dreamingoftigers Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 No, that's the other poor pregnant girl. Man, the one whose ex's new fiancee sent her pictures of the engagement ring or whatever? I hope she's doing ok. Oh, well, sorry about that, carry on then..... don't marry him or anything though. Jeepers. My husband went ape when I was pregnant too. Signed on to sex sites and everything. Said he felt "trapped" by it. We had already been together 4 years, married 3. Man, I don't think I could trust anyone enough to get pregnant again. Luckily, I got a cute daughter. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TunaCat Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 I call him back. I bitch him out for a few minutes, and all he says is, I'm so sorry, I thought we were broken up, I never should have done it, she basically forced me, I wanted to forget you for a little bit...I couldn't believe it still. Oh man, what a MESS! I picked this part to talk about because he's again, blaming the woman for forcing him into something. That's disgusting & reprehensible to me. No one forced him into anything. He chose to have sex with someone else. He is trying not to take responsibility and that is so immature. Please think of yourself & that baby of yours. Nothing else matters. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 Wow, I did not expect to hear that he got his ex pregnant. I guess I would have such a problem believing anything he ever said again. I don't think you can trust that he is thinking rationally right now. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Eranthe Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 I just checked in today hoping to hear a positive outcome from your meeting, and I am so sorry to read this. I was hoping for better for you. What a dreadful situation ... I'm so sorry this happened to you. Geez at this point, I'd probably go extreme nc and move to another state or far enough away that it would be difficult for him to visit ... but you need your family friends ... oh man, what a douche. I hope you're surrounded by good people and lots of support. Cry it out and process, but you have lost nothing with this guy, there is someone sooooooo much better out there waiting for you and your beautiful baby! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ManyDissapoint Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 OH MY GOD Ziggy ABORT MISSION!! Please don't go back to this guy! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 Wow, yeah -- I thought you guys might have a chance together, but there's just no positive spin to put on that situation. His ex is living with him and possibly pregnant with his baby -- ? I can't even understand why he'd even *try* to reconcile with you under those circumstances -- how can he imagine that's even REMOTELY okay?? And to have all this dumped on you just six weeks before your due date.... How are you holding up? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
makemehappy Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 Pff Ziggyzoo, I feel for you. This must be so hard on you. I'm really sorry that things didn"t worked out the way you wanted them too. I've been reading your thread, I don't have much to ad as advice. But try to let all this informations sink in and afterwards see how you handle everything. I sent you love, hugs, chocolate or anything else your pregnant belly/heart desires. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZiggyZoo Posted April 26, 2015 Author Share Posted April 26, 2015 Oh man, what a MESS! I picked this part to talk about because he's again, blaming the woman for forcing him into something. That's disgusting & reprehensible to me. No one forced him into anything. He chose to have sex with someone else. He is trying not to take responsibility and that is so immature. Please think of yourself & that baby of yours. Nothing else matters. You're absolutely right, and I called him out on that. I understand being confused by a situation and totally upset and all that, but I don't understand how sleeping with her could possibly solve anything. He said that she's always been demanding about sex like that, but he wasn't with her and had no obligation to keep her happy. Nope, it really speaks to unhealthy boundaries with her, which I sure as sh*t don't want to get mixed up in. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZiggyZoo Posted April 26, 2015 Author Share Posted April 26, 2015 Wow, I did not expect to hear that he got his ex pregnant. I guess I would have such a problem believing anything he ever said again. I don't think you can trust that he is thinking rationally right now. That's the last thing I expected to hear too, geez. Man... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZiggyZoo Posted April 26, 2015 Author Share Posted April 26, 2015 I just checked in today hoping to hear a positive outcome from your meeting, and I am so sorry to read this. I was hoping for better for you. What a dreadful situation ... I'm so sorry this happened to you. Geez at this point, I'd probably go extreme nc and move to another state or far enough away that it would be difficult for him to visit ... but you need your family friends ... oh man, what a douche. I hope you're surrounded by good people and lots of support. Cry it out and process, but you have lost nothing with this guy, there is someone sooooooo much better out there waiting for you and your beautiful baby! Thank you for this. I DO have a great group of friends who are coming over today to take me out for a picnic in the park. I'm a lot better today, now that the immediate shock has worn off, but it still hurts like hell. I just don't see how he can say he wants it to work out, yet this has happened... But again, thank you for your kind words, they mean a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZiggyZoo Posted April 26, 2015 Author Share Posted April 26, 2015 Wow, yeah -- I thought you guys might have a chance together, but there's just no positive spin to put on that situation. His ex is living with him and possibly pregnant with his baby -- ? I can't even understand why he'd even *try* to reconcile with you under those circumstances -- how can he imagine that's even REMOTELY okay?? And to have all this dumped on you just six weeks before your due date.... How are you holding up? I know, I thought we might have a chance too. Even if he had done this when we were broken up, I might be able to work with it. But he slept with her in October, before he sent the FB message dumping me in December. I just can't over look it. It sucks, but it doesn't. It's a lot more black and white to me now, which is helpful. I don't know what he's thinking. The real pisser is, he seems to understand that our communication was poor and had really thought about all that went wrong. Yet he said he slept with her a few more times, most recently last month? I just can't see how he missed me enough, you know? If he missed me that much, why did he do that? I'm ok. Not great, but better than yesterday, that's for sure. I think having so much NC behind me helped, I'm able to see the logic in how it won't work. I'm not stuck in denial, which is good. I guess bottom line is, I'm a little heartbroken. I had a bit of hope held out that it would work out somehow, but I guess not. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZiggyZoo Posted April 26, 2015 Author Share Posted April 26, 2015 Pff Ziggyzoo, I feel for you. This must be so hard on you. I'm really sorry that things didn"t worked out the way you wanted them too. I've been reading your thread, I don't have much to ad as advice. But try to let all this informations sink in and afterwards see how you handle everything. I sent you love, hugs, chocolate or anything else your pregnant belly/heart desires. Thank you so much! I am so grateful for you and everyone else on here. Link to post Share on other sites
frigginlost Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 I don't know what he's thinking. The real pisser is, he seems to understand that our communication was poor and had really thought about all that went wrong. Yet he said he slept with her a few more times, most recently last month? I just can't see how he missed me enough, you know? If he missed me that much, why did he do that? This is not an excuse for him and his actions, but a way that you may somewhat understand why he did it. You were NC with him. He took it as you are forever gone and he tried to fill a hole. This is why when folks go NC they truly need to understand the ramifications of it. I really feel horrible for you because you're pregnant and what has happened to you is the horrible side of NC. I really feel bad for you, because this is really going to mess with you for a while. Try not to think about what happened with his ex. Focus on the fact that he indeed did reach out to you and has realized that you are a great person. Best. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
makemehappy Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 'You were NC with him. He took it as you are forever gone and he tried to fill a hole. This is why when folks go NC they truly need to understand the ramifications of it. ' I understand why you're saying this, but on the other hand: what else can you do beside going NC? In my opinion, staying in contact with your exlover, makes it impossible to move on. If he missed her and thought about why everything went wrong, he shouldn't be sleeping around with an ex if he even had the slightest doubt in his mind to reconcile with Ziggyzoo. I think he must have known that this behaviour would make any form of reconciliation with her pretty damn hard. Ziggyzoo did what she had to do as dumpee, the're is really no other option. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 'You were NC with him. He took it as you are forever gone and he tried to fill a hole. This is why when folks go NC they truly need to understand the ramifications of it. ' I understand why you're saying this, but on the other hand: what else can you do beside going NC? In my opinion, staying in contact with your exlover, makes it impossible to move on. I agree. Also, I doubt he was really thinking she was "forever gone" since she's about to have his baby so he'll most likely be having contact with her in some capacity for the rest of his life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
frigginlost Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 'You were NC with him. He took it as you are forever gone and he tried to fill a hole. This is why when folks go NC they truly need to understand the ramifications of it. ' I understand why you're saying this, but on the other hand: what else can you do beside going NC? In my opinion, staying in contact with your exlover, makes it impossible to move on. If he missed her and thought about why everything went wrong, he shouldn't be sleeping around with an ex if he even had the slightest doubt in his mind to reconcile with Ziggyzoo. I think he must have known that this behaviour would make any form of reconciliation with her pretty damn hard. Ziggyzoo did what she had to do as dumpee, the're is really no other option. Absolutely agree. I in no way condone what he did. I was just trying to give her another perspective. There are ramifications using NC, and one of those is that you learn the true character of someone and it will sting if you find out what she did about him. She needs to understand that this has nothing to do with her. She is a way better person than him and needs to focus on that. Personally I don't think NC is healthy when you are going to have to be in contact with someone. As utterly painful as it is LC is a better approach. You can wean yourself off. NC is basically killing someone off until you're healthy enough to reach indifference. I 1 Link to post Share on other sites
darkbloom Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 Wow ziggy. I was super excited to see this thread and then now not so much. I guess I can kind of see sleeping with the ex once if you were broken up but not multiple times. The part that gets me is him saying he was 'forced'. In my experience, men say that when they don't have the balls to own up to their bad decisions. No one forced him to do anything. He is a grown adult who took the easy way out. Now he comes running back because he 'made a mistake' with you but can't own up to his mistakes with the other woman because she 'forced' him. I would tread very carefully here. You have so much strength and courage. Don't let him take any of that from you. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 This is not an excuse for him and his actions, but a way that you may somewhat understand why he did it. You were NC with him. He took it as you are forever gone and he tried to fill a hole. This is why when folks go NC they truly need to understand the ramifications of it. I really feel horrible for you because you're pregnant and what has happened to you is the horrible side of NC. I really feel bad for you, because this is really going to mess with you for a while. Try not to think about what happened with his ex. Focus on the fact that he indeed did reach out to you and has realized that you are a great person. Best. There's a difference between "filling a hole" and impregnating someone who he had a previous relationship with and who he apparently slept with before he even broke up with her. This has nothing to do with the "horrible side" of NC -- it has to do with her ex being a horrible person. Had her ex slept with a few randos and not impregnated them, I don't think the OP would be nearly as upset. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
makemehappy Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 'Personally I don't think NC is healthy when you are going to have to be in contact with someone. As utterly painful as it is LC is a better approach. 'You can wean yourself off.' I understand what you're saying. It's tough either way, it's quite hard to find the right balance between being able to cope with some contact/moving on. I think that's why a lot of people just go NC. At least I do, any form of contact is just too painful. But I do understand why you prefer LC if contact in the future in inevitable. It just sucks :s 1 Link to post Share on other sites
frigginlost Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 There's a difference between "filling a hole" and impregnating someone who he had a previous relationship with and who he apparently slept with before he even broke up with her. This has nothing to do with the "horrible side" of NC -- it has to do with her ex being a horrible person. Had her ex slept with a few randos and not impregnated them, I don't think the OP would be nearly as upset. Simon, there is nobody I respect more on these boards than you. But you are using logic in your reasoning. His actions were absolutely emotional and more than likely in direct response to being cutoff. He is an a$$, that, there is no doubt. But I do believe that with a certain type of individual this is the horror side of NC. Immaturity can and does rear it's ugly head when NC is used. Note, I am basing this on the actions of my best friend and his ex wife. She went NC with him and he reacted like a disgusting pig because in his mind she had reached the point of no return. He tried to fill a hole and hurt a hell of a lot of people... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
frigginlost Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 'Personally I don't think NC is healthy when you are going to have to be in contact with someone. As utterly painful as it is LC is a better approach. 'You can wean yourself off.' I understand what you're saying. It's tough either way, it's quite hard to find the right balance between being able to cope with some contact/moving on. I think that's why a lot of people just go NC. At least I do, any form of contact is just too painful. But I do understand why you prefer LC if contact in the future in inevitable. It just sucks :s It does. I fully believe in NC if there are no strings attached. It simply has to be that way for proper healing. It takes all the mind games out of the mix. Sadly, when there are strings you kind of up against a wall... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 Simon, there is nobody I respect more on these boards than you. But you are using logic in your reasoning. His actions were absolutely emotional and more than likely in direct response to being cutoff. He is an a$$, that, there is no doubt. But I do believe that with a certain type of individual this is the horror side of NC. Immaturity can and does rear it's ugly head when NC is used. Note, I am basing this on the actions of my best friend and his ex wife. She went NC with him and he reacted like a disgusting pig because in his mind she had reached the point of no return. He tried to fill a hole and hurt a hell of a lot of people... He slept with his ex before he broke up with the OP. No Contact has nothing to do with his immaturity -- his immaturity had more to do with his immaturity. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 He wants nothing to do with her...they just live together and have sporadic unprotected sex. Somehow I don't think you're getting the whole story. Even if you were, this man is still completely unfit to be a partner, much less a father. If you want his financial assistance with the baby you should probably seek an attorney to make arrangements, because this guy has proven himself incapable of basic responsibility. It's never been more important to focus on yourself. Treat yourself to a prenatal massage or twelve at the Four Seasons. You've earned it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZiggyZoo Posted April 26, 2015 Author Share Posted April 26, 2015 Once again, and I can't say it enough, thank you for your kind words and advice. I'm not crying today, I'm actually pretty pissed off. And hurt. The fact that he slept with *that* ex in particular while we were still together, UNPROTECTED, and is trying to make excuses for it all is bull f*cking sh*t. But like I've said before, and I'll say again, he's doing me a favor by giving me yet more to look at when I start missing him. I'll just remember how it felt to hear that he did that to me and snap out of it real quick. And you know what? He's made NC/LC really easy too, since I don't want to talk to him any time soon. As I've said before, I'm not worried about him paying child support or keeping his end of the visitation agreement. One thing that I won't ever deny is that he's a great father. The little girl he's currently raising is the one he had with this same crazy junkie ex, and she's the center of his world. He was genuinely excited that I'm not going to keep this little one from him at all, and I suspect he's even happy about the one with his ex too. Which is good, because he'll be raising that one too. So yeah...I guess I'll just keep on moving forward. I'm glad this talk is over, I've been dreading it since we broke up. I can't lie, I was a little hopeful that it would maybe somehow work out. And yeah, if he had even slept with a girl when we were broken up, it would have been one thing. But I deserve better, I deserve a guy who takes responsibility for his actions and doesn't cheat on me. And that's that. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
seminoles84 Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 I'm sorry I'm having a hard time ignoring the fact this guy has kids and now is having more with multiple women. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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