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Jealousy? Paranoia? Or Flirting???


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Alright, my main concern would be why your wife prefers you aren't there. I don't know, just a bit of an alarm bell for me. That would be bothersome for me. If it were just a bunch of women, that's another thing, but wanting you to stay away in a mixed league might just be a warning sign of something.

 

 

 

That "warning" - a request, not an "or else" - came (and I thought that I addressed this before, it seems maybe people don't read Replies to other Commenters??? Anyway... ), but that request came way back at the start of this season (like 8 months ago) and before this substitute / new regular came into the picture. It was the first season since the separation. She said that she felt that others would think that I was there "just to check on her while she wasn't doing anything" (which at time was true,ironically). I think that was just her being defensive. After a few weeks I began "popping in" anyway. 30 minutes or so at the start and not every game.

 

Because guess what? Other players and especially other teams are bowling and interacting with each other, not looking around to see who might be there checking up on someone. Also, there are always a good 20+ people there who aren't bowling, who are SO's of bowlers (but don't bowl themselves) that are there to cheer them on, chat with them (and each other), etcetera, plus several kids who are older, but not quite old enough to leave at home alone (or in some cases are that old but parents don't WANT to leave them home alone).

 

So there wasn't anything said about my occasional "popping in" (which became earlier - much earlier - and for length of the three games after first time I popped in and note the substitute (long before becoming a full time substitute, just one of a handful of legitimate substitutions he did here and there starting about 4 months or so ago... has been "fulltime sub" for just like last two months).

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This appears to have been a successful strategy...

 

In any case, this is an informational article that I think is very important for people in any level of romantic relationship. It emphasizes that there is no such thing as harmless flirting or innocent flirting (and, I might add that would include behavior that is beyond standing polite, social interaction).

 

If you disagree, that of course is your choice to have an opinion, but my opinion is that such opinion justifying its being okay simply (IMO) indicates the likelihood that YOU are a "serial flirter" (even if just very mildly) and have a need to justify it.... I have no desire to debate that, just something to point out as far as may be impacting on YOUR spouse or SO (even if they say otherwise out of being non confrontational)... Something to think about.

 

Flirting With Disaster: How Your 'Harmless' Intrigue Is Undermining Your Marriage*|*Christina Pesoli

 

In any case, my strategy of presentation on this situation worked (presenting factual data - the informational links! - about it NOT being harmless or just clean fun and what it really is and means, along with a number of opinions from others as to it not being right - to remove the Me vs. You defensive response to a large degree) was successful and mission has been successful.

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