How do you keep your affair secret?

[SolG]

Lunch hours? What are those? I can't remember the last time I had a job with regular breaks!

 

MM and I worked directly with each other for the first two and a half years of our A. The kind of work we do involves long, irregular hours and lots of travel. Never conducted on company property or time. Frankly, we're too busy. But he'd come to mine after work and we were obviously together when away. We also have company BBerrys that we're on constantly; so this is easy contact. (And also sanctioned in that we're at liberty to use these for reasonable private use.) None of this represented any change from normal work routine/behaviour so didn't elicit any suspicion.

[Gloria_Smellons]

That's the thing...people assume that the only way people will realize something is up if they are making out, touching, visibly flirting and so on. That's obviously not the case though. When people like each other or are sleeping together, their body language and interactions with each other, even when it seems to be above board and not remotely romantic or sexual, still carry this charge to it. We give away so much and we don't even realize we're doing it or some people in an attempt to play it cool just behave even more strangely by trying to go above and beyond to seem casual.

 

I totally get what you're saying Miss Bee, I didn't mean to imply that our interactions were totally innocent and that anyone seeing us together wouldn't get suspicious because we 'acted' normal. Like you say, a lot of communication is non verbal and undoubtedly knowing looks and the like didn't go unnoticed.

 

That fact is if it had come to it we both felt like no 'proof' existed and we could blag/lie our way (reasonably convincingly) out of any questioning if needed. We're both proven liars after all, quite good liars it appears.

 

Were people suspicious? Yes. Were we squeaky clean? No. But it didn't 'come out' so to speak and then he moved away.

[MissBee]

I totally get what you're saying Miss Bee, I didn't mean to imply that our interactions were totally innocent and that anyone seeing us together wouldn't get suspicious because we 'acted' normal. Like you say, a lot of communication is non verbal and undoubtedly knowing looks and the like didn't go unnoticed.

 

That fact is if it had come to it we both felt like no 'proof' existed and we could blag/lie our way (reasonably convincingly) out of any questioning if needed. We're both proven liars after all, quite good liars it appears.

 

Were people suspicious? Yes. Were we squeaky clean? No. But it didn't 'come out' so to speak and then he moved away.

 

I get you Gloria, I wasn't pointing out your situation so much as the general idea that others have also suggested, which is that if you don't tell anyone and don't do anything sexual or romantic at work people will be none the wiser, which is a common idea that doesn't really hold true.

 

The question of keeping it a secret then is tricky...because does secret mean no one is suspicious and has no clue or does secret mean no proof? In my opinion, suspicion of an affair is usually proof enough or at least makes it no longer a secret and it's only truly a secret if no one suspects. But if people suspect and talk among themselves then it's not a secret. It may mean nothing ultimately for your career or job if there isn't proof but in terms of rumors, it getting back to the BS or someone who knows them or something, that counts. Which is why I'm saying we can't really control other people's perceptions and even if they don't ever say anything to you, doesn't mean they don't suspect or say it to other people...and once people start talking, you never know whose ears it will get back to, blowing the whole secret thing out of the water.

[Gloria_Smellons]

I get you Gloria, I wasn't pointing out your situation so much as the general idea that others have also suggested, which is that if you don't tell anyone and don't do anything sexual or romantic at work people will be none the wiser, which is a common idea that doesn't really hold true.

 

The question of keeping it a secret then is tricky...because does secret mean no one is suspicious and has no clue or does secret mean no proof? In my opinion, suspicion of an affair is usually proof enough or at least makes it no longer a secret and it's only truly a secret if no one suspects. But if people suspect and talk among themselves then it's not a secret. It may mean nothing ultimately for your career or job if there isn't proof but in terms of rumors, it getting back to the BS or someone who knows them or something, that counts. Which is why I'm saying we can't really control other people's perceptions and even if they don't ever say anything to you, doesn't mean they don't suspect or say it to other people...and once people start talking, you never know whose ears it will get back to, blowing the whole secret thing out of the water.

 

An excellent point and certainly a perspective I had not considered.

[Poppy47]

MM lives in a small mountain village and I live 30 minutes away in the city.

 

We have absolutely no connections in common nowadays.

 

We met at a pistol exhibition 7 years ago and did some shooting together at a club for a year or so. I don't do that any longer so nothing to connect us in anybody else's eyes.

 

We are constantly in touch with texts, calls and emails. He comes to my place and we will often meet in my area for coffee or a movie. Never in his area as everybody knows him in his small community.

 

There have never been any suspicions that I know of. I have told nobody and neither has he.

 

Poppy.

[GoldieLox]

Poppy, I thought you were on of the ones here who was NC with your MM? I remember a thread back in December about your birthday and you were about 6 months in. I obviously missed something along the way. Just out of curiosity, what happened? I'm not asking to judge or anything like that if that's what it sounds like... I genuinely am just curious.

[msblissful]

I have told nobody and neither has he. We live 2 hours from each other and he drives up to see me whenever work permits. Texts and emails everyday but emails are deleted and texts Also. I do keep souvenirs of our dates around my house which don't stand out as odd to anyone else and I do have his photo in my purse. That's probably the one thing I need to change

[jbrent890]

I have told nobody and neither has he. We live 2 hours from each other and he drives up to see me whenever work permits. Texts and emails everyday but emails are deleted and texts Also. I do keep souvenirs of our dates around my house which don't stand out as odd to anyone else and I do have his photo in my purse. That's probably the one thing I need to change

 

Wow I have seen some disturbing things on here, but parading souvenirs from your affair around your family is very disturbing to me. You better hope you don't get caught. I don't see how anyone could forgive that.

[msblissful]

Wow I have seen some disturbing things on here, but parading souvenirs from your affair around your family is very disturbing to me. You better hope you don't get caught. I don't see how anyone could forgive that.

 

Luckily for me what disturbs you is of no interest to me. But thank you for your input. I should of wrote around the house hidden in my personal belongings!

[Bolacool]

My concern here is why this curiosity about discrete places where people go to have affairs. I hope you are not planning to have one and is now trying to learn how to keep it secret. Please don't as the end result is not always good. You can see some examples in the above discussions.