The new, consolidated, Paying for Dates thread

[Sanman]

This example shows how different people are, and how much social background matters. I think my H would rather die than let my younger sister pay for a meal It doesn't matter how much money she makes.

 

Social norms absolutely differ. I think dating and relationship norms are going to have to change as well though with the shift in careers and not just in the short term. Women may have to get more used to supporting men as they tend to outpacing many men in the career department and I think that having two career oriented people takes some navigating. My wife and I and working our way through this now. No way both of us can continue to work 60-80 hrs/wk and grow our family or care for our household. So who sacrifices their career? Decisions, decisions....In the future maybe whoever would be the breadwinner pays for the date. Interesting to think about.

[xxoo]

This is something I guess I'll never understand as a guy. Independent women who don't need a guy to take care of them financially still expect men to pay for at least the first few dates. I mean it's kind of contradictory or a paradox. I guess I'm just too logical.

 

The logic is that it sends feel-good chemicals through his body to care for and provide for, in some small way, his SIL, who he has known since she was a child (over 25 years now). He is wired to show love this way, as is my dad. It didn't make any of us entitled.

 

Social norms absolutely differ. I think dating and relationship norms are going to have to change as well though with the shift in careers and not just in the short term. Women may have to get more used to supporting men as they tend to outpacing many men in the career department and I think that having two career oriented people takes some navigating. My wife and I and working our way through this now. No way both of us can continue to work 60-80 hrs/wk and grow our family or care for our household. So who sacrifices their career? Decisions, decisions....In the future maybe whoever would be the breadwinner pays for the date. Interesting to think about.

 

As I mentioned earlier, I am raising kids with my husband. We work in similar professions, but I was willing to take the back seat career-wise, and have. This was our mutual preference. Hence my natural attraction to the provider type, and his natural attraction to the nurturer type.

[insert_name]

This is something I guess I'll never understand as a guy. Independent women who don't need a guy to take care of them financially still expect men to pay for at least the first few dates. I mean it's kind of contradictory or a paradox. I guess I'm just too logical.

 

What is so hard to understand about being soooo independent that you love spending other people's money?

[xxoo]

What is so hard to understand about being soooo independent that you love spending other people's money?

 

No one can spend your money for you.

 

Independent people do still enjoy giving and receiving nice gestures

[Sthrngem87]

Has anyone mentioned the cost of dating for women, especially in the beginning of a relationship? Do we need to start bringing in receipts from clothing and makeup stores and billing men for makeup and hair time so that they can evaluate if we need to chip in on the date?

[Shining One]

Has anyone mentioned the cost of dating for women, especially in the beginning of a relationship? Do we need to start bringing in receipts from clothing and makeup stores and billing men for makeup and hair time so that they can evaluate if we need to chip in on the date?

Do women buy new outfits for every single date? Do they then burn the outfit after wearing once? I've also yet to meet a woman who gets her hair done before every early date.

[insert_name]

Has anyone mentioned the cost of dating for women, especially in the beginning of a relationship? Do we need to start bringing in receipts from clothing and makeup stores and billing men for makeup and hair time so that they can evaluate if we need to chip in on the date?

 

 

Hey if I felt I benefitted from it I'd be the first to call it! Sadly as I have related in a previous post girls I date seem to put less effort in these days, I wouldn't say the girls I date spent much in the way of time or money to make good first impression. In some ways I can'tell blame them- if you have a string of first dates that go nowhere the desire to make a good first impression must slowly and surely dissipate. I have responded in kind. Jeans and a t-shirt for me, can'the be arsed with anything more formal than that.

[Sunkissedpatio]

I didn't count on her drinking five of them at $14 each. In another case, I took a date who liked roasted chicken to a $15 p/p restaurant where she consumed $50 worth of alcohol with dinner. Another involved a sushi bar where the rolls ranged in price from $15 to $40. Guess which one she went with.

 

See that's a loser looking for a free meal in my books.

 

Women who pick the most expensive things on a menu when they know their date is paying on those early dates, are kinda disgusting to me. Is it wrong of me to say that?

 

Also, this idea that the guy asks out on the date so he should pay, rubs me the wrong way. I mean guys ask women out yes, but they have to because women won't so on top of it he has to pay for an expensive first date? That's bullsht.

 

I find it kinda gross and unfair to make a man pay through the nose to "romance" you.

[No_Go]

I think walk+coffee/tea/icecream on first few dates solves the problem. I also preferred this while dating over some fake expensive dining setting with 3 waiters hovering around.

 

In any case ordering most expensive item on the meal or multiple items when you know someone else is paying (being a date or a friend or whatever) is entitled and disrespectful - good to know it as early as possible.

 

Btw men do this as well, and men eat/drink more (well, still thinking for 5 martinis woman ... I could be wrong that men out eat/drink us ), so can crank up huge bills in restaurants as well.

 

 

See that's a loser looking for a free meal in my books.

 

Women who pick the most expensive things on a menu when they know their date is paying on those early dates, are kinda disgusting to me. Is it wrong of me to say that?

 

Also, this idea that the guy asks out on the date so he should pay, rubs me the wrong way. I mean guys ask women out yes, but they have to because women won't so on top of it he has to pay for an expensive first date? That's bullsht.

 

I find it kinda gross and unfair to make a man pay through the nose to "romance" you.

[Shining One]

Btw men do this as well, and men eat/drink more (well, still thinking for 5 martinis woman ... I could be wrong that men out eat/drink us ), so can crank up huge bills in restaurants as well.

Generally speaking, the cost really comes down to the choice of drink. Beer is usually the cheapest, followed by basic mixed drinks (rum and coke), then "fancy" drinks, like specialty martinis. Wine runs the entire price range. My drinks run $4-$9 each while my girlfriend's run $10-$16 each.

[Shining One]

I would have counted out how much money I spent, left it on the table, and bid her good evening.

Looking back, I wish I had done that... but I still thought there was a chance at the time. The sad part is she wasn't even the worst one. I had one consume three liquid nitrogen ($30 each) martinis on a second date. I used to be so foolish.

[Sanman]

All of those things would be relevant if the man was picking out what she wore. Also, I wear pretty expensive clothes, I wear an expensive watch. I do not suggest to women that these costs should be factored into dating.

 

I have to agree with this. I have a few custom tailored suits and a custom tailored blue blazer. I also have penchant for mechanical watches. If I wear a rolex and a custom tailored outfit on a date, can I expect the woman to foot the whole tab? How about if I rent a Ferrari to pull up in to our date. It might make me better looking after all.

[Els]

This is something I guess I'll never understand as a guy. Independent women who don't need a guy to take care of them financially still expect men to pay for at least the first few dates. I mean it's kind of contradictory or a paradox. I guess I'm just too logical.

 

Same as how a woman can be a 'lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets'. Or same as how someone can be aggressive and take charge at work, but desire to submit in the bedroom.

 

How someone conducts themselves in other aspects of life often has no bearing on how they prefer to engage in intimate, romantic relationships. Oddly, I rarely see any guys compaining about the above two paradoxes. So, surely you understand the concept, at least to a certain extent.

[Els]

As I said, you live and you learn. Not something I would do in retrospect, but I'm married now so it really doesn't matter who pays. I do think it is a lesson that a lot of young men up learning though and part of the reason that this discussion comes up.

 

Is it really something that is so difficult to learn, though? When I was dating in college, the guy always paid, yes, but we almost always went to affordable dates. It wasn't until much later in the relationship, for a special occasion, did they splash out on an expensive date. To me, that is just part of being a sensible person, and it's far more attractive than someone who feels he needs to impress her with a $200 dinner on Date #1.

 

I don't know too many guys who think that paying for an expensive early date is a good idea - and mind you I come from a culture where men ARE expected to pay, much more so than in Western cultures. In fact I only know one couple in which the man constantly buys the woman $200 dinners on a weekly basis, and he's 35 and she 20. So, not terribly surprising.

[No_Go]

I got this, but I was thinking with a female friend, we usually get just one drink each. Guys tend to go for 2-3 drinks - even taking your averages for costs that's more money than 1.

 

Regarding food - same story. My BF eats more than any female that I know - and no meat for him is like we haven't had any food So meals with him cost more than these with my girlfriends regardless of food choice.

 

Generally speaking, the cost really comes down to the choice of drink. Beer is usually the cheapest, followed by basic mixed drinks (rum and coke), then "fancy" drinks, like specialty martinis. Wine runs the entire price range. My drinks run $4-$9 each while my girlfriend's run $10-$16 each.

[Shining One]

I got this, but I was thinking with a female friend, we usually get just one drink each. Guys tend to go for 2-3 drinks - even taking your averages for costs that's more money than 1.

 

Regarding food - same story. My BF eats more than any female that I know - and no meat for him is like we haven't had any food So meals with him cost more than these with my girlfriends regardless of food choice.

Makes sense. When I'm on a date, I always keep pace with my dates (within reason). Thus, we usually have the same number of drinks. I don't go past 4 though since I'm usually the driver. Food is generally the same since we don't go past one entrée each.

[No_Go]

I still think female maintainance costs more in the average couple. Most men will freak out with the though of simple cosmetic procedures and make up alone. I don't think it has to do with who foots the bill, just noting men are usually unaware of vanity expenses.

 

I have to agree with this. I have a few custom tailored suits and a custom tailored blue blazer. I also have penchant for mechanical watches. If I wear a rolex and a custom tailored outfit on a date, can I expect the woman to foot the whole tab? How about if I rent a Ferrari to pull up in to our date. It might make me better looking after all.

[Els]

I still think female maintainance costs more in the average couple. Most men will freak out with the though of simple cosmetic procedures and make up alone. I don't think it has to do with who foots the bill, just noting men are usually unaware of vanity expenses.

 

Asian dudes know, I think. They usually buy clothes and cosmetics for their girlfriends. It does shock many when it's their first time... I'm guessing it's a big part of why some of them prefer women who don't dress up too much when it comes to partnering up for the long term.

[Els]

Makes sense. When I'm on a date, I always keep pace with my dates (within reason). Thus, we usually have the same number of drinks. I don't go past 4 though since I'm usually the driver. Food is generally the same since we don't go past one entrée each.

 

Uh.... my guy and I usually share entree and dessert, and have a drink and main each... I had no idea people even order more than one entree per person!

 

It's not just about the cost, isn't it a bit too much to eat? Unless I'm at a fine dining place with tiny portions, there's no way I could put in entree + main + dessert all by myself.

[skydiveaddict]

Here's the whole thing: If you ask a girl out you pay for the date. That's just what a man does. Always has been.

[Shining One]

Uh.... my guy and I usually share entree and dessert, and have a drink and main each... I had no idea people even order more than one entree per person!

 

It's not just about the cost, isn't it a bit too much to eat? Unless I'm at a fine dining place with tiny portions, there's no way I could put in entree + main + dessert all by myself.

I think we have a regional difference. Entrée = main course. We rarely get appetizers since the main course is plenty of food. We only get dessert (which we share) if there's still room.

[Els]

I think we have a regional difference. Entrée = main course. We rarely get appetizers since the main course is plenty of food. We only get dessert (which we share) if there's still room.

 

 

Oh. I just read this:

 

An entrée (/ˈɑːntreɪ/ /ˈɒntreɪ/ AHN-tray; French for "entrance", pronounced: [ɑ̃tʁe]) refers to types of dishes.

In French cuisine, as well as in the English-speaking world (save for the United States and parts of Canada), it is a dish served before the main course, or between two principal courses of a meal.[1][2][3]

 

 

Interesting, never knew you guys called a main an entree!

[Sanman]

Is it really something that is so difficult to learn, though? When I was dating in college, the guy always paid, yes, but we almost always went to affordable dates. It wasn't until much later in the relationship, for a special occasion, did they splash out on an expensive date. To me, that is just part of being a sensible person, and it's far more attractive than someone who feels he needs to impress her with a $200 dinner on Date #1.

 

I don't know too many guys who think that paying for an expensive early date is a good idea - and mind you I come from a culture where men ARE expected to pay, much more so than in Western cultures. In fact I only know one couple in which the man constantly buys the woman $200 dinners on a weekly basis, and he's 35 and she 20. So, not terribly surprising.

 

In college, group outings and hook-ups were the the normal thing. I can't even recall going out on a normal date and I don't know many couples that did. When you get out into your twenties things are a bit different. People have different expectations. I was a graduate student but dated many women that already had jobs and lived in cities. So you have to learn to date in a socially appropriate way on a budget. I actually learned to keep away from restaurants altogether as an experienced dater. However, in my early 20s, I gave little though to venue and cost. In a larger city, dating is its own thing. You have a budget and don't necessarily want to take a girl to the same place as the last 10 guys. I could right a book on it now...and I may.

[Els]

In college, group outings and hook-ups were the the normal thing. I can't even recall going out on a normal date and I don't know many couples that did.

 

You guys don't go out on actual dates in college???

 

Okay, the cultures are probably too different to comment, then. Among the folks I know, pre-college and post-college dating wasn't so very different, and people absolutely did go out on dates in college. Sure we'd splurge a bit more after college but most people had loans and stuff to pay off, were busy saving up for a car and house etc, so it wasn't a night and day difference.

 

To be fair, I myself haven't technically 'dated' post-college (I'm still with the same guy I was with in my final year of college, and although we do still go out on dates, I figure we're all talking about early-stage dating here). But the people I know who dated after college still spent pretty reasonably on dates.

Edited September 3, 2016 by Elswyth

[BluesPower]

I am older and old fashioned, but I almost refuse to let the woman pay. If I can't afford it I would not be taking them out.

 

Sometimes I don't make a scene about them paying but I would really prefer that they did not.

 

I guess it is just different now a days.

Edited September 3, 2016 by BluesPower