Is a year too long to wait before introducing your kids to someone you're dating?

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

Or is a year not long enough? Some people consider dating someone for more than 6 months as them being in a relationship. I've heard horror stories of a lot of women introducing their young children to their date or significant other too soon; which - in my opinion - is not only inappropriate but could be potentially damaging to them in the future as well as the present. I've also read about some women who introduced their kids to their significant other too late into the relationship which also had adverse outcomes.

 

I'd like to read posts from the members here as to when they have introduced their little ones to the person they were dating and how everything turned out for their children as well as for their relationship with their significant other.

 

 

 

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[d0nnivain]

One of my BFFs always waited at least a year. As she said, you don't deserve to be broken up with when you are 10.

 

The only man I ever dated with kids, introduced me to his son at around the 4 month mark. I was scared to death. When that guy & I broke up, I asked to talk to his son to say goodbye. The guy passed away a few years ago. I still have a relationship with the son 15 years later.

[Carm]

I think I would be concerned if my bf wanted to wait one year to introduce me. I'd wonder if he had serious intentions with me. On the flip side, I think couples should wait to see if the foundation seems strong. Him and I have been together for 10 months, I've met 3 out of his 4 kids at about 5 months in. The oldest is getting there in terms of being okay to meet me.

 

 

My kids are young adults and are totally readjusted to mom being single (divorced for 12 years) so they met him at 3 months in.

 

 

His ex on the other hand is bringing men home on their first date and the kids are mortified. Who can blame them.

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

One of my BFFs always waited at least a year. As she said, you don't deserve to be broken up with when you are 10.

 

The only man I ever dated with kids, introduced me to his son at around the 4 month mark. I was scared to death. When that guy & I broke up, I asked to talk to his son to say goodbye. The guy passed away a few years ago. I still have a relationship with the son 15 years later.

 

Wow, that's really sad. But, it's beautiful too...because his son still has an emotional connection to you - a person who cared about his dad. See, this is why I'm asking my question; because of the way life happens sometimes, you never know what's going to go down...and the way I feel about it, I'll ALWAYS protect my kids and I ALWAYS have their *best interests* at heart. Thanks so much for your post, d0nnivain.

 

 

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[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

I think I would be concerned if my bf wanted to wait one year to introduce me. I'd wonder if he had serious intentions with me. On the flip side, I think couples should wait to see if the foundation seems strong. Him and I have been together for 10 months, I've met 3 out of his 4 kids at about 5 months in. The oldest is getting there in terms of being okay to meet me.

 

 

My kids are young adults and are totally readjusted to mom being single (divorced for 12 years) so they met him at 3 months in.

 

 

His ex on the other hand is bringing men home on their first date and the kids are mortified. Who can blame them.

 

I can see the other side of what you said; about how you'd wonder if his intentions with you was serious and long term. But I'm glad you also see my side of it. About his ex, OMG....this is why I feel SO sorry for a lot of little kids who have to see and experience their mom bringing in a revolving door of guys and they have no choice but to deal with it because there's nobody there to save them from that way of life.

 

 

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[d0nnivain]

.and the way I feel about it, I'll ALWAYS protect my kids and I ALWAYS have their *best interests* at heart. Thanks so much for your post, d0nnivain. .

 

You are welcome.

 

Depending on the age of the kids, talk to them. Some of this you can't measure on a calendar. A lot of factors go into play. You know your kids & you know the people you date.

[introverted1]

I think that it all depends on how you plan to introduce someone to your kids. After all, I am sure they have met friends, acquaintances and neighbors, at least some of whom did not remain in their lives, and it was fine. So if you're going to introduce a date as a friend, this can happen much sooner than if you're going to introduce a bf/gf with the intent that your kids will form a relationship with that person.

 

Context matters, imo. As does the age of the child(ren) involved.

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

I think that it all depends on how you plan to introduce someone to your kids. After all, I am sure they have met friends, acquaintances and neighbors, at least some of whom did not remain in their lives, and it was fine. So if you're going to introduce a date as a friend, this can happen much sooner than if you're going to introduce a bf/gf with the intent that your kids will form a relationship with that person.

 

Context matters, imo. As does the age of the child(ren) involved.

 

You know, I never thought of intro-ing them to a person I'm dating or in a relationship with as just a FRIEND. That's an AWESOME idea, introverted! It's such a simple concept, I'm actually embarrassed that I didn't think of this sooner. Thank you SO much for your post! It might make things easier down the road for them if a relationship ends up developing between me and a guy I'm seeing who is just "A Friend".

 

 

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[BearMox]

I was dating a girl that I invested about a year in that my kids became a deal breaker. She was a part of our life from the onset and I regretted the impact it had on my kids when she left. Ouch.

 

I've learned from this mistake: nothing comes into my home that doesn't improve the the stability and security of my children. period.

 

Practically speaking, everything is a friendship and I think of my home as a castle that I'm guarding and providing for. Unless a friendship has benefits that improves my kids' lives I'm not likely to bring them around my kids ever.