ZiggyZoo Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 Like it says, I got the "I'm sorry I f*cked up. I've thought about you every day since I made the biggest mistake of my life and ended it. I want to make things right" letter. In the mail and everything. I'm literally physically sick and shaking with all these effed up emotions that I had no idea were still in there. I don't want to have anything to do with this guy, but in about seven weeks our little bundle of joy is going to arrive. He also mentioned wanting to be a part of the little one's life and doing whatever it took to help me out. I can handle the baby visitation thing. I got very good at fast pick-ups/drop-offs with my divorce. Guys, holy effing sh*t. I don't know what to do here. He wants to meet up this Saturday to talk about things. I thought I would be fine by now, but I clearly am not. I'm actually really thrown by how happy and excited I feel right now, just thinking about possibly seeing him. I'm almost depressed by it, if that makes sense, I thought I was past all this. Effing rollercoaster. So, I'm thinking of just telling him that Saturday won't work.That I'll let him know when the baby's born, and we'll take it from there. I'll do something stupid if I see him this weekend... But MAN, people, do NOT break NC. I'm telling you, this is brutal, and I thought I was ready. I'm serious, hold out for at least a year. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
ravfour4 Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 man ziggy! that's crazy news! I don't know the gist of your story, but if he hurt you in a way that made you never want him back, if you're not 95-100% confident he can change and you've been feeling better off without him, I'd respond like you mentioned - nah, not now, maybe later, we'll see. So bitter sweet a letter like this is... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
darkbloom Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 It must be a day for exes to crawl out of the dark places they've been hiding. If you are 100% confident you can meet him without doing something stupid, then I wouldn't go. You have made so much progress and it would suck to start back at day 1. I agree that Nc is the best because now that he's broken it you have to decide what you're going to do. Ah!! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Cinnamonstix Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 If I'm remembering correctly... he ran out when you were pregnant... I would say that to yourself over and over. Anyway, I think your plan is good. I wouldn't make decisions while you're pregnant anyway. All of those hormones are sure to mess with your emotions. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 So, I'm thinking of just telling him that Saturday won't work.That I'll let him know when the baby's born, and we'll take it from there. See him if and when you want to see him. Do whatever is most comfortable for you. All the best to you and baby, Satu 2 Link to post Share on other sites
dyna85 Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 Oh my gosh Ziggy. This is crazyyyyyy. Wow. That is deep stuff right there. I'm both happy & scared for you. Happy that he finally responded after being MIA, but scared because this can't be easy for you. I wish you a lot of luck in your decisions. ::hugs:: 4 Link to post Share on other sites
na49 Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 It's your life, so try to decide what you want. I know that's probably difficult to do right now with your emotions being all over the place. If you want to make things work, you should meet up with him. He said what he wants, now it's up to you to decide if it's what you want. You don't have to agree to the terms and conditions if you don't want to. If you need time to think, maybe tell him that you need more time to think. Or just ignore it. I suspect that if you do, he'll be reaching out to you again. If you don't want anything to do with him like you said, then telling him that Saturday won't work and talking when baby is born is a good move. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
NC-Thomas Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 Damn Ziggy, I feel for you. This is going to be a very tough call for you, as I read it. I can imagine you feel like taking a whole new ride on that rollercoaster of emotions and being in serious doubt about what the right decision is here. I am currently unaware of what broke you two apart, so I am not able to give solid advice. But I know that in the end, a decision is made based upon what feels right. And the way I read your post, I doesn't feel that way for you. Would it hurt you to go and meet him and see if its a genuine attempt to reconcile? Ask yourself: Am I even open for this? Would I regret not giving him that chance? Then once you have met him, you can always decide for yourself what you want. No rush! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZiggyZoo Posted April 20, 2015 Author Share Posted April 20, 2015 Yeah, ran out on pregnant me indeed. I'm more pissed at myself for still having feelings like this than anything. Like I want to see what he has to say for himself, how he thinks he can make it all better. But then part of me would love nothing more than for it all to be better. Then I beat up that part of me. Dammit! I tell you what, I am going to be SO strong for having gotten through this mess. The only thing worse than a breakup is one with all the hormones mixed in. Bittersweet, indeed. Man, I'm so glad I have LS right now. I've managed to keep my sh*t together until I tucked my girls in, knowing that I could come on here and post and get advice helped tremendously. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ravfour4 Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 I think it boils down to what NC-Thomas said, if you truly think he can change and would regret not meeting with him to see how sincere (or not sincere) he was, it may be worth it. Hell, you may see him and realize how average and pathetic he really is and move on with ease....but of course you run the risk of the exact opposite happening. If you did meet up, I'd let him do all the talking and end it with "I'll need to think about it" regardless of how you're feeling. Also - thanks for all your support on my thread over these past weeks! I'd appreciate your input on the latest update as well, I'm trying to cut her off once and for all 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Seeker12 Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 Damn Ziggy after all the help, support and how fantastic you have been on these forums, i really for you honestly, i hope you make the best decision for you and the bubba. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZiggyZoo Posted April 20, 2015 Author Share Posted April 20, 2015 Damn, I'm getting a lot more "Meet with him"s than I thought I would. One thing's for sure, I'm not responding to anything until tomorrow. The big thing holding me back, honestly, is how he broke up with me (ignored me for a month then sent a FB message) and the fact that he hasn't even checked up on the baby or me to see how we were doing. I think my pride is holding me back, and I've always advised that if your pride is bigger than your love, it isn't meant to be. It's strange being here now. I thought I was doing great, and I'm just not. Well, this will probably bring about a kinder, gentler Ziggy, for having gone through this. I still won't suffer fools though. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
na49 Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 Yeah, ran out on pregnant me indeed. I'm more pissed at myself for still having feelings like this than anything. Like I want to see what he has to say for himself, how he thinks he can make it all better. But then part of me would love nothing more than for it all to be better. Then I beat up that part of me. Dammit! I tell you what, I am going to be SO strong for having gotten through this mess. The only thing worse than a breakup is one with all the hormones mixed in. Bittersweet, indeed. Man, I'm so glad I have LS right now. I've managed to keep my sh*t together until I tucked my girls in, knowing that I could come on here and post and get advice helped tremendously. If he did it once, he is ALWAYS capable of doing it again. Even if he makes his case, his case is temporary. He'll say things that he's willing to do right now, and in a few years that can change. I'm not saying that it will though, I'm speaking from my own experience which is different. but my ex made the case that she wanted me and wanted to work on things. That lasted 2 years until she left again. Don't get pissed at yourself for still having feelings for him. You're a human being with emotions. He's someone who made bad decisions, but that doesn't make him a bad person or make you a bad person for having feelings for him. You also shouldn't expect things to be the way that they were, because they won't be. It will take work for you to forgive him for leaving, and time for you to trust him again. It can be done though. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZiggyZoo Posted April 20, 2015 Author Share Posted April 20, 2015 Also - thanks for all your support on my thread over these past weeks! I'd appreciate your input on the latest update as well, I'm trying to cut her off once and for all I'll head over there now, but if my advice is really, really mushy and sappy, hold off until tomorrow. I might be different then 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NC-Thomas Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 Well Ziggy, I know you are an experienced LS members and you have gained some wisdom here. You wrote this in January 2015, let me quote you: Except he doesn't come over, and cuts off ALL communication with me. I think I did get a FB message apologizing for not coming over on Halloween, but I deleted all that crap. But no phone calls, no texts, nothing. I was worried as heck, tried to get ahold of him repeatedly. But between work, my girls, and being sick as a dog, I let it go. My birthday is in November, and when I didn't even get anything on my FB wall, I unfriended him. So, December rolls around, and I get a FB message saying that basically he feels like a bad influence on me since I quit drinking, and that he feels we aren't compatible long-term since I obviously don't like hanging out with him. I was shocked, to say the least, but had kind of figured as much already. The way I see this: Dumped you at the worst possible time while being pregnant and sick. Leaving you with his unborn child for the obvious reason "no long-term compatibility". Then 5 months later turn comes back because life at the other side wasn't as great as he thought. Also the manner of dumping seemed to show massive lack of proper character to me. When you look at these actions from an outsiders perspective it seems that he is quite the unreliable character. As a single mother with another child coming up you are in need of a life with stability, not just for you, but especially for your children. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Cinnamonstix Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 I wouldn't respond tomorrow. Make him sweat. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
casey.lives Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 pregnancy is a turbulent time in most relationships. i think you're okay. He's back and READY. Link to post Share on other sites
LooperDooper Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 Ziggy ziggy zoo, you've been very helpful for me at least as an opinion whenever I post, so I had to post on this. I can't nor can I think anybody can give you advice on what to do, but I will say this. You sound like you have become a rock of strength and have made it through the worst. From your story and the advice you give, you are one heck of a person to admire for everything you've gone through including this. As for what people are saying about answering him, I suggest you seriously think with your heart and your head. There is absolutely no need to rush this nor is there a reason for you to have to see him Saturday. If you aren't ready, and he is serious, he will be ready when you tell him. So pretty much the only "advice" I can give to you, as you've given me a lot, is to think with time and think clearly. Do not let one day's emotions define everything because it could just be your heart doing all the work, let both the heart and the brain. Let those two work together to see how strong you've become and how strong you will continue being with this almost new part of your life. Let your strength define what you'll do. All the best, Looper. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
seminoles84 Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 Obviously think long and hard about this. I remember when you first joined LS and I've enjoyed watching you grow strong emotionally and offer great advice to others. I think you should follow the advice you'd give to someone else if this wasn't your story. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TunaCat Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 Ziggy, please, please think about this. He ran out on you while you were pregnant. That should be an automatic dealbreaker You deserve better. I'd contact him only AFTER the baby is born. You've been an invaluable support to me over the past month and I wanted to return the favor. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZiggyZoo Posted April 21, 2015 Author Share Posted April 21, 2015 Well Ziggy, I know you are an experienced LS members and you have gained some wisdom here. You wrote this in January 2015, let me quote you: The way I see this: Dumped you at the worst possible time while being pregnant and sick. Leaving you with his unborn child for the obvious reason "no long-term compatibility". Then 5 months later turn comes back because life at the other side wasn't as great as he thought. Also the manner of dumping seemed to show massive lack of proper character to me. When you look at these actions from an outsiders perspective it seems that he is quite the unreliable character. As a single mother with another child coming up you are in need of a life with stability, not just for you, but especially for your children. Wooooord! Yep, I haven't forgotten any of that. My head and my heart have chilled out, and I'm remembering all this. I deserve better, and I'm sorry that he didn't fit the bill. I'm not ever going to say "never", because there's a very, very, VERY slim chance that he may grow up. But that's not likely, and I don't have time for anything other than this little one right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZiggyZoo Posted April 21, 2015 Author Share Posted April 21, 2015 Each and every single one of you who have taken the time to write and give support and advice have helped me more than you could possibly know. I know this is just an internet forum, but being able to come on here and have people who have been there give their input is invaluable. And I'm so glad that I've been able to help you guys, too. I don't know what I'd do without all of you, and that's no exaggeration. Dang it, I'm all crying. Good tears, good tears. I think I'm going to split the difference for Saturday. He wants to meet up somewhere and talk, but I'm going to just do it over the phone. I don't want to see him, but I do know what he wants to say. I think this is a good compromise, and I can always hang up or mute it if I start crying too much. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
darkbloom Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 Each and every single one of you who have taken the time to write and give support and advice have helped me more than you could possibly know. I know this is just an internet forum, but being able to come on here and have people who have been there give their input is invaluable. And I'm so glad that I've been able to help you guys, too. I don't know what I'd do without all of you, and that's no exaggeration. Dang it, I'm all crying. Good tears, good tears. I think I'm going to split the difference for Saturday. He wants to meet up somewhere and talk, but I'm going to just do it over the phone. I don't want to see him, but I do know what he wants to say. I think this is a good compromise, and I can always hang up or mute it if I start crying too much. Stay strong on Saturday! You can do it! Maybe keep LS open and post a live stream of your conversation so we can give advice and words of encouragement? You have helped everyone on here and we will be here to help should you need us. I am so excited that all of these exes are getting back in touch to apologize! It gives me hope for myself and for everyone that has a broken heart. You already know that you can survive so Saturday should be cake. Keep us updated on how you are feeling! PS. After you said he sent you a letter in the mail, I went out and checked my mailbox. *crickets* 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 WOW..... fingers crossed and wishing you good luck for Saturday! I like the idea of a phone call. Hear him out, see what he's got to say for himself, then you'll have a better idea of how to proceed. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 Ziggy I have read your responses and followed you a bit... So tell me this. If I had posted what you did what would you say to me? It would be along the lines of 1. Calm down 2. Actions speak louder than words 3. You are stronger and more capable than you think. 4. You deserve better This ex of yours sound like a total tool. I am so sorry. Chin up chook. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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