damn well! So.. after reading your comment it seems that i am the evil-masterPlan behind all of this plot and they are the victims,right?

It's not any "new guy" it is someone i expected to help me in my worst time of need not twist the knife in the back!

OKay then! what is better? me making her admit the affair or next time when they have sex in the dark to come to light and make a scene in front of them?! heh? which one is better?

[seminoles84]

OH believe me i know why they won't go public.. i know it pretty damn well! So.. after reading your comment it seems that i am the evil-masterPlan behind all of this plot and they are the victims,right?

It's not any "new guy" it is someone i expected to help me in my worst time of need not twist the knife in the back!

OKay then! what is better? me making her admit the affair or next time when they have sex in the dark to come to light and make a scene in front of them?! heh? which one is better?

 

You sounds crazy. You know this right?

[embeu]

I feel so sorry for you OP, this must be one of the worst things to see after getting dumped (and even worse that she dumped you for one of your friends).

 

I really understand your urge for telling your ex off, however I would advice you to play this smart. If you do something hasty and stupid now you will hate yourself for it in the time to come. Do not show her how hurt you are for this because if she rejects you or says something nasty to you you will feel terrible for a long long time.

 

If i was you i would send my ex a short email telling her that you know of their affair, and that you know that it is sexual. You can tell her that you feel like she treated disrespectfully and that you feel very betrayed by this knowledge.

DO NOT TELL HER ANYTHING MORE!

 

Do not tell her you watched them. If you tell her this and NOTHING MORE she will not know how you got to know all this, and she might feel a doubt that your "friend" told you. After you send her that message you disappear completely, no more texting and NOTHING MORE. Do not respond to her, let her have doubts about how you know.

This way you can at least have some power.

 

I know you will probably feel that this short message is not enough, and if you tell her more you will regret it. Do not send her anything before running it through LS first.

 

Good luck, and i feel very sorry for you

[AdamantyumKrystal]

Okay, I'm gonna save you some trouble here with this confrontation. I'll be your Ex and you just told me that you followed me and watched me sleep with someone else.

 

 

I'm going to be appalled at the fact that you followed me and call you a freakin Peeping Tom. "You had no right to do that! We're not together anymore so it doesn't matter who I sleep with. It's none of your business! And how dare you follow me! I'm not your property and I can come and go as I please. Well, I'm glad you caught us, not we don't have to worry about your precious feelings anymore and it was getting tiresome having to hide it from you. Because if you watched you can see that he was much better than you are. He knows how to handle a woman! If you stayed that long, did you count the number of orgasms he gave me that you never could? I can't believe you did that! You make me sick! Get out of my sight!"

 

 

She knows she did you wrong, but now you did her a favor and gave her a reason to demonize you. To turn the tables on you! Nevermind she was sleeping with your Ex best friend, you admitted to her that you're a Peeping Tom and probably got off watching her.

 

 

So, that's what you can most likely expect when you confront.

 

 

But, let's look at the flipside. Your silence will speak volumes. If you disappeared from her life, she's not going to know why. If you block her from everything twitter, facebook....all social media she's not going to know why and it's going to drive her nuts because she doesn't know where your head is at. Then, she'll start to wonder what caused this. Then, she's going to ask herself if you found out about her and your friend, then she's going to wonder HOW you found out. Then, she's going to go through the list of friends in her head that might have dimed her out to you about her and your friend. Then, she's going to write texts and emails and wonder why you're not answering them. Then, she'll get desperate because the guilt will start to get to her. She'll think about the lies she told you and she has no outlet for that guilt because you disappeared. Now, she'll have to hold onto that guilt.

 

 

Which one of these scenario's has the least amount of stress for you?

 

 

Dude, go dark. Start a hard NC and disappear and walk away from them.

 

 

Damn i loved reading that! Hmm.. after i slowly got to get her trusting me again i should disappear from her life "AGAIN"? this is a harsh one to do!

 

And how the HECK AM I SUpposed to get him out of my life when everywhere i go , every friend's house he is invited TOO! i feel so embarassed and weak for not having any way to avoid him, wish i could move to another town and never see him again!

[AdamantyumKrystal]

You sounds crazy. You know this right?

 

I wouldn't be surprised to have some mental disorder but u are not the first and the last person to tell me this so i'm ok with it !

[AdamantyumKrystal]

I feel so sorry for you OP, this must be one of the worst things to see after getting dumped (and even worse that she dumped you for one of your friends).

 

I really understand your urge for telling your ex off, however I would advice you to play this smart. If you do something hasty and stupid now you will hate yourself for it in the time to come. Do not show her how hurt you are for this because if she rejects you or says something nasty to you you will feel terrible for a long long time.

 

If i was you i would send my ex a short email telling her that you know of their affair, and that you know that it is sexual. You can tell her that you feel like she treated disrespectfully and that you feel very betrayed by this knowledge.

DO NOT TELL HER ANYTHING MORE!

 

Do not tell her you watched them. If you tell her this and NOTHING MORE she will not know how you got to know all this, and she might feel a doubt that your "friend" told you. After you send her that message you disappear completely, no more texting and NOTHING MORE. Do not respond to her, let her have doubts about how you know.

This way you can at least have some power.

 

I know you will probably feel that this short message is not enough, and if you tell her more you will regret it. Do not send her anything before running it through LS first.

 

Good luck, and i feel very sorry for you

 

I know pretty well what mistakes i've done in the past so i won't make them again ! and i also know pretty well the disastrous consequences of what an explosion of words and accusations would seem like in an impulsive emotional moment!. Believe me i may be blonde and not experienced but i am not that damn stupid! thank you for your kind words dude and i will consider your "offeR"

[Chi townD]

OH believe me i know why they won't go public.. i know it pretty damn well! So.. after reading your comment it seems that i am the evil-masterPlan behind all of this plot and they are the victims,right?

It's not any "new guy" it is someone i expected to help me in my worst time of need not twist the knife in the back!

OKay then! what is better? me making her admit the affair or next time when they have sex in the dark to come to light and make a scene in front of them?! heh? which one is better?

 

 

 

No, it's not what TunaCat was saying at all. Tuna just wants you to realize that you are not dating her anymore! You're not together! Are you a victim? Yes! Because she was stringing you along and that's not cool. And your Ex best friend was lying to you as well and that's not cool either. But, the point that was trying to be made is that you aren't together, so this "scorch the earth" approach you have towards confrontation probably won't have the desired affect that you're hoping for!

[AdamantyumKrystal]

yeah.. this is not the first time i found them togheter at the same exact place in the evening... the difference between now and then is that at that time i got out and snapped out at them, ended friendships with both of them and yeah there was no intercourse that time around! or maybe i appeared just before them doing it?!?! GOsh i feel so fooled and played on.. Does anyone know any method to erase memories? -_-

[CarrieT]

Does anyone know any method to erase memories? -_-

Yes.

 

Long life...

 

I can guarantee that I went through similarly horrific relationship traumas in my youth. But now - in my 50th year - I barely remember them.

[TunaCat]

No, it's not what TunaCat was saying at all. Tuna just wants you to realize that you are not dating her anymore! You're not together! Are you a victim? Yes! Because she was stringing you along and that's not cool. And your Ex best friend was lying to you as well and that's not cool either. But, the point that was trying to be made is that you aren't together, so this "scorch the earth" approach you have towards confrontation probably won't have the desired affect that you're hoping for!

 

Yes, thank you Chi townD, that's exactly what I was trying to say.

 

OP, I know it hurts to be lead on and then to have someone you trusted betray you like they did, but this confrontation will not have the desired effect.

[AdamantyumKrystal]

FOR MONTHS i fighted against my inner voice who was telling me something is wrong but i couldn't believe something so demonic would happen to me and that 2 of the closest people in my life could do that...

I cannot the describe the heartache .. the stress the.. sorrow i felt in my chest when i found them the second time... i just froze.. got stuned! i was battling with my mind to realise if this is real or is just a extreme nightmare! i couldn't sleep at all that night... i loved them so much... i couldn't hate them.. i CANNOT HATE THEM! i am the type of person who is angry only for a short period of time then guilt settles in... that is why i think i am will not be able to cut them off entirely from my life again... why do i have to be so forgiving? what is wrong with me? AFter Bu i cried everyday for like 2 months. This time i haven't cried at all. i think my brain hasn't fully realised what actually happened.I am afraid i will have an mental breakdown when i completely realise what actually happened before my eyes.................................................................

[AdamantyumKrystal]

How can these 2 people lack empathy entirely ? How can they live everyday with this guilt on their shoulders? this is simply assasinating my mind! i cannot comprehend how 2 people from the same species as me can do this! maybe he doesn't feel remorse at all but for sure i know that she still feels guilty and has very low-self esteem and she says that... she only destroys people who get close to her and stuff like that. my guess is that she realises what she is doing is wrong but she cannot stop it! it's like an addiction! like a drug! exactly like my addicted love for her(how can i still love her after this i do not know myself either)

 

THis is worse than in movies and books! i love watching movies and stuff but this happening in real life... and to me?!?!?! i am the ultimate bad luck brian indeed! God have mercy on us all

[Simon Phoenix]

You haven't actually confronted them yet have you? If not, please don't. It will not go how you want it to go.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

Respect yourself, leave the trash at the dump,

She clearly just wanted your friend for a hump,

This wasn't an affair, I'm sad you can't see that,

You're friend isn't a friend either, just another asshat.

 

A true friend wouldn't pull the wool over your eyes,

In fact, a true friend would arguably tell you he was in her thighs,

Even if sex happened, and they continued to date,

A true friend would at least tell you the truth, even if it resulted in hate.

 

Let this drama die, they obviously think you are simply a tool,

Why chase after a woman who's only excitement is to make you a fool?

Leave them to their demise, life is too precious to care about such trivial stuff,

And quit stalking this girl, she broke up with you 6 mos ago, enough is enough.

[AdamantyumKrystal]

You haven't actually confronted them yet have you? If not, please don't. It will not go how you want it to go.

 

NO i did not and after the answers i got here i feel like i was about to do something really stupid which i would've regreted later lol. I'm thinking about that way "embeu" said and send an email and then go NC? even though i still need time to think all of this.

[AdamantyumKrystal]

Respect yourself, leave the trash at the dump,

She clearly just wanted your friend for a hump,

This wasn't an affair, I'm sad you can't see that,

You're friend isn't a friend either, just another asshat.

 

A true friend wouldn't pull the wool over your eyes,

In fact, a true friend would arguably tell you he was in her thighs,

Even if sex happened, and they continued to date,

A true friend would at least tell you the truth, even if it resulted in hate.

 

Let this drama die, they obviously think you are simply a tool,

Why chase after a woman who's only excitement is to make you a fool?

Leave them to their demise, life is too precious to care about such trivial stuff,

And quit stalking this girl, she broke up with you 6 mos ago, enough is enough.

 

 

wohoo i love this one!!! ))) i didn't thought anyone could brin a smile to my face right now! thank you man!

[Chi townD]

yeah.. this is not the first time i found them togheter at the same exact place in the evening... the difference between now and then is that at that time i got out and snapped out at them, ended friendships with both of them and yeah there was no intercourse that time around! or maybe i appeared just before them doing it?!?! GOsh i feel so fooled and played on.. Does anyone know any method to erase memories? -_-

 

 

 

THAT'S WHAT WE ARE TRYING TO TELL YOU! START NC TODAY!!!!

 

 

Look, you want revenge. And you can have it. The best revenge you can get is to lead a damn good and adventurous life. Go NC and start making positive changes in your life.

 

 

Some of those goals are easy. First GET A JOB!!! Your full time job is to FIND a real full time job. Get money coming in or else it's going to make the rest a lot harder.

 

 

Once you get a job, get a new hairstyle. Something new people are going to notice and like. Then, get a new wardrobe. Be styling everyday. Have people say to you, "Damn, you're looking sharp!"

 

 

Then, go back to school. Get that Bachelors degree and if you have that then get a Masters. The more education you have the more finical opportunities are going to open up for you.

 

 

Then, go to the gym. Run your ass off on the treadmill and push weight. If you eat right and get plenty of sleep, you're going to work towards that rock hard and ripped bod that girls are definitely going to like.

 

 

Then, find new hobbies. with these hobbies there's usually clubs in your are with people that has a share interest in. JOIN THEM!! Meet new people and form new friendships!

 

 

Then, travel! Go see the world! Pick a place you've always wanted to see. Make a plan and save for it. Then, GO!!! Have an adventure!

 

 

Now, maybe one day your might get curious and log onto a fake account to see what you're up to. Wouldn't it be nice if she could say to herself, "Damn, I'm stuck here with his Ex partying, alcoholic, drug taking friend and look at all these pics on his facebook! There's a pic of him standing on the Great Wall of China. There's another pic of him on top of Mount Fuji. There's another pic of him learning to surf in Southern California. AND WHO'S THAT BITCH HE HAS HIS ARM AROUND?!?!?"

 

 

 

 

THAT'S how you get your revenge!

[embeu]

Whatever course of action you decide OP i hope you run it through LS first. People here are objective and want what is best for YOU. I have been in your shoes as well (dumped and rejected, left out in the cold) and i know that in times like these we dont think rationally and we do things we regret in the future.

 

There will be a tomorrow for you. There will come a day when your ex is just a distant memory. And when that day comes you would want to look back on this knowing you handled yourself well, like a man should. There is plenty of people here (myself included) that did things we regret. That might also be the reason we are lurking this forum 5 months after break up. Do not do something stupid now and end up like me

[ZiggyZoo]

Clearly the only course of action is to sleep with both of them and let them know that they've BOTH cheated on each other! Brilliant!

 

Or let it go. She's not your girlfriend. He's clearly not your friend. It isn't cheating, but it IS pretty sh*tty all the same.

[Simon Phoenix]

NO i did not and after the answers i got here i feel like i was about to do something really stupid which i would've regreted later lol. I'm thinking about that way "embeu" said and send an email and then go NC? even though i still need time to think all of this.

 

It's not as bad of an idea as confronting them, but it's still not a great idea to send an e-mail. The best idea is what you should have done a long time ago -- cut them out of your life and go No Contact.

[embeu]

It's not as bad of an idea as confronting them, but it's still not a great idea to send an e-mail. The best idea is what you should have done a long time ago -- cut them out of your life and go No Contact.

 

I do not know the correct answer to what he should do. Only OP knows the correct answer (in a years time or so).

 

I just try and put myself in his shoes. For him to send a short text like i wrote he wont have the questions in his head of "does she know that i know" and "if she knows, does she care". At least my way is a way for OP to move on without those questions lurking in the back of his head.

 

But for my plan to work OP needs to have self discipline and not break NC afterwards. He need to know that he has the strength of moving on, to disappair from their life for good. He also needs to have self discipline if he bumps in to one of them, and he sure as hell needs to have self discipline to STOP STALKING her.

 

But as I said, I hope OP comes here for advice before he does anything impulsive.

[AdamantyumKrystal]

THAT'S WHAT WE ARE TRYING TO TELL YOU! START NC TODAY!!!!

Now, maybe one day your might get curious and log onto a fake account to see what you're up to. Wouldn't it be nice if she could say to herself, "Damn, I'm stuck here with his Ex partying, alcoholic, drug taking friend and look at all these pics on his facebook! There's a pic of him standing on the Great Wall of China. There's another pic of him on top of Mount Fuji. There's another pic of him learning to surf in Southern California. AND WHO'S THAT BITCH HE HAS HIS ARM AROUND?!?!?"

 

 

 

 

THAT'S how you get your revenge!

 

well .. that seems like a beautiful scenario indeed. wish she would've remained the one to have my arms wrapped around... Yeah i know i am much better than that lying son of a ***** . She has started to smoke, to drink and to swear ugly like him too! what an bad influence she has on her and she is not realising it yet.. i feel so much pity and resentment. i will probably never forget what i have witnessed that night... But if i don't let her know that i know of the affair how much will it take them to end it? ... how much will they take me as a fool and play fake with me and lie and shiet? i feel so used and manipulated! I HATE being like this! i just hate it.. and how can i go NC when i still have some meet-ups planned with her? -_-

[AdamantyumKrystal]

AAND BONUS recently her little brother started chatting with me again after months of no life signs, actually i looked on the conversation history i had with him and we never talked before (facebook) now when i've started talking to her again , he pops up and starts chatting with me? o.O how weird is that? And i also remembered that she has access to his account! any thoughts about this?

[CarrieT]

and how can i go NC when i still have some meet-ups planned with her? -_-

You don't go. Simple.

[AdamantyumKrystal]

I do not know the correct answer to what he should do. Only OP knows the correct answer (in a years time or so).

 

bumps in to one of them, and he sure as hell needs to have self discipline to STOP STALKING her.

 

But as I said, I hope OP comes here for advice before he does anything impulsive.

 

So what should i do when i bump into them? just saying hello and continuing my way?

 

and why would you consider me a stalker? all i did was going to that particular place to clear my thoughts and eliminate my insecurities! instead it proved to be exactly what i always feared! i re-hear her moanings and the way she was touching him .. all of these things she was doing with me... how she promised to be forever mine... AAARRGHHH!!!! X( someone wake me from this nightmare!