Ceese Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 What's up guys? I'm new around here. this is my first post. I actually joined this forum expressly to ask this question. Due to its sensitive nature, I can't ask my friends for advice on this. Okay, so I suppose it starts with one of my really good friends. We've known each other for almost five years and have been friends for about as long. About 18 months ago, he started dating this girl. They've recently moved in together (for the sake of convenience, we'll call her Sarah). Being the friends we are, of course I've gotten to know Sarah and we've become good friends over the past two or so years (they were 'talking' before they started dating and he brought her around during that time). So Sarah and I frequently hang out without my friend (We'll call him Mike). Mike doesn't mind Sarah and I being friends. In fact, he encourages it. Mike doesn't party or go shopping so he usually foregoes mall excursions or nights about town and I'll accompany Sarah because I actually like those doing those things. Sarah is a pretty girl and once or twice, I've thought about the inevitable 'what-ifs' and 'maybes' what with me and her being so close. We flirt. People think we're together when we're... well, out together. It's put me between a rock and hard place, being caught in between them. Every couple has their secrets and every individual in a relationship faces temptation. I've seen it on both sides, being good friends with both of them. Nothing crazy but enough to muddy my thoughts on their relationship (not my place, I know). Despite this, I respect their relationship and I love them together. Okay, enough backstory. Last weekend, Mike was out of town. Sarah and I went out, like usual. Nothing out of the ordinary. Afterward, we came back to her place, both of us very drunk, blackout drunk. We sat on the loveseat and this is where things begin to get hazy. Everything that follows is what I've pieced together from my flashes of memory. I remember really is me and her making out. I'm not sure who initiated and I think we may have gone to second base but maybe not. We stopped and she began to cry. She apologized to me. Said she felt horrible and I did/do too. She hid her face from me. I turned her around, wiped her tears and said Mike doesn't need to know and we promised to never talk about it. I told her it's hard because I've been slowly falling in love with her and can't do anything about it (true). The next day, we talked about the night before and her memory conveniently cuts out right after we caught our cab to her place. I lied and said about the same to make things easier and because we promised to not speak of it. But she said she had a great time and tweeted something about weird vibes later on in the day. Now, I'm just really confused and riddled with guilt. I feel like I should tell Mike. I also feel like Sarah I should talk about it and what it means for our friendship. But mostly, I feel like I should keep quiet and just pretend like it never happened. I know it's really crappy of me but I don't wanna lose my friends, more than that, I don't want it to wreck their relationship. In short, I made a mistake. What now? Link to post Share on other sites
wizer Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 Pretend it never happened and stop drinking. Completely. You have no self control. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 If you get that drunk, you need to examine your relationship with alcohol. 'Blackout Drunk' falls squarely with the boundaries of Substance Abuse and Problem Drinking. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ceese Posted April 21, 2015 Author Share Posted April 21, 2015 You're both right and I've been working on that. I don't normally drink like that... Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 She wants the whole thing to go away. If you can't be cool with that, you need to stop hanging around with her. She was crying, so she was very upset about what went on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
I_Give_Up67 Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 I think you need to give your friends some space. Stay away from them, especially Sarah. Mike was far too trusting to allow you so much personal time with his GF. It was probably inevitable either or both of you would start to violate boundaries and develop an emotional connection. Go find your own GF and forget about Sarah, unless you want to loose a good friend. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
casey.lives Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 you didn't do anything that is perceived as wrong. you live with a friend out of convenience, you're not in a romantic exclusive relationship. she also doesn't seem to mind you frolicking with someone else, which further absolves you of any "misunderstandings". Just be open and tell your friend that you fell for your mutual friend. Tell her because your convenient living arrangements and her convenient living arrangement has just been jeopardized. It is on a count down and she should be allowed to secure proper living arrangement of her own. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 What you can possibly do is accept your behavior as inappropriate and grow from it. Unsure that you are accountable for her behavior and her rift of guilt. I totally empathize with some ladies ,yet sometimes the tears are a gimmick to manipulate the other person into taking the entire antic as their doing. She participated. Since I cannot presume you are male or female, i shall leave it as a rule of thumb, that actions are louder then words. Live and learn. Link to post Share on other sites
TexasMan68 Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 Nominate yourself for best friend of year!! Link to post Share on other sites
DrReplyInRhymes Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 I was in the same boat, except I went all the way with the girl, He and she weren't in a relationship, but they dated a few months prior to our twirl, I still chose to tell the truth, especially because I respected our trust, It tore our friendship apart, that's what happens when you succumb to lust. Link to post Share on other sites
MrMeh Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 Not to sound harsh, but it was never just a "friendship". Those accompanying emotions prove otherwise. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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