LDR , with my current emotions and feelings.

[nakiami]

Hello everyone,

 

First, forgive me for my poor English.

 

I would like to ask for opinions about my current relationship. This is my first time having these emotions with my 2 years LDR GF (girlfriend).

 

Forgive me for the long story.

 

I would like to introduce myself, I am a filipino and my current gf is also a filipina, I live in Japan right now. while she lives in Philippines until last march and immigrated in US.

 

I have been in an LDR for almost 2 years, my first GF. She was my classmate during Elementary 6th grade in the Philippines. But I have been transferring schools since I was a child, eventually I've come to live here in Japan. There was like almost 10-11 years time gap since we were classmates. We met each other again last 2-3 years ago.

I went to Philippines to see them, her as a friend, for 5 days. We had some attraction and of course I could feel we had the love chemistry on us.

I went back to Philippines after few months to be with her for a week, and we started relationship.

We went through many things via phone. lots of of calls, messages, flirts, etc. and of course lots of fighting, doubt, insecurities, stupid stuffs. I even stop seeing my then, after many years staying here in Japan, my newly made filipino friends. She was jealous to one girl in the group that I admit I have some crush before.

 

Basically, for the 2 years in relationship, we were just together around 2 weeks total!

 

There is some incident that I cancelled a planned work/music video shooting and me was the main camera person, because she denied me and told me she will leave me if I spent time there rather than talk to her. of course the director I was planned on working with, who trust me so much, felt betrayed and never called me again.

 

Sometimes I do regret that, if I did made that video, I might really have many more opportunities to work on Japanese production companies. all ended up to nothing. at first I didn't regretted it but then later I do.

 

Anyway, to continue, yes, we have some good times, some bad times. lots of fight because sometimes I cannot make time to talk to her, she always get angry to be, be in bad mood at times she stops answering my calls, I spend time, after work, to talk to her, many times, sometimes I stay until late night just to talk to her even though I know I have work the next day.

 

I even helped her do something like a mini business selling toys online in the Philippines, so she could have something to do because currently she has no work. I consumed some majority of my day (office hours) to do stuffs, contact customers, search for products etc. even after I get back home and sometimes even after work on the train I do stuffs. I stay up late night, pretty much every night and sometimes even saturdays and sundays I do that for her. Use my time instead of going with friends, I talk to her and stuffs, even sometimes, out of nothing she gets angry to me and just cut the call and never answer.

 

The beginning of our relationship was thorny, she didn't trusted me fully before because of my past stuffs, (i didn't had gf but still... you know, mistakes and stuffs) sometimes she compares me with her first BF, that I am not romantic and stuffs, she even told me that I look exactly like him! For almost a year, I sent her letter every month which is pretty much I am not really complaining too. I send her flowers on occassions, I order meals online, I lend her money when they need although she is not asking because she insist she didn't want to.

 

When we fight, I am always the one who says sorry because I admit, some of the times it is my fault. like I forgot to make a call on time, I prioritize sleeping early or taking shower or doing my chores rather than call her. etc. for me its ok before.

 

Actually I may be too fast to tell her to be with me forever (much like a proposal), On my second visit, around one year ago, we went to island trip. then kinda ask her hand, also asked her parents about it din. She said, "ok, when the time comes. "

 

She was staying in the philippines, Me here in Japan was saving up for wedding, or for her going here.

I've asked, and invited her many many times to come in Japan, and search work if she wants, so just we could be together.

I have helped many times, although she helps me from time to time to do some stuffs for me.

I have cried a lot for this girl before during the time she gets angry or insecure, She'd always say we should break up, etc. and that happened many times. You can say we fight before around once a week. (sadly, always my fault )

I know I am insensitive at times.

 

Then just march, they immigrated to US, more farther, the time is different. Less communication.

then lately, I realized on myself, is it worth it? am I too stupid? I did many things for her and yet sometimes I feel I am taken for granted. I don't want to blame her or something.

It is just that, I am getting this waver or doubt in my heart which is my first time. Maybe its the distance.

 

I also think that I don't want to waste the 2 years, finally she begin to be close to me, and I discover more of her. And also I don't want to leave her if ever because I know she will get depressed so much, she will be so much hurt! she will develop fear from trusting person or guys again because if for example, I leave, which is I know, veeeeeery irresponsible. I am her second BF as well and the first one was 4 years relationship.

I admit she is most of the times manipulative.

Also, we already did have "sex". and its her first official one, If you don't count fingering of another guy as sex. (sorry for sensitive words). and I just fear many things if ever we breakup. before I always plead and cry for her not to break up with me. But now, when she says she'll break up with me, I got no feelings at all...

Its just I have promised din na I will not leave her. and I dont say the word promise so much if I plan to break it.

I confess I'm so immature when it comes to relationship stuffs, you see, she is my first GF, never had one, never experienced wooing a lot because I kinda prioritized studies before.

 

Its just that lately may wavering on my emotion. Before, I say to her, "I will do everything so she wouldnt leave me". Now, I think, "I will let God decide what will happen ". I cannot share this emotion yet to her, I'm kinda introvert person, so sometimes I have tendency to own problems in myself, besides, I cannot say easily to her that Oh, I'm falling out of love in you!

 

 

AND now, this is the case. I have come to became friends with someone here in Japan, She is very kind, I understand it is only infatutation right now, who knows what will happen. I am now trying to open my world a little bit . Though I don't want to cheat or something, I never did for these past years . if you don't consider going to a group of friends with one girl in them who were your crush before is cheating. then yes, I didn't cheat. pretty much gave most of my time to my GF. I just started socializing actively with new friends

 

When me and my GF talk through fb or stuffs, I know she has problem adjusting her life in US and unders tuffs, I am still very willing to help and encourage her .. but still sometimes I begin to think, is it worth it? I know i should be patient. but should I just close myself to people or women around me and focus on her only? I'm at lost. I feel I will betray her even just by thinking about this stuffs, The truth is , sometimes the majority of my working hours is chatting with her. sometimes I sacrifice my hobbies, my go out time just to talk to her and many times her moods becomes bad and she gets angry at me.

 

I have hobbies that she really don't like or she don't care and don't appreciate. I have opinions that is not so much important to her and only hear me when some of them is what she likes. I don't even control her, I am not so much jealous too because I trust her so much. She always say I don't understand her and yes there are times that I don't understand her, I just can't tell her she don't understand me too...

 

I dunno.. what to do or think, I just don't want to hurt her. or her family. pretty much I introduced her to my relatives. My parents like her although they have no chance to really talk to her that much because long distance

 

I apologize for this very long story..

 

Just opinions or advice or anything is welcome!

 

Thank you po for the patient people who will read this./

 

I am 24 years old .

[Penguin_hugs]

I think the two of you have drifted apart too far- particularly as you have spent very little time together over the last few years.

 

I feel like LDRs only work if you have an end plan- but the two of you don't. I'm in a LDR myself but I know that it will end in August 2016- so I hold on to that. I still see my boyfriend about twice a month, however sometimes it can be up to 6 weeks apart- and that feels too long for me! Regular contact builds the relationship.

 

Don't stay together just because you are her first- that's not a good reason.

 

I think you really need to consider whether your situation will change and decide if this relationship will last.

 

You say she doesn't share your interests- so I feel like it has already come to an end.

 

Good luck