Why do women feel they own you after you've slept together?

[laRubiaBonita]

Originally posted by whichwayisup

Well, I guess soon enough you'll be posting about the breakup and her reactions...

 

Good-Lawd ALPHA, she sure seems to be the Stalker type already..... knows what you like, probably wear you live, work, who you have slept with in the last 5 yrs. (i bet you do not even know that! )

 

Be Carefull with this time-bomb/ bio-clock!

[katie79]

oh yeah alpha, also, if she seems like she's a little nutty, trust your instincts, let her down (but easy), and go.

 

Don't waste your time "stringing her along for sex".

Find a normal partner for sex if it means that much to you.

 

"Waiting for someone better to come along" is no good either. This intimates you may be needy (sexually mostly).

Hence the word, *Waiting* for someone to come along.

[GirlDown]

it is possible that she does all these nice things for you because people who like someone want to make them happy, and to show that they care about your interests and what you like and want. i do that, and i'm not neurotic or clingy or jealous or anything. (and yes, my boyfriend agrees, it's not just me blowing my own horn...or whatever that expression is.)

 

in her case, though, it does seem as though she is doing so she can be like "but i was so nice to you and did everything, how could you not looooooooove me back?" so she can make you feel like a dyck.

 

unfortunately for her, she doesn't know you, and it won't work...

 

 

cut her loose. but have fun until you can't take it anymore. you apparently haven't given her any reason to expect more from you, so if she doesn't see it coming, it's at least half her fault.

[laRubiaBonita]

GD~ are you saying some women are not just out for a husband and sperm, but do have some general feelings for men such as ALPHA?

[alphamale]

Originally posted by GirlDown

it is possible that she does all these nice things for you because people who like someone want to make them happy, and to show that they care about your interests and what you like and want.

yes, GIRLDOWN, but so much so soon? how do u know u like someone after 3 weeks? I already told her she is trying too hard and pushing too much and she need to back off. She would either call me or email me every day for 3 wks straight and I had to tell her Saturday that it is too much rite now. So she has not contacted me for 2 or 3 days, whew!

 

unfortunately for her, she doesn't know you, and it won't work...

I already told her she is playing with fire and that if she squeezes too hard I will be history and that I usually dump women. She seemed disapointed but still wanted a hard f***. I think she is just looking for a casual fling but disguising it so she does not get that CATHOLIC GUILT inside her.

 

 

cut her loose. but have fun until you can't take it anymore. you apparently haven't given her any reason to expect more from you, so if she doesn't see it coming, it's at least half her fault.

Ok, I will

[shamen]

Alpha,

 

Regardless of your feelings about condoms, it's incredibly irresponsible not to use one! I'm sure that you know this already though... STDs, pregnancies, HIV. The world is too much an unsafe place when it comes to sex to NOT wear a condom.

 

Oh, and don't string this one along. She sounds too needy.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by shamen

Oh, and don't string this one along. She sounds too needy.

 

Yeah I dig what you're saying SHAMEN. I hope I don't find a boiled rabbit carcass on my front porch.

[goodnbad]

Alpha, my opinion: run like h*ll away from this woman and by that I mean DEFINITELY do NOT sleep with her again! She sounds way too insecure, and like someone else mentioned, acting too needy. Sounds like she is on the way to a major fatal attraction, possession issue.

 

I mean, after all, she slept with you on the second date. Call me silly, but if I were looking for a forever mate, I wouldn't have slept with the guy on the second date. OK, and call me old-fashioned a tad, but I would also want to save it for a little longer, since wanting to impress a guy with my class would not be by giving it out so quickly. Now, on the other hand, if I were just looking for fun and a one-night stand (or two weeks, whatever, no true commitment), I wouldn't give a hoot if the guy thought I was easy, classy or whatnot.

 

This chick you're seeing, she's already play-acting with you, playing house, pretending she's the perfect wife to the (hopefully) perfect hubby. And this is only after a few weeks? Wait til she gets to know you better, perhaps in another week? and considers you her lifemate. By that time, IMO, you will feel the suffocation.

 

And for God's sake, do NOT rely on her for the contraception. She sounds like she is hinting at motherhood, to see where you stand. Maybe she is even planning a pregnancy, because she feels that her clock is ticking, since having a baby and being single is better than waiting for that perfect relationship and THEN having a baby? If she gets pregnant, dude, and you believed she was 'taking care of it', then you are 50% responsible. Period.

 

But I think one of the other posters was right, you were also not being totally honest with her, and doing so just to keep the good times coming, so to speak. Maybe you were also trying to spare her feelings?

 

Maybe I'm totally off on this and she really is just a normal, balanced person but IMO, she sounds a little off-kilter to me. She is 39 with no kids and never been married? I wonder why that is.......

 

goodnbad

 

(hoping not to get roasted by all those single 39ers with no kids! )

[shamen]

Originally posted by goodnbad

Now, on the other hand, if I were just looking for fun and a one-night stand (or two weeks, whatever, no true commitment), I wouldn't give a hoot if the guy thought I was easy, classy or whatnot.

 

Maybe I'm totally off on this and she really is just a normal, balanced person but IMO, she sounds a little off-kilter to me. She is 39 with no kids and never been married? I wonder why that is.......

 

(hoping not to get roasted by all those single 39ers with no kids! )

 

I've certainly slept with guys on the 2nd date, but I've never acted like this woman has with him. It's definitely a little off.

 

And um, goodnbad, 36 here, no marriage and no kids. I just live with them and then kick them out! Marriage and kids are just not important to some people, eg. me! What good is a piece of paper?! Again, just MHO. (No offense to those of you that believe in marriage and all that.) I am a serial monogamist.

[goodnbad]

shamen, no offense taken here! I will be honest, if I could go back in time, I wouldn't have married at all. In my family, however, there is mucho big pressure to do the following:

 

1/Get married

2/Have a baby

3/ Have another

 

Yes, I bowed to that pressure at a time when I was younger and with little self-confidence or sense of what I wanted in life. No way do I have a problem with those who don't follow the 'schedule' and I admit, I am also a little envious!

 

I guess when I was wondering what was with this lady in question, I meant that she was not ONLY unmarried, but also seemingly so desperate to get hitched. Why hadn't she hooked anyone? Perhaps because she is not totally stable, mentally-speaking.

 

goodnbad

[alphamale]

Originally posted by goodnbad

Perhaps because she is not totally stable, mentally-speaking.

 

don't know yet GOODNBAD. She is a college educated professional and seems to have a good head on her shoulders but you know that can change overnight.

 

You know, the totally normal biotch who becomes this raving jealous crazy insane female after she's been dissed by a man.

[shamen]

Originally posted by goodnbad

I guess when I was wondering what was with this lady in question, I meant that she was not ONLY unmarried, but also seemingly so desperate to get hitched. Why hadn't she hooked anyone? Perhaps because she is not totally stable, mentally-speaking.

 

I feel ya. She very much sounds as if she wants to be in a committed relationship and is playing hard for it. Not that it can't develop out of sleeping together early on (I've had many a relationship that has), but she is doing way too much for him too early on. One just lets things develop... I don't think that asking someone their status is bad, just that wanting to know where things are going that early is a little wacky. Christ, I certainly wouldn't know for myself after a month!

 

Maybe we should start a new thread on the other part of your post. I'm tempted to get so off-topic!

[alphamale]

Originally posted by shamen

She very much sounds as if she wants to be in a committed relationship and is playing hard for it. Not that it can't develop out of sleeping together early on (I've had many a relationship that has), but she is doing way too much for him too early on. One just lets things develop... I don't think that asking someone their status is bad, just that wanting to know where things are going that early is a little wacky. Christ, I certainly wouldn't know for myself after a month!

I think u hit the nail on the proverbial head SHAMEN.

[GirlDown]

see i think 3 weeks is certainly long enough to know if you want to continue to seeeeee someone, but not necessarily to decide whether it's a commitment or not.

 

and i have noticed that any commitements i have made in that short a time (or shorter) turn out to be...well let's just say there were less than satisfactory.

 

you never have any idea what you're getting into.

[shamen]

Originally posted by GirlDown

see i think 3 weeks is certainly long enough to know if you want to continue to seeeeee someone, but not necessarily to decide whether it's a commitment or not.

 

and i have noticed that any commitements i have made in that short a time (or shorter) turn out to be...well let's just say there were less than satisfactory.

 

you never have any idea what you're getting into.

 

GirlDown,

 

I completely agree that I know after 3 weeks if I want to continue to see someone! Commitment, on the other hand, that comes much later...

[goodnbad]

Originally posted by alphamale

don't know yet GOODNBAD. She is a college educated professional and seems to have a good head on her shoulders but you know that can change overnight.

 

 

So, you're saying that because someone is college-educated that they aren't as likely to be a looney? Come to my neighbourhood. Some of my worst 'certifiable' neighbours were university grads.

 

This thread reminds me of a lady I used to be friends with. She was one of those 'clingers'. Basically, if she met a guy, suddenly she was looking through wedding planners. She had her life pretty much mapped out for her man, like it or not. And she was a disenhearted lover turned stalker when the inevitable breakup occurred. Her weird antics finally forced me to cut all contacts with her (she was also deeply possessive and jealous as a friend).

 

I think that is what you might have here, Alpha.

 

I hope you make the right choice for your situation, whatever that might be.

 

goodnbad

[ReluctantRomeo]

Originally posted by moimeme

If he was, he wouldn't be so surprised at this development. If you'd read any of my oxytocin posts, [color=orange]ALPHAMALE[/color] you'd have read about all the hormones the body kicks into play when people have sex. Unfortunately, they work more efficiently on women than they do on men and what they do is create the urge to bond emotionally.

 

 

References, please, Toimême?

[alphamale]

Originally posted by GirlDown

see i think 3 weeks is certainly long enough to know if you want to continue to seeeeee someone, but not necessarily to decide whether it's a commitment or not.

maybe for u GURLDOWN but 3 wks is not enuf for me to decide if I want to continue to see soemone. Lets say over the 3 wk period you've gone on 3 dates of 4 hrs each. That is 12 hours total to decide if u want to continue to see someone.

 

 

Originally posted by goodnbad

So, you're saying that because someone is college-educated that they aren't as likely to be a looney? Come to my neighbourhood. Some of my worst 'certifiable' neighbours were university grads.

No G-N-B, what I am saying is that someone who is educated an a professional has less chance of being a looney.

 

This thread reminds me of a lady I used to be friends with. She was one of those 'clingers'. Basically, if she met a guy, suddenly she was looking through wedding planners. She had her life pretty much mapped out for her man, like it or not. And she was a disenhearted lover turned stalker when the inevitable breakup occurred. Her weird antics finally forced me to cut all contacts with her (she was also deeply possessive and jealous as a friend).

 

I think that is what you might have here, Alpha.

u could be right, that is how it is starting.

[whichwayisup]

Lets say over the 3 wk period you've gone on 3 dates of 4 hrs each. That is 12 hours total to decide if u want to continue to see someone.

 

When you break it down in hours like that it makes alot of sense....Too bad she probably won't see it as that. Actually!!! Why not tell her that Alpha? Perfect because how can you give a 'committed' answer to something like that.

[GirlDown]

Originally posted by alphamale

maybe for u GURLDOWN but 3 wks is not enuf for me to decide if I want to continue to see soemone. Lets say over the 3 wk period you've gone on 3 dates of 4 hrs each. That is 12 hours total to decide if u want to continue to see someone.

 

 

well, i meant see them again as in actually see them again...

 

as in it usually only takes 1 date to decide to of there's going to be another, and so on...

 

if you waited three weeks between dates because you didn't know what you wanted, i don't think you'd be the one to decide if if you dated again very often.

 

and those 12 hours would definitely be an indicator of whether it was worth going on a fourth date...or whether it just wasn't happening, so why waste another four hours.

 

i meant "see" literally, not see as in "we're seeing each other" i.e. going out/screwing/not committed.

 

see what i mean?

[Lil Honey]

A'Male:

 

I haven't read all of the posts, so bear with me.

 

When I first came to LS, I noticed that you have this tendency to think all women are out to suck the life out of a man.

 

If you do some research regarding how men and women think, you will find that we really ARE wired differently. Women have this "need" (for lack of a better word) to put thoughts and ideas and feelings into everything. Our thinking is like a web, where everything is inter-connected. Men have an uncanny way of compartmentalizing things. Generally speaking, women (not ALL) tend to get attached to the person that they have sex with and have sex with only those who they are fond of. OTOH, (some) men will have sex with anything that moves and not give it a second thought. That is highlighted by:

Originally posted by alphamale

could be EC...I've never had too much trouble with women liking me and falling in love with me. usuually i have to get rid of them.

 

I remember a thread where you had mentioned something about a woman or women in general and another poster said something like, "It's the women you go out with." Perhaps, your idea that women are disposable is clear to some women who keep their distance. Other women go after you (such as the one who is "deceiving" you about quality sex) because you mean just as much to them as they do to you.

 

It's hard to find a new Lexus in a junkyard. But some drivers couldn't appreciate a Lexus in the first place.

[moimeme]

References, please, Toimême?

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?postid=264221#post264221

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?postid=118527#post118527

 

Or just look up oxytocin. Voilà.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by Lil Honey

When I first came to LS, I noticed that you have this tendency to think all women are out to suck the life out of a man.

You cannot deny, LIL HONEY, that some of them are.

 

If you do some research regarding how men and women think, you will find that we really ARE wired differently. Women have this "need" (for lack of a better word) to put thoughts and ideas and feelings into everything. Our thinking is like a web, where everything is inter-connected. Men have an uncanny way of compartmentalizing things. Generally speaking, women (not ALL) tend to get attached to the person that they have sex with and have sex with only those who they are fond of. OTOH, (some) men will have sex with anything that moves and not give it a second thought.

I am aware of the above and could probably write a book on it.

 

Other women go after you (such as the one who is "deceiving" you about quality sex) because you mean just as much to them as they do to you.

But then why do they become so posessive and demanding once you've had sex?? I date professional college educated women almost exclusively.

 

It's hard to find a new Lexus in a junkyard. But some drivers couldn't appreciate a Lexus in the first place.

A new Lexus in a junkyard was probably totalled in a major collision. It is still new albeit unusable and almost worthless.

[goodnbad]

Originally posted by alphamale

 

But then why do they become so posessive and demanding once you've had sex?? I date professional college educated women almost exclusively.

 

 

 

Hmmm, maybe you answered your own question? Perhaps you should avoid professional, college educated women? Although logically you would think that people with a higher education would be LESS needy, since they don't need a man to take care of them, monetarily-speaking. Sadly, standing by my previous opinion, loonies know no bounds.

 

Maybe if you went out with a few, er, less fortunate women? Give some consideration to just what you generally look for in a woman, and give your perspective a little tweaking? Just as long as you don't blame me if your next date also turns out to be a loony. Maybe it's just your own personal personality that attracts, um, those types?

 

goodnbad

[curiousnycgirl]

Well I have just read each and every post on this thread and I am amazed.

 

Firstly Alpha - by your own admission you have spent more than 12 hours with this woman - you've spent more than double that.

 

Secondly - I am so very tired of everyone disparaging women who have sex after only one or two dates. We have needs too! My friends knew I was serious with my current b/f when I actually let him spend the night. The fact that we had sex early (on the first date as a matter of fact) was only our being honest that we both had needs and luckily we were there to fill them for eachother.

 

Sex is just sex people! It does not become making love until much, much later in a relationship. Alpha I think your first mistake was spending the night.

 

Third - no birth control means no nookie. Period full stop. You already know she's needy - do you really want a call from her 6 months after you break up letting you know if its a boy or a girl? Personally I think it is foolish to have sex with someone new without a condom, but I will not preach.

 

Fourth - while I agree with eveyrone who pointed out that men and women are wired differently, I do not see how wiring can outrule logic. After a few dates, who the hell knows? The wiring thing comes in later, for both men and women. Women need to confirm, for their primal selves, that they have found a good provider.

 

In other words folks this works both ways!! I have been out with a few men who felt they owned me after only a few dates - and I assure you I had not even slept with them yet. They were just nuts. I can also assure you they were all at LEAST college educated, more probably they all had advanced degrees (2 doctors come to mind).

 

Finally - Alpha - just RUN. I don't care how good the sex is, its just not worth it!

 

Ok I feel a bit better now.