Wish Her Happy Birthday Or Stay Quiet?

[mikeveli4g]

Greetings Folks...

 

 

A few months ago I posted my situation about my ex-fiancé and I who were literally two worlds apart when our LDR engagement came to a sudden end and she left me for what she describes as a "long time friend."

 

 

 

 

Yes, I failed "break up 101," as I begged, pleaded and tried to get our friends to help out, not knowing all along there was another man in the picture as she only told me "we're just going to keep arguing," and not even 2 weeks after our break up she had already pursued this guy and now they are in a relationship going on 6 months.

 

 

Had she just told me a new man was involved, I would have bowed out gracefully but it's just been tough trying to move forward from all this as it is going on 8 months and we haven't spoke in ages.

 

 

I've loved her since the moment I saw her and we just went through so much that includes both of us getting laid off from jobs during a legal process of moving to her respective country to marry her and start over new and THOUSANDS of dollars were spent for nothing.

 

 

I know what you're saying... just move on as I've tried time and time again but this dating game sucks so bad and it's getting to the point where my heart has gotten so cold I don't want to give anything else a chance because I don't have the heart, let alone patience or confidence in trying to persuade beautiful women who have already been burned to get them to trust me.

 

 

If things could only be back to the way they were as we both need to grow more from our short tempered ways and better communication we could have saved what was but it's like WTF... a rebound? Really?

 

 

Anyway, I'm at the point of no return as her birthday is coming and being that she wished me happy birthday a while back after gut wrenching break up, I still hold out some hope. She never deleted me off FB and did respond to my last message a few months ago when I tried to get final closure but she still holds grudges against me for some odd reason and she never looked me in the eyes to tell me she didn't love me.

 

 

It's just been tough because I was faithful and loved her more than anything but there were times she took me for granted and I lost my cool and said things I shouldn't have said and she is guilty of the same but it wasn't worth throwing it all away considering the good moments we shared and all the work we put in to be with one another.

 

 

So... after all that lol... I'm wondering should I write her one last email on her B-Day, something sentimental or do I just keep it brief as far as trying to let her know my door is still open....or do I simply just stay quiet and continue to deal with this harsh reality.

 

 

It sucks so bad...being with other women, holding their hand, looking them in the eye and wishing they were the person you lost.

 

 

Sorry to make this long but.... Just feeling like I lost it all and wondering if it is still worth the fight.

 

 

Thank you for your time and would appreciate your thoughts.

[jen1447]

It's finished anyway, so don't say anything and just let it die peacefully. Do you want to spend the rest of your life agonizing about reconciliation fantasies on her birthday every year? No, you don't.

 

Reality's reality, gotta accept it. We all do.

[whichwayisup]

Your birthday gift to her should be deleting and blocking her. Any contact gives you hope, you still love her and she's moved on. She is with someone else and as painful as that was for you, it just shows that she wasn't the one for you. It hurts, and it's awful what you're going through, so be strong and fight the urge to wish her a happy birthday.

 

You two cannot be friends, that's just too painful for you and after what she did to you, she doesn't deserve ANY contact or friendship from you.

 

Time to really let yourself grieve the loss, let go and forget her.

 

As for dating others, you're not ready to allow yourself to get close to someone else and that's okay. Enjoy the dating process, just get to know people and build up your confidence again.

[mikeveli4g]

Hi Jen

 

 

Thank you for response as I agree with you 100 percent but it's just not something that is easy to let go of even though it's finished. Traveling across the world to look her parents and family in the eye for her hand in marriage took a lot of courage and it's not something I can see myself doing for a 2nd time.

 

 

For beautiful women like yourself, it's easy to just say "the hell with it," and find another sucka for love like me with better luck to sweep you off your feet where as for a man, we have to obviously get over the fact of SURRENDERING the "Player Way," and then go back to it to become addicted again and not know which way to go, only to possibly find ourselves in the same position.

 

 

There's an old saying... "A woman's life is love...and man's love is life."

[mikeveli4g]

Thank you for your comment WWIU...

 

 

I agree with you but like I said in the last passage it hasn't been easy. I've taken the time to better myself, met new people and have gotten to a point to where I'm a lot more stable than what I have been but every now and then it just hits me like... what more could I have done to allow this to happen and the simple fact that she moved on so quickly just makes me think that this isn't going to last for her.

 

 

With that being said, I don't want to be at the point where I'm at a cross road where I'm with someone new and she ends up calling and then I'm at a crossroad of which way do I go?

 

 

It's just tough as she brought me to places where I never would have thought I would be and she's all I ever wanted and to lose her over things I had no control over and stupid arguments just doesn't seem like the best way to go out but to your point... I have to stay strong and will continue to do so.

 

 

I just don't want to hurt anyone else in the process and I'm kind of doing that right now with someone who I care about but I know it wouldn't work out on a relationship level.

 

 

Thanks for your time my friend.

[jen1447]

Hi Jen

 

 

Thank you for response as I agree with you 100 percent but it's just not something that is easy to let go of even though it's finished. Traveling across the world to look her parents and family in the eye for her hand in marriage took a lot of courage and it's not something I can see myself doing for a 2nd time.

 

 

For beautiful women like yourself, it's easy to just say "the hell with it," and find another sucka for love like me with better luck to sweep you off your feet where as for a man, we have to obviously get over the fact of SURRENDERING the "Player Way," and then go back to it to become addicted again and not know which way to go, only to possibly find ourselves in the same position.

 

 

There's an old saying... "A woman's life is love...and man's love is life."

Today 12:19 AM

 

Of course it's not easy, but the reality is, you don't have a choice. Given how deeply invested you were and what she did to you, having an ongoing 'friendship' is decidedly impractical and borderline insane. (Not trying to call you crazy, just sayin.)

 

And btw no, it's no easier for women to let go than it is for men. Harder in many cases, being as we tend to wear our emotions on our sleeves moreso and not inhibit them. Welcome to daily cry-fests, sleepless nights, and all that fun stuff.

 

We all grieve differently, but we all grieve.

[Anela]

Stay quiet. Really. I know it's difficult, but you will be better off in the long run.

[mikeveli4g]

Of course it's not easy, but the reality is, you don't have a choice. Given how deeply invested you were and what she did to you, having an ongoing 'friendship' is decidedly impractical and borderline insane. (Not trying to call you crazy, just sayin.)

 

And btw no, it's no easier for women to let go than it is for men. Harder in many cases, being as we tend to wear our emotions on our sleeves moreso and not inhibit them. Welcome to daily cry-fests, sleepless nights, and all that fun stuff.

 

We all grieve differently, but we all grieve.

 

 

 

LOL very true... Well I've passed the cry all day/sleepless night part and yes I can agree I'm pretty much borderline insane.

 

 

My whole thing is, IF... and I mean IF something better doesn't come my way in the days to come and this rebound she's with doesn't work and she comes back, I'm willing to work things out after a long talk and some months of growing up because I just don't want to have to go through something like this again with something new, only for the same thing to happen.

 

 

But to your point... at this point, I don't have a choice and have made the best of it for the most part but it's not something I want to continue to do at the old age of 33

[mikeveli4g]

Stay quiet. Really. I know it's difficult, but you will be better off in the long run.

 

 

 

I've really been considering that and really trying

[jen1447]

If things could only be back to the way they were

 

I'm willing to work things out

 

Sorry, but these are delusions. If everything you say in your OP is true, there's absolutely nothing there. No inclination on her side, no reason to think there is on yours, and no good reason for you to want to go down that road even if the other things weren't so.

 

I know it's brutal, but you've apparently been at this a while and you need to get past the denial stage. I'll beat you over the head with the (x-rated and otherwise) facts if you really want me to, but I'm hoping you can grasp it yourself.

[fireflywy]

Dude, if you want to message her, Happy Birthday because she messaged you, then do it. Get it done with and out of your system.

 

However, don't expect one single thing back from this person. You put all that time, effort, and care into this person and what did she give you?

 

Oh, that's right, a quick message of "Happy Birthday" on her way to see the guy she dumped you for and keeping you in her DIGITAL world while in the real world shes out physically connecting (and i mean in ALL ways unfortunately) with her new guy.

 

That is ALL your relationship has become.

 

As I said, if you want to do it, go for it but ask yourself one question, IS SHE WORTH IT?

Edited April 21, 2015 by fireflywy

[mikeveli4g]

Sorry, but these are delusions. If everything you say in your OP is true, there's absolutely nothing there. No inclination on her side, no reason to think there is on yours, and no good reason for you to want to go down that road even if the other things weren't so.

 

I know it's brutal, but you've apparently been at this a while and you need to get past the denial stage. I'll beat you over the head with the (x-rated and otherwise) facts if you really want me to, but I'm hoping you can grasp it yourself.

 

 

 

LOL.. Jen is raw and uncut and no you don't have to get into the X-rated part of it because the thing is I don't think about it as my life has been quite X-rated after the break up and that's what I'm getting at as far as wanting to give it a 2nd chance...

 

 

Dating sucks and being single becomes an addiction and that's what's happening. I'm slowly moving on in my own way but my whole thing is I don't want to start the "rest of my life" with someone new only for something like this to happen again. It was a LDR and of course thanks to legal sh*t, petty arguments and other b.s. this was bound to happen because a woman is only going to wait for so long. So my thing is if she has to learn hard way to see what she left behind so be it.

 

 

I'm telling you I understand what you were saying that "it's hard for the ladies as far as wearing their emotions on their sleeve" but at 33 you don't have much of a choice but to find happy, good looking women who are already taken, have children (nothing wrong with that but just not the type of guy to have that in my life unless they are my own) or they are in the same position I'm in... on the rebound just wanting "THAT THING" and then they're done with you.

 

 

But yes... I'm with you, I'm quite delusional but every story can have it's twist. Plus, this was an engagement, and it's not something I want to do again. It was traumatizing enough asking for permission to do so lol.

[mikeveli4g]

Dude, if you want to message her, Happy Birthday because she messaged you, then do it. Get it done with and out of your system.

 

However, don't expect one single thing back from this person. You put all that time, effort, and care into this person and what did she give you?

 

Oh, that's right, a quick message of "Happy Birthday" on her way to see the guy she dumped you for and keeping you in her DIGITAL world while in the real world shes out physically connecting (and i mean in ALL ways unfortunately) with her new guy.

 

That is ALL your relationship has become.

 

As I said, if you want to do it, go for it but ask yourself one question, IS SHE WORTH IT?

 

 

 

Firefly thank you for your feedback as I agree with you as well.

 

 

Is she worth it? Compared to the "move-ons" I've come across so far... YES, it is worth another try but I'm not stressing what she does behind closed doors with her man... I mean, that's her man so the hell with it... what's done has been done and I've done the same just not letting my heart go so quickly like she has if even that because she is the type to hold grudges. But I'm no better as I played my part even though I was faithful and I'm sure she was until it ended of course but it's whatever.

 

 

It's like I was telling Jen... this was an engagement and it's not something I can see myself doing again with someone brand new and being single at 33 is a gift and a curse.

 

 

When you said "when she sent me the quick Happy Birthday," it was funny because if she was "on her way to her rebounds house," I was already occupied so I could care less... it's her boyfriend.

 

 

Furthermore, simply saying Happy Birthday won't hurt I don't think but I just wanted some type of closure someday where it would be reconciliation or us just being friends like we were because despite all this.. I have to forgive which I have, but she means the world to me in so many ways. How can I hate somebody who helped me evolve? Yes it is painful, but there were so many positive things that came with it and time and luck just wasn't on our side and she just became fed up. I can't blame her in some ways, but to your point I'm not expecting anything more.

 

 

I'm a little delusional but more so just finding myself not to want to try anything like this again because living the life of a single man is making me more colder than I've ever been... and I just fear that what I lost could have been it had destiny just been a little bit fair. I won't go into all of it but here's an example: Getting laid off the day after she buys her wedding dress.

 

 

Go figure smh.

[jen1447]

LOL.. Jen is raw and uncut and no you don't have to get into the X-rated part of it because the thing is I don't think about it as my life has been quite X-rated after the break up and that's what I'm getting at as far as wanting to give it a 2nd chance...

 

 

Dating sucks and being single becomes an addiction and that's what's happening. I'm slowly moving on in my own way but my whole thing is I don't want to start the "rest of my life" with someone new only for something like this to happen again. It was a LDR and of course thanks to legal sh*t, petty arguments and other b.s. this was bound to happen because a woman is only going to wait for so long. So my thing is if she has to learn hard way to see what she left behind so be it.

 

 

I'm telling you I understand what you were saying that "it's hard for the ladies as far as wearing their emotions on their sleeve" but at 33 you don't have much of a choice but to find happy, good looking women who are already taken, have children (nothing wrong with that but just not the type of guy to have that in my life unless they are my own) or they are in the same position I'm in... on the rebound just wanting "THAT THING" and then they're done with you.

 

 

But yes... I'm with you, I'm quite delusional but every story can have it's twist. Plus, this was an engagement, and it's not something I want to do again. It was traumatizing enough asking for permission to do so lol.

 

I'm having trouble staying on message with you here, sorry. You seem to be saying you date a lot and get a lot of sex, but you hate dating, and you're scared to try another real relationship because you think the same set of extremely unusual and particular circumstances is likely to play out again the exact same way with some totally unrelated woman?

 

Also don't get what you're saying about good looking 33 year olds with kids. And you keep referring to your ex getting done with her "rebound" - why? How do you know he's nothing more than that, and what makes you think she's on the verge of finishing up with him and falling back in your direction? I haven't read anything here to support that notion ever happening. To the contrary, they probably just gone done texting each other "I love you, with sprinkles on top" for the 100th time today.

[fireflywy]

Firefly thank you for your feedback as I agree with you as well.

 

 

Is she worth it? Compared to the "move-ons" I've come across so far... YES, it is worth another try but I'm not stressing what she does behind closed doors with her man... I mean, that's her man so the hell with it... what's done has been done and I've done the same just not letting my heart go so quickly like she has if even that because she is the type to hold grudges. But I'm no better as I played my part even though I was faithful and I'm sure she was until it ended of course but it's whatever.

 

 

It's like I was telling Jen... this was an engagement and it's not something I can see myself doing again with someone brand new and being single at 33 is a gift and a curse.

 

 

When you said "when she sent me the quick Happy Birthday," it was funny because if she was "on her way to her rebounds house," I was already occupied so I could care less... it's her boyfriend.

 

 

Furthermore, simply saying Happy Birthday won't hurt I don't think but I just wanted some type of closure someday where it would be reconciliation or us just being friends like we were because despite all this.. I have to forgive which I have, but she means the world to me in so many ways. How can I hate somebody who helped me evolve? Yes it is painful, but there were so many positive things that came with it and time and luck just wasn't on our side and she just became fed up. I can't blame her in some ways, but to your point I'm not expecting anything more.

 

 

I'm a little delusional but more so just finding myself not to want to try anything like this again because living the life of a single man is making me more colder than I've ever been... and I just fear that what I lost could have been it had destiny just been a little bit fair. I won't go into all of it but here's an example: Getting laid off the day after she buys her wedding dress.

 

 

Go figure smh.

 

Then you know your answer.

 

As for fate, we make out own fate. We can choose to stay with someone in rough times if truly love each other (and it isn't an abusive relationship) so fate has nothing to do with it. Nothing is written by the stars, it is US who are the drivers of our destiny and we should move through it knowing there will be tough times.

Edited April 21, 2015 by fireflywy

[mikeveli4g]

I'm having trouble staying on message with you here, sorry. You seem to be saying you date a lot and get a lot of sex, but you hate dating, and you're scared to try another real relationship because you think the same set of extremely unusual and particular circumstances is likely to play out again the exact same way with some totally unrelated woman?

 

Also don't get what you're saying about good looking 33 year olds with kids. And you keep referring to your ex getting done with her "rebound" - why? How do you know he's nothing more than that, and what makes you think she's on the verge of finishing up with him and falling back in your direction? I haven't read anything here to support that notion ever happening. To the contrary, they probably just gone done texting each other "I love you, with sprinkles on top" for the 100th time today.

 

 

 

 

LOL!!!! This is too funny. Aight the reason I say it's a rebound is because she wasted no time in getting into the relationship with dude... Like no time to heal it was like "BOOM," not even 2 months after we broke up.

 

 

And no I don't "get around" at random, only with one consistent one who I thought may have had potential only to find the same things the last one does.

 

 

33??? I'm 33 lol.... and what I'm saying is that the good girls my age either are married, have children or just don't fit the criteria I'm looking for.

 

 

It's a lot more than what you are reading because again I was about to move and start over but to keep a long story short it's just what destiny allowed to happen. Lots of bad luck which led to arguments and other unnecessary drama.

 

 

So yes... I hate dating because just like us men, women have their own agenda too and sometimes it's only worth... you know... STUFF lol.

 

 

All in all... Friend or reconciliation, I just wanted peace between us because it just doesn't make sense why she's still mad when she has someone because that leads me to believe... it's all a front.

[wizer]

Go ahead and wish her a happy birthday on FaceBook and leave it at that.

 

You've spent way too much time and effort overthinking this already.

 

Maybe she'll see your post and write you and say "I'm so glad you broke no contact to wish me a happy birthday I broke off with the rebound guy and I haven't stopped thinking about you and let's try again" or she'll just ignore it or just "like it" and you'll know she's no more interested now than when she left you. It really is that easy.

 

You're welcome.

[mikeveli4g]

LOL... Thank you for your feedback my friend just playing it safe.

[Holmes85]

mikeveli4g,

 

She broke up with you, had this guy lined up before the breaking up took place, as you were in shock on what has happened, she was already living the next dream.

 

Now my question to you is this, why would you want to wish Happy Birthday to a person who disregarded all your feelings and threw you out like garbage and replaced you within days.

 

Sending her a Happy Birthday text is like "Hey I know you ran over me yesterday with a car, but here I am saying Happy Birthday to you."

 

I personally would not only stay quiet but remove her from everywhere and go No Contact on her and kill whatever feelings I've left for her.

[mikeveli4g]

mikeveli4g,

 

She broke up with you, had this guy lined up before the breaking up took place, as you were in shock on what has happened, she was already living the next dream.

 

Now my question to you is this, why would you want to wish Happy Birthday to a person who disregarded all your feelings and threw you out like garbage and replaced you within days.

 

Sending her a Happy Birthday text is like "Hey I know you ran over me yesterday with a car, but here I am saying Happy Birthday to you."

 

I personally would not only stay quiet but remove her from everywhere and go No Contact on her and kill whatever feelings I've left for her.

 

 

 

Thank you for your feedback Holmes as I do agree with you 100%. As much as I have tried it's not something that can easily be done as far as "KILLING" feelings and an engagement just isn't something that I can completely let go of over night or over months of working hard, staying in shape and dating/"pimpin'lol" or whatever.

 

 

Do I feel some type of betrayal? Absolutely. But just looking back on my relationship it was both of us who said things that we shouldn't have said and my anger got out of hand at times and I could argue with myself about reaping what I sew as far as people I've hurt in the past and this has all come back.

 

 

The difficulty I'm facing right now is how do I get over someone who has helped me evolve into a better person prior to all this? How do I erase memories of trips to places I would have never thought I'd be in my wildest dreams? In this case I was the "pauper with potential," as she was the gorgeous woman that you'd see in the movies. LOL... hate to make it all dramatic but this is real stuff my friend... Everything I've run into has been a down grade as she is from big city bright lights, so it wasn't difficult for her to move on as I've researched he has more money and better luck I'm sure, so of course he's going to win that battle. But as we know, the grass isn't always greener on the other side and every man messes up at some point and when that happens the phone will ring...

 

 

We hadn't seen each other in a year and a select few of her friends I'm sure caught wind of her one sided stories so I know that didn't help but my whole thing is if she is still keeping me on FB, and wishing me happy birthday when clearly I got my "clientele" in the mix... she's not completely over it either so that's why I'm not pulling the plug until I get something that was just as breath taking as she was or better and believe me it's not an easy task.

 

 

I'm enjoying my freedom, but an engagement does deserve a second chance but yes if this were some relationship that didn't have much significance like this situation, it would have been peace out.

 

 

Again, I appreciate everyone's comments and I'm not weeping in sorrow all day and night as I've become a stronger person but I won't settle for anything less just to get back at her or just to be in love again for the wrong reason.

[fireflywy]

Why don't you just go back to her and ask for her back already?

 

And if you're going to text her, just do it. There is no need to justify yourself to us or even posit the question if you already have your objective in mind.

[mikeveli4g]

Why don't you just go back to her and ask for her back already?

 

And if you're going to text her, just do it. There is no need to justify yourself to us or even posit the question if you already have your objective in mind.

 

 

 

Firefly... My bad homey I thought this would have ceased after like 3 or 4 comments I don't mean to be annoying I just respond to everyone's replies.

 

 

With that being said my mind is made up people.... ON TO THE NEXT THREAD lol.

[erklat]

It sucks so bad...being with other women, holding their hand, looking them in the eye and wishing they were the person you lost.

 

Best if you stop dating other women until you stop wishing they were your ex.

 

Acknowledging your ex special occasions is always really really bad idea. You're

not her pup so stop acting like one. Right now she cares only if the man she's with

loves her.

[Pretywoman]

Just my personal experienced..

I sent 2 birthday cards to 2 different offices location.

On actual day, I sent a birthday text..

Guess what.. No reply.. Not even a thank you. I called and number was no longer in use..

From that point, I get the message clearly that its over..