MM in the hospital

[gettingstronger]

Two things I like

 

you called him "the mm" in one post instead of my MM

you called him xmm in another post-

 

And not to sound morbid or depressing but I would rather be man-less than childless on Mothers Day (not a slight to people without kids, I mean I would rather be with my kids than my husband if I had to choose KWIM)- my boys are 16 and 20 and I adore them more and more each year!

[RoseVille]

Thank you all for the support and encouragement. I don't want anyone to think that this doesn't hurt, though. That I don't miss him today. I miss the affection. I miss the attention (limited though it was.) I miss knowing that someone cared about my whereabouts and would ask about my day. I know I can have it again, but right now I miss it.

 

Then I start to think about how Sunday is Mother's Day and I will spend that with my kids, without a man in my life. And that xMM would not have changed that situation.

 

Your posts have been inspiring to me. I hope you don't leave, but understand if you do.

 

I wish I had children. I think that having a family of any size would make "losing" MM more bearable.

[Hope Shimmers]

Thank you all for the support and encouragement. I don't want anyone to think that this doesn't hurt, though. That I don't miss him today. I miss the affection. I miss the attention (limited though it was.) I miss knowing that someone cared about my whereabouts and would ask about my day. I know I can have it again, but right now I miss it.

 

Then I start to think about how Sunday is Mother's Day and I will spend that with my kids, without a man in my life. And that xMM would not have changed that situation.

 

I understand.

 

I missed all that too. I mostly missed the terms of endearment. I can relate. It took me a really long time, after years of having it, to be okay without it. I'm there, though, and you will be too.

 

Enjoy Mother's day with your kids.

 

I think that having a family of any size would make "losing" MM more bearable.

 

I can promise you that it doesn't.

[RoseVille]

I can promise you that it doesn't.

 

Really? I'm all alone. My friends are my chosen family, and they're good family at that... but when it comes to actual family stuff (holidays, like Mother's Day, for example), I get really lonely. Especially knowing MM is with his own family.

 

I should say xMM. xMM. xMM.

[Hope Shimmers]

Really? I'm all alone. My friends are my chosen family, and they're good family at that... but when it comes to actual family stuff (holidays, like Mother's Day, for example), I get really lonely. Especially knowing MM is with his own family.

 

I should say xMM. xMM. xMM.

 

Holidays are something that really don't bother me. They are just days. My ex-MM did not celebrate holidays due to his religion and after many years of that I no longer looked at holidays the same way I did before. They are just glorified days, other than for religious purposes it's mostly a Hallmark-created thing. To each his own on that, though.

 

My point was that having kids (I don't have a husband) doesn't make it any easier to get over an ex.

[Grapesofwrath]

Your posts have been inspiring to me. I hope you don't leave, but understand if you do.

 

I wish I had children. I think that having a family of any size would make "losing" MM more bearable.

 

don't worry, rose. I'm not ready to cut the cord yet. Today was tough. I'm hanging in there, but I still need the support for sure. And I want to support others as I've been supported.

 

For me, having kids helps. They give me perspective and balance. I had an A years ago, before marriage and children. It lasted for 3 years, until I ended it when I just got tired of the bull$hit. I recall those as being some very lonely times. And being childless made the pain more acute. (Yes, I actually did this to myself twice! Everybody say together..." Intimacy Issues!" My children now are a blessing in that way, and many others.

[Grapesofwrath]

I am not able to block xMM completely because of lingering work issues, though I do a great job of ignoring him. If it's okay, I'm going to use this space to vent my thoughts on his texts:

 

"I know you probably won't like to hear this, but I miss you."

 

We all want to hear that we are missed, but you can spare me the manipulative style.

 

"I was at (one of our shared workplaces) today and resisted the temptation to go by your office. I don't want to be a source of torment in your life. You are too supremely awesome for that."

 

"Supremely awesome?" I think you are 12.

 

"I just know that this 'thing' we have is wearing on you and I don't want to add to it. Especially if your convictions say stay away and move on. It is hurting you and I don't want to be hurting you when I love you."

 

This one really bugs me, because he has used this tactic before. First of all, I didn't tell him that I was ending it because he was hurting me. I told him that the relationship wasn't enough for me and that I was tired of fitting into the tiny little space that he had for me in his life. That I deserve more.

 

He will go to this martyr place instead. He thinks that he is letting me go, because he doesn't want to hurt me because he loves me sooooo much. He props himself up as being this really great guy who cares so much for my welfare and doesn't want to hurt the one he loves. What about his wife's welfare? He doesn't seem to care a whole lot about that or about hurting her. Why don't his convictions tell him that he should stay away?

 

There is just hypocrisy all over this thing. "I'm a great guy who cares about your welfare and doesn't want to hurt you...but I miss you and love you and want to tell you that in the hopes that you will suddenly change your mind and we can have fun again."

 

Ugh. He's such a selfish a$$.

[Gloria_Smellons]

I find it interesting that he always mentions himself before you. Probably an accurate reflection of his priorities.

 

Selfish ass indeed.

[Grapesofwrath]

I find it interesting that he always mentions himself before you. Probably an accurate reflection of his priorities.

 

Selfish ass indeed.

 

Ain't that the truth, Ruth...er....Gloria.

[Bittersweetie]

"Supremely awesome?" I think you are 12.

 

:lmao:

 

It's amazing how even a little time and perspective can make one see things differently. I agree with you and Gloria...what a selfish man. If he really cared and loved you he'd be leaving you alone!

[pteromom]

don't worry, rose. I'm not ready to cut the cord yet. Today was tough

 

Wait- in your other thread, you had an epiphany and made the choice to go NC.

 

What happened?

[pteromom]

I spoke my truth to him and let him know why the relationship is over

 

Oh ok - YAY.

 

You scared me there.

[beach]

You told him it was over. And now he keeps disrespecting you by sending you crumbs? Crumbs more often than his prior contact?

 

Isn't it interesting that he tries more often now that he knows you are sick and tired of his bull crap.

 

Why not just boldly state that he stop? That texting you is disrespecting you?

 

 

And I agree - it's STILL all about him! He just wants to put you back into your little corner where you stay quiet, look pretty for him and remain available on HIS terms. Don't fall for his crap.

[velvette]

I think you are giving too much meaning to his words.

 

 

He is just searching for the right turn of phrase that will hook you into talking to him.

[Grapesofwrath]

You told him it was over. And now he keeps disrespecting you by sending you crumbs? Crumbs more often than his prior contact?

 

Isn't it interesting that he tries more often now that he knows you are sick and tired of his bull crap.

 

Why not just boldly state that he stop? That texting you is disrespecting you?

 

 

And I agree - it's STILL all about him! He just wants to put you back into your little corner where you stay quiet, look pretty for him and remain available on HIS terms. Don't fall for his crap.

 

Beach: He is healed from his surgery now, so he wants to return to our prior arrangement. During his initial recovery was when he went dark on me, to a large extent, and that situation made me realize the severe limitations of this arrangement. Hence me ending it.

 

It's okay. My stance hasn't changed. I've had it. He knows it. Now he's just trying to hook me back in, as you have all pointed out.

[GirlStillStrong]

I am not able to block xMM completely because of lingering work issues, though I do a great job of ignoring him. If it's okay, I'm going to use this space to vent my thoughts on his texts:

 

"I know you probably won't like to hear this, but I miss you."

 

We all want to hear that we are missed, but you can spare me the manipulative style.

 

"I was at (one of our shared workplaces) today and resisted the temptation to go by your office. I don't want to be a source of torment in your life. You are too supremely awesome for that."

 

"Supremely awesome?" I think you are 12.

 

"I just know that this 'thing' we have is wearing on you and I don't want to add to it. Especially if your convictions say stay away and move on. It is hurting you and I don't want to be hurting you when I love you."

 

This one really bugs me, because he has used this tactic before. First of all, I didn't tell him that I was ending it because he was hurting me. I told him that the relationship wasn't enough for me and that I was tired of fitting into the tiny little space that he had for me in his life. That I deserve more.

 

He will go to this martyr place instead. He thinks that he is letting me go, because he doesn't want to hurt me because he loves me sooooo much. He props himself up as being this really great guy who cares so much for my welfare and doesn't want to hurt the one he loves. What about his wife's welfare? He doesn't seem to care a whole lot about that or about hurting her. Why don't his convictions tell him that he should stay away?

 

There is just hypocrisy all over this thing. "I'm a great guy who cares about your welfare and doesn't want to hurt you...but I miss you and love you and want to tell you that in the hopes that you will suddenly change your mind and we can have fun again."

 

Ugh. He's such a selfish a$$.

 

I swear they're all the same.