Careless Sex

[Goob]

I have been married for a little over one year. Recently I was asking my husband sexual questions out of Cosmo as sort of a joke. One of the questions was *If, after having sex, you were reasonably sure your partner hadn't achieved an orgasm, what would you most likely do?* The answers to choose from included: would focus on her, wouldn't care, etc. He said he wouldn't care. He then said that there are no males that actually do care if their partners achieve an orgasm or not. I am not sure if I have ever had an orgasm. I am feeling very cheated because I do everything in my power to help him achieve an orgasm, but am left hanging after he does. It makes me feel as though I am not as important as he when it concerns sex. Am I being overly sensitive or do I have as much right as he?

[Tony T]

If your husband actually said he wouldn't care and meant it, he is a selfish bxstard. One thing that is an understood in marriage is there is give and take and that both partners should do their best to make the other happy in all ways, including sexually.

 

It seems we live in an age where people are more concerned about getting their own needs met and that's ashame. I truly hope your husband was simply joking with you.

 

First, if you had ever had an orgasm, you would surely know. It's a power packed moment of pleasure that cannot be described in words. You may very well have psychological or biological barriers that prevent you from doing so. You should get checked out and address all avenues to get to the bottom of this. A life without an orgasm is no fun at all.

 

As for men being concerned about their partners having an orgasm, like everything else this varies from person to person but I will say from reading this board on a daily basis that the majority of men are very concerned about pleasing their partner.

 

You are not being overly sensitive. I don't think you have done nearly enough to explore the reasons why you aren't having orgasms. It may very well have something to do with your relationship...or it may be biological. Fear or other deep psychological issues can come into play as well. See your gynecologist for a complete check up and address this issue with him/her. If you check out OK, see a sex therapist or counsellor.

 

Get to the bottom of this. You deserve orgasms and you deserve a husband who cares if you do. He just HAD to be joking. You don't sound like a woman who would marry a selfish, self-centered jerk.

[Rachel]

Hi. I have a few suggestions for you. Number one is to get to know your own body. YOU need to find out what it is to have an orgasm!!!

 

It will take some time and explorations, but buy a vibrator is my first suggestion. You can buy them online, or even at massage stores. They cost about 25 dollars. First of all, husband or no husband, a woman needs a vibrator. You will have days when you just need a quick release. There is NOTHING IN THE world wrong with that.

 

So, take the responsibility. Once you find out how good an orgasm is, you will find ways to make your husband help you have one. But how can he help you if you dont' know how to get there, or how it feels? I orgasm easily, but I will tell you that I can rarely do it with touching myself. I definitely need a vibrator. HOwever, there are many women who use their own hands.

 

Anyway.... it is also partly your own irresponsibility that has caused you husband to act this way. He thinks it is OK for you not to have an orgasm. YOu probably UNDERPLAYED the value, because you have NOT IDEa how wonderful it feels. My heart breaks that I think you don't know what you are missing. YOu can hide a vibrator in your lingerie drawer.

 

Secondly, once you find out how to have an orgasm, you need to be your husb ands' teacher. Teach him how to make you feel good.

 

Once men have the knowledge to make a woman feel good, they rarely WANT to orgasm, until they have brought her to one(or in my case 7-8!!! NO exxageration guys!).

 

I have been with a handful of men in my life, and I can tell you because I orgasm easily and very vocally, they get sooooo turned on, that they love to bring me to the edge of

 

the world and back. I will also tell you a secret: It took me two years to learn how to orgasm. Literally.

 

I was so depresssed that I didnt' know how to orgasm. And it took me a while to learn how to LET GO of my body to orgasm DURING intercourse.

 

So, go buy a vibrator, some dirty books or magazines. And learn to explore your own body. God gave us orgasms for a reason

[Goob]

Thanks for the suggestions. My husband and I talked (for as long as he could stand it) and I think he understands why I was upset about him saying that. The only thing I wonder is if anything is going to be different. I always try to urge him in the right direction during intercourse, but he doesn't seem to get the hint, or doesn't care. There is virtually never any foreplay. Neither one of us has ever had other partners, we were each other's firsts and onlys.

[Ms Understood]

An orgasm is a wonderful feeling of two people connecting on a very spiritual level. Do what Rachel says, go and buy a vibrator and touch your own body. There is nothing wrong with getting to know yourself.

 

I am a woman who also orgasms easily. But to orgasm I have to be on top! Try different positions. Experiment. One thing I would definitley recommend is getting a bottle of wine, some sultry music and a bottle of massage oil. Then spend all night teasing each other, touching each other and then having sex, slow or fast. This will help and may also let yourself release from these barriers you are in. I cry everytime I have an orgasm. They are just so mind blowing. Its a feeling of pure pleasure, all over your body.

 

God did give us orgasms for a reason, to have the greatest pleasure you will ever know.