I initiated separation and now I want to try to fix it--is there hope?

[tinydancer324]

We don't have kids and we've only been married 3 years, but the last year was long distance. I quit a dream job in NYC to move back to his hometown (where he doesn't make enough to support both of us) and I felt dependent and became depressed. I didn't find a job but I guess I wasn't looking that hard. His response to this was to withdraw further. We stopped sleeping together and were avoiding each other.

 

So 3 weeks ago, I abruptly moved out and went to stay with my brother. About a week later, I realized that I truly love him and have thought about ways I can make it work in his city, if he is patient enough.

 

But he wasn't receptive and he requested 1 month NC, which was 10 days ago. Meanwhile I am unemployed and in limbo, staying with family. He won't respond to my emails and asked that I not call him or show up.

 

I don't want to move on unless I am certain he doesn't want to bother trying. I really think our problems were all about logistics and money...and that we could get back on track if he could just forgive me for what's happened and try to understand where I've been coming from. He is just so stubborn.

 

The one hopeful piece of information is that I contacted our couples therapist, who told me that he had contacted him too.

 

I talk to friends who have been through separations and they all talk about starting over...but I don't want to start over. I just needed some space.

[wizer]

You're not supposed to post the same story in more than one thread.

 

It's considered spam.

[ArtIsMyThing]

Maybe - maybe not. Problem is you quit - I am not being hard - its just the way it is - you quit and walked out. His world would instantly have been upended as would his manhood - he would have gone into instant doubt about his ability to provide for his wife - thinking thoughts like 'I'm not good enough' his pain would be raw like everyones on here.

 

Its ok for you to say you made a mistake but he has asked you now to leave him alone and you have to honour that - you need now to take a step back.

 

Your unemployment or whatever is happening to you - im sorry - but thats not his responsibilty at this moment and he is not going to call a quick decision to get back with you just to make your life easier.

 

You hurt him hon. He needs time to process this and work out now how he feels. Give him the time love and in the process, try and make your right just for you. Try and find some work - go to your Councillor - try and take baby steps to make your world better.

 

Thats all you can do now.

[casey.lives]

3 weeks falls in the window of "taking space" If you messed up, you can fix it. Just be accommodating and learn from your time apart. times like these is what makes relationships stronger. Your EDIFYING!!