Friend with benefit or something more?

[ashleeisme]

So it appears I have found myself in a bit of a pickle and I'd love to hear your thoughts on the situation.

 

I've always been in relationships. I've never really "dated" and I've never had a FWB so this is all very new to me. I apologise in advance if I'm somewhat naive in this whole thing.

 

I'm a 27 year old female. I used to go to school with Dave. I hadn't seem in 10 years and then literally bumped into him in Thailand. We said we would catch up when we were back home, and that we did.

 

This was about 3 months ago and we've been sleeping together ever since. We have a wonderful time together, laugh uncontrollably and have mind blowing sex. It's always been very easy with us - no drama.

 

We never established that we would be FWB, but I think we have both assumed that's what it has become so there's been no need to have the conversation.

 

He's known to love woman. I wouldn't say he is a "player" but he likes his women.

 

I wouldn't say we have a normal FWB relationship. When we see each other, we hang out all night - drinking, dancing around and just being silly. We can't keep our hands off each other, we will shower together, cuddle, sleep next to one another whilst spooning, have sex again in the morning and then one of us usually leaves in the early afternoon.

 

He's always calling me baby, bub, babe.. anything really. He's very complimenting. For example "You're so beautiful, no one makes me laugh like you do, I really love hanging out with you, I was thinking about you all week"

 

He will message me at least once a week saying that he misses me.

 

I know that he talks to other girls, it's really none of my business though.

 

I know how childish this sounds, but I wanted to plant a seed to see what his reaction would be like. I told him I went on a date - he seemed surprise but then said that he would like to take me out on a date, to which i agreed. We made a plan for the following week and that was that.

 

He also mentions that he hasn't been with anyone else since we started hooking up. I don't know if this is from lack of luck or because he doesn't want to.

 

A few days later, he cancels our date because he has to "work". He cancels our plans quite a lot, but then we always end up catching that same day anyway.

 

We are very sexually attracted to one another, yet with him calling me these things and asking to take me on a date - it's confusing for me.

 

Is he just playing the game to get what he wants or could their be something there?

 

A lot of the time we will be messaging and then out of no where he stops replying and I won't hear from him for a few days.

 

Then he will message saying "I miss you" or something like that.

 

I want to have the conversation with him because I need an understanding of where his head is at, however I'm nervous about doing this because I don't want to scare him off.

 

Do you think there's something there? Is this common behaviour in men when they want to continue the FWB relationship? Has this happened to you?

 

i really don't want to make a fool of myself. PLEASE HELP!

[CC12]

This sounds more like an open relationship, rather than FWB. You might as well talk to him about it. You should be able to have an honest conversation with the person you've been ****ing for three months, right?

[La.Primavera]

You don't hear from him for days until he "misses you" which in FWB language means "I'm horny". I think it is safe to assume all attempts at flattery are a way to get in your pants and keep you on the hook for a bit longer.

 

He cancels plans a lot. This shows a lack of respect on his part that isn't acceptable, regardless of whether you are dating or merely friends.

 

I think you need to think long and hard about what you really want because I don't think it's the same as him. It sounds like you are already developing feelings for the guy.

 

Personally, I don't see him as good boyfriend material. I think you will end up getting confused and hurt.

 

You deserve better.