The new, consolidated, Paying for Dates thread

[BettyDraper]

I think it is sexy when a woman gives me a BJ. Should I always expect that?

 

You're free to expect whatever you wish from a woman.

[BettyDraper]

I can understand this logic. If I received these feelings when paying for a woman, I would be more inclined to do so. In my current relationship, I would say I feel "nothing" when I treat my girlfriend to a date.

 

Is your girlfriend appreciative when you pay for her?

 

While I was dating my husband, I did the fake reach test that I mentioned upthread. My husband grabbed the cheque with one of his huge hands and said "I got it. I pay for the woman I am dating." The way my husband took control of the situation like a boss made me hot.

[Shining One]

This! I don't know why it is so hard to understand the sexiness of a man taking the lead. Not every woman is into that but plenty of us are.

I don't see the connection between paying a bill and taking the lead. If Person A plans everything and makes all of the decisions, but Person B pays the bill, who took the lead in that scenario?

[BettyDraper]

Logic fail? I just asked a question. This thread is all about how men should pay for dates because women find it sexy. Well, I find BJ's sexy, but I do not feel entitled to one. Similar reasoning. Unless you cannot follow the logic.

 

 

 

A real man doesn't need a woman to tell him what determines a real man. He is just gonna keep on being who he is, with or without the approval of random internet ladies.

 

Seems to me like you want men to pay for you because some men game women into dates and sex.

 

If you don't random internet ladies to approve of you, than why are you allowing my posts to ruffle your feathers? You seem a bit...indignant for someone who claims that he is so masculine and confident.

 

When I was single, I wanted men to pay for me because I knew I was worth it and I am a traditional woman. Sadly, most men of this generation are just not up to the challenge of being a true Alpha provider. On the other hand, I will also acknowledge that most women today are not into traditional gender roles either and those women should not expect men to pay their way.

[xxoo]

Logic fail? I just asked a question. This thread is all about how men should pay for dates because women find it sexy. Well, I find BJ's sexy, but I do not feel entitled to one. Similar reasoning. Unless you cannot follow the logic.

 

 

 

.

 

Yes, both paying and bjs are sexy.

 

No, neither should be expected.

[BettyDraper]

I don't see the connection between paying a bill and taking the lead. If Person A plans everything and makes all of the decisions, but Person B pays the bill, who took the lead in that scenario?

 

Person B because whatever Person A planned could not occur if Person B did not pay the bill.

[Shining One]

Is your girlfriend appreciative when you pay for her?

Yes.

While I was dating my husband, I did the fake reach test that I mentioned upthread. My husband grabbed the cheque with one of his huge hands and said "I got it. I pay for the woman I am dating." The way my husband took control of the situation like a boss made me hot.

I used to stop women when they offered to pay or contribute. As mentioned earlier, only a few led to positive results (for me).

[BettyDraper]

If you don't random internet ladies to approve of you, than why are you allowing my posts to ruffle your feathers? You seem a bit...indignant for someone who claims that he is so masculine and confident.

 

When I was single, I wanted men to pay for me because I knew I was worth it and I am a traditional woman. Sadly, most men of this generation are just not up to the challenge of being a true Alpha provider. On the other hand, I will also acknowledge that most women today are not into traditional gender roles either and those women should not expect men to pay their way.

 

I meant to put the word "care" in the first sentence and spell "than" as "then".

[katiegrl]

Logic fail? I just asked a question. This thread is all about how men should pay for dates because women find it sexy. Well, I find BJ's sexy, but I do not feel entitled to one. Similar reasoning. Unless you cannot follow the logic.

 

I don't feel entitled to a man paying. I just like it and find it sexy. Just like you find BJs sexy.

 

And heck, because I'm feeling so damn sexy, once we get home I may give you the best damn BJ you've ever had! LOL

 

 

A real man doesn't need a woman to tell him what determines a real man. He is just gonna keep on being who he is, with or without the approval of random internet ladies.

 

I agree with this, with one caveat. He should go on being who he is, with or without the approval of ladies (not just random internet ladies).

[Shining One]

Personally speaking, if I got a BJ every time I bought a woman dinner, I would have completely different views on this topic.

[xxoo]

I think men should do what they want. But resenting what women find sexy won't change what women find sexy.

 

Every woman knows that men find bjs sexy. That's great! I love pleasing my man, just as he loves pleasing me

[katiegrl]

Personally speaking, if I got a BJ every time I bought a woman dinner, I would have completely different views on this topic.

 

LOL.... I realize this was probably said in jest, but remember, we already need to be attracted to you SO.

 

We don't just go giving guys bjs because he bought us dinner.

 

In fact for me personally, if I felt no attraction, that would mean I wouldn't wish to go out with him again, in which case I would offer to split.

 

This only "works" (for lack of a better word) when there is a mutual attraction/chemistry going on and, as such, we plan on continuing to date.

 

The paying doesn't cause the attraction. It just enhances it.

[katiegrl]

Wanna grab some dinner? My treat

 

I need to see a photo first. XD

[katiegrl]

One unsolicited penis pic, coming up!

 

Arghhh!!! LOL

[Els]

I've paid for dozens of women over the years... probably close to a hundred. If I had to guess, sexy feelings only occurred with a small percentage of them.

 

This is where the disconnect occurs.

 

I find it sexy when the man pays, yes. But I haven't been on dates with dozens of men. Not even one dozen men. I don't go on dates with men I don't know, I don't go on dates with men I have no feelings for. All of my Rs started off as friends, and dating was the start of trying something deeper, not a random roulette play. If we're on a date, I already think there's a chance I will fall in love with him. Without that as a basis, him paying would be meaningless to me.

 

If you take a traditional act (the man paying for the woman he is courting - and usually men don't court more than a handful of women in their lifetime) and juxtapose it on a very modern Western scenario (people going on dates with a hundred people), then obviously there is going to be some difficulty. I'm not sure what to say about that, since I've never multi-dated, but if you do want to pay then you should probably have a VERY cheap first date, like coffee or something.

[xxoo]

This is where the disconnect occurs.

 

I find it sexy when the man pays, yes. But I haven't been on dates with dozens of men. Not even one dozen men. I don't go on dates with men I don't know, I don't go on dates with men I have no feelings for. All of my Rs started off as friends, and dating was the start of trying something deeper, not a random roulette play. If we're on a date, I already think there's a chance I will fall in love with him. Without that as a basis, him paying would be meaningless to me..

 

 

This is true for me, as well.

 

My husband was one of these few men, and he was paying for me before the first date, as friends. He insisted. He knew darn well how much I wanted him, and he was just ratcheting up the sexual tension

[trippi1432]

I can admit that women do look extra nice for a date but it's not like most women dress in rags and look run down except for when they go on dates. Most of these women are already well put together and if you ask most women they say they dress for themselves and not men.

 

I could picture you in a bow tie and suspenders...I would be getting that check. Mmmmm.

Edited October 7, 2016 by trippi1432

[trippi1432]

Wanna grab some dinner? My treat

 

I need to see a photo first. XD

 

One unsolicited penis pic, coming up!

 

Arghhh!!! LOL

 

Inquiry minds want to know...............did you two split the check?

 

Honestly...what I hate is the guy who orders Calamari for an appetizer, pays for the entire dinner and asks me over dessert if we can be exclusive on a first date...and pre-paid the bill...creepy!!

 

Luckily I didn't give him a BJ under the table..:lmao: (wasn't sure if that exchange was dinner or OLD.....)

[trippi1432]

Lol @ enigma!! Yes, your dating secrets are not so secret now.

 

 

Who pays is a good question as well as an interpretation.

 

On a first date, and if asked out by the guy, I feel the guy pays or leads in suggesting splitting the check. If I have no further interest in the guy, and decided that over dinner, I may insist on paying half.

 

I've also had first dates where the guy pays and I never hear from him again...or, as I noted above, insists on being exclusive right away (and even had one insist that he was marrying me....RUN Forest RUN!!).

 

I guess I can say, as well, for interpretation sake, how the first dinner goes can be an indication of how a relationship will progress. One first date, the guy wanted to split a $5 BBQ sandwich, how's that for tightwad?? lol!! Maybe because I insisted on my own sandwich he decided I wasn't the gal for him!!

 

I have also experienced men who feel emasculated by women who insist or offer to pay (for their half or the entire meal at times). I dated one guy who got quite offended if I wanted to treat him when we were out, but didn't seem to mind it as much if I cooked him a meal instead.

 

Everyone has a different "value" system when it comes to this topic obviously, and it can be a sensitive area for some.

[katiegrl]

 

I am not sure I could date a woman from this site. I may have given away too many of my dating secrets!

 

Yeah I could definitely see how that might cause a problem! lol

Edited October 7, 2016 by katiegrl

[LD1990]

I have a mixed opinion on the subject of paying.

 

I've always paid for first dates, regardless of how the date goes, as I think it's a nice gesture. Unfortunately I've never gotten any of this aforementioned erotic stimulation from paying for a woman's drinks or meal, but there's more than one way to skin a cat. I typically pay for subsequent dates too, because if I'm going out with a girl multiple times then I like her and I want to treat her to things. I do like when a girl offers to pay for something every once in awhile, and while I'll say I can get it, if she insists, that's fine by me. Although I'm open-minded, it has always seemed weird to me when guys don't pay for their girlfriend.

 

What I don't like is when women want to have it both ways - adopting a mindset of strong independence when it suits them, but also expecting the man to pay for everything. That's one thing I can't stand. I once lived with a girlfriend who worked for two couples where the men paid all the bills, despite both the men and women working. I'm sure my girlfriend at the time would've enjoyed this arrangement, and she claimed maybe I just wasn't traditional in that regard (we split most household bills, although I paid more for a few things). I explained that if she wanted to live the life of a traditional housewife and stay home instead of pursuing her career, then yes, I'd cover everything. But if she wants to work and build a career just like I do, there's nothing traditional about it, it's just me paying a penis tax.

[Woggle]

I have a mixed opinion on the subject of paying.

 

I've always paid for first dates, regardless of how the date goes, as I think it's a nice gesture. Unfortunately I've never gotten any of this aforementioned erotic stimulation from paying for a woman's drinks or meal, but there's more than one way to skin a cat. I typically pay for subsequent dates too, because if I'm going out with a girl multiple times then I like her and I want to treat her to things. I do like when a girl offers to pay for something every once in awhile, and while I'll say I can get it, if she insists, that's fine by me. Although I'm open-minded, it has always seemed weird to me when guys don't pay for their girlfriend.

 

What I don't like is when women want to have it both ways - adopting a mindset of strong independence when it suits them, but also expecting the man to pay for everything. That's one thing I can't stand. I once lived with a girlfriend who worked for two couples where the men paid all the bills, despite both the men and women working. I'm sure my girlfriend at the time would've enjoyed this arrangement, and she claimed maybe I just wasn't traditional in that regard (we split most household bills, although I paid more for a few things). I explained that if she wanted to live the life of a traditional housewife and stay home instead of pursuing her career, then yes, I'd cover everything. But if she wants to work and build a career just like I do, there's nothing traditional about it, it's just me paying a penis tax.

 

Exactly. You can't renegotiate the terms of a social contract so you have no roles that you live up to but the other side has all their old obligations. You can't just pull out of your end of the deal and not expect the other side to do so. Life doesn't work that way. This goes both ways as well. If you want a traditional woman then be a traditional man.

[Shining One]

Exactly. You can't renegotiate the terms of a social contract so you have no roles that you live up to but the other side has all their old obligations. You can't just pull out of your end of the deal and not expect the other side to do so. Life doesn't work that way. This goes both ways as well. If you want a traditional woman then be a traditional man.

Unfortunately, this is all too common, at least in my area. The majority of the women I've dated expect traditional treatment (paying) from the men, but they are unwilling or incapable of fulfilling the traditional roles of women. I can count on one hand the number of women who have cooked for me. I can count on zero hands the number of women who have cleaned my house.

 

I believe that both people should bring value into building a relationship. When I'm the only one giving, I don't see value in the other person. Lust may keep me interested for a short time, but once that is satiated, then my brain takes over.

[Els]

 

What I don't like is when women want to have it both ways - adopting a mindset of strong independence when it suits them, but also expecting the man to pay for everything. That's one thing I can't stand. I once lived with a girlfriend who worked for two couples where the men paid all the bills, despite both the men and women working.x.

 

You don't know how they split their household chores/errands though - in some couples the woman takes on the majority of them despite both partners working. If she did that, then it makes sense that he would pay the majority of the bills regardless of whether she works or not.

[xxoo]

Exactly. You can't renegotiate the terms of a social contract so you have no roles that you live up to but the other side has all their old obligations. You can't just pull out of your end of the deal and not expect the other side to do so. Life doesn't work that way. This goes both ways as well. If you want a traditional woman then be a traditional man.

 

Couples can and will do what pleases them.

 

We are all over the place---very traditional on some things and very egalitarian on other things. Yes, he paid when we were dating. He even paid before we were dating. Yes, I cook every day for my family. But on many other things, we are completely egalitarian.

 

There are no rules.

 

In the bedroom, he is the MAN and I am the woman