About to start FWB again!!!!

[gwennebe]

Ok everyone!! I'm about to do something really stupid!!! I have this guy that I've known for awhile now. He's in my very small group of friends and we go out together every weekend and spend a lot of time together. It's 3 guys me and another girl. I've hooked up with this guy before and we almost dated but didn't . We were more of a FWB situation. The problem is that I can't stop myself from liking him for some reason even though I know I shouldn't waste my time.

 

I like him and can't stop. I've dated other guys since we stopped out FWB but I always have him in the back of my mind. I don't think he wants to date me but he will agree to a committed sexual relationship. I want to be his girlfriend. I dont' know why he won't date me. I've even asked him and he can't give me a good reason really. Everyone already thinks we are dating every time we are together in public. We have that kind of chemistry. When we are out he always flirts and trys to pick up girls but never does when I'm with him. We always end up crashing at each other's places but haven't had sex in a long time.

 

I don't know what to do. I do not want to be hurt and I'm afraid I'm going to be hurt again. It took awhile to get things back to normal after we ended FWB so I dont' understand why he's even trying to go there again. I have such strong feelings for him and we have so much in common and get along and understand each other so well. What should I do? Should I pursue a FWB again and hope he falls for me or is it a lost cause? I need honesty here so please don't be afraid of hurting my feelings.

 

The only reason I'm even considering FWB again is because I think after awhile we will eventually just fall into habit and be dating before he even knows it but of couse I could just be being naive. I'm usually not like this but I can't help it with him. There are some people that are simply poison and even though you know it you can't stop yourself when it come to sexual chemistry like this. I just wonder if he feels the same about me at all of if he's just using me and doesn't feel any chemistry with me. How can you tell?

[LucreziaBorgia]

1. I dont' understand why he's even trying to go there again.

2. I have such strong feelings for him and we have so much in common and get along and understand each other so well.

3. What should I do?

4. Should I pursue a FWB again and hope he falls for me or is it a lost cause?

5. I need honesty here so please don't be afraid of hurting my feelings.

 

1. Because he misses the benefits. Not enough to want to be your boyfriend though. He knows you'll agree to whatever terms he gives you, so what's he got to lose? If you say no, he'll just continue what he was already doing: looking for a girl he wants to date. If you say yes, he'll have sex with you and still continue to look for a girl he wants to date.

 

2. This is why he knows you are going to agree to whatever terms he gives you. If he felt the same way about you that you feel about him, he'd be dating you.

 

3. Cut him off - 'no contact' or 'emotional no contact' (meaning you force him into keeping things platonic - and if he insists, you cut him off entirely - you allow him friendship, but only with ABSOLUTELY NO BENEFITS). It likely will not have much affect on him, so you aren't going to want to see this as a method to get him to "miss you" or "want more". It is more a way for you to clear your head and move on from this. You have to make a conscious choice: what is best for you, or what is best to preserve the unhappy status quo.

 

4. You can pursue a FWB, but you'll need to understand that he simply does not want more than that right now, and hoping for anything more is likely to be a lost cause. You are giving him the opportunity to have a great relationship with you, and under these circumstances he continually rejects that in lieu of a FWB relationship. If you want more, you'll need to understand that offering someone something they don't want is not a way to get it.

 

5. I don't intend to hurt your feelings, but hopefully I can offer up a POV from someone who used to be a lot like your b/f. It can be brutal and harsh when you expose it for what it is. Its entirely too easy to read hopeful signs into something, when in fact there are none there. Not to say things can't change, but right now - he says he can't even tell you why he doesn't want to date you. I can guarantee you that he knows perfectly well why he doesn't want to date you - but he knows that if he tells you his real reasons, that it will hurt and anger you - and he will no longer be able to get those benefits from you.

 

 

do not want to be hurt and I'm afraid I'm going to be hurt again. It took awhile to get things back to normal after we ended FWB

 

Note that this apparently doesn't matter to him, and your emotional state is so unimportant to him that he is perfectly willing to drag you back down to an emotional hellhole that you fought to get yourself out of. He knows that he can't offer you what you need, and knows that you will be hurt - but... that isn't as important to him as having you around as a convenient 'pseudo girlfriend' to pass the time until he finds a 'real girlfriend'.

 

Hopefully you will find the strength you need to make the conscious choice to say 'no' to him if he can't give you what you need out of this relationship. Chemistry can be had between two people: but that doesn't mean that a relationship can come of that.

[FolderWife]

You are so desperate. No wonder he won't date you.

 

Eventually, you are going to grow into realizing that you are WAY too good for this, and you should not have to trick a guy into being your boyfriend by making it a "habit"

 

But, we can't tell you that...it's something that you just have to learn on your own. Maybe after you've wasted a year on this jerk, and he finally gets a really hot girlfriend who makes fun of you behind your back, because you are so willing to just sleep with a guy, even though he doesn't give enough crap about you to make an honest woman out of you, THEN you'll wake up and say to yourself, "WHAT WAS I THINKING!?" but by then, you'll be a laughing stock, because you were so pathetic as to sleep with a guy who doesn't want you. That being said, when you do finally come out of this foggy fantasy that this guy is ever going to want you, and the only way to truely get him to want you is by not wanting him, you'll actually see him for what he is.

 

I mean what kind of scum sucking low life will consistantly sleep with a girl and toy with her feelings, when he's not even attracted to her!? And what's worse, is what kind of nin come poop would WANT a guy like this!?!

 

My husband may disrespect me, but at LEAST he will call me his WIFE. This guy won't even acknowledge that you are in his life...he just hides you in the bedroom and uses you to get off.

 

*ugh!* why would you put yourself through this!? How can you care about someone who's like this!?

[gwennebe]

I didn't mean to come off sounding desperate. I don't think he thinks of me as desperate. I am dating someone and he knows this and I don't throw myself at him. In fact for the most part he doesn't know how strongly I feel for him.

 

I've been trying to keep my distance from him and act like I don't want him which is one of the reasons he's started this all up again and why I'm even questioning anything. Not that I'm making excuses I'm just trying to figure out what I'm doing is all.

 

I guess you are right though Monday and I should jus cease all contact.

[kat217]

Originally posted by gwennebe

I dont' know why he won't date me. I've even asked him and he can't give me a good reason really.

 

Just out of curiousity...has he said ANYTHING at all as to why he doens't want to date you? (i.e., "don't want to ruin the frienship" excuse, etc.)

[HoldOn]

I don't know what to do.

 

Control yourself, girl.

 

Think of your self-respect.

 

 

I'm confused, you are dating someone, but you want to be FWB with someone else?

[gwennebe]

He has not really given me a deffinate answer as to why he doesn't want to date. One day he said I never said I wouldn't date you and then the other time it was because he's not sure he's ready for a relationship.

 

I know they are all excuses and if he really liked me there wouldn't be a problem so I guess I'll continue to date the guy I am currently seeing and not worry about him anymore even though it is hard to do. I imagine I will get over it.

[gwennebe]

Originally posted by HoldOn

 

 

Control yourself, girl.

 

Think of your self-respect.

 

 

I'm confused, you are dating someone, but you want to be FWB with someone else?

 

 

Yes, I am dating someone and I don't want a FWB I want a relationship but it doesn't look like he wants one. I would break up with the current guy before I cheated on him.