Auburn52 Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 I will try to make this as short and simple as possible but my husband and I have been married for 10 years. I am 32.I honestly knew when I married him it was the wrong decision. I never really felt a true love or physical connection with him. More of a friendship. We had three children and people ask why and it's because I thought by making a family it would help. I stayed at home for 7 years and recently went to nursing school. He started becoming very controlling when I started working. I became friends with a guy at work and my husband was constantly accusing me of having an affair. He went through my stuff constantly and anyth tiny thing out of the norm set him off. So I did have an affair. Me and the guy were intimate a couple of times and then decided that we would just remain friends. My husband found out about it and has drug my parents into the whole situation. There are many other details but mainly I just need advice on finances...is anyone with their partner just for finances? That is literally the only reason I am having second thoughts on divorce. If I wad 100% I would be ok then I would be gone. He wiped out our savings and we have nothing now. He is going completely crazy and I need out of this marriage. Had anyone gone though this with children? I Do not make much money and we carry a lot of debt which I am sure we will split. He makes twice and much money than me. I am seeing a lawyer tomorrow and i am still torn on what to do. I do not love my husband and I know I do not want to be in this forever. Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 Wow, this is crazy. Since you don't love him and never did - divorce him. He deserves to be with someone who will honor, respect and love him! I'm shaking my head at the thought of you bringing several kids into a loveless marriage. And then you go on to get your degree and a job? Then have an affair with a coworker? Your kids are subjected to very selfish behavior from you. Maybe Dad can take full custody so they would have an example to look up to? In the meantime I hope you will get counseling - to grow as a human being and so you can begin to think and do for others. Set an example for your kids as they grow up - be a woman they can be proud of. I hope you will. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Esraem Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 I agree with Beach. That is messed up. If you didn't give him a reason to look through your stuff he wouldn't have. You sound like my soon to be Ex. She started an emotional Affair 18 months after we reconciled from another affair. It is cause and effect and you were the cause. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 Divorce him immediately, do family counseling together and learn how to co-parent with him and be on good terms for your kids sake. DO NOT stay with him out of obligation, out of financial reasons, that's not fair to either of you or your kids. You cheating won't stop. You'll cheat again in the future if you stay married to him. You don't love him, that's obvious, so end it. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 There are many other details but mainly I just need advice on finances...is anyone with their partner just for finances? That is literally the only reason I am having second thoughts on divorce. If I wad 100% I would be ok then I would be gone. He wiped out our savings and we have nothing now. He is going completely crazy and I need out of this marriage. Had anyone gone though this with children? I Do not make much money and we carry a lot of debt which I am sure we will split. He makes twice and much money than me. I am seeing a lawyer tomorrow and i am still torn on what to do. I do not love my husband and I know I do not want to be in this forever. Since you're reducing this to a financial question, I'll speculate you'll find separation/divorce to be less expensive than a disintegrating marriage. Money tends to get spent in crazy ways under those circumstances based on resentment, self-medication and a lack of impulse control. Separate, get a handle on your half and disconnected from his. At least then, financial issues can be faced on your terms and schedule. Time also to think about better decision-making. Marrying a man you don't love, having three children with him and then cheating on that marriage - not a recipe for success ... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
tjFL Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 I agree, you need to move on. I'm on the other end. After 30 years my husband cheated and left for his affair. Begged to come back and continued the affair. I had him leave. He drug me through the mud, ruined me financially and I'm struggling with that on top of everything else. I could have let him stay to get the extra funds. But I'm not him. Not playing anyone and I'll figure out the finances somehow. You really disrespected and abused your marriage, whether you loved your husband or not. You could have left your marriage without having an affair and figured out how to support yourself. But your using your marriage to start a new life and that is pretty cold. I prefer to be able to maintain some self respect and to not hurt people on purpose. My h could have divorced me and had his life without destroying mine and our daughters with his antics. Please look at what you are doing and take responsibility for yourself and your actions. You don't have to stay married, but you sure don't have to act like a defiant 17 year old on your way out. It was your choice to stay in this marriage and have children. For what purpose I don't know if you say you didn't love him. That falls on you and you should take a good look at yourself and find out why you did that. I hope you find your way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 Why did you marry if you didn't like him? Just for status married? And why did you have kids then, and brought them consciously into dangerous waters by having an affair? They're feeling the tension at home too you know. Link to post Share on other sites
ArtIsMyThing Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 I agree, you need to move on. I'm on the other end. After 30 years my husband cheated and left for his affair. Begged to come back and continued the affair. I had him leave. He drug me through the mud, ruined me financially and I'm struggling with that on top of everything else. I could have let him stay to get the extra funds. But I'm not him. Not playing anyone and I'll figure out the finances somehow. You really disrespected and abused your marriage, whether you loved your husband or not. You could have left your marriage without having an affair and figured out how to support yourself. But your using your marriage to start a new life and that is pretty cold. I prefer to be able to maintain some self respect and to not hurt people on purpose. My h could have divorced me and had his life without destroying mine and our daughters with his antics. Please look at what you are doing and take responsibility for yourself and your actions. You don't have to stay married, but you sure don't have to act like a defiant 17 year old on your way out. It was your choice to stay in this marriage and have children. For what purpose I don't know if you say you didn't love him. That falls on you and you should take a good look at yourself and find out why you did that. I hope you find your way. best post there IMO - big hugs hon - self respect is better then anything Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts