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Managing expectations waiting for a proposal


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BF and my 3 yr dating anniversary is coming up next month and BF has planned an entire day for us in the city this weekend. He even told me yesterday over the phone "5 more days" and it peaked my interest because he's never really been that vocal for something besides vacation before, and he even said he has dinner reservations planned somewhere nice. So of course I am expecting a proposal but I am no more than 40/60 about it happening. I don't want to ruin the fun day if it doesn't happen and come home from the city in tears when by all accounts it would be a great time regardless.

 

Anyone else in the waiting stage for a proposal? What keeps you sane?? (We are both in our 40's, have FT jobs, live separately, I have kids so no bio clock is ticking).

Edited by Pinkdisney
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While we were dating, DH & I planned a cruise. Like you I was pretty sure he was going to propose on the trip but I was trying to keep my mind off it because I didn't want to ruin a great trip by being disappointed if it didn't happen. I took a lot of deep breathes & gave a lot of thought to what I would do if it didn't happen

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Focus on the trip and make the most of it. Your expectations will what will cause you hurt. He has obviously planned this and is making it special for you, appreciate every moment of it without letting your mind linger on the unknown.

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georgia girl

Our story was similar. My husband planned our vacation to a place that was special to him and planned a hike, dinner, etc. for one particular day. The day rolled around and there was no proposal. I was waiting a little bit the whole day but still really managed to enjoy myself.

 

Later I found out - when he proposed a few days later - that my ring he had designed for me had not been delivered to him on time to ask me. :)

 

It will be okay if he doesn't propose. Just have a good time!

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Pinkdisney
How do you feel about that? Was the trip nice otherwise?

 

Hindsight being 20/20 I definitely should not have gone into the day expecting it. It is hard to lie, I was disappointed and shouldn't have built this up in my head as I did. i won't do that again.

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  • 1 month later...
  • 1 month later...

theres nothing we can do... im on the same page... it seems like im the only one daydreaming about marriage thing. but i cant give up the relationship...still hoping one day he will marry me... waiting in vane, yes! all because i love him :)

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BF and my 3 yr dating anniversary is coming up next month and BF has planned an entire day for us in the city this weekend. He even told me yesterday over the phone "5 more days" and it peaked my interest because he's never really been that vocal for something besides vacation before, and he even said he has dinner reservations planned somewhere nice. So of course I am expecting a proposal but I am no more than 40/60 about it happening. I don't want to ruin the fun day if it doesn't happen and come home from the city in tears when by all accounts it would be a great time regardless.

 

Anyone else in the waiting stage for a proposal? What keeps you sane?? (We are both in our 40's, have FT jobs, live separately, I have kids so no bio clock is ticking).

 

Why would you come home in tears?

 

Have you discussed that you guys plan to get married?

 

I don't believe getting married is something you wait for indefinitely. It's something a couple agrees they plan to do and as the relationship gets serious you more or less agree that yes, we are going to get married. That way the day of the actual ritual of proposing is a surprise but it's not the same as just waiting year after year for a surprise proposal you've never talked about.

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(((HUGS)))

 

I hope you were still able to enjoy the experiences you had on the trip despite the disappointment. He obviously cares about you a lot since he went to the effort of planning the trip.

 

Have you guys had any general discussions about what you hope to get out of dating? In other words are you on the same page in terms of where this might ultimately lead?

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  • 3 weeks later...
Eternal Sunshine

One of my friends was so sure her bf would propose when they recently went to Paris. She even kept me updated with day 1: no proposal...etc. He never proposed on that trip.

 

But...he proposed a month later when they went for a casual walk and were standing at the place they first met. She wasn't expeciting it at all :laugh:

 

I wouldn't worry too much.

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Goodness, people make such a big deal of this marriage thing...

 

Many of those 'out' want to be 'in' while tons of those 'in' can't wait to be 'out'....

 

Seems folk are never really happy with where they actually are.

By 'happy', I mean contented, satisfied and serene, making the most of every day....

 

If you want 'in' - why don't YOU propose? Buy HIM a promisory ring? A nice signet ring, or band with a small diamond, like this one... and ask him to marry you?

Arrange something really nice, and spring it on him... Why does it always have to be the guy who does this??

So many threads from women who wait for years for the proposal that never comes....

Turn the tables - be the active one!

 

Go for it!!

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BF and my 3 yr dating anniversary is coming up next month and BF has planned an entire day for us in the city this weekend. He even told me yesterday over the phone "5 more days" and it peaked my interest because he's never really been that vocal for something besides vacation before, and he even said he has dinner reservations planned somewhere nice. So of course I am expecting a proposal but I am no more than 40/60 about it happening. I don't want to ruin the fun day if it doesn't happen and come home from the city in tears when by all accounts it would be a great time regardless.

 

Anyone else in the waiting stage for a proposal? What keeps you sane?? (We are both in our 40's, have FT jobs, live separately, I have kids so no bio clock is ticking).

 

As personal preference I would not propose to a man. It seems you are waiting for him to do so.

 

Don't wait. You have two choices: Stay with him in uncertainty or leave him.

 

My 2........leave.

 

No man worth his weight will leave you with guessing/waiting.

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