Are these good signs my ex may still be in love with me? your thoughts??

[Anthony90]

ts a tough one to keep short and sweet but ill try.

 

 

*back in constant contact with my Ex gf of 5 years.

*left her in November, she asked to remain friends, spoke bluntly every now and again.

*realised in Feb i missed her and have never stopped loving her - asked for her back but informed she went through too much pain and couldnt see us getting back together any time soon.

*Feb to 3 weeks ago still hi bye, hope things are well etc etc. just blunt general chat.

*Decided i couldnt handle being in love with her and seeing her just as a friend so i told we cant do this anymore.

*she cried, couldnt understand why we couldnt be friends, came over we talked heaps and she was emotional so i agreed to just be friends and accept it wont be any more if it helps her to be stable.

*fast forward a week, the messaging has picked up increasingly, we have seen each other 6 times this week. laughing, kissing, s3x and just really enjoying the time we spend together. getting along better then we ever did.

*my body has transformed like it never has been before, abs showing. just in great shape and she has asked me to help her get into shape because she thinks i look incredibly sexy and the best i have ever looked.

 

now here i was thinking ok, now im getting somewhere playing the card of i dont care, lets just be friends whatever happens happens.

 

went on holidays for 10 days and we talked every day, essays, she said she missed me etc etc.

 

between then and now she has one night were she broke down heavily again out of no where, started crying and i could see she was thinking about the time i left her and the hurt she went through, became anorexic. went through some heavy stuff, i thought after this she would go cold on me but suprisingly didnt. still messaged and met up with me.

 

last night we went for food @ 10:00pm it was a last minute thing but she wanted to see me, keep in mind its a sunday @ 10:00pm and we both have work and she enjoys her sleep.

 

anyway while getting food we kept talking about how good we have it, how we get along so good, how the sex is amazing how everything is just happiness.

 

then i dug a little deeper and she actually admitted to loving being independent but wants nothing to do with any other guys because i told her if shes doing this with me but seeing/talking to other guys its a dead thing and wont be happening any more and she informed me she wants nothing to do with guys but likes the way we are and doesn't want it to change and isnt thinking about the future, just now. pressed and asked why im not dating other girls and why i wont even give that a chance and i said im focusing on me and what makes me happy and dont have time for that chit at the moment.

 

pretty much having no one to answer to but still getting that relationship aspect and attention from me. as much as i didnt want to hear this i finally felt some sort of clarification as to where her headspace was at as it was doing my head in.

 

now misc, were too from here? i obviously love this girl and dont want to loose her.

 

i have been told i am in a great position here to win her back, physically she wants me. the kissing, the cuddling and dates the spending time together in bed watching movies all night and cuddling even though she doesn't want the relationship. do i progress and show her how good we are, keep it all positive for a few months and try and engage her feels again? i feel the more time we spend together and keep going like this the more likely she is to reconnect and progress from the past hurt. also she holds my hand every time we drive in the car together.

 

i believe she believes that i feel the same as her and that no one is getting hurt here but just dont understand why shes doing this. why keep that connection with me if she cant see herself with me again. like its a waste of time isnt it?

 

or scenario two - am i just wasting time here and leading myself into further hurt down the track by getting closer to her.

 

any brahs gone through this???

[ravfour4]

Sounds like she's needy and insecure, not an ideal gf candidate and obviously likes you or she wouldn't be cuddling and having sex with you, she's probably just afraid you'll hurt her again.

 

I'd go NC for a little bit and let her calm down, then ensure her you won't hurt her again and apologize and see what happens. What made you leave her to begin with? This emotional inconsistency?

[ZiggyZoo]

Sounds like she considers you two FWB, and you want more. I doubt that anything you say or do is going to change her mind, she gets all the emotional support and sex she needs from you while not having to be committed to a real relationship.

[SycamoreCircle]

At some point I stopped reading your post.

 

What a mess. You're very young, I gather. How can you expect consistency in her behavior and emotions when you're inconsistent in your behavior and emotions?

 

Decide what you want. Yes or no.

 

If it is yes to her, and she says yes to you---implement, in word and deed, commitment. Expect the same from her. If either of you err, be strong enough to end things.

 

I know this will not happen. You've both exhibited that neither of you have strong boundaries, so you'll continue to use and hurt each other until you're both depleted. Let this be a lesson to you and in future relationships work towards strongly defined boundaries with your partner.

[Diezel]

You dumped her. You waited two months.

Her actions are a direct consequence of what you did. But since things aren't going your way, you are upset about it and can't handle it.

 

Next time you think about breaking up with someone, consider that they might want to keep that on a permanent basis.

 

People aren't toys that you can just come back to whenever you want. When you decided you wanted to get back with her, you gave her all of the power within the relationship to take her time and do what she wants. Deal with it.

[hunk]

Miscbrah? Honestly you need to just tell her you screwed up and CLEARLY, in no uncertain terms, that you want her back, and if she doesn't want this then you both have to stop what you're doing and do your own thing. She's got the knife to your balls right now. You screwed up by dumping her and yeah, the dynamic now is a mess because she KNOWS you're trying to get back in her good books and she's getting the satisfaction from that, plus the sex and intimacy, while calling the shots about what's gonna happen with you two. The strongest and most appropriate thing to do here would be stop what you're doing entirely and leave her alone. If she wants to come back you'll know about it. Your situation does sound extremely weird, i think space is the best thing for you both right now

[medzeer]

Okey, you did screwed up, you should have not broke up with her in the first place. But it doesnt matter. Why i love LS, it is because we most dont judge.

 

You are seeking answer whether she is taking it slow to be with you or just staying with you while she search for someone else, for me, both answers are accurate.

 

If you will be able to rebuild her trust in you before she find someone else, you have a chance to make up for everything else. If not, you guys are done.

[Sugarkane]

You broke up with her. What did you expect?

[ZiggyZoo]

I think she's keeping you as a FWB and a Plan B until she finds someone else. And having you around is an ego boost. She can whistle and you'll come running.

 

If you're OK with this, then keep on keeping on. Otherwise, tell her to piss or get off the pot.

[sutsie]

I'd give it one last shot at telling her how you feel about everything, and if that doesn't work then i'd go nc and heal and then move on. I've only been the dumpee and I can tell you after a 3 year relationship when I've been dumped and seen the things she's been doing that there's no way I could ever go back. It's like getting in a major car wreck somewhere, I'd never drive that road again.

[Chi townD]

ZiggyZoo is right on the money. You have become friends with benefits. She still views herself as single because she's on the look out for the next person to come into her life. And when he does, she's going to drop you like a bad habit and not feel guilty about it because in her mind she's thinking, "We're not together, we're not dating and we're not boyfriend and girlfriend. So, I shouldn't feel bad about getting with this new guy because Anthony and I we aren't anything accept really good friends."

 

 

You're filling a void right now. But, trust me, she's looking around.

[WhatYouWantToHear]

Short and sweet

 

I don't think that phrase means what you think it means.

 

As for your relationship, I think you too are perfect for each other--both game players.

[preraph]

Well, there is no commitment, so I guess you're both free to date others. You didn't mention your reasons for letting her go, but if it wasn't another woman, I'd be shocked. If it was some character flaw of hers, then why'd you go back?

 

Now, you called it off and it's up to you to call it back on. And once bitten, twice shy, so better give it some thought and decide if you are good with her seeing other people because you figure you won't keep her long-term anyway, or if you think she's the one, in which case, start talks about being exclusive again. I may be wrong, but I get this feeling you are giving her a lot of hanging back emotionally and acting like you don't care and hoping to get her back some way. But right now, she's just enjoying her freedom, so better whip out Plan B.

[Donate]

So you broke up to become f**k buddies.

 

Just stay calm and realize that you two are really no more than just that...

 

Its over, you want her...she wants sex and attention.

[Anthony90]

hey guys,

 

brief history

 

*5 year relationship

*I ended it because I felt we were both unhappy

* in the two months we were not together i grew alot as a person and my priorities became clear

*she hurt badly.

 

 

I apologised for hurting her and every i had done too her and she wants to remain friends.

 

fast forward 3 months and in the last month we have been closer then ever as friends, get along, laughing smiling just feels like happiness.

 

5 days ago i told her how i still really felt but said i dont want it to ruin our friendship, she said thank you for telling me everything (that i love her, i would never leave her again if she gave it a chance, that it would be forever) both crying at the same time.

 

last night we went to gym together then decided to get a coffee after, during coffee something was mentioned that must of sparked emotion because she started crying again.

 

We went to the car for privacy and i told her again how much i love her and that i would do everything to make up for the hurt.

 

she said she couldnt trust me and what if i did it again and i informed her i would never.

 

after a lot of emotions and back and forth she said..... "i dont feel anything.. i feel cold.. and i said do you still love me and she said i feel nothing.. i said look me in the eyes and tell me you dont love me and she did.... but yet wants me to remain in her life as a friend but also insisted she didnt know what she wants and she might feel for me again one day. told me shes not looking for anything or anyone and just wants to be alone.

 

she still agreed to be friends after this and i told her i would not bring up the past anymore.

 

she is supposed to be sleeping at my house tonight but i have a feeling she will get cold feet now.

 

what should i do here guys? i truely love this girl and cant stop thinking about her... do i have a chance here as friends to make her see how good we are together and regain that trust? or is it just a tempory fill until she finds someone else?

 

the thing that gets me is were friends acting like gf/bf. the texting is cute/flirty. the kissing the holding hands and intimacy is all there. she was meant to see her girlfriend for coffee after gym but cancelled on her to have coffee with me

 

your views??

[preraph]

It's bad her feelings have gone cold. Usually that's going to mean no sex, for one. Women need the feelings. I don't know why she's hanging around if her feelings have gone cold. Maybe she's just used to having you in her life but is no longer in love with you. She really shouldn't be holding hands and all that if that's the case, but old habits die hard. I really think you should stop seeing her very often and give her a chance to miss you. If she misses you, maybe it will reignite her feelings. But if she doesn't, she might just move on.

[fireflywy]

She was probably saying those things because she previously didn't. Maybe she was seeing how she would feel if she really said them and subconsciously, to see how you strongly you would respond and if your response would be enough to crack through her doubts and hurt. Like many here, she may want you to prove that you will jump through hurtles as the dumper and get resuscitate an unresponsive heart caused by the pain of you breaking it.

 

Like many things in relationships, it could also be a "temporary madness."

 

On the other hand, maybe she realized that she wasn't happy either, had repressed the feelings you had which lead to you breaking it up, and this realization floated to the surface when you broke up the relationship. She may have been okay with being friends because it's what SHE thought she wanted as a chance to win you back, but maybe it just isn't there anymore.

 

Lessen contact. Let her think about you without you there.

 

Sometimes (I'm sadly learning this) that breaking up and words are like going into a bathroom, grabbing the toothpaste, squeezing it all out, then trying to put it back in the bottle. You just can't fix it.

Edited April 18, 2015 by fireflywy

[Anthony90]

She was probably saying those things because she previously didn't. Maybe she was seeing how she would feel if she really said them and subconsciously, to see how you strongly you would respond and if your response would be enough to crack through her doubts and hurt. Like many here, she may want you to prove that you will jump through hurtles as the dumper and get resuscitate an unresponsive heart caused by the pain of you breaking it.

 

Like many things in relationships, it could also be a "temporary madness."

 

On the other hand, maybe she realized that she wasn't happy either, had repressed the feelings you had which lead to you breaking it up, and this realization floated to the surface when you broke up the relationship. She may have been okay with being friends because it's what SHE thought she wanted as a chance to win you back, but maybe it just isn't there anymore.

 

Lessen contact. Let her think about you without you there.

 

Sometimes (I'm sadly learning this) that breaking up and words are like going into a bathroom, grabbing the toothpaste, squeezing it all out, then trying to put it back in the bottle. You just can't fix it.

 

 

i understand where your coming from. i said to her i feel like you never truely loved me for me to break up with you and after 2 months your not willing to even give it a chance/risk. she said what if it fails and i said what if its 1000x more amazing. shes really hurt and i can see it and her getting emotional to me seems shes fighting a battle inside herself.

 

shes going to europe for 7 weeks in 2 months and i know shes holding on it as a chance to rediscover herself.

 

i overheard her say to people that when she comes back from europe she would consider opening herself up to new people, when i asked her about this she said i said "certain" people which maybe could be you but i just dont know and i feel cold at the moment.

[Anthony90]

also i dont know if this means anything but i have removed her from all my social media and on her instagram i am at the top of her searched people list and she still follows me.

[fireflywy]

Hmm. I got the same thing (only not quite so sweet as my ex was a love avoidant and self described as cold.) I guess, if she's going to Europe to discover herself, let her. In the same way you said it could be 1000x more amazing, perhaps she'll come back 1000x wanting you more.

 

But DON'T wait on that. You can only live in the NOW and right now, you aren't together. No more hand holding, no more emotional heart to heart, no more pretenses of an official relationship. NOW means single. Work on yourself in the now, live life in the now, and if the NOW means you or she go separate ways, then that's what you have.

[sutsie]

I really think you're only shot is to keep telling how you feel about her in a dramatic fashion. People need dramatic fashions to sway them (just watch batman begins . I know if my ex that dumped me came back i would straight up say to her i don't love her anymore, even though i don't mean it just to show i'm not going to let her break me. Maybe it's a similar situation here but i'd say follow your heart on this one

[Anthony90]

Hmm. I got the same thing (only not quite so sweet as my ex was a love avoidant and self described as cold.) I guess, if she's going to Europe to discover herself, let her. In the same way you said it could be 1000x more amazing, perhaps she'll come back 1000x wanting you more.

 

But DON'T wait on that. You can only live in the NOW and right now, you aren't together. No more hand holding, no more emotional heart to heart, no more pretenses of an official relationship. NOW means single. Work on yourself in the now, live life in the now, and if the NOW means you or she go separate ways, then that's what you have.

 

 

i sent her a text this morning saying.

 

Just let the past be the past and focus on the things that make us smile and laugh Enjoy the moments together as I am now not who I was before, I promise I can be someone you can trust.

Good morning Nini ?I hope this little poem starts your day with a smile while your drinking your shake? see you tonight for some cheat food ? xx

 

 

she replied

 

Aww cute quote nin! ?

Sorry 4 late reply been busy all morning. I'm only looking forward now and what we have is good, looking forward to tonight mwa xx

 

 

Nini is our cute word we have always called each other btw lol.

[ZiggyZoo]

If you two are planning on forgetting the past and just moving forward, you're going to fail. If the problems that led you to break up before haven't been addressed and resolved, it'll be the same relationship as before.

 

Personally, I think she's just hanging out until she goes to Europe and isn't planning on really getting back together. I mean, the girl flat out told you that she doesn't trust you and doesn't feel love from you. That should tell you all you need to know.

[Anthony90]

If you two are planning on forgetting the past and just moving forward, you're going to fail. If the problems that led you to break up before haven't been addressed and resolved, it'll be the same relationship as before.

 

Personally, I think she's just hanging out until she goes to Europe and isn't planning on really getting back together. I mean, the girl flat out told you that she doesn't trust you and doesn't feel love from you. That should tell you all you need to know.

 

i have had multiple people tell me shes that i dont love you because i pressured her for an answer, yet sleeps at my house the next night and we make love in the morning. slow sensual.

 

i guess well see after europe but im not giving up hope.

[Anthony90]

Hi guys, appreciate all the advice given so far, you have put my mind at ease on a few things and im am thankful.

 

Short run down for anyone that doesnt know the history.

 

* was with gf for 5 years

*was really stale so i decieded to end it, there was no cheating or abuse.

*realised after 2 months i made a huge mistake

*she was heart broken and angry (capricorn, very stubborn and holds grudges).

*asked for her back and a second chance but she said she felt cold and was not ready

 

She wanted to remain friends though.

 

NOW THIS IS A BIT OF A READ BUT IF YOU COULD I WOULD APPRECIATE YOUR THOUGHTS AND OPINIONS. THANKS IN ADVANCE

 

we spoke on and off for 2-3 months and she was heavy into the party scene which wasnt her, shes a very humble and quiet girl but i know this was a lash out.

 

i was very heart broken over this and said i cant be a part of your life seeing you like this and tried to go NC. she said your cutting me off again like you did before and i said its not like that, i felt guilty and agreed to be friends.

 

ever since then we have gotten closer then ever, constant talking basis, seeing her 2-4 times a week, always happy and just enjoying our time together, she has slowed down heavily on her going out also, shes staying home a lot more and seeing me a lot more.

 

7 days ago i made it evident to her that i still love her and would give her my all if we gave it another shot, im talking full commitment, proposal and all when the time was right, i felt she needed to know how i still felt as i thought she only saw us as friends but need to confirm for her that i would never do this again. she cried but said thank you for telling me. i was affraid this would change the way she interacts with me but it didnt at all, she remains the same if not getting better.

 

over the next two meetings she was very emotional, crying out of the blue, her emotions were running wild. 4 days ago we were out for coffee and she started crying, we went to the car and i asked why she wouldnt give us a chance.. it got heated and she screamed at me and i said just tell me if you dont love me 3 times and she finally did and said she felt cold now but it could change but i just didnt believe it, i felt she said it out of anger.

 

i called her 30 minutes later and apologised for the arguement, informed her 5 years is a long time and we have alot of emotion and history but i dont want to pressure her and i just want us to be happy and she said me too.

 

i sent her a poem the next day and she replied, thats the cutest thing ive heard, im only looking forward now and what we have is good xx

 

she slept at my house the following night and it was amazing, we cuddled, kissed. had a shower in the morning followed by what i would call "making love'' it was slow, sensual, holding each other close.

 

the following tuesday which was 2 days ago, we spent the day together, she had her arms around me all day, smiling laughing. it was great.

 

We walked into a shop and the clerk said you two are the cutest couple ive seen, how long have you two been together, my ex said we were actually together 5 years but split up, the clerk said oh thats fine! sometimes you need some time apart to grow but you will come back stronger then ever! my ex was stunned and said really?? then admitted to the clerk that we were taking things slow. i didnt say anything but i let that comment sink in to me.

 

after we walked out we were talking about the past and then she said i have something to tell you... i lied to you and im so sorry, i feel so guility. she informed me that while she was partying she touched drugs and felt so much regret for it, i used to touch them and she gave me hell for it but i just thought to myself why are you telling me? like why are you clearing the air, is this a good sign?

 

on the way home she got really sick, so i took her back to my house, put her in bed, looked after her, made her dinner and just nursed her until she was tired and took her home.

 

when i left after dropping her off she messaged me instantly saying thank you for an amazing day and for looking after me baby xx

 

the next day she messaged me at 9am while she was at the doctors and said she was really unwell but said she loved how i looked after her and thank you so much

 

i messaged her today checking up on her and she replied saying shes still unwell and asked how my day was, i have ordred a fruit flower bouqet to her house today saying, keep your vitamins up and i hope you feel better soon xx i did not leave my name

 

 

 

sorry for the long read but do you guys think this is promising?

 

I believe she still loves me but is being cautious and testing if she really does trust me. i put so much effort into her now and she cant believe it and asks why the change, and i said i lost the most important thing in the world to me and i realised i *****ed up. i took you for granted and didnt appreciate what i really had and i now see what the most important thing to me is and its you and she was taken back but i feel like shes holding off to see if i remain this way which i cant blame her for.

 

 

your thoughts?

Edited April 23, 2015 by Anthony90