BC1980 Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 I understand what you're saying. It's tough either way, it's quite hard to find the right balance between being able to cope with some contact/moving on. I think that's why a lot of people just go NC. At least I do, any form of contact is just too painful. But I do understand why you prefer LC if contact in the future in inevitable. It just sucks :s There is a way to do NC when you have no choice but to be in contact with the person. You can do NC with kids, but you don't talk about anything but the kids. You can do NC and work with an ex, but you only talk about work when necessary. It's more difficult, and you have to be very strong with putting up boundaries. But it can be done. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZiggyZoo Posted April 27, 2015 Author Share Posted April 27, 2015 Good morning all! Moved past angry sometime yesterday and am feeling pretty alright for now. I got a voicemail this morning from my ex. Don't jump my sh*t, I'm going LC now. Just baby related stuff. Which I'm going to have to reiterate with him, it seems. Anyway, he said that sleeping with his ex was the worst mistake in his life and if he could undo one thing that would be it. He would give anything to have one chance to make things right with me, and he'll regret screwing up for the rest of his life. There's no excuse to be made, he did something very stupid and he's sorry for hurting me. Oh, and his ex got her approval to move into her new place next weekend. So she's out of there. On second thought, I might go NC until the baby's born. It kills me that he knows enough to be sorry for what he did, but not to keep himself from doing it in the first place. And there's no way I can do any more messages like that one. Or live my life waiting for him to do something like that again and apologize beautifully. This is turning out to be quite the sh*tstorm. Another reason to go NC for the books. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
frigginlost Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 Good morning all! Moved past angry sometime yesterday and am feeling pretty alright for now. I got a voicemail this morning from my ex. Don't jump my sh*t, I'm going LC now. Just baby related stuff. Which I'm going to have to reiterate with him, it seems. Anyway, he said that sleeping with his ex was the worst mistake in his life and if he could undo one thing that would be it. He would give anything to have one chance to make things right with me, and he'll regret screwing up for the rest of his life. There's no excuse to be made, he did something very stupid and he's sorry for hurting me. Oh, and his ex got her approval to move into her new place next weekend. So she's out of there. On second thought, I might go NC until the baby's born. It kills me that he knows enough to be sorry for what he did, but not to keep himself from doing it in the first place. And there's no way I can do any more messages like that one. Or live my life waiting for him to do something like that again and apologize beautifully. This is turning out to be quite the sh*tstorm. Another reason to go NC for the books. Ugh. I can only imagine the head storm you are going through... I like your idea of LC (keep it really, really, LC). By going complete NC until the baby is born you are opening yourself up to an absolute flood of emotions the first time you talk to him after the baby is born. Really low LC will allow you to "wean down" your feelings/frustrations... Fwiw, my comments are based on my best friends absolute destruction of his marriage. He followed the *exact* pattern your ex did regarding an ex of his. He had a newborn with his wife as well. Whatever you do, either way, you are going to be on a pretty bad roller coaster. Stay strong, and know that it is not you that asked to ride it... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZiggyZoo Posted April 27, 2015 Author Share Posted April 27, 2015 Ugh. I can only imagine the head storm you are going through... I like your idea of LC (keep it really, really, LC). By going complete NC until the baby is born you are opening yourself up to an absolute flood of emotions the first time you talk to him after the baby is born. Really low LC will allow you to "wean down" your feelings/frustrations... Fwiw, my comments are based on my best friends absolute destruction of his marriage. He followed the *exact* pattern your ex did regarding an ex of his. He had a newborn with his wife as well. Whatever you do, either way, you are going to be on a pretty bad roller coaster. Stay strong, and know that it is not you that asked to ride it... You know, I can totally see your point with LC vs NC. The stress I was under right before this phone call on Saturday was awful. I can see how LC would eliminate that, anyway. I'll just have to tell him that it needs to be just about the baby. So you know someone who did the same thing too, huh? He got his ex pregnant while having a baby with his wife too, it sounds like? How did all that turn out? I'm very lucky to have someone like you, who's seen this sort of thing play out and giving advice. Thank you so much! Thank you also for your support. I can use all the kind words and honest advice I can get right now! I just keep reminding myself that getting through all this is only making me stronger and giving me more to be proud of, for overcoming it all. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 I think you've been through the worst of it and it's only getting better from here. The shock of hearing from him again and then finding out what he's done... that's behind you now. Every day that's getting smaller and smaller in your rear-view mirror as you move forward. Also remember, the ex's baby might not even be his. And that she'll be gone from his house in a matter of days -- and presumably out of his daily life. Not that either of these matter in terms of ever taking him back... but I think with time it'll be easier coping with LC than it is right now, when she's still in his house and possibly carrying his child. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZiggyZoo Posted April 27, 2015 Author Share Posted April 27, 2015 I think you've been through the worst of it and it's only getting better from here. The shock of hearing from him again and then finding out what he's done... that's behind you now. Every day that's getting smaller and smaller in your rear-view mirror as you move forward. Also remember, the ex's baby might not even be his. And that she'll be gone from his house in a matter of days -- and presumably out of his daily life. Not that either of these matter in terms of ever taking him back... but I think with time it'll be easier coping with LC than it is right now, when she's still in his house and possibly carrying his child. Yeah, the shock is definitely wearing off. I almost feel bad for the guy. I know, he's an adult and he's responsible for his own decisions, but his ex is crazy. Restraining order issued to their daughters' school because she showed up high and tried to punch the teacher crazy. Not excusing it, but if there ever was a chick that a guy would sleep with just to get her to shut up, its her. I really doubt the baby is his, I guess she's had a long-time also junkie boyfriend, and she and my ex only had sex once and two weeks later she's pregnant. Which I know is entirely possible, but she's the type to pin a baby on the guy in her life with a steady job and all that. Not my problem, but I do feel for the guy. He made a mistake, and it could end up being a HUGE one. Ah well...honestly, he and I both regret it. If it hadn't been for that, I'd be more open to reconciliation. Sigh. Link to post Share on other sites
Twigyy Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 I have nothing to say but I know you're a strong person after going through all these. So no more sighing, enjoy life to the fullest! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BlackbirdSong Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 There's really nothing that I can add to this conversation as it has gone somewhere that is way above my paid grade. However, I just wanted to give you a huge virtual hug and say that you are by far stronger than I. I would want to literally have this guy taken out (if you know what I mean). I don't know him, but I hate him. Best wishes for you and your baby. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
makemehappy Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 Ziggyzoo, how are you holding up today? Sending love! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
wizer Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 Not excusing it, but if there ever was a chick that a guy would sleep with just to get her to shut up, its her. I really doubt the baby is his, I guess she's had a long-time also junkie boyfriend, and she and my ex only had sex once Actually you ARE excusing it. And downplaying it. She moved in with him. You really think they only had sex once? And that he was "forced" to have sex with her, as he put it? Cmon.. Don't let your emotions rule your brain. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZiggyZoo Posted April 29, 2015 Author Share Posted April 29, 2015 Actually you ARE excusing it. And downplaying it. She moved in with him. You really think they only had sex once? And that he was "forced" to have sex with her, as he put it? Cmon.. Don't let your emotions rule your brain. I'm not downplaying anything. If you read my other posts, I said that he admitted to sleeping with her several other times. I was just saying that it sucks that the situation ended up the way it did, and he's in a really sh*tty situation now because of it. Which I freely and fully admit is his own doing, but am I not allowed to express regret and feel badly for him? To what end would I excuse his behavior anyway? I'm not getting back together with him, so no need for excuses or justification that I can see. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZiggyZoo Posted April 29, 2015 Author Share Posted April 29, 2015 Ziggyzoo, how are you holding up today? Sending love! Thank you! I'm alright today. Sad, because I've finally had to deal with it being over, but relieved that I know the whole story. I didn't NEED closure, but its nice that the first communication, etc is over. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZiggyZoo Posted April 29, 2015 Author Share Posted April 29, 2015 There's really nothing that I can add to this conversation as it has gone somewhere that is way above my paid grade. However, I just wanted to give you a huge virtual hug and say that you are by far stronger than I. I would want to literally have this guy taken out (if you know what I mean). I don't know him, but I hate him. Best wishes for you and your baby. Thank you! Ha, once word got out about what happened, a few of my guy friends wanted to have a "talk" with him. Including my first ex-husband, who's one of my really good friends now. And you're stronger than you think you are. You just have to be put into a situation where you need to be. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted April 29, 2015 Share Posted April 29, 2015 I'm not downplaying anything. If you read my other posts, I said that he admitted to sleeping with her several other times. I was just saying that it sucks that the situation ended up the way it did, and he's in a really sh*tty situation now because of it. Which I freely and fully admit is his own doing, but am I not allowed to express regret and feel badly for him? To what end would I excuse his behavior anyway? I'm not getting back together with him, so no need for excuses or justification that I can see. I'm not sure why you'd feel badly for him. It's his doing. You're better off focusing on you instead of feeling anything toward him. He's an adult, he made his bed, it's up to him to sleep on it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZiggyZoo Posted April 29, 2015 Author Share Posted April 29, 2015 I'm not sure why you'd feel badly for him. It's his doing. You're better off focusing on you instead of feeling anything toward him. He's an adult, he made his bed, it's up to him to sleep on it. I know, and I'm not overly invested in his situation, trust me. It's more just looking at him and wishing he was smarter about stuff. Oh, I'm focused on me, believe me. This has shaken me, I'm not going to lie about that, but in a way I'm glad I found out. It beats wondering and imagining what happened. Now I KNOW and can deal and move on. I'm just back in the immediate aftermath/shock phase. But hey, I've been here before and pulled out of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Eranthe Posted April 29, 2015 Share Posted April 29, 2015 Sending positive thoughts your way too .. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted April 29, 2015 Share Posted April 29, 2015 I love it that your guy friends are wanting to stand up for you! I really don't know what your ex is thinking, contacting you and putting all this on you when you're so close to your due date. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted April 29, 2015 Share Posted April 29, 2015 HI Ziggy Just checking in to see how you are getting on. Have a hug just because I can. xx Link to post Share on other sites
hunk Posted April 29, 2015 Share Posted April 29, 2015 This guy sounds like an absolute idiot. I don't even know you but from what I've gathered from your personality on these forums you are extremely intelligent, kindhearted and emotionally mature. Getting back with this guy would be such a self deprecating move and I would actually be genuinely upset to hear that you guys got back together. Stay strong Zig. This horrible situation is an exercise in character building you will be so grateful for in a few months time when you are 100% healed and happy again, laughing at all of this crap. All the best. Link to post Share on other sites
makemehappy Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 ziggyzoo, How are you holding up? Hope you are well! Link to post Share on other sites
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