claudiu231 Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 I have no idea how shall i start this , so i'll go ahead and present myself . I am 19 years old , romanian , studying in UK . I am in the first year of uni . 1 month in , i got with a girl , that i kind of liked . We did kiss a few times , in different nights and I started to like her . It took me a while to get in a relationship with her because she was scared , seeing it was her first relationship . After we did get into a relationship , we fell in love with each other . I was happy like I never was before , and she felt the same . I never thought I could become so cute , but I felt like she deserved it . Once she told me that i was the most important thing in her life , and that she is really happy that i didn't give up when she was scared . We both live in halls , like literally 10 seconds of walking apart . The problem is that in our group of friends there are about 10 guys and only one girl (her) . Naturally , she is gonna hang around with them sometimes , not only with me . It is normal . The problem is that they were all guys , so every time i knew she was in someone else's room i felt jealous . Whenever she came back , she saw me upset and i had to tell her why . After almost 5 months she decided to break up , telling me that she felt guilty all the time and she couldn't deal with it . I tried everything i could . I bought her flowers and wrote a note apologizing and asking for forgiveness . I promised her that it would not be the same . After the easter break , i bought her a cute golden pendant and flowers , and i did not tell her when i was gonna be back . I surprised her , we had a nice day together , we had a walk , we kissed and stuff , but at the end she cried and told me she can't change her mind . I know she still loves me , and i don't understand why woun't she try once more . I know it won't be the same , i am sure of that . I can;t understand why would she say she can;t change her mind either . It doesn;t really have sense to me . Even if i tried to get over her I couldn't , given that i see her 10 times a day and hear her all the time . I don't know what to do , i felt like i've tried everything . I really love her and she really loves me .. why does it have to be so hard -.- Sorry for the incredibly long post and for the eventual mistakes . I hope my phrases make sense . Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Unfortunately, this is sometimes the price we pay for caring about someone. If she's telling you her feelings are gone, you need to try to accept this. Don't try and change her mind -- because you can't, there's no way to make someone feel a way they don't. I know it's really hard, but your best course of action here is to walk away from this emotionally. In time you WILL be able to get over her.... and even find love again. At her age, feelings will disappear very suddenly. Maybe you seemed too needy or insecure and that flicked a switch and she saw you in a different light. Your best chance at letting her see you differently is to move on and be the strong man you ARE. Don't let her see your suffering. Be happy and smiling when you see her and act as if you're fine with the breakup. The bonus to this is that acting *as if* will actually help you to really be healing and moving on! So it's a win/win for you. Please keep posting -- and no need to apologize, your English is very good! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SLee Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 Ruby65's advice is very good here! I suggest following it well. Like Ruby said, at your age (I'm also a university student, like you) this sort of thing happens a lot. Don't go after her or anything. Let her work out her feelings on her own. You need to work out yours as well. It's hard when you see her so often, but you're at a university so use that to your advantage. Focus on classes, meet new people, join clubs, go to campus events and stuff like that. Go out with your friends. Believe me, that helps SO MUCH. I know it's hard not to feel jealous in that situation, but in the future you need to trust the other person. One thing my ex did do right was to trust me when I hung out with my guy friends and everything was fine. This was also her first relationship and she's young. She may not know exactly how to handle relationships just from lack of experience. Just give her space and give yourself time. A university is a big place and the UK is a very exciting place to study! And like Ruby said, don't let her see you're suffering. Show her that you're having fun, exploring school, and everything. As they say, "fake it until you make it". You're gonna do just fine! Link to post Share on other sites
Author claudiu231 Posted April 23, 2015 Author Share Posted April 23, 2015 Thanks a lot for the advice ! I did try to seem fine with the break-up starting after the first day after spring break . That did not go amazing for me , but i guess i will improve . I guess I agree with everything you guys said , except her feelings being gone . I am sure they aren't . She told me several times that she wouldn't try again because she is afraid she doesn't want to suffer more , if things will not work this time either . Also she says she is sure they won't (which in my opinion is just stupid). I guess what I should do now is go to NC and try and focus on myself . I feel that the hardest thing to do will be filling about 6 hours of my daily schedule (the time I used to spend with her) . Thank you for your answers , they mean a lot to me . Link to post Share on other sites
Author claudiu231 Posted April 24, 2015 Author Share Posted April 24, 2015 I have to say that I gave up the NC since it would not only be very hard and awkward , but also rude given the situation . Even though she is the one who broke up , she still visits me , and tries to be as close as she can to me . By that i mean she hugs me , sits next to me laying her head on my chest and so on . Sometimes she almost kisses me , when we act normal , and then she realizes that we aren't together and stuff . My question now is , shall I try and be friends with her , letting her know she can count on me , spend time with her (not too much and without trying to get closer) ? Or shall I act like we are just acquaintances ? I do want to get back with her , seeing that she is really innocent and i know she is not seeing anyone else atm , and she won't do it too soon . I never actually doubted her commitment , don't get me wrong . Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 Right now, she's using you for affection and attention while she looks for her next boyfriend. She's using you.... to get over you. It's very selfish of her to do this, knowing how you feel about her. All you're doing by being her snuggle buddy is helping her to move on without you. And more importantly, you're delaying your own healing. She'll go on using you this way until she starts dating someone else.... where you will be then? Still stuck at square one, while she's happily moved on. Don't hang out with her. Don't be friends. Above all, don't hold her and kiss her and be affectionate with her. I think you know already that this is making it harder for you to heal. You might also be thinking that this will make it harder for her to ditch you the instant she meets her next boyfriend.... but this is not the case. Just the opposite is true. Please cut the contact. Move on without her. Don't be rude, but don't hang out as "friends". You can't "friend" your way back into a relationship. Here's a guide that will help you: http://www.breakuprecoveryguide.com 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author claudiu231 Posted April 24, 2015 Author Share Posted April 24, 2015 We never actually acted like just friends .. I do believe she is different , since I've never met a girl like her . I know what she is doing is selfish and i told her that we won't talk to each other anymore .. It's gonna be really hard since i see her 10 times a day at least . Thank you so much for the replies and for your help . I will try and follow it .. Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 Spend that 6hrs a day studying or making money...for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
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