Leximom15 Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 We are separated 3 months, he moved out quickly and without much explanation at all. Highly suspect affair but that is neither nor there at this point in my healing. I want to have no contact with him so I can begin to heal as this as been the most devastating thing I have gone through in my life. I hired a lawyer and papers have gone between our lawyers without reaching an agreement as of yet. He asked for ridiculous demands like signing over my rights to our home(and I've made the house payments since we bought it), wants all furniture, kitchenware, boat, lawnmower and very ridiculous....2 beach chairs! (oh and his precious surfboards). I drive the car that is in his name and at this point I am going to leave it with him when I move back to my hometown in June. He is supposed to refinance home within 120 days and he gets much of what hes asked for except the furniture and houseware. He says I'm being difficult but I just want the basic things I will need to refurnish my home for my 2 children(which are not his) We moved to his hometown(4 hours away from our family) gave up my teaching job at home and dove right in to this marriage with all the commitment I had in me. Then he comes home 5 years later to say he needed time to think. BS! Anyway, he wants badly to come "get his things" aka the boat, fishing equipment and the surfboards as he clearly is ready to get on with his bachelorhood lifestyle and impress the OW. he text me about property settlement and in my last text to him I told him to leave this up to the lawyers, leave me alone, stay off the property and if he contacted me in this manner again I would contact police, He's really being harassing and a bully with regards to the "things" he wants. He should have thought about before walking out on me and our home and family. I send him his mail on a regular basis but he text last night(after week of NC) and asked if he could come get the mail or I send it. I had already sent it to his moms(where he is supposedly living) certified mail, so I didn't answer him . I feel like I can't have contact with him and his stupid requests can be handled if he would just sign the separation agreement. I am giving up my job(teacher) and moving back in with my mom this summer. Basically losing everything I worked for while he walks back in to a ready made house minus the furniture. Am I wrong to want no contact? Should I continue to go through our lawyers as much as possible? He's dragging his feet and asking ridiculous things and hes the one who left me for another woman! just some input would be nice. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jessie1231 Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 We are separated 3 months, he moved out quickly and without much explanation at all. Highly suspect affair but that is neither nor there at this point in my healing. I want to have no contact with him so I can begin to heal as this as been the most devastating thing I have gone through in my life. I hired a lawyer and papers have gone between our lawyers without reaching an agreement as of yet. He asked for ridiculous demands like signing over my rights to our home(and I've made the house payments since we bought it), wants all furniture, kitchenware, boat, lawnmower and very ridiculous....2 beach chairs! (oh and his precious surfboards). I drive the car that is in his name and at this point I am going to leave it with him when I move back to my hometown in June. He is supposed to refinance home within 120 days and he gets much of what hes asked for except the furniture and houseware. He says I'm being difficult but I just want the basic things I will need to refurnish my home for my 2 children(which are not his) We moved to his hometown(4 hours away from our family) gave up my teaching job at home and dove right in to this marriage with all the commitment I had in me. Then he comes home 5 years later to say he needed time to think. BS! Anyway, he wants badly to come "get his things" aka the boat, fishing equipment and the surfboards as he clearly is ready to get on with his bachelorhood lifestyle and impress the OW. he text me about property settlement and in my last text to him I told him to leave this up to the lawyers, leave me alone, stay off the property and if he contacted me in this manner again I would contact police, He's really being harassing and a bully with regards to the "things" he wants. He should have thought about before walking out on me and our home and family. I send him his mail on a regular basis but he text last night(after week of NC) and asked if he could come get the mail or I send it. I had already sent it to his moms(where he is supposedly living) certified mail, so I didn't answer him . I feel like I can't have contact with him and his stupid requests can be handled if he would just sign the separation agreement. I am giving up my job(teacher) and moving back in with my mom this summer. Basically losing everything I worked for while he walks back in to a ready made house minus the furniture. Am I wrong to want no contact? Should I continue to go through our lawyers as much as possible? He's dragging his feet and asking ridiculous things and hes the one who left me for another woman! just some input would be nice. Assuming he's going to end up with the boat and surfboards, etc anyway, I don't see a reason to not let him go get them. It may hurt that he's using these with some other woman, but if it's going to happen it's going to happen whether you delay it or not. Just tell him (or have your lawyer tell his lawyer) to go pick up his stuff at a time you won't be home. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 You're not wrong, but he might feel it's easier to speak directly. I would have said that the mail was sent to his mom's as agreed. You're not giving him the house are you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 Everything that goes through a lawyer costs you money. To save money, suck it up & talk to him. NC doesn't work in a divorce until after the divorce is final because there are too many legal & financial details that have to be address. Not talking delays things. You can keep the conversations about the issues not about your relationship but it will be faster if you communicate. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 Everything that goes through a lawyer costs you money. To save money, suck it up & talk to him. Agreed. It comes down to principle vs. principal. And moving on, you'll need the latter. Be thankful you don't have kids together. With shared parenting, these fun interactions go on for decades ... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leximom15 Posted April 24, 2015 Author Share Posted April 24, 2015 I am planning on moving out of the house by July 1st. I'm not giving him the house as he must refinance it in his own name. But I need for this separation agreement to be finalized before I just let him move back in in July. I know I've agreed to let him have the surfboards and the boat but he in no way has shown any cooperation with the furniture and the other little things I want. I will not give him those things until he comes up with a workable agreement in regards to the things I think I deserve to take when I move. Its all a big mess and I want it over! I understand that it is difficult to go NC when you are going through divorce proceedings but the things he is contacting me about are useless. The Mail? really? get it changed to your new address and you won't even have to ask me for it. That simple. And when he does send the text you can feel the anxiousness and anger in them He wants it NOW! well too freaking bad. That's not how this whole getting a divorce thing works. Its a drawn out process if the parties cannot come to an agreement about property! Its not like we have a lot but the house is my main concern. He wanted me to sign a quitclaim deed which takes away my rights but not my name off the mortgage. Not happening! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Jessie1231 Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 But holding onto his things you're going to give him anyway seems like making things even more drawn out than necessary. It's like you're holding his belongings hostage until he agrees to your terms. Why not just give him his things and let the lawyers figure out the stuff you can't agree on? Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 Attorneys will tell you that the number one regret of those who have divorced is giving up too much for the sake of getting it over with. Don't screw yourself over. Other than following your attorney's advice, here's the way I think divorces should go. Any individual assets or debts from prior to the marriage remain with the individual. If he owned that surfboard since before the marriage, just hand it over. That's the same that he should do with "your" stuff. However, any assets or debts that occurred during the marriage (regardless of who made the money, opened the account, etc) are marital and should be split. It's a relatively straight-forward mathematical process. It's wonderful that he's going to refinance the house under his own name (so you don't owe any debt on it) and to quit any claim you have on it. BUT, if there's any equity in the home, you're entitled to half of it. It sometimes gets messy when money has been comingled. Let's say he had a credit card when you married but then it stayed open after you married. Some of that debt is just his and some of it is mutual. If you have a handle on all of this financial business, great. If not, I would implore that you don't just try to "get it over with." A year from now you'll be pissed if you're in poverty while he lives in a home that you mostly financed. It happens all the time. Use your brain, not your emotions. As for the no contact, restrict contact to stuff related to the divorce and don't engage in stupid conversations. The best thing that my exwife and I did was to do full financial disclosures and then have one long difficult day of paying our two attorneys and a mediator to hammer out the math. Took ten months to get there but two weeks later, I was cleanly and fairly divorced with no regrets. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ArtIsMyThing Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 Leximom - i think you are a power house - love your attitude. Stay strong love. Link to post Share on other sites
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