I will confront my ex-gf about her affair!Wish me luck!

[Chi townD]

Yep! I agree! Keep NC going and start to heal from this. I mean, look at what's happening now. It's been days since your discovery and aside from her sending you a happy text the next day, you really haven't heard from either of them. No further attempts (at least nothing you're writing about). That should give you a clear indication on how "important" you are in their lives.

 

 

Time to move on, dude. You really need to start making those positive changes, I can't stress that enough.

[CarrieT]

But till then i have to drain myself out of all these "burdens" and resolve all my uncertainties . Everyone has their own different unique way of coping, well this is how i will cope with!

 

The point being, you are NOT coping - are you?

 

If what you are doing isn't working for you, then you should do something else, correct?

 

Why is it so hard to implement some of the MANY suggestions in this thread on how to better yourself? Those are some of the questions you should be asking yourself...

[drallafi]

Weird feelings today :\ Every answer i find down the road seems to make me more aware of what actually happened.

I read today a letter from her which she wrote to me in our second month togheter. After many " i love you's" it says that i quote

 

- " I'm...I'm so scared i'm gonna dissapoint you and let you down.'"

 

IT seems to me that she was unsure about herself and her feelings .She wasn't looking for an serious relationship.I was the rebound guy :| .Somehow strangely i feel comforted and relieved while realising this but it still hurts like crap.She told me 2 or 3 times that i will meet other girls during my life and i'll be happier than then. OFc i didn't believed her and told her it's not true etc.

 

SO..i had been used.Yeah i have been used... She is just experiencing/enjoying life and uses her teenhood at maximum despise the hurt and sorrow she may cause,not having the necesarry maturity to realise or emphatise consequences yet.

 

I would've take this all far more easier if this "foe friend" wouldn't had got involved.Fine then. Leave me ,break my heart and my hopes but don't cross the limits for fudge sake! I would've viewed her and accept her much easier if it would've been a clean break-up without any betrayals involved.BUT after this incident he/she lost all of my respect and sympathy. I don't care if you thought i was the "ONE" once , you just don't hurt someone like this for your own selfish purposes of "living" life and harm others. She believes that if she doesn't find another one as good as me in the next cycle of "victims" then she can just open the old drawer and get that "old barbie-puppet with strings attached" coming back to me like nothing happened and trying to reconcile things.

 

Well NOPE. I won't sit around waiting for you to clear your mind,grow up and decide what you want in life.You are out of chances,lady! I don't care how sorry you will be and how many apologies u'r gonna shoot at me coz i won't fall for the same tricks again! But i still hope i won't be single when that time comes :v

 

I now know that this wasn't all of my fault! I had mine too i admit that but this behaviour and selfishism is unacceptable!

 

One year from now, you can either be over her or you can still be stalking her hoping she comes back. Choice is yours.

[AdamantyumKrystal]

One year from now, you can either be over her or you can still be stalking her hoping she comes back. Choice is yours.

 

I prefer the first option!

[AdamantyumKrystal]

The point being, you are NOT coping - are you?

 

If what you are doing isn't working for you, then you should do something else, correct?

 

Why is it so hard to implement some of the MANY suggestions in this thread on how to better yourself? Those are some of the questions you should be asking yourself...

 

Uhm.. this is my way of cope man.I do it this way coz i have tried everything else(didn't worked though) and everytime i ended up alone and bored i was thinking of the past again. Now i shall give myself some time to "solve" the past.And when i will have removed all my doubts i will be ok.It's gonna be super hard and is still is but in time i will make it!

 

Just look at my previous replies when i was still defending them and thinking i was wrong and pathetic.NONONONO NOPE! no more ****tyeh manipulations allowed! no more guilt blamers to play with my feelings.

[AdamantyumKrystal]

Yep! I agree! Keep NC going and start to heal from this. I mean, look at what's happening now. It's been days since your discovery and aside from her sending you a happy text the next day, you really haven't heard from either of them. No further attempts (at least nothing you're writing about). That should give you a clear indication on how "important" you are in their lives.

 

 

Time to move on, dude. You really need to start making those positive changes, I can't stress that enough.

 

Yes there we're no more attempts from any of 'em ! yet. There even was a time 1 month ago when i was sick and in bed all day and he said he will come by my house to check up on me.Guess what.. he never did.What a fool i was... trusting someone who was lying to me. Gosh i seriously hope i will find a girl with an functional brain this time around , just one... to prove me that not all women are the same! I believe in Love.

[AdamantyumKrystal]

 

Why is it so hard to implement some of the MANY suggestions in this thread on how to better yourself? Those are some of the questions you should be asking yourself...

 

 

Dude...i get what you want to say.I understand everything that has been told to me until now. What do you think i made 6 months after BU, particularily the 3 months of NC? LS was one of the several places i used and searched for solace and advices to cope with.Basically i've tried everything i've found, i still have those hundred bookmarks . It actually worked,but.. for my own surprisal, for a specific period of time only. After this "sadful event" it's like I reached rock bottom again,but ten times worse than the first time and first time it was bad... really bad, i have another account around here where i have the "core" posts from last year, if you would saw them you would get the idea.

 

Right now i'm trying my best to get myself back as I once was .

Yesterday, somehow i got studying again and started working out and trying to relight my old passions and goals.

[CarrieT]

Uhm.. this is my way of cope man.

Dude...i get what you want to say

Just an FYI: I am not a "man" or a "dude."

 

I am a woman trying to give you a female perspective...

[AdamantyumKrystal]

Just an FYI: I am not a "man" or a "dude."

 

I am a woman trying to give you a female perspective...

 

OH well, sorry then.

[AdamantyumKrystal]

After googling like heck and reading lots of articles i realised that this so-called "friend" is actually an sociopath(emotional manipulator) and the girl is just his toy , she is used and manipulated to the extreme.Somehow i feel like there might still be a chance with this one but i cannot penetrate the barrier of "lies and deceit" he put on her.

 

I am shocked too, this is new info for me too and i start to seriously doubt many of my past decisions coz i didn't knew anything back then.Any chances to win against an sociopath?

[Diezel]

That's kinda like using WebMD to diagnose pregnancy symptoms.

[Chi townD]

After googling like heck and reading lots of articles i realised that this so-called "friend" is actually an sociopath(emotional manipulator) and the girl is just his toy , she is used and manipulated to the extreme.Somehow i feel like there might still be a chance with this one but i cannot penetrate the barrier of "lies and deceit" he put on her.

 

I am shocked too, this is new info for me too and i start to seriously doubt many of my past decisions coz i didn't knew anything back then.Any chances to win against an sociopath?

 

 

 

STOP!!!!!! Stop trying to analyze how and why it happened because it's not going to change a thing. I could probably find you an article that explains why she hooked up with your friend is because she didn't feel enough love from her father growing up and her inability to have a proper orgasm or some crap like that.

 

 

Stick with the facts, they strung you along and you got played. Nothing more and nothing less. Stick to the facts because when you boil it down to bare bones, that's all that matters.

[AdamantyumKrystal]

Gosh i hate drama! I know every sane person would've stopped by now.It's just that i have to see both of 'em from time to time and i know who the liar is, who the lied one is and i still cannot do anything .

 

Do you know how does it feel to be uttelry useless? All the advice i get is to not interfere and to keep distance but how will the truth come to surface then? If by any means my prayers will work and some Divine intervention will light this situation up then i will be the happiest person on earth.

 

I try to avoid him so much but with so many mutual friends it is impossible,and i cannot tell anyone why i do it and who he is ,coz everyone thinks he's a good person and i am almost seen like the bad guy.

 

My life became the worst fairy-tale that could possibly be invented.

[AdamantyumKrystal]

That's kinda like using WebMD to diagnose pregnancy symptoms.

 

Very usefull insight, i shall use your advice,thank you!

[Simon Phoenix]

After googling like heck and reading lots of articles i realised that this so-called "friend" is actually an sociopath(emotional manipulator) and the girl is just his toy , she is used and manipulated to the extreme.Somehow i feel like there might still be a chance with this one but i cannot penetrate the barrier of "lies and deceit" he put on her.

 

I am shocked too, this is new info for me too and i start to seriously doubt many of my past decisions coz i didn't knew anything back then.Any chances to win against an sociopath?

 

http://media1.giphy.com/media/6OWIl75ibpuFO/giphy.gif

 

Dude, you're really still plotting to try to get this woman back? Stop.

[AdamantyumKrystal]

http://media1.giphy.com/media/6OWIl75ibpuFO/giphy.gif

 

Dude, you're really still plotting to try to get this woman back? Stop.

Actually it's a girl and if i see them togheter one more time i am going to spitfire :| I just cannot stand people being lied and cheated on,i am trying so hard not to interfere and care anymore but it's like he/she/IT?! is trying to get the worst out of me.I have my limits and they are so close to be broken-off...

I think i need help i dunno how much longer i can fight this alone.

[TunaCat]

If you are STILL struggling with this, you need to go get some counseling. Seriously, figure out why you are still allowing their betrayal to have ANY effect on your life.

[embeu]

I think i need help i dunno how much longer i can fight this alone.

 

The fact that you are struggeling with this a absolutely normal. I could also be inclined to say that the fact that you are trying to convince yourself that your ex is a "victim" in all this is also normal, after all you still love her in a way.

But if you are trying to convince yourself that you are better off with your ex than without her, and willing to look past what she has done to you just so you can be together again I would strongly suggest you talk to someone about your selx confidence. No one in their right mind would go back to an ex that did this to them, and another relationship with her would be a total disaster for you. You would ruin yourself totally

[wizer]

The fact that you are struggeling with this a absolutely normal.

 

The struggling is normal. The degree to which he's struggling is not normal.

[AdamantyumKrystal]

The fact that you are struggeling with this a absolutely normal. I could also be inclined to say that the fact that you are trying to convince yourself that your ex is a "victim" in all this is also normal, after all you still love her in a way.

But if you are trying to convince yourself that you are better off with your ex than without her, and willing to look past what she has done to you just so you can be together again I would strongly suggest you talk to someone about your selx confidence. No one in their right mind would go back to an ex that did this to them, and another relationship with her would be a total disaster for you. You would ruin yourself totally

 

If a person chooses to change and shows it is sorry for what they did, then i could think of the possibilities but i would not give another chance so easily,I'm seirously not that dumb.It's not like if my ex comes begging right now on her knees i would open my arms and kiss her lips.Nope.I would wait a few months and i would set my terms&conditions to which likely she wouldn't agree, then i would know she is a remorseless liar for sure and send her with the ultimate train to the DumpHole.

 

She is lying to me already , i am aware of the fact,but i am also aware of the fact that she is feeling guilty and she does this for her new "love".Love makes people to act foolish and go for things they normally wouldn't do. It is not exactly the absolute need of having her right now back by my side but her realising she is lied to and put an end to the sharade. If after that she wants another boyfriend i am fine with that i am more than ok with it since i know i am better, or if she wants to come back to me then i am uncertain if i would let her come back or kick her to the curb, my choice afterall

 

But the main issue here is that i would like her to realize once and for all how stupid she is for letting him manipulating her like that. I know what you guys are asking me : Why would i still care about her after all of these happenings? WEll first of all she was an important part of my life and she helped me grow as a person and become a better man.No matter what bad she has done to me and that she doesn't realises it yet.. that is sad i know but still no naive girl deserves to be treated / lied to like that especially by the lowest kind of "male" , it is sickening me,and in a big way i am quite guilty too for what happened, i pushed her into her arms and i was the one telling her to talk to him and to feel pity for him. But that was because i was being manipulated by him and i was trusting him like an fool.

Guess this is my fate for being sincere and trusting people. And finally it's not just any girl that i care of, it's the first girl that i loved and wanted her to be happy, now to see her going downway coz of one nuts bastard?

No matter how much bad she did to me , it doesn't mean that i want her to receive the same..I can't hold a grudge for someone for great period of time.My empathy works great i guess.

Hope someone understood what i wanted to say this time.

[Simon Phoenix]

I think it's foolish for you to assume that she's being completely played for a fool here. Either way, you have a lot that you need to address in your own life. You need to stop thinking about what she's doing and figuring out here motives.

[wizer]

But the main issue here is that i would like her to realize once and for all how stupid she is for letting him manipulating her like that.

 

Why not let her decide for herself whether or not she's being manipulated?

 

Besides, she wouldn't listen to you anyway since you're the scorned ex who has an agenda.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

Consider your life like a book, the chapters inside represent a period of time,

Imagine this whole scenario being a lesson learned without paying a dime,

She was just part of a chapter where you got played the fool,

Now it's time for you to write the next chapter, without her and her tool.

 

Or consider her like a teacher you once disliked that you've had in years past,

Gave you valuable information you learned, then moved on to the next quite fast,

You don't want to flunk this grade and have to learn lesson over once more,

So grow from this, move on, and find someone else worth pining for.

[MissLilly]

After googling like heck and reading lots of articles i realised that this so-called "friend" is actually an sociopath(emotional manipulator) and the girl is just his toy , she is used and manipulated to the extreme.Somehow i feel like there might still be a chance with this one but i cannot penetrate the barrier of "lies and deceit" he put on her.

 

I am shocked too, this is new info for me too and i start to seriously doubt many of my past decisions coz i didn't knew anything back then.Any chances to win against an sociopath?

 

You can't diagnose someone this way, are you a doctor? When I tried to say to my therapist about a simple depression I self diagnosed oh boy, I had to listen a lot.

 

I didn't read everything and I apologize my english in advance, but why don't you leave them alone? The time you are spending worrying about this "betrayal" you are going to regret in the future! You are spending precious time you could be using to take care of yourself, improve your self esteem and skills, reading a nice book, growing as a human being for the next woman! This is important not only for your well being, but to be able to attract a good partner in the future.

 

Stop a little, breath! If it was not with this guy, she certainly would find someone else! I assume you are both young.

 

Cool down

[AdamantyumKrystal]

You can't diagnose someone this way, are you a doctor? When I tried to say to my therapist about a simple depression I self diagnosed oh boy, I had to listen a lot.

 

 

Cool down

 

 

 

First of all he tried to manipulate me and make me feel guilty for his self-harming habbit. NOW i am going to list some traits he exhibits to the maximum.

 

-Irresponsibility/Unreliability

Not concerned about wrecking others' lives and dreams. Oblivious or indifferent to the devastation they cause. Does not accept blame themselves, but blames others, even for acts they obviously committed.

-He knew how much i loved her and how much it would hurt me to lose her but he didn't gave a **** about me or my feelings and is now screwing her.He blamed me entirely for the break-up.

 

-Callousness/Lack of Empathy

Unable to empathize with the pain of their victims, having only contempt for others' feelings of distress and readily taking advantage of them.

When i was crying and feeling sad about her leaving and sharing my emotions he was just staying there staring blank,no guilt,shame,remorse in his eyes.COLD as ICE.

 

 

-Sociopaths may be cruel to animals and will show absolutely no remorse for that, either.

He told me once of a few cats he killed when he was younger,i didn't gave it too much importance then but i see now how strange and remorseful is for a child to kill cats.

 

-If you find yourself flustered or panicked and the person you're with looks barely perturbed, then he or she may not register an event as seriously as you do.

 

-You can think of sociopaths as con artists who always have a secret agenda. They need to know how to charm people in order to get what they want. To advance their goals, they first have to blend in with the crowd, which means they need to know how to smile, greet people, and make people feel comfortable.

 

-True sociopaths will slowly gain dominance and control over a person without the person realizing it. They like to be in control of every situation and are uncomfortable being around other strong people.

 

-See if the person is completely comfortable deceiving people and blatantly telling lies to get what he or she wants.

Lying to me,friends,parents in hardcore mode.When i try to reveal his true nature and intentions nobody believes me as he constructed around himself that aura of a good-willing man who wants to help everyone.

 

-Don't give in. The sociopath may even trick you into feeling sorry for him or her, talking about how alone he or she feels, or how important you are to him or her. But if this person is really as lying and manipulative as you determined him or her to be, then there's no way you can have true sympathy for him or her, beyond being sorry that this person is suffering from a mental disorder.

He threatened me he will kill himself when i wanted to end the friendship,he told me he will kill himself if i would die and he tries desperately to make me feel he is the victim of everyone and how everybody doesn't help or understand him.

 

-Sociopaths often know how to make others believe they are the victim while actually being the aggressor.

 

-LACK OF REALISTIC, LONG-TERM GOALS — An inability or persistent failure to develop and execute long-term plans and goals; a nomadic existence, aimless, lacking direction in life.

 

-FAILURE TO ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR OWN ACTIONS — A failure to accept responsibility for one’s actions reflected in low conscientiousness, an absence of dutifulness, antagonistic manipulation, denial of responsibility, and an effort to manipulate others through this denial.

 

-CRIMINAL VERSATILITY — A diversity of types of criminal offenses, regardless if the person has been arrested or convicted for them; taking great pride at getting away with crimes.The word psychopath can be replaced with the word sociopath throughout this page. The meaning is very similar, if not the same.

already been taken by the police once for being a suspect in drug-traffic.

 

-Some mental health professionals equate ASPD with the presence of a psychopathic personality, while others believe the two disorders are distinct. The vast majority of people with antisocial personality disorder abuse drugs and/or alcohol. Conversely, many people with substance abuse issues show signs of ASPD.

He drinks heavily and gets drunk every 4-5 days a week.

 

Now these are just the main traits i observed in him,but the list can go on.I ain't any psychologist or mental disorder teacher but these sings are just too obvious.We know eachother from childhood and he knew how much i cared about her and loved her but nothing of this stopped him from going behind my back and steal my "love".

 

Now i have started training myself not to be susceptible to his lies anymore and somehow i manage to keep myself calm around him when we are in private of course, for now...Some of you told me that they are hiding this from me fearing the the reaction i could have.Well they are right and they should fear it,coz if by any chance i find him togheter with her again like in the previous scene then i will unleash hell properly.Most of the times in the past i managed to succesfully control my vengeful attitude and don't waste my time with people who did me wrong but this time is different.I feel all the rage , fury, anger, killing-desire burning and filling up inside me.

 

Honestly saying i fear myself of what i could do if i lose control as i always somehow managed to control my impulsive violent-side but this time i feel like i am so close to explode and let my animalistic self do all the job.If i would let my anger emotions free i could literally kill him and think of the consequences only after the deed is done.I'm so afraid that if lose it i won't stop until he's not moving.He's a big strong muscle guy too but he always feared my "angry" side since everytime we would fight seriously he ended up with a an body injury and me unscathered,and even if the meanwhile he would've gotten stronger than me and beat my ass up he should do it properly coz i don't ever stop till i can't move anymore or i'm dead.

 

I've been struggling for such a long time to ignore him/her to let 'em be but as i still love the person she once was i believe i cannot stand much longer to see him groping around her.I'm so afraid of what i could do in an impulsive moment and that i will regret the aftermath all of my life.I guess the only possible way to avoid this "incoming slaughter" would be if he or me would leave this town so i can never see him again.Or him to stop hanging around her.

 

This is the major reason why i've told that i need help and cannot do this alone anymore.I feel like i'm about to lose my minds.Hopefully some intelligent skillful-persuasive poster will manage to make me change my mind since i really don't want to do a foolish thing anytime soon.Everytime i came here i got hope and good advices so i won't do anything stupid , i hope it will work this time though as my emotional-impulsive part is growing stronger day by day.

Edited April 29, 2015 by AdamantyumKrystal