The new, consolidated, Paying for Dates thread

[Ami1uwant]

This is a common occurance...

 

Successful women feeling pressured to date people equal or more successful as they are. On the flip side you have guys who feel it's their duty to take care of her and thus be better off than she is. To date someone better off questions their manhood.

 

As a guy I'm not offended if she paid for dates. Some men are offended or read it as if she isn't interested.

 

From a guys stand point to respond to a request on her part to pay is a dam if you do/don't topic because some will hold it against you no matter your choice.

 

After the first few dates, who pays doesn't matter.

 

An issue on your part in dating...just because you might be successful, how do you carry yourself? Do you expect dates only to happen at suit and tie 5 star restaurants??

 

.

Edited September 28, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Edited for typos ~ V

[BettyDraper]

I'm old fashioned so I think that men should be generous when dating. This is my opinion because I dated some very cheap men when I was young and naive. The men had no manners so they would complain about the cost of gas to pick me up or take me to free or cheap places. Those experiences disgusted me so I stopped dating men who had no sense of chivalry. I always offered to pay part of the bill within the first few dates as a test. The men who would not allow me to pay passed.

 

Men don't realize how much women spend to look nice on a date. If we don't have a suitable outfit, we have to go buy one so that we look at least presentable. Sometimes we have to get our hair done as well. If I'm going to go to all that trouble so that the man can have an attractive woman on his arm, why shouldn't he reach into his pockets to treat me to a nice time?

 

Since I'm a traditional woman, I always enjoyed being domestic for men who treated me like a princess. I never met a gentleman who didn't appreciate elaborate meals cooked for them or their laundry done. They could do such chores themselves but they still loved being pampered in those ways. I also bought men presents when we were exclusive and they were always taking me on lovely dates and buying me gifts as well.

 

One reason why I preferred older men when I was single was paying for dates was often a non issue. They were brought up to pay for dates and they were usually financially stable enough to shoulder the cost of romantic outings with a woman.

[eightytwenty]

Dating for me, the guys always pays for the first couple dates, and at random I would grab the check and pay for it after a few dates. If I started having no interest I would ask for my part and walk out, and have a few times. One guy told me because I was a red head I'm far from his type, and a few other things that really hit me wrong in dating.

 

I want to see the guy having no problem paying, but I also want him to see I can handle it and willing to pay for my part.

 

I usually in the beginning stages really watch and see how the guys are, try to see how stable financially they are. If they start complaining about how expensive it is (dude complained over a $30 dollar bill, I paid and never talked to him again). How the treat their friends/waiters things like that. Once he passed a few things I pay. They have to pass my test, and I know they are watching me just as much.

[Shining One]

I'm old fashioned so I think that men should be generous when dating.

I'm modern and think that men and women should be generous when dating.

Men don't realize how much women spend to look nice on a date. If we don't have a suitable outfit, we have to go buy one so that we look at least presentable. Sometimes we have to get our hair done as well. If I'm going to go to all that trouble so that the man can have an attractive woman on his arm, why shouldn't he reach into his pockets to treat me to a nice time?

I'll concede that women spend more on themselves in preparation for a date. I've yet to meet a woman who buys a new outfit for every date though. You also have to keep in mind that men typically spend more on some things than women too. For example, I drive a $60,000+ car while my girlfriend drives a $18,000- car. If we're factoring beauty costs into dating, car payments are fair game too. In my opinion, neither should be considered.

Since I'm a traditional woman, I always enjoyed being domestic for men who treated me like a princess. I never met a gentleman who didn't appreciate elaborate meals cooked for them or their laundry done. They could do such chores themselves but they still loved being pampered in those ways. I also bought men presents when we were exclusive and they were always taking me on lovely dates and buying me gifts as well.

I have to say, I do respect this. My personal experience with women who pull the "I'm traditional, you should pay" card has not been so positive. They did not fulfill their end of the traditional relationship. I've been the better cook in most of my relationship since most of them couldn't cook at all.

[Woggle]

I can admit that women do look extra nice for a date but it's not like most women dress in rags and look run down except for when they go on dates. Most of these women are already well put together and if you ask most women they say they dress for themselves and not men.

[BettyDraper]

I'm modern and think that men and women should be generous when dating.I'll concede that women spend more on themselves in preparation for a date. I've yet to meet a woman who buys a new outfit for every date though. You also have to keep in mind that men typically spend more on some things than women too. For example, I drive a $60,000+ car while my girlfriend drives a $18,000- car. If we're factoring beauty costs into dating, car payments are fair game too. In my opinion, neither should be considered.I have to say, I do respect this. My personal experience with women who pull the "I'm traditional, you should pay" card has not been so positive. They did not fulfill their end of the traditional relationship. I've been the better cook in most of my relationship since most of them couldn't cook at all.

 

I have no patience for men and women who only want the benefits of tradition but none of the responsibilities. I think both genders are guilty of such cognitive dissonance. My husband was always the type to pay and plan dates before we met. He was over the moon when I was at his apartment when I had a day off and he came home to dinner and freshly washed clothes.

 

Few women buy a new outfit for every date but we do spend far more on upkeep than men. Car payments shouldn't factor into dating because a car is not used for the sole purpose of meeting women. Women keep men in mind when we get ready for a date.

 

My views were more egalitarian regarding this subject until I met some men who didn't want to spend money on dating at all. I thought that was cheap and rude. I didn't want to feel like I wasn't worth it again.

[BettyDraper]

I can admit that women do look extra nice for a date but it's not like most women dress in rags and look run down except for when they go on dates. Most of these women are already well put together and if you ask most women they say they dress for themselves and not men.

 

Yes but we are talking about women dressing specifically for dates. Most people will try to look nicer than usual for a date.

Women have to spend more time and money to look beautiful.

[salparadise]

This is my opinion because I dated some very cheap men when I was young and naive.

 

I've dated some cheap women too... one who didn't bother to get a salon nail job. Can you even imagine how embarrassing?

 

I always offered to pay part of the bill within the first few dates as a test. The men who would not allow me to pay passed.

I don't even have words...

Men don't realize how much women spend to look nice on a date.

 

we are talking about women dressing specifically for dates. Most people will try to look nicer than usual for a date. Women have to spend more time and money to look beautiful.

It's hard for me to believe that this mentality still exists, I sure am grateful that I found a wonderful woman who is the diametrical opposite.

 

On our first date she said she wanted to split when the check came. I tried to wave her off but she insisted. We quickly started taking turns and not keeping score, but she does her part and has way too much pride and esteem to take financial advantage of being female. But she is progressive, educated, responsible and all of that... and as authentic a person as I've ever known.

 

I'm going to tell her about the "women have to pay to look good" argument... I just need to make sure I don't say it as she's taking a sip of her drink or she'll spew it all over me!

Edited October 7, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[xxoo]

I'm sure many men can list behaviors that they find feminine and very attractive.

 

Paying is like that. It's masculine and very attractive.

[gaius]

It's hard to explain to someone who hasn't experienced it but I find an extra layer of eroticism and intimacy when I pay for my girlfriend. There's something very primal about providing that night out for her. It just feels right. And extra sexy.

 

I think being provided for in that way feels sexy to the vast majority of women too. Even the ones who's conditioning says it shouldn't be that way.

[Woggle]

I'm sure many men can list behaviors that they find feminine and very attractive.

 

Paying is like that. It's masculine and very attractive.

 

Yes we can and we get called sexist whenever we say it openly.

[xxoo]

Yes we can and we get called sexist whenever we say it openly.

 

And we get called goldiggers.

 

Doesn't make it true. I like that men are attracted to feminine behaviors! I'm attracted to masculine behaviors.

[joseb]

Women choose to spend time and money to look beautiful. Men are not responsible for choices that women make. I can easily spend over 2k on what I wear on a date, but I don't expect women to pay for any of that.

 

Exactly right. Women decide themselves how to dress. And it's to make themselves feel good primarily. Which is fine, if that's what they want to do. Personally I doubt I'd notice either way.

 

Just because I decide to join a good gym or buy an expensive bike to stay fit or spend more money on good food to stay healthy, I don't expect women to think oh he's making all this effort, I'll pay for all our dates! I do these thing for myself. If I look good to them, that's a by product.

[ses]

I have absolutely no problem paying the bill especially now that I'm in a steady relationship. My significant other is in his final year of grad school and I'm working so I prefer to take care of our dates. He has paid on occasion when he has had the disposable income available—it works for us because I know he'll have a better paying job after graduation.

 

I've had men pay for previous dates, including birthday dinners, but I can't imagine expecting a man to constantly bear the burden; however I think everyone should have their expectations transparent because some people may prefer traditional gender roles.

[Sand to Glass]

I don't overthink it, plan or expect anything. When I go on a date I will pay for my own meal. If he offers on paying, I will double check with a "you don't have to" but if he insists, I thank him and let him. It's not an expectation but it is a nice gesture that I appreciate... just like when I pick up the tab I'm doing it to be nice. No rules, no guidelines, no reading any father into it.

[BettyDraper]

It's hard to explain to someone who hasn't experienced it but I find an extra layer of eroticism and intimacy when I pay for my girlfriend. There's something very primal about providing that night out for her. It just feels right. And extra sexy.

 

I think being provided for in that way feels sexy to the vast majority of women too. Even the ones who's conditioning says it shouldn't be that way.

 

You are clearly an Alpha male. True Alphas are rare in this day and age.

 

It's comical that so many people love to pretend that primal urges are no longer present just because society has experienced many shifts.

 

The bottom line is that real men generally like to provide for the women they care about and that will NEVER change.

[Shining One]

It's hard to explain to someone who hasn't experienced it but I find an extra layer of eroticism and intimacy when I pay for my girlfriend. There's something very primal about providing that night out for her. It just feels right. And extra sexy.

I can understand this logic. If I received these feelings when paying for a woman, I would be more inclined to do so. In my current relationship, I would say I feel "nothing" when I treat my girlfriend to a date.

[Shining One]

The bottom line is that real men generally like to provide for the women they care about and that will NEVER change.

The definitions for "real men" and "real women" are subjective. However, "real women" are commonly described as being honest and upfront. They don't play mind games to test someone's beliefs towards her undisclosed expectations.

[xxoo]

I can understand this logic. If I received these feelings when paying for a woman, I would be more inclined to do so. In my current relationship, I would say I feel "nothing" when I treat my girlfriend to a date.

 

I'm not sure if it's logic, but the other side of the coin is that women feel it is sexy when a man pays. Yum.

[SwordofFlame]

I'm not sure if it's logic, but the other side of the coin is that women feel it is sexy when a man pays. Yum.

 

That's about the worse thing possible to say to "nice guys" who repeatedly get put in the friend zone.

[Shining One]

I'm not sure if it's logic, but the other side of the coin is that women feel it is sexy when a man pays. Yum.

I've paid for dozens of women over the years... probably close to a hundred. If I had to guess, sexy feelings only occurred with a small percentage of them.

[katiegrl]

I've paid for dozens of women over the years... probably close to a hundred.

 

If I had to guess, sexy feelings only occurred with a small percentage of them.

 

To clarify xoxo's point (at least for me), it makes us feel sexy when we already feel an "attraction to" him.

 

The paying part just enhances that attraction.

 

It's part and parcel of him "taking charge." Which is dominant and damn sexy!

 

It really is hard to explain, but like gaius said, it's sort of a primal thing.

 

Feminine v. masculine

 

Yin and yang.

 

But that subject has already been discussed so I won't go there again!

Edited October 7, 2016 by katiegrl

[xxoo]

I think it is sexy when a woman gives me a BJ. Should I always expect that?

 

Logic fail. Didn't say I expect anyone to pay.

 

Wouldn't expect you to stop thinking bjs are sexy.

[BettyDraper]

The definitions for "real men" and "real women" are subjective. However, "real women" are commonly described as being honest and upfront. They don't play mind games to test someone's beliefs towards her undisclosed expectations.

 

Since the definitions are subjective, it makes sense that I have my own definition for what constitutes a real man.

 

Since men often have no qualms about being manipulative to get what they want from women, I don't see why a woman cannot approach her romantic life with the same level of surreptitiousness. The fact that there are very popular blogs and books written about "gaming" women shows how plenty of men enjoy treating women like pawns in a chess game.

[BettyDraper]

To clarify xoxo's point (at least for me), it makes us feel sexy when we already feel an "attraction to" him.

 

The paying part just enhances that attraction.

 

It's part and parcel of him "taking charge." Which is dominant and damn sexy!

 

It really is hard to explain, but like gaius said, it's sort of a primal thing.

 

Feminine v. masculine

 

Yin and yang.

 

But that subject has already been discussed so I won't go there again!

 

This! I don't know why it is so hard to understand the sexiness of a man taking the lead. Not every woman is into that but plenty of us are.