Got *THE* letter from ex

[ZiggyZoo]

M'kay, then I just messed them up. Sorry.

 

No worries. It can get complicated around here at times.

[ravfour4]

How'd the talk go? Or did you not have it yet?

[ZiggyZoo]

Not yet. Tomorrow morning, and I'm nervous as hell! I'm trying to remember all the pep talk that I've given myself, but I just know I'm going to cry at some point. Ah well...I'll be sure and update everyone.

[Ruby65]

Fingers are crossed for you!

 

I really hope you two are able to work things out.

[Twigyy]

Good luck to you all the way from Singapore

[NopeNah]

Not yet. Tomorrow morning, and I'm nervous as hell! I'm trying to remember all the pep talk that I've given myself, but I just know I'm going to cry at some point. Ah well...I'll be sure and update everyone.

 

Don't cry..Be casual. You're the one in control of this meeting. If it were me, I'd cancel at the last minute. Tell him you'll reschedule when you feel up to it. Show him the same "compassion" he's shown to you the past few months. He deserves it.

[Simon Phoenix]

Don't cry..Be casual. You're the one in control of this meeting. If it were me, I'd cancel at the last minute. Tell him you'll reschedule when you feel up to it. Show him the same "compassion" he's shown to you the past few months. He deserves it.

 

This actually isn't a bad idea. Have the meeting on your terms, not his. Also, maybe a bit of time to think about this will help calm your nerves a bit.

[dreamingoftigers]

Yeah, ran out on pregnant me indeed. I'm more pissed at myself for still having feelings like this than anything. Like I want to see what he has to say for himself, how he thinks he can make it all better. But then part of me would love nothing more than for it all to be better. Then I beat up that part of me. Dammit! I tell you what, I am going to be SO strong for having gotten through this mess. The only thing worse than a breakup is one with all the hormones mixed in.

 

Bittersweet, indeed. Man, I'm so glad I have LS right now. I've managed to keep my sh*t together until I tucked my girls in, knowing that I could come on here and post and get advice helped tremendously.

 

It wasn't just that "he ran out on you." Jeezus, don't minimize this.

 

He absolutely crapped on you.

 

Ran around with his ex, they sent you pictures, egged your house. he was fuming that you were "forcing him to be a father" because they must not have had sex ed in his school or something.

 

And now he's "sorry."

 

Would you like me to inform him on where he can put that letter so that you don't have to break NC?

[ZiggyZoo]

Don't cry..Be casual. You're the one in control of this meeting. If it were me, I'd cancel at the last minute. Tell him you'll reschedule when you feel up to it. Show him the same "compassion" he's shown to you the past few months. He deserves it.

 

Oh, I do kind of like this. I'm dying to know WTF he has to say though, you know? How he's going to explain things and all that. I made myself a whole "remember when he...." list to go over before we talk. I'm not going to be a total bitch, but I'm also not going to just get right back together. I went through a lot to get here, and I'm not going to throw it all away on someone who's already walked away from me once.

 

Thanks for the support everyone! I'll be sure and post when the talk goes down.

[Eranthe]

Oh my goodness my heart goes out to you! I too have no idea why he left you, whilst you were PREGNANT!!!! However, my feeling is that he can write anything he feels he must say to you in a bloody letter, that you can read and respond to (if you choose to respond at all) at your own leisure. He does not have the right to walk out on you and then dictate that you meet him in person when you don't feel comfortable about it. I personally feel (this is not advice, just my feeling) that you should stay NC for now to protect yourself at this extremely vulnerable time ... and that if he has something to say, he can bloody well sit down and take the time and effort to write it all down for you to assess and make a decision. Seeing him in person - particularly if it is only to hand you a bag of breadcrumbs, give you BS apologies or drag you into another murky emotional vortex - will only prolong your agony in my humble opinion. However, you are pregnant with his child and you must do what is right for you. I can't even imagine how you must feel. Whatever you do, you are obviously an intelligent women who thinks things through and gives good advice here, so I believe you can handle this!

[Ruby65]

Just to clarify, her ex didn't know she was pregnant when they broke up... or for some time afterwards.

[ZiggyZoo]

Well guys, I'm completely shaken. This did NOT go how I expected at all.

 

OK, we started talking. Hi, how are you, how's the baby, etc. Then he says that he has something to say and he just needs to get it out. I said OK, go ahead. Then he tells me that during the month of November, when he went all radio silent on me, no communication, he f*cked his crazy junkie ex and now she's pregnant. She supposedly had an IUD in and had it removed, so he didn't use a condom. He's not sure if it's his, and doesn't want to have anything to do with her. I hung up at this point, and cried very, very hard for a few minutes.

 

Because I want to be done with this (and to let him know how much this is killing me, f*ck the high road) I call him back. I bitch him out for a few minutes, and all he says is, I'm so sorry, I thought we were broken up, I never should have done it, she basically forced me, I wanted to forget you for a little bit...I couldn't believe it still.

 

SO, the best part? She got evicted in February and he let her move in with him. He's almost got her moved back out, and has nothing to do with her. EXCEPT for a month ago, when they f*cked again. Dumb ass me should never have asked, but they did it a few times. For the record, people, do NOT EVER EVER EVER ask something you don't want to know the answer to. EVER EVER EVER.

 

But hey, he still wants to do anything it takes to be with me. God, I almost can't read this through my tears. I can't believe this. The good thing is, any shred of hope or whatever I had of getting back together is completely dead. And the thing is, he had realized on his own the same thing I had, that our communication skills sucked, and he wants to work on that. He said he didn't know how much he loved me until I was gone, and it has been killing him every day to think of our baby growing without him. And that if he could go back and undo sleeping with his ex (or is she now?) he absolutely would. Everything I would want him to say...except for the fact that he, you know, screwed her.

 

I am so torn up right now, it's like my heart broke all over again. And the thing is, I believe that he's sincere. I know, I know, I'm the first to rip into someone when they say that sort of thing. I'm Miss "Actions Speak Louder Than Words". But I honestly do think that he misses me and would work towards making it up to me. And if it weren't for him sleeping with her, I'd be all about it. God. Well, that's that.

 

You know else really hurts? This is stupid, but she's having a boy too. He has two daughters, and always wanted a boy. I was so excited to tell him, but mine wasn't the first son he heard about. It just hurts so much. Man.

 

tl:dr Talked to my ex today. While we were kind of broken up, he slept with his crazy ex and now SHE'S pregnant too. He wants to make it work, but I just can't.

[Twigyy]

Well guys, I'm completely shaken. This did NOT go how I expected at all.

 

OK, we started talking. Hi, how are you, how's the baby, etc. Then he says that he has something to say and he just needs to get it out. I said OK, go ahead. Then he tells me that during the month of November, when he went all radio silent on me, no communication, he f*cked his crazy junkie ex and now she's pregnant. She supposedly had an IUD in and had it removed, so he didn't use a condom. He's not sure if it's his, and doesn't want to have anything to do with her. I hung up at this point, and cried very, very hard for a few minutes.

 

Because I want to be done with this (and to let him know how much this is killing me, f*ck the high road) I call him back. I bitch him out for a few minutes, and all he says is, I'm so sorry, I thought we were broken up, I never should have done it, she basically forced me, I wanted to forget you for a little bit...I couldn't believe it still.

 

SO, the best part? She got evicted in February and he let her move in with him. He's almost got her moved back out, and has nothing to do with her. EXCEPT for a month ago, when they f*cked again. Dumb ass me should never have asked, but they did it a few times. For the record, people, do NOT EVER EVER EVER ask something you don't want to know the answer to. EVER EVER EVER.

 

But hey, he still wants to do anything it takes to be with me. God, I almost can't read this through my tears. I can't believe this. The good thing is, any shred of hope or whatever I had of getting back together is completely dead. And the thing is, he had realized on his own the same thing I had, that our communication skills sucked, and he wants to work on that. He said he didn't know how much he loved me until I was gone, and it has been killing him every day to think of our baby growing without him. And that if he could go back and undo sleeping with his ex (or is she now?) he absolutely would. Everything I would want him to say...except for the fact that he, you know, screwed her.

 

I am so torn up right now, it's like my heart broke all over again. And the thing is, I believe that he's sincere. I know, I know, I'm the first to rip into someone when they say that sort of thing. I'm Miss "Actions Speak Louder Than Words". But I honestly do think that he misses me and would work towards making it up to me. And if it weren't for him sleeping with her, I'd be all about it. God. Well, that's that.

 

You know else really hurts? This is stupid, but she's having a boy too. He has two daughters, and always wanted a boy. I was so excited to tell him, but mine wasn't the first son he heard about. It just hurts so much. Man.

 

tl:dr Talked to my ex today. While we were kind of broken up, he slept with his crazy ex and now SHE'S pregnant too. He wants to make it work, but I just can't.

 

I guess you're one step closer to your answer. He told you that he would do anything to get back with you, but he got his other ex pregnant. It is fine to sleep with anyone if you're single but when he told you all those and it still happened, you know that his words don't mean anything. Actions do speak louder than words.

[ZiggyZoo]

I guess you're one step closer to your answer. He told you that he would do anything to get back with you, but he got his other ex pregnant. It is fine to sleep with anyone if you're single but when he told you all those and it still happened, you know that his words don't mean anything. Actions do speak louder than words.

 

Well, technically he slept with her before he said all that. Like it makes that much of a difference.

[ZiggyZoo]

I mean, he said he wants to marry me and would be honored at the chance to spend the rest of his life making it up to me. Who says that? Sorry, I'm just absolutely reeling.

[na49]

I can tell how badly you want things to work with him. Your heart is telling you one thing, and your brain is telling you another. You can see how dysfunctional this situation is, but you still want to see if there's a chance for this to end well.

 

I believe that he does want to make it up to you (at this moment). but just like when he left you the first time, he is capable of changing his mind again. Actions speak louder than words. He loved you so much that he decided to have sex with his crazy ex? Huh?

 

I hope this doesn't come across as too harsh. Normally I wouldn't apologize for being harsh, but I'm sure you're really emotional right now. I don't want to insult you.

[HeartOfAPhoenix]

 

he f*cked his crazy junkie ex and now she's pregnant.

 

He said he didn't know how much he loved me until I was gone, and it has been killing him every day to think of our baby growing without him.

 

My concern would be if he feels this way about your baby, he must/will feel the same way about the other...

 

Actions do speak louder than words, I suggest you keep that in mind and tread carefully with any upcoming interactions with him. I cannot relate to this situation, but for what it's worth, I feel for you.

[No Limit]

He's just scared because he knows very well that now his ex(-ex) practically holds him in her grasp. This guy is bad news all around, and you should definitely not get involved in their drama. Sorry but if I were you I'd cease contact until the baby is born and then try to establish a co-parenting schedule, anything else just isn't worth it. Or do you maybe want him to visit with the ex and her child as well for a nice afternoon with the kids? Maybe a triangle marriage while he's at it?

 

Seriously, this reeks of drama and especially during pregnancy you don't need that.

[ZiggyZoo]

I can tell how badly you want things to work with him. Your heart is telling you one thing, and your brain is telling you another. You can see how dysfunctional this situation is, but you still want to see if there's a chance for this to end well.

 

I believe that he does want to make it up to you (at this moment). but just like when he left you the first time, he is capable of changing his mind again. Actions speak louder than words. He loved you so much that he decided to have sex with his crazy ex? Huh?

 

I hope this doesn't come across as too harsh. Normally I wouldn't apologize for being harsh, but I'm sure you're really emotional right now. I don't want to insult you.

 

That bit about not normally apologizing for being harsh made me smile. I do the same thing on here, and I've held back a few times too. Thank you for that smile.

 

And you're so right. My head says nope, but my heart is looking for loopholes. But luckily for me, I know what to do.

[Simon Phoenix]

You say that you really think he means it. Maybe you're right, he very well mean it RIGHT NOW. But if this saga should teach you anything, it's that he's extremely flightly. Do you really have faith that he won't instantly flip-flop again once he gets you? I wouldn't.

 

This dude is bad news. And I know that you know this. Since he's the father of your child, you can't completely cut him off if he wants to be part of the kid's life, but any relationship other than that is disaster waiting to happen.

 

I still think you should have waited to have this conversation, but then again, I'm not sure it would have been any easier to hear. Though maybe had you waited, you wouldn't have your heart trying to irrationally connect dots and do gymnastics.

 

Sorry this happened to you. But at least you know everything and can move forward with no doubts.

[ZiggyZoo]

He's just scared because he knows very well that now his ex(-ex) practically holds him in her grasp. This guy is bad news all around, and you should definitely not get involved in their drama. Sorry but if I were you I'd cease contact until the baby is born and then try to establish a co-parenting schedule, anything else just isn't worth it. Or do you maybe want him to visit with the ex and her child as well for a nice afternoon with the kids? Maybe a triangle marriage while he's at it?

 

 

Seriously, this reeks of drama and especially during pregnancy you don't need that.

 

Yeah, no kidding. The funny thing is, I had a random thought earlier this week about her. I thought that I was so glad that he wasn't with her anymore, I sure as sh*t would never want my baby around her. And now this.

 

One good thing though, we did talk about co-parenting, and he's all about working with that. He's a great dad and i'm glad that will work out at least.

[seminoles84]

Lovely.. Guy now has how many kids? Sigh.

[dreamingoftigers]

Yeah, no kidding. The funny thing is, I had a random thought earlier this week about her. I thought that I was so glad that he wasn't with her anymore, I sure as sh*t would never want my baby around her. And now this.

 

One good thing though, we did talk about co-parenting, and he's all about working with that. He's a great dad and i'm glad that will work out at least.

 

He's unstable as fck.

 

 

You're delusional if you think co-parenting with him is going to go well.

 

 

Isn't this the guy and girl combo that egged your house?

 

 

Please tell me I don't have the wrong thread.

 

 

I really hope that you just go no contact and that includes his kid. I mean, really, his response to "you're pregnant" is 1. Run back to junkie ex. 2. Get her pregnant. 3. Have her move in 4. Beg forgiveness.

 

 

Has this guy never heard of flowers and cards?

 

 

Where they not sending you pics of them kissing and stuff? Total passive-aggressive crap?

 

 

That is not father material.

[ZiggyZoo]

You say that you really think he means it. Maybe you're right, he very well mean it RIGHT NOW. But if this saga should teach you anything, it's that he's extremely flightly. Do you really have faith that he won't instantly flip-flop again once he gets you? I wouldn't.

 

This dude is bad news. And I know that you know this. Since he's the father of your child, you can't completely cut him off if he wants to be part of the kid's life, but any relationship other than that is disaster waiting to happen.

 

I still think you should have waited to have this conversation, but then again, I'm not sure it would have been any easier to hear. Though maybe had you waited, you wouldn't have your heart trying to irrationally connect dots and do gymnastics.

 

Sorry this happened to you. But at least you know everything and can move forward with no doubts.

 

I thought about waiting until I was more together to talk to him. But I'm going to have this baby in six weeks, and I know I'll have to go onto LC then. My reasoning was to just get it out of the way and cram in as much NC as possible until then. Something like that.

 

I absolutely agree that this is what he wants *right* now, and it may well change. I kept thinking that he sure as hell waited long enough to realize how much I meant to him. And that screwing his crazy ex sure as sh*t wasn't how to go about proving it. Much less doing it before we were even really broken up...

 

Welp, he's just making it easier for me to say good-bye. I can look at all this and be reminded of what a good decision I made.

[ZiggyZoo]

He's unstable as fck.

 

 

You're delusional if you think co-parenting with him is going to go well.

 

 

Isn't this the guy and girl combo that egged your house?

 

 

Please tell me I don't have the wrong thread.

 

 

I really hope that you just go no contact and that includes his kid. I mean, really, his response to "you're pregnant" is 1. Run back to junkie ex. 2. Get her pregnant. 3. Have her move in 4. Beg forgiveness.

 

 

Has this guy never heard of flowers and cards?

 

 

Where they not sending you pics of them kissing and stuff? Total passive-aggressive crap?

 

 

That is not father material.

 

No, that's the other poor pregnant girl. Man, the one whose ex's new fiancee sent her pictures of the engagement ring or whatever? I hope she's doing ok.