Long-term girlfriend problems

[bruno_3i]

Hello,

 

I need to vent a little because obviously there's a problem and I can't seem to find a solution.

 

A little history.

I am 33 and she is 32. She is 26 weeks pregnant and we have a 3yo daughter. I'm an entrepreneur and she's a dental assistant. We are not married (she doesn't see the point anymore) but we've been together for 12 years.

 

Since last month, she stopped working to stay at home because she wanted to save money by not sending her to daycare anymore. But lately, she's been getting rude with our daughter. She's impatient and yells at her all the time. Sometimes I feel bad for our daughter when all she want is to play but find her mom laying on the couch on her laptop computer yelling and screaming to her.

 

When I call her during the day, she will often say that "she f*cking annoys her". She rarely (never) plays with her. When I come home from work, we eat then she completely stop taking care of her and I take the lead from 5PM to 8PM. I play with her, give her a bath, put her to bed. I feel sad for my little one because of all the yelling and negative vibes in the house.

 

Yesterday, I told her that I might to go to my friends birthday in 3 weeks. We would go at his place with a few friends and make a BBQ. She said "No, you won't go". I never go out because of her. She angrily said "who will take care of the kid when you will be away?". I said well you just stay at home with her? She was pissed off.

 

I am an entrepreneur but I still keep my day job because I don't have enough contracts. Money isn't an issue - I have financial security with my day job.

We are looking for a new home daycare. We found one and it's only 3 houses from ours. Because of my day job, I leave to work really early in the morning so the daycare won't be open yet. At the end of the day, my job ends just after the home daycare hours. She is not happy with the fact that she will need to take our daughter to the daycare three houses from ours and then go get her at the end of the day.

 

When my business contracts will kick off in a few weeks, I'll be away from home from 7AM to 7PM until she gives birth. Once again, I will not be able to take my daughter to the daycare and get her back at the end of the day. After birth, I will be able to take my daughter to the daycare in the morning mostly every day. If I'm home early after my contracts, I'll also go get her at the daycare.

 

So yesterday, she got mad and told me that my business was ****, that she doesn't believe in it and in me and that all of my family thinks the same. She told me "even your parents doesn't believe in you". Wow. I know this isn't true. I'm sure she told that to piss me off. This honestly saddened me to hear that.

 

She wants me to give up my dream of being self-employed.

 

She also told me that if she gets depression, it will be my fault. She's always been negative and I always suspected her being depressive but she always denied it. She said that she don't have any problem.

 

She cannot even stay at home with our daughter without being pissed off at her. Being with the kid seems to be a chore for her. When I'm alone with my daughter, I see absolutely no problem with her behavior. She's lovely.

 

I feel trapped and don't know what to do.

[Morro72]

You've raised a lot of red flags concerning depression here. It may not be a matter of "if she gets depression" - she may already be there (for example, it may be the reason she quit her job). Make sure she gets to a professional who can tell her what is really going on and what to do about it.

[Mr Carson]

Something is definitely going on it's very unnatural for a mother to turn on her child. Not that it doesn't happen but she needs some help for your child

and for your relationship.

[bruno_3i]

Just tried to call her - she was giving me the silent treatment since yesterday.

 

Basically I told her that she might have some signs of a depression - she angrily denied it.

 

Then I asked her to stop saying that my business is worthless. She said "no, your business is complete **** and I hate it to death". Wow. I said "Stop saying that my parents think my business is ****". Once again, she laughed on the phone and said that they do not believe in me. She got me so pissed off. The way she laughs when I say that I believe in my business. She replies "You're the only one and I hope your business will fail".

 

I'm not happy as an employee, regardless of the job. I am an entrepreneur since 2007 and that's the only job I want to do. I LOVE my job as an entrepreneur and can't wait to leave my day job to be a full time entrepreneur.

 

Before hanging up, she said "By the way, you need to get a full time, year long 9-5 DESK JOB and give up on your business or I'll leave you".

 

wtf?

 

I hate her so much right now.

[Mr Carson]

You have a lot going on in this, you have to be tough thick skinned about her remarks. I would be mad also but don't give in follow your dream. I will give her some leeway because of the pregnancy(hormones can be a b***h) but shes not in a good way right now. You want to work and provide for her and your child, if she won't buy into your dream you have some tough choices to make. You want to be your own boss good for you, she may be jealous. Most S or partners would be supportive unless your business plan is something unrealistic. You have to find out whats really driving her bitterness try counseling if she will not have a reasonable honest talk.

[d0nnivain]

She needs counseling. Suggest she get some before she hurts your kids through neglect or worse.

[davidromero43]

Sounds like regret to me. You are out having a fulfilling life. You have goals and working hard to reach them. She had a job she didn't like. A kid to keep her tied down. And another kid on the way, to make her even feel more tied down. She doesn't have anything too look forward to. Her life is not what she thought it was going to be. Have her go to a therapist and get some goals.

[bruno_3i]

Today she's unleashing her fury at me. She says everything is my fault. I told her that she should go to counselling. Bad idea. She's furious. Then I'm at the office. I log on to facebook and see dozen of angry messages about everything "You did not repair this like you told me blah blah blah.... where did you put the garage key, you did not change the cat litter (I was completing HER tax report). Don't wait until I'm sick of you cause expect me to leave".

 

We have our ups and downs like many couples but when things like this happen, I don't love her at all. She makes me hate her by acting this way. She's never happy with anything I do. I do lots. I do chores also. Well to her, I do everything wrong.

 

She rarely say thanks, in 10 years she NEVER apologized once for saying rude things or being disrespectful. I never heard her say sorry. She thinks she's always right and that she knows everything. She is also immature.

 

She's not proud of me or what I do. She was never interested in my hobbies and passions. She, on the other hand, has none except facebook facebook facebook... Speaking of her facebook, she posted many things and pictures but she don't have a single picture of me in her profile.

 

I just can't bear this anymore. Thought having our first kid would bring us closer but no, nothing has changed.

 

She never displays affection. No kisses, no hugs. I'm always the one trying to hug her but she always avoid it and says that "she has something to do".

I am an affectionate person and the lack of affection is not good for me.

 

The last time we had sex was when we conceived the baby and before that, we were months without sex. I am always the one trying to engage but in the past, she turned me down 99% of the time so I stopped trying.

 

It was like this for the last 8 years. I always said to myself that things would change. I can't say I'm happy in this relationship.

 

She's controlling. For example, she doesn't want me to grow a beard, saying that it hurts when she kisses me. REALLY? She never kisses me. She also don't want me to go out with my friends, for example to the restaurant or to the pub. She doesn't drink so she's not interested in going. But I can't even go out once every two months. She gets furious. She says "who will take care of the baby while you're gone?" Well, baby will be asleep so you will be able to do your stuff. Nope.

 

On the other end, I often imagine (daydream) being in a real relationship with another woman. How would it be to live with someone completely different? Many women I know impress me. I check out other women facebook pages and god they are hot and interesting. My friends wives/girlfriends are so cool and these couple looks so happy. I am miserable right now.

 

The thing is, every time we're in a conflict, it gets to the point where I hate her. I boil inside. But I never lacked respect toward her. Then after when we talk to each other and work on it, it feels good and I tell to myself that I feel good with her - until next crisis.

 

I think the difference between us is gonna break us up. For now I can't do anything. I can't leave her, she's pregnant of our second child. I would also feel like an ******* leaving her a few months after birth. This is a crappy situation.

[PegNosePete]

Wow, why are you even with her?

She sounds crazy and your relationship sounds terrible.

[rester]

Then I asked her to stop saying that my business is worthless. She said "no, your business is complete **** and I hate it to death". Wow. I said "Stop saying that my parents think my business is ****". Once again, she laughed on the phone and said that they do not believe in me. She got me so pissed off. The way she laughs when I say that I believe in my business. She replies "You're the only one and I hope your business will fail".

 

I have to ask...is the way she speaks to you a new thing, or has it been going on for awhile?

 

Is there anything positive at all that you can say about her? Why are you not leaving her?

[bruno_3i]

I have to ask...is the way she speaks to you a new thing, or has it been going on for awhile?

 

Is there anything positive at all that you can say about her? Why are you not leaving her?

 

Yes, this is completely new.

 

I think she may be bipolar - her sister is. But she denies it and don't want to go see a doctor for this issue.

[bruno_3i]

Wow, why are you even with her?

She sounds crazy and your relationship sounds terrible.

 

She's pregnant and I just can't leave now... The kid isn't even born yet and honestly I want to be there for him.

[PegNosePete]

Then it seems you're going to have to just put up with however she chooses to treat you.

 

She knows she can do what she wants, and you won't leave... so why would she change? She has the trump card.

[bruno_3i]

If you were in my situation, would you leave?

 

Not right now, but in a few months... ?

[Mr Carson]

Either way it's going to be hard on you. The man always looks like the goat..He left his pregnant wife and all that. Props to you for wanting to stay for the child but what about after he's born? Bipolar, narcissistic whatever your children need a mother that truly cares for them. This my be the biggest problem. Only you know your breaking point, tough it out or not your in a bad way. She does hold the trump cards at this point, what if you told he to leave then? What do you think she would do...maybe test the waters I don't know. Maybe a good dose of reality will wake her up.

[DivorcedDad123]

PLease tell me you're having a paternity test done.

[Clarence_Boddicker]

Buy a few disguised nanny cams & put them inside your place. You might be surprised at what you see.

 

 

Things will never work out with her. She's too controlling for most normal guys. Nothing you do will be good enough for her.

[bruno_3i]

I already have security cameras installed outside the house, each pointing to the doors and driveway. None inside though. As for the paternity test, I have no doubt that I am the father. She doesn't have any friends and never goes out. I don't think she searched for a guy on the internet to have sex.

[goodyblue]

My guy's ex was like this, no sex, no physical affection, nothing in common, and she was mean... but her meanness came from her alcoholism.

 

They were.together for 29 years. Don't do that to yourself. It could be hormones, so I would wait at least 4 months after the birth to see if she snaps out of it. If she doesn't, you have to end it. My guy didn't leave, wasted so much time being miserable. Then ended up in a short affair with me ( first and last for both of us). I gave him the courage to finally leave. We have been together for years now and are really happy.

 

Don't waste your life being mistreated! Good luck.